“Dad, it’s barbaric. How does killing a deer make you more of a man?” – Lisa Simpson
“It just does. Name me one gay Indian.” – Homer Simpsonee
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“Look at how disciplined they are. They’re just like the terra-cotta warriors of Xi’an.” – Lisa Simpson
“They sure are.” – Homer Simpson
First off, apologies for no Compare & Contrast this week. I’ve got an unfinished draft that I promise I will finish next week, but this week my stupid real job got in the way. For links this week, we’ve got a terra-cotta Bart Simpson, a Bonestorm blanket, some excellent references, a teaser for a Weinstein interview, a couple of lists, quite a bit of YouTube, and a chance to win a copy of the Mr. Burns play.
This Is What Happens When The Terra-Cotta Warriors Meet Pop Culture – Oh, cool. That Bart Simpson one is fantastic.
The Simpsons spinoff was once planned, reveals ex-showrunner – Twitter seems to be treating this as news, but I thought everyone already knew this:
A spinoff show from The Simpsons was once considered, according to former showrunner Josh Weinstein. Springfield would have focused on the fictional town’s other inhabitants and was conceived in the mid-’90s.
The better news is that they’ll have a full interview on Monday. Bonus: this is a nice backhanded slap at Zombie Simpsons:
“We felt at that time – around season seven – that we all knew the family so well, so let’s start exploring all these great side-characters,” he explained.
Two scientific journals accepted a study by Maggie Simpson and Edna Krabappel – This was making the rounds this week:
“I wanted first and foremost to come up with something that gives out the fake immediately,” the actual author of the paper, Alex Smolyanitsky, told Vox. “My only regret is that the second author isn’t Ralph Wiggum.”
Me fail science? That’s unpossible to within a probability of 5%
Naming Rites: A Team Name and Mascot Blog – Destination Springfield: Celebrating Some Perfectly Cromulent Team Names – An exhaustive look at fake and real sports teams that have popped up in the show and on Zombie Simpsons. (Thanks to @TeamNicknames for sending it in.)
Dan Shaughnessy vs. MLS: To Troll or To Ignore, That Is the Question – I’m with Paul & Lisa:
Petke’s retort is fun and makes for good blog headlines, no doubt, but the best course of action here is to ignore commentary for an columnist stuck in a 1987 world view about sports. Lisa Simpson’s and Paul Anka’s “Just Don’t Look” song from an old Halloween episode of The Simpsons often feels quite applicable under the premise if you don’t pay attention eventually (hopefully) they’ll go away.
Excellent reference. (Shaughnessy is like 60 Minutes, his keen days are far in the past and he mostly exists to outrage old people.)
15 Best Comic Book Guy Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’ – There are far too many Zombie Simpsons quotes here, especially when things like “I have a master’s degree in Folklore & Mythology!”, “No groaning in my store.”, and “We’re racing for the title of the champion of the universe.” didn’t make the cut.
Every Christmas Episode Of ‘The Simpsons,’ Ranked – They did have the good sense to put “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” at #1. And this may be the understatement of the week:
Oh, and the bit with Katy Perry and the Muppet Simpsons at the end was just a bad idea.
I still think that needs to be considered the “Star Wars Holiday Special” of Zombie Simpsons. It’s that bad.
15 Homemade Gifts For the TV Fan In Your Life – #11 is a pretty awesome Bonestorm blanket.
The Animated Sitcom – A look at how animated comedies fit into the wider world of them.
New trending GIF tagged the simpsons homer simpson… – He’s getting a pretty good sound out of that guy.
I am Hans Moleman. See my masterpiece, my finest production, it is me getting hit in the groin by a football. It is never not funny. In fact, the more it happens, the funnier it gets. It is pure parallax. High art medium, low art content. The two are not reconciled, and the impact could not had any other way. I am Hans Moleman, and I am racing cyclocross.
The pointless Twitter accounts that will make you laugh every time – Our friends over at @simpsonsgreats make the list.
The Ten Greatest Songs of All Time: #9 – Rock Me Amadeus – A trip down memory lane, complete with Troy McClure YouTube.
Celebrities Who Look Like Cartoon Characters If You Add Variations To Their Face – I guess Jim Belushi could pass for Milhouse.
I Love Lazy Saturdays – We all sleep in sometimes.
Win A Copy of Anne Washburn’s Mr Burns! – The question isn’t the least bit difficult, but it would be cool to own a copy of that play that I swear I will see someday.
My 2nd Favorite Simpsons Gag – YouTube of the longest church hymn ever.
These Absurd Chinese Cop Cars Look Like Homer Simpson’s Designs – Photoshopping it in with Homer was a nice touch.
Long-lost teddies: The joy of being reunited with a beloved bear – And finally, here’s your “aww” usage for the week:
While in the car travelling down the M6 near Cannock, Staffordshire, recently, four-year-old Daisy Jewkes’s favourite bear, Old Teddy, flew out the car window. Distraught, she cried all the way home.
But there is a happy ending. After Daisy’s mother emailed the Highways Agency, the little girl was reunited with her toy bear last week.
David Smith, a manager for construction company Carillion, said: “I got the email and asked the guys to look out for the teddy and within days we found him in the central reservation. The look on the girl’s face was absolutely fantastic when she got him back.”
The hold a beloved bear can have on a young mind is quite remarkable. Just think of The Simpsons’ mean-spirited Mr Burns, whose otherwise concealed humanity is revealed in the episode “Rosebud” in which he reminisces about the stuffed teddy Bobo that he gave away as a child. He is overjoyed when he is eventually reunited with the raggedy toy through Homer’s daughter Maggie.
“I won’t hear of it, Moe, you’re a fabulous catch.” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, yeah, well, how come I ain’t fending off movie starlets with a pointy stick?” – Moe
“Oh, it’s probably due to your ugliness. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find you a woman. Come on, we’re going to the darkest bar in town!” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, I thought Krusty was Jewish.” – Lisa Simpson
“Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.” – Bart Simpson
According to IMDb, this is the first whole episode Al Jean’s written in a long time. Sadly, it didn’t seem to matter. Homer goes on one zany little escapade after another, there’s plenty of expository nonsense, several musical montages that seem designed to do nothing more than eat clock (efforts at which fell so short that they added a preview of the next episode to help fill all twenty of their contractually obligated minutes), and the usual Zombie Simpsons problems.
- It’s probably longer than it needs to be, but this Christmas themed opening is actually a nice change of pace. There’s even some freeze frame fun (all the Jewish characters are eating at the Chinese restaurant).
- The Peanuts reference to open the episode at least didn’t take long. It didn’t have anything to do with anything else, but it was short.
- The Comic Book Guy thing with the Star Wars Holiday Special, however, did take too long and didn’t have anything to do with anything else.
- Bizarre kookiness starts early here, with Marge telling Bart to hold the ladder she’s using to trim the tree only to look down and see Maggie! She falls, then laments out loud that Homer isn’t there. Why did she think Bart was there? C’mon, that was like four seconds ago, who can possibly remember that far into the past?
- Burns shows up for no reason to talk to Homer. Then Smithers appears out of nowhere.
- The clip from Miracle on 34th Street is weirdly out of place.
- Homer’s at Moe’s because Moe made him crash his car (don’t ask), then is going to leave before Moe begs and screams at him to take pity on him and stay. The obvious repetition is what’s supposed to make this funny, I guess, but that’s all it is: hey, Moe screaming and crying is funny, let’s keep at it! That this is just the usual “Moe the Sad Sack” stuff makes it lamer still.
- Now Moe is telling us that he’s wrapped around Homer’s leg, and now he’s up on Homer’s shoulders. Oof, this just keeps going.
- Moe was briefly happy, so he stabbed himself in the head with a corkscrew.
- Now Marge is telling us what’s happening, “One night, the one night of the year I want Homer home with his family, and he can’t even do that.”
- Then Marge tells us what she’s about to say. Did anyone edit this?
- Homer’s driving around now, finds Moe’s closed, then goes to the Kwik-E-Mart where he spends the better part of a minute buying lottery tickets.
- This is what passes for a setup these days, “Aw, thanks for your honesty, Apu. Is there any other product in the store you’d like to warn me about?”. Such natural dialogue!
- Bart can’t get to sleep, so Lisa conveniently walks in to help put him to sleep by telling him the story of jazz. But Lisa wants to talk to Bart, so her doing that for him directly contradicts what she came in there for and then does. But it did eat ten seconds or so.
Lisa: Bart this is the year I’ve got to nail Christmas. I don’t want to be a jaded ten-year-old like you.
That leads to a flashback involving Homer getting electrocuted. More importantly, what the hell is Lisa talking about? That doesn’t sound like her or him.
- Bart then recaps the flashback, in case anyone missed it.
- More filler: this time, they play “Carol of the Bells” for ten seconds while Marge strings popcorn. Then they cut to Maggie eating it.
- Bart has a pipe, everyone’s awake late at night, and Moe just came down through the chimney for no reason whatsoever.
- After some desultory exposition about why Moe wouldn’t have knocked, Moe tells us that he’s the reason Homer was late.
- Marge then continues on the expository filler theme, “This is what I was hoping for, for it not to have been completely his fault.”
- Moe then kisses Marge because there’s mistletoe. She calls Homer, who is now getting his car towed for some reason.
- Homer’s now wandering around the outdoor mall as more music plays.
- Homer then gets to a movie theater. Sign gags being one of the few things they can still sometimes do, it’s “The Screens at the Shops At Towne Centre At Springfielde Glenne”. That’s pretty good.
- Then we get into Homer setting up the sarcastic guy to tell him about all the depressing Christmas movies.
- Homer goes into the movie, where Gil, Kirk and some other people are there being alone on Christmas. Homer then leaves. So . . . that was pointless.
- Homer and Flanders then talk and bond, or something.
- Homer bought something from Flanders left handed kiosk, which lead to this:
Flanders: But why?
Homer: Because Jerkass Homer has become Assjerk Homer.
I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.
- Now they’re hugging. Then Homer runs away. Even by Zombie Simpsons standards this is disjointed.
- Marge and the kids then went to the retirement home. All the old people pop out to talk to them and it’s supposed to be after midnight by now, but we did get the Old Jewish Man saying “Make them turn the TV to CBS”, which is decent.
- Homer is woken up by a Nutcracker guy who turns out to be a mall employee who invites Homer to some bizarre mall party.
- Yet more piano music as Marge and the kids walk through a neon sign store that was supposed to be a montage. It’s like two kinds of clock eating filler at once!
- Apparently they’re at the mall now, too. I guess they ditched the old people?
- A giant gingerbread house just partially collapsed on Homer. Carry on.
- Marge then appears, with a bow on her head, and says she’s Homer’s present tonight. I, uh, whatever.
- And we (sort of) end on Homer making that beep-beep noise cars make when you lock them.
- We then get yet another musical moment of Maggie making a paper cutout and putting it on the tree.
- And then, because those twenty minutes won’t fill themselves, God and Jesus have a short argument.
- And then (x2), because this thing still isn’t long enough, there’s some kind of preview for next week’s episode that’s mostly a bunch of alien babies being born.
Anyway, the numbers are in and while they’re up from a non-football Sunday, they’re down from previous football Sundays. Last night just 6.41 million viewers wondered when the last time the show had a decent Christmas episode was. That’s down slightly from the last two episodes that had NFL lead ins, and may be the last football lead in of the year depending on how the playoffs get scheduled for TV.