16
Aug
10

Real Life Mr. Sparkle

We all know Mr. Sparkle as a joint venture of Matsumura Fishworks and Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern that banishes dirt to the land of wind and ghosts.  But it is also the premier window cleaning service for homes and businesses in the greater Fargo, ND-Moorhead, MN area.  Seriously:

Mr Sparkle Logo

Obviously the website doesn’t contain any likeness or drawings that might be legally actionable, but let there be no doubt about the name:

The name “Mr. Sparkle” is a famous reference to “The Simpsons” (it was the name of a mysterious Japanese cleaning product on the show). Is that how that came about?

Yes, it is. I’m a big “Simpsons” fan, and when we created our list of names, Mr. Sparkle was one of the names on there, and my wife said, “You’re not using that name.” As we kept eliminating names, it kept rising up to the top, and finally it was the last name.

On the FAQ page, part of the response to the question “What do you do when you come to my house?” sounds like a vaguely sexual boast, or at the very least yet another euphemism for masturbation, and is all the better for it:

You just need to sit back and enjoy the sparkle!

But please, don’t believe them, observe this customer testimonial:

Now I have a great sparkle!

For lucky best wash, use Mr. Sparkle. 


2 Responses to “Real Life Mr. Sparkle”


  1. 1 sarahsepanek
    17 August 2010 at 9:04 pm

    The logo looks like Wally the tobacco salesman from Red Meat

  2. 2 D.N.
    18 August 2010 at 8:21 pm

    How about a real-life General Sherman? OK, General Sherman might have been bigger and older than Two Tone, but Homer and Marge’s marriage survived the former, whereas the latter reportedly wrecked at least four marriages:

    http://www.news.com.au/world/marriage-wrecker-two-tone-carp-found-dead-anglers-in-mourning/story-e6frfkyi-1225906897272

    TWO Tone – Britain’s legendary monster carp and the aquatic Holy Grail for legions of fishermen – has been found dead in his home lake of apparent natural causes.
    He was believed to be between 40 and 45 years old.

    Two Tone – named for his distinctive coloration – was a mere 5.4kg when he was plunked into Conningbrook Lake near Canterbury, southeastern England, in 1982 as part of a stocking program.

    When he was last caught and weighed two years ago (see video) he registered a whopping 30.8 kg.

    There were reports some fishermen spent up to 15 years trying to catch him and as many as four marriages broke up over the time anglers spent casting for him.

    But he was wily to the end and only rarely got hooked. On the few occasions he was caught, Two Tone was always respectfully returned to the waters.

    So widespread was his fame, Two Tone will not suffer any final indignities involving frying pans or stuffing. He will be buried next to his lake and a plaque will mark his grave, with a champagne toast planned to honor him.

    Chris Logsdon, head of Mid-Kent Fisheries which owns Conningbrook, told the Angling Times he made the sad discovery of Two Tone’s body.

    “A couple of anglers called to say they’d seen a big carp floating dead on the surface which they thought might be Two Tone,” he said. “So my son and I went straight over to investigate. Sure enough it was the old boy – I was gutted.

    “He’d had a hard winter followed by a tough spring, but there wasn’t a blemish on him – no scars, ulcers or any other sign of damage.

    “He was just old – he must have been 40 or 45. It’s very sad, the end of an era, because Two Tone was part of carp fishing history.”


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