“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: hell in a handbasket!” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
“Get off my lawn!” is widely recognized as the mating call of the North American Wailing Geezer. We have a couple of different examples this week, including a neck and neck race for Worst Usage.
Note: Father’s Day, the less popular of Hallmark’s two days to make you feel guilty for being born, is Sunday. As a result every writer and their brother is citing Homer this week, usually by saying something like “Your dad may not be like Homer Simpson, but this year blah blah blah”. It’s stupid and I’m not linking any of them.
Former EPA Chief: Building 100 More Nuclear Reactors Is Doable – This is the first of our two contestants for Worst Usage and it’s made all the more amusing by the fact that it’s a former Cabinet secretary speaking. Remember Christine Todd Whitman? She was the governor of New Jersey, then she was stupid enough to accept the EPA job from a president who thought clear cutting forests was the best way to preserve them. Now she’s saying this:
“People shouldn’t base their information on nuclear on Bart Simpson. That’s just not reality,”
Thanks, Christine. I’ll be sure not to based my opinions on nuclear power on what Bart Simpson says. Assuming this wasn’t a slip of the tongue, has she been trapped in a cultural vortex since 1990? You don’t even need to watch the show to know that Homer is the father and that he works at the nuclear plant.
Financial smarts need to be taught – This one needs to be read to be believed. It was written by a 62 year old in Yuma, AZ. He thinks kids these days are bad and the schools suck and it’s all the liberals fault. Lots of 62 year olds probably think that, fine, whatever. But then, off on one of the many tangents he squeezes into a mere 550 words, he recounts how students at the University of Virginia used to watch the Simpsons while they ate. For this, he despairs for the future of our country. Wow, I can smell the Lucky Lindy’s Pomade from here.
Editorial: Their history wasn’t taped with cassette recorders – The Spokesman-Review laments that kids today don’t get pop culture references from the eighties and that makes them hard to connect with. Yeah, this is stupid.
Too Much Texting? – Based on the other articles this guy has written I’m 99.9% sure this isn’t satire and that makes it the other contender for Worst Usage. It is a blissfully unaware addition, nay, a masterpiece, of the “Get off my lawn!” genre. He’s upset about the behavior of teenagers, in this case texting. (In other news, the kids these days are dancing too close to each other, listening to this rock music, growing their hair long and humping too much.) It’s linked here because in an attempt to be “hip” and not “square” he tries (and fails) to cite Simpsons:
I’m reminded of an episode of THE SIMPSONS where Homer finds himself in a nursing home—and is absolutely delighted. “All this time,” he quips, “turning over in bed by myself when there were people who could do it for me!”
I’m not even sure where to start with this one. I guess the first thing would be to scratch my head at why anyone would use ALL CAPS to describe the title of a well known television show. More importantly is the fact that the “quip” he’s citing, the one he uses quote marks around, does not exist. In fact, nothing even resembling it exists.
I think he’s trying to reference “The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons” from Season 9, but the closest that episode comes to the above is when Homer asks to be turned by a nurse, “What do you have to do to get turned around here?” The syntax isn’t remotely similar; it’s not even close enough for me to correct him. Guess I’ll text my friends about it, then we’ll put on scandalously revealing knickers and dance the Charleston on top of a flagpole.
My Dinner With Andre – It’s a review of the DVD. Needless to say Simpsons gags break out in the comments. I always love how intense Martin is when he says “Tell me more.”
Clausen to appear at NDSU event – Live in or near Fargo, ND? You can see longtime Simpsons music guy Alf Clausen live in concert on Tuesday.
5 great television collections on dvd for under $20. – You can get Seasons 1&2 for $20 at Target in a “limited time double pack”. I’ve actually bought those seasons, and several others, twice as my first copies were stolen. Bastards.
Sticky Situation: Hundreds Of Gallons Of Doughnut Glaze Spill From Overturned Truck – Jackknifed sugar truck! (Seriously.) (Via)
Taking a bite out of fashion marketing – McDonald’s is using some new salads to make friends. The author, Andrew Sardone, quotes Homer almost perfectly. Homer actually says you don’t “win” friends with salad, not you don’t “make” friends with salad. But it’s still pretty good usage.
Homer Simpson Is Not the Ideal TomTom Voice Skin – TomTom is one of those GPS things that tells you how to get somewhere. Apparently you can customize it with “celebrity voices”, including Homer. Dave found a sample of it on Gizmodo. It’s awful.
FOX Sets Dates For Its Season Premieres – And finally, mark your calendars because Zombie Simpsons returns Sunday September 27th. Ugh.