“I see wedding bells for Vanna White and Teddy Kennedy.” – Princess Opal
“Please, Princess Opal, if we could just stick to Principal Skinner.” – Chief Wiggum
“Chief Wiggum, I am merely a conduit for the spirits. Ah! Willie Nelson will astound his fans by swimming the English Channel.” – Princess Opal
“Really, Willie Nelson?” – Chief Wiggum
Happy birthday Jo Ann Harris!
“Good evening, here’s an update on last week’s nursing home expose ‘Geezer’s in Freezers’. It turns out the rest home was adequately heated, the footage you saw was of a fur storage facility. We’ve also been told to apologize for using the term ‘geezers’. Now, coming up next, the case of the cantankerous old geezer.” – Kent Brockman
“Homer, a man who called himself ‘you-know-who’ just invited you to a secret ‘wink-wink’ at the ‘you-know-what’. You certainly are popular now that you’re a Stonecutter.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh yeah, beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night, it’s wonderful, Marge. I’ve never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.” – Homer Simpson
“Do you have anything by Robert Ludlum?” – Hans Moleman
“Get out.” – Just Crichton and King Bookstore Employee
“So the next time somebody tells you carny folk are good, honest people, you can spit in their faces for me.” – Barney Gumble
“I will, Mr. Gumble. But, if you’ll excuse me, I’m profiling my Dad for the school paper. I thought it would be neat to follow him around for a day to see what makes him tick.” – Lisa Simpson
“Aww, that’s sweet. I used to follow my Dad to a lot of bars too.” – Barney Gumble
“What ever happened to good old fashioned town pride?” – Marge Simpson
“It’s been going downhill ever since the lake caught fire.” – Lisa Simpson
“Where is Bart, anyway? His dinner’s getting all cold and eaten.” – Homer Simpson
Happy birthday Richard Appel!
“Don’t be discouraged, son, I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the lightbulb.” – Homer Simpson
“What do you have to say to all those Marge Simpson wannabes out there who wish to suppress David’s doodle?” – Dr. Marvin Monroe
“Hmm, I don’t know. I guess one person can make a difference, but most of the time they probably shouldn’t.” – Marge Simpson
“We’re going to take a test.” – Miss Hoover
“Alright, a test!” – Lisa Simpson
“It’s called the Career Aptitude Normalizing Test, or CANT.” – Miss Hoover
“Dad, can I ask you a question?” – Lisa Simpson
“Sure, honey.” – Homer Simpson
“Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy?” – Lisa Simpson
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, if I’m wrong, I’ll recant on my deathbed.” – Homer Simpson
“My name’s Harv Bannister, I work for Tipsy McStagger’s Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium.” – Harv Bannister
“Oh, yeah? Hey, what’s Mr. McStagger really like?” – Moe
“Actually there is no Tipsy McStagger, he’s just a composite of other successful logos.” – Harv Bannister
“Well, you tell him from me that he makes one great mozzarella stick.” – Moe
“Yes, fine, I will.” – Harv Bannister
“Do you ever hide beer around the house?” – Marge Simpson
“Do I ever!” – Homer Simpson
“Well, this reporter was possibly a little hasty earlier, and would like to reaffirm his allegiance to this country and its human president. It may not be perfect, but it’s still the best government we have . . . for now . . . Oh, yes, by the way, the spacecraft still in extreme danger, may not make it back, attempting risky reentry, blah blah blah blah blah, we’ll see you after the movie.” – Kent Brockman
“Now, we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but because these are children’s toys, the fire will spread quickly. So, please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes.” – Reverend Lovejoy
“Prepare to engage enemy . . . bogey’s airspeed not sufficient for intercept. Suggest we get out and walk.” – Air Force Pilot
“Homer, do you have any plans for after graduation?” – Guidance Counselor
“Me? I’m gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night!” – Homer Simpson
“But killing snakes is evil.” – Lisa Simpson
“Maybe so, Lisa, but it’s part of our oh so human nature. Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved.” – Homer Simpson
“I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!” – Homer’s Brain
It’s May 10th, Happy Whacking Day, Everybody!
“Hey, didn’t you direct ‘Unnatural Discretion’?” – Homer Simpson
“Well, yes, I did.” – Director
“Phew-ee, whew, oh, you know I never walk out of a movie, but yecch.” – Homer Simpson
Happy Birthday James L. Brooks!
“Aunt Selma, do you think you’ll ever get married?” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, I don’t know. Why? You know somebody?” – Selma Bouvier
“No. And since I’m sure that you’d only resent the pity of an eight-year-old niece, I’ll simply hope that you’re one of the statistically insignificant number of forty-year-old single women who ever find their fair prince.” – Lisa Simpson
Charlie Sweatpants
Mad Jon
Unpaid Guest
Dave
