Archive for January, 2009

31
Jan
09

Public Service Announcement

“So, do you think the Redskins’ll beat the spread?” – Homer Simpson
“Put me down.” – Lisa Simpson

Tomorrow is the high holy day of the NFL.  There have been three episodes that prominently featured the Super Bowl.  One of them is amongst the finest 22 minutes ever committed to television.  The other two are the opposite of that.  

For your own safety, please restrict your Super Bowl weekend viewing to:
“Lisa the Greek”  (Season 3 Disc 3) 
Do NOT, under any circumstances, view:
“Sunday, Cruddy Sunday” (Season 10 Disc 2)
“Homer and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass” (Your Nearest BitTorrent Site)
Super Bowl Weekend is a time for fun, family and football, please watch The Simpsons responsibly.  
A Public Service Announcement from the Dead Homer Society
31
Jan
09

Quote of the Day

“Would it really be worth living in a world without television?  I think the survivors would envy the dead.” – Krusty the Klown
30
Jan
09

Unsubstantiated Internet Rumors? Well, This IS a Blog

“Say it ain’t so Krusty.” – Bart Simpson
Is this going to be the kind of blog that overreacts to internet rumors of uncertain sourcing?  If it’s Friday and we’re looking for a cheap post, you’d better believe it is.  Look what the internet brought this morning:
Another celebrity voice (quite possibly playing herself), whatever; I’m numb to them at this point.  Wait . . . what?  Oh, fuck:
Contact Music reported that her role will be the girlfriend who testifies in court in defense of Krusty the Clown who is wrongly-accused of committing a crime.

Read that last part again: Krusty is wrongly accused of a crime.  Have the people behind Zombie Simpsons ever watched the show or do they just scroll through old episode titles looking for ideas?
(In case you were wondering, yes, that is an image of Hathaway Simpsonized.)
30
Jan
09

Quote of the Day

“To alcohol!  The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson
29
Jan
09

I’d Rather Watch the Dryer Channel

“I lost to Channel Ocho?  What the hell is that?” – Krusty the Klown
Good news everybody, that abortion last Sunday was the least watched Zombie Simpsons ever:
An extended mid-season break has bitten The Simpsons dearly in the ratings, with Sundays episode ‘Lisa The Drama Queen’ fetching just 5.75 million viewers at 8:00pm, a new all time low for the show.

Huzzah.  But wait, there’s more!  How about some insult to go with that injury?
a new American Dad scored 5.73 million viewers at 9.30.

American Dad?  A first run Simpsons episode is just as interesting to people as Family Guy‘s recycled afterbirth?  It’s too bad that the people keeping Zombie Simpsons on the air have no remaining shame or they might be embarrassed.  
Ah well, a good sign nevertheless.  Unprofitability here we come!  
29
Jan
09

Quote of the Day

“At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion.  Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women, leading to anarchy of Biblical proportions. . . . It’s in Revelations, people!” – Kent Brockman
28
Jan
09

End the Simpsons #2 – Think of the Children!

“Hey, when I was your age fifty cents was a lot of money.” – Homer Simpson

“Really?” – Bart Simpson
“Nah.” – Homer Simpson

One of the many horrible side effects of the fact that there hasn’t been a genuine Simpsons episode in more than a decade is that we are now raising a generation of Simpsons cripples.  Anyone born after the late 1980s didn’t become old enough to really appreciate the show until well after it’d fallen on hard times.  These days even the syndication runs are so polluted with Zombie Simpsons and its semi-lifeless forbearers that a decent appreciation of the classics needs to be deliberately sought out or instilled.  

For example, I have a bunch of nieces and nephews ranging in age from six to thirteen; they all like watching The Simpsons.  But they have a hard time distinguishing real Simpsons from Zombie Simpsons.  When I get out my laptop at family gatherings and queue up some of the classics they’ll sit there, riveted to the screen, and laugh out loud.  They TiVo the syndicated episodes at home, but until I started showing them the original seasons they had hardly seen any of those episodes.  To them, The Simpsons is just another television show; there was never a time in their lives when it stood head and shoulders above everything else.  
Of course, the last thing any kid wants to hear from a grown up is some variation of, “In my day . . . we walked uphill to school/folks was tougher/Simpsons didn’t suck.”  I haven’t found a way to break through that; maybe there isn’t one.  That would be a pity because it would mean that the existence of Zombie Simpsons not only tarnishes a part of my upbringing, but it spoils what should be a cultural treasure for them as well.  
I’m not too worried though; as they get older they’ll be able to tell shit from Shinola.  



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