Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Sarah_Ackerman.
“Well, I guess it’s back to good old Springfield.” – Bart Simpson
“But I can’t go back, not after I’ve seen the bright lights of Capital City. I’ll wither and die like a hothouse flower!” – Lisa Simpson
In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom. Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have a really good reason why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk. This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (disturbingly enough, not on “Pedobear”).
One of the things I’ve noticed about Season 22 so far is that Springfield resembles Hollywood more and more with each passing episode. Just this season we’ve seen this humble Midwestern town acquire a massive private school, a big budget production of Wicked, and a seemingly endless supply of hopelessly trendy restaurants and upscale nightclubs. It’s almost like Springfield is exclusively inhabited by a bunch of highly paid writers who think civilization ceases to exist south of Wilshire.
[Note: Dave couldn’t join us again this week. He swears he’s going to have time for us soon, but we know better. It’s okay, we love him anyway.]
Charlie Sweatpants: Shall we get this unpleasantness over with?
Mad Jon: Yes. Let’s begin
Charlie Sweatpants: Where to begin? There’s so much suck here.
Mad Jon: Was that Pie Man flying next to Bartman in the opening?
Charlie Sweatpants: I think so. I’ve never forced myself to watch that one.
Mad Jon: That was the eye opener for me.
Charlie Sweatpants: While I applaud their efforts to stock the opening with lots of changes each week, all they ever seem to do is reference older crap.
Mad Jon: That must have been season 13 or 14, I don’t know, but I remember I watched like half of it and it was like coming out of a coma.
I knew the Simpsons was no longer what it was, but I was most assuredly in a "It’ll get better right?" mode.
Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, that never happened.
Mad Jon: I know that now, but back in the early 2000′s when I was no longer watching first runs regularly, I figured it was like boiling water.
Charlie Sweatpants: You just ignore it long enough and it’ll get there?
Mad Jon: Something like that.
Charlie Sweatpants: There were a lot of things that needed to be ignored for a long time in this one. I doubt it set any kind of record, but man there were a ton of jokes that took way too long.
Mad Jon: Yeah, that seems to keep happening
Charlie Sweatpants: The Cat Lady opening comes to mind, Homer repeatedly walking back into Moe’s, Homer tying his foot to the bed, the little cupids at the end, the kids freaking out about their hairlines, all of them and more just kept going.
Mad Jon: Remember that email I sent you last week? The one that said I could hear Moe crying already? 2:35.
That’s how long it took.
Charlie Sweatpants: You were right in your e-mail.
Mad Jon: Also the Pedobear.
Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, the whole Bart freakout thing, what was that?
It wasn’t even a plot, it was like two scenes!
Mad Jon: When Bart was looking for the nanny cam in Pedobear? I don’t know why the therapy with J Loren Pryor’s new voice was there.
Although it did provide a second opportunity for us to see Supernintendo Chalmers.
Charlie Sweatpants: He lives at the school, I swear it.
Mad Jon: Well, he went to that pick up seminar as well. I have a note that says simply "Chalmers not in school!!’
Although Skinner and his conversation did involve the faculty in a way.
Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, they have a real hard time having one without the other.
Mad Jon: I smell a spinoff!!!
Charlie Sweatpants: Anything but that.
Mad Jon: Seconded.
Charlie Sweatpants: That seminar scene was where the show went to plaid. It was bad before, but then seeing Homer and Moe succeed, and Marge go completely insane, guh, it was tough to take.
Mad Jon: I checked out when Bart and Lisa freaked out about the lack of hairlines.
Which was another of your too long jokes, one that probably needs some discussion.
Charlie Sweatpants: Good move. It took them nearly a minute to turn Marge into the wicked witch.
Mad Jon: I thought they were going hillbilly the way they blacked out her tooth, but then, what do you know!
Charlie Sweatpants: But it didn’t stop there, they even got her a broom, and set it on fire! Hilarious!
Mad Jon: And the flying monkey.
There was a flying monkey. Mr. Teeny XIXIV I think…
Charlie Sweatpants: Well Burns used to have flying monkeys, of course that whole joke took about four seconds.
But that was a very long time ago.
Mad Jon: I guess they actually did continue the research…
Charlie Sweatpants: While we’re on the subject of the painful nightclub scene . . . did Moe even say anything?
Mad Jon: Not the second time… I think he just smiled and nodded.
The first time he had a pickup line that didn’t contain the line "I want to do you."
Which is a line that Moe would use. The real Moe at least.
Charlie Sweatpants: Real Moe’s been dead for a very long time.
Mad Jon: I know. I know.
Charlie Sweatpants: Did you want to discuss the hairline thing? I kinda rolled you on that.
Mad Jon: I think we have to at least address it a bit, I don’t have anything mind blowing to say about it.
Charlie Sweatpants: There’s nothing mind blowing about it.
Mad Jon: But c’mon, the hair has never been mentioned, and all of the sudden it’s a 25 second throwaway joke.
Baby and the bath water I guess.
Charlie Sweatpants: Well, they’ve made jokes about the hair before, and I wasn’t immediately sour on it. But I’ve learned that whenever I find myself thinking "that’s kinda funny" to wait and see how long they go at it. This one was excruciating. Any time you end up with Lisa looking like Baby Gerald that’s not good.
Mad Jon: Pretty bad. Pretty bad.
Charlie Sweatpants: This is minor, but it really bugged me. Twice we get the exterior shot of the grocery store, right? But did you notice what wasn’t there?
Mad Jon: Cars?
Charlie Sweatpants: The shopping cart rolling into the street!
Mad Jon: Ahhhh.
Yeah, I was looking up side boob pics at the same time the show was on. Sorry.
Charlie Sweatpants: I always liked that as a running joke, and for a show that loves naked nostalgia and fan service as much as Zombie Simpsons, I thought I could at least count on that.
Okay, anything else here? The only thing we haven’t really talked too much about was that vile self help guy, but I’ve said my piece about that.
Mad Jon: Nah, we would do Brad Goodman disservice by the mere discussion of what’s his name.
Charlie Sweatpants: In that case, I’ll be a human going.
Mad Jon: Do what you feel.
We like Roy.