Archive for April, 2009



27
Apr
09

The Unrestrained Id of Caffeinated “Comedy” Writers

the-war-of-the-simpsons2

“Hey everybody, look!  I’m the funniest guy in the world!” – Homer Simpson
 
After twenty-two odd minutes of Rock Star Homer acting like an invincible buffoon I’m not sure there’s much to be said.  

Plenty of painfully stupid exposition? Check.

Slipshod plot used to setup new and different ways for Homer to act out?  Check.

Wretchedly boring?  Checkmate.  

What’s really brain twisting about this whole thing is the fact that, several months ago somewhere on the Fox lot in Los Angeles, a bunch of people sitting around a table laughed out loud at the idea of Homer spinning around like a helicopter, crashing into some lockers, and the screaming “Black Hawk Down!”  The same goes for Homer stripping to his underwear to serve jello (huh?), Moe crying in bed and Homer’s bizarre Westminster Abbey dream sequence.   

Then you remember that this show ran out of ideas ten years ago, and it all makes sense.  I try to set aside my intolerance of Zombie Simpsons when I set the over/under on the ratings, but that was truly awful so I’m going to be optimistic and say only 6.2 million people had their time wasted by that shit.

Update: The numbers are in and they’re even worse than I’d hoped.  Sweet.  Last night’s Zombie Simpsons was seen by only 5.94 million unfortunate people.  My completely meaningless goal of less than 7.26 million per episode this season is now well within reach.  

27
Apr
09

Quote of the Day

actionhero

“With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.” – Bart Simpson

26
Apr
09

Sunday Morning Cartoons

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“We worked so hard and now it’s all gone.  We ended up with nothing because the three of us can’t share.” – Bart Simpson
“What’s your point?” – Milhouse van Houten
“Nothing, just kinda ticks me off.” – Bart Simpson

That is how you end an episode between Bart and Milhouse.  Or, if you need them to reconcile, you can have Bart smash open a Magic 8 Ball on Milhouse’s skull, but it’s a sweet moment because he didn’t use the brick, broken bottle or pair of scissors.  

Flowers and apologies?  Fuck off, Zombie Simpsons.

26
Apr
09

Sunday Preview: “Father Knows Worst”

Father Knows Worst

For those keeping count at home, tonight’s episode is one of four left this season to ridicule and summarily reject on the basis of mediocrity. Usually Fox trots out a promo image for new Zombie Simpsons episodes, but they opted not to this time around. No matter, ours is way better. In fact, Fox might as well save themselves the trouble and borrow our format: screengrabs from old episodes magically repurposed into something new and daring.

Anyway, gazing into SNPP’s crystal ball, we get the following synopsis about “Father Knows Worst,” which is guaranteed to be forgettable:

Homer tries to solve Bart and Lisa’s academic and social problems with a bit of overparenting; meanwhile, if anybody is looking for Marge, she’s probably in the sauna in the basement

Are the writers even trying anymore? Even the shoddy premise signals that they’ve thrown their arms up like so many cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

26
Apr
09

Quote of the Day

theres-no-disgrace-like-home11

“Boy, I’m glad that’s over, now we can go home and act normal again.” – Homer Simpson

“What do you mean?” – Perfect Father

“Oh, come on (kiss kiss kiss kiss), that cornball routine?  ‘I love you, Daddy.’  Gimme a break.” – Homer Simpson

“I pity you.” – Perfect Father

“Why?” – Homer Simpson

25
Apr
09

If you stop Praising it: The Good, the Sad and the Drugly

I still haven’t watched last Sunday’s Zombie Simpson offering, but according to Charlie Sweatpants I didn’t miss much. And that guy is a straight shooter. Unless theres profit to be had… but since he is a blogger I don’t have to worry about that.

Anyway I thought I would peruse the usual fansites to see what the Zombie Legion had to say about it before I sat down for my weekly lobotomy:

“I need to see this episode again if I want to give a more in-depth review, but for now, I’ll be generous and give it a 4/5.” – linonelhutz123 (nohomers.net)

With any luck you’ll be the judge at my next DUI trial.

“Springfield Elementary has only 2 N’s and no Z so there is no way the could have 3 z’s next to willy’s head” -Ben S. (hulu.com)

At least someone had the nerve to point this out.  (note: As I haven’t seen the episode, this comment almost made me vomit in terror.)

“This episode is worth your time for the laughs.” – meathead704 (tv.com)

Especially if you value your time like Zimbabwe values their currency.

“I had no real problems, though limited patience for Anne Hathaway.” – striz (nohomers.net)

If you are picking Zombie Simpsons over Anne Hathaway you do indeed have real problems.

“it made me laugh i dont know why nobody is wirting good reveiws” – Katie H. (hulu.com)

I bet you can’t figure out why your school bus was always so short either.

“I do like Nelson giving him advice from the bushes “Punch her! Punch her!”” – Limbonaut (televisionwithoutpity.com)

So Nelson was guest-voiced by Chris Brown this week?

“Particularly enjoyable is that the episode manages to contrive two equally engrossing plotlines that echo the previous episode’s sentimentalist approach.” – amazingwebhead (tv.com)

I can see how that would be enjoyable, but what did you think of this week’s Simpsons?

Despite the various warnings I have copied and pasted here, I’ll have to watch the episode tonight as my wife and I have a bet riding on it. Apparently there is a scene where Homer kills a fly at the dinner table:  My wife bets the fly lands on Homer’s forehead and he stabs it with a knife while the camera pans back to a view of the house as Homer screams, I say the fly lands on his hand and he tries to stab it with a fork leading to an equally unfunny scream scene… Either way I guess we both lose.

25
Apr
09

Quote of the Day

Get out!

“That’s preposterous! Now get out! You’re banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children’s children… for three months.” – Hollis Hurlbut




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