“Lisa, what’s the answer to number seven?” – Ralph Wiggum
“Sorry, Ralph, that would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.” – Lisa Simpson
“My cat’s name is Mittens.” – Ralph Wiggum

“What’s that?” – Homer Simpson
“That is the rarest Gummy of them all: the Gummy Venus de Milo, carved by Gummy artisans who work exclusively in the medium of Gummy.” – Candy Convention Guy

“Movie For a Rained-Out Ballgame now returns to Dyan Cannon, Troy McClure, and the Muppets in the 1977 film, The Muppets Go Medieval.” – TV Announcer

“There’s another girl at school who’s smarter, younger and a better sax player than me.  Ugh, I feel so average.” – Lisa Simpson
“Well, you’ll always be number one to me.” – Marge Simpson
“Hello?  First born within earshot.” – Bart Simpson
“I meant my number one girl. . . . Oh, for crying out . . .” – Marge Simpson

This week we’ve got four links (to three sites) naming or trying to name the #1 Simpsons episode of all time.  I always like reading people’s thoughts on the show, but I remain convinced that this is an impossible task.  I don’t even think I could pick a favorite season, much less an episode.  As soon as I chose one, I’d immediately start second guessing myself about how much I love all the ones I didn’t pick.  Madness lies down that path.  In other news, we’ve got plenty more on the new Springfield theme park area, an interview about Bartkira, Aasif Mandvi crediting Apu with influencing him, Apu (and others) reading the Dodgers starting lineup, new shoes, and lots more. 

Enjoy.

‘Bartkira’ Is the Parodic Bastard Child of the ‘Simpsons’ and ‘Akira’ – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this interview with the guy who’s coordinating the Bartkira project.  I’d be in favor of this even if he hadn’t described it as spreading like fungal spores.   

Best. Episode. Ever. (First Quarter Round-Up) – The giant episode tournament has gotten 1/4 of the way through the epic first round, and it’s time to look back with a couple of charts.  With a nice nod to us (glad to link it!), Zombie Simpsons is getting killed:

The all-red bars from season 11 forward are pretty telling. Sooner or later one of them will produce a winner (round 41 is season 17 vs. season 19, for example), but over all the story the graph tells is clear.

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 32) – And just like that, Season 6 nukes Season 18. 

Hank Azaria Dodgers Lineup – Azaria announced the Dodgers lineup earlier this week using the voices of Moe, Apu, and Chief Wiggum, whom the park announcer calls “Wiggins” at the end.

The Simpsons // Converse Chuck Taylor All Star Collection – Click through for pictures of the officially licensed shoes.  They go on sale tomorrow. 

TV – The Top 15 episodes of The Simpsons (Part 3) – Ahh, the list concludes with no Zombie Simpsons and “Lisa’s Substitute” at #1. 

FILM REVIEW The Purge – Moderate usage:

THERE’S a scene in ‘The Simpsons’ episode ‘Dog of Death’ where the phone rings at police headquarters. Eager to get back to watching the lottery draw, Chief Wiggum answers the call and delivers the immortal words: “No … sorry, you have the wrong number, this is 912.”
‘The Purge’, the new film from James DeMonaco, imagines a dystopian America in the near future where, for one night each year, all crime is legal. Including murder. During the 12-hour window, there’s no point calling the cops, or the hospitals.

Wiggum actually says, “No, you got the wrong number.  This is 912.”, but that’s pretty close.  (Incidentally, I rather liked The Purge.)

Superhero Sunday: Radioactive Man – Some love for a fictional fictional character, including some great screen grabs of his origin story from “Three Men and a Comic Book”.

Donner on belief – On Moses and Exodus:

“For even if you succeed in demonstrating conclusively that the man Moses never existed, or that he was not such a man as we supposed, you would not thereby detract one jot from the historical reality of the ideal Moses — the Moses who has been our leader not only for forty years in the wilderness of Sinai, but for thousands of years in all the wildernesses in which we have wandered since the Exodus.”

For the believer, this seems like a rather sensible position to me.

(Actually, though, we all know that what these quotes really remind me of is “Lisa the Iconoclast,” the episode of The Simpsons where Lisa proves that beloved town founder Jebediah Springfield was actually the murderous pirate Hans Sprungfeld, but as a serious academic I can’t bring that up. It’s a perfectly cromulent association to make, though.)

No reason the Simpsons can’t be used in academia.  

Trending Videos | The Simpsons movie – The NSA scene from the movie has been making the rounds a bit the last couple of weeks. 

Revisiting: The Simpsons – Someone who stopped watching the show as Zombie Simpsons took over is going to try and watch all the episodes again.  Good luck, and I’ll offer the same advice I do to everyone else who starts this: stop around Seasons 11 or 12.  Beyond there be monsters. 

‘The Simpsons’ voice actor Harry Shearer makes a home at Loyola – Some college kids in New Orleans are very lucky over and above going to college in New Orleans:

Harry Shearer, voice of more than 20 characters on the “The Simpsons” and bass player for the satirical rock group Spinal Tap, recently signed on as an artist-in-residence at the College of Music and Fine Arts of Loyola University New Orleans.

[…]

In his new role, Shearer will serve as a source of professional advice and guidance in filmmaking for Loyola students and will offer workshops on writing, acting and directing. Many students will gain hands-on experience as interns and assistants for Shearer, who will use Loyola’s state-of-the-art recording and filming studios for many of his own productions. Shearer and students are currently working on a new web series, which parodies a popular reality television show.

‘Internship,’ ‘Daily Show’s’ Aasif Mandvi: How I Snake-Charmed My Way to the Top (Guest Column) – Gotta love Mandvi:

One of the first auditions I got as a young actor in New York was for a commercial. I was up for the role of a snake charmer, and they wanted an Indian accent. Even though I was born in India, I had grown up in the U.K. and the U.S., and the only Indian accent I had reference to was my parents’. The last thing you want to sound like as an immigrant kid is your father, but my Indian need to make money trumped my Indian need to sound British, so I decided I would learn. Not my father’s accent, though. Instead, I would learn the accent of the stars. I watched Peter Sellers in The Party over and over again until “Birdie Num Num” was coming out of my ears. I watched the brilliance of The Simpsons’ Apu and learned from him how to play the quintessential Indian immigrant. By the time my audition came around a few days later, I was ready. I was bobbing my head from side to side and saying “deary, deary me” as loud as I could. The producers of the commercial were laughing. I saw the brown cash cow before me, and I had come with milk bucket in hand.

Ha! 

Mourinho slashes Chelsea squad – New transfers coming!! – Nice reference:

It’s the time of year that Homer Simpson loves more than any other – the cut. Chelsea have announced the release of 8 players – and there aren’t too many surprises.

The Purge…In 10 Words – I guess killing will be fun enough.

E3 2013…In 10 Words – What is this place?  The refuge of the damned. 

Dairy Queen…In 10 Words – Mmm, crumbled up cookie things. 

Fox Announces TV Panel Line Up for SDCC – For any of you heading to San Diego, here you go:

FUTURAMA:
We’re dooooooooomed! An epic panel for the ages will celebrate Futurama’s latest and greatest final season. On hand will be most or all of Futurama’s legendary voice cast, comprised of Billy West, John DiMaggio, Katey Sagal, Maurice LaMarche, Tress MacNeille, David Herman, Phil LaMarr, and Lauren Tom, performing never-before-heard scenes from the upcoming “Last Episode Ever”. Plus: Executive Producer David X. Cohen, Creator Matt Groening, and a cartooning showdown to the death! (Note: actual death not guaranteed.)

THE SIMPSONS:
Celebrate The Simpsons’ 25th year on the air with Creator Matt Groening, Executive Producer Al Jean, Supervising Director Mike Anderson, Consulting Producer David Silverman, never-before seen footage from guest director Guillermo del Toro and musical guests “We Put The Spring In Springfield”!

I’ll bet the Futurama panel is way more fun than the Zombie Simpsons one. 

Quarter Life Crisis – Thoughts from the young:

I was a starving student busting my way through essays and last minute projects followed by a few mental breakdowns here and there. I lived in my mom’s basement while working two jobs. (Props to me) and on the occasional Friday night, I would splurge on some beer and drink away my worries that I was keeping at bay. Until I saw an episode of the Simpson’s.

Which is followed by a picture of Homer reassuring Bart that when he gets a job he’ll miss every summer, which is followed by the rather awesome conclusion:

My life was over. I saw the look on Bart’s face and I made a secret pact to myself that that sad little yellow boy would not be me. I am a true believer in breaking out of your comfort zone… unless you want to be comfortable because I totally respect that. I was one of them.

But let’s be frank here, as long as you’re happy- do it. In this day and age, I would be truly disappointed in mankind if it is still frowned upon to lead an adventurous lifestyle.

Just because I don’t want to work at a desk 9-5 does not make me immature.

It most certainly does not. 

The “Very Best Lobsters In The World” Are Back In NYC: Gothamist – Check out the picture caption for some excellent usage.

10 Catchiest Wordless TV Theme Songs – The Simpsons theme obviously makes the list:

I started watching The Simpsons almost as soon as it aired, even though I was barely a toddler. My mom didn’t approve of Bart’s attitude, but that didn’t mean we weren’t allowed to watch it. It just meant that my brothers and I had to go upstairs to do it.

Heh.  Also, lotta good YouTube here. 

The Simpsons (Proposed story lines) – Just what it says:

Being dissatisfied with the quality of many Simpsons episodes in the past decade I decided to take it upon myself to come up with some basic story lines of my own that I feel do the series justice and enhance the quality which has been lacking from the series for so long.

There are some good plot ideas in there (I especially like the one about Krusty retooling his show for teens).  But let’s face it, Zombie Simpsons wouldn’t know what to do with a good idea if you gave it to them with instructions and a map. 

Glam Metal On the Simpsons: When You Just Can’t Tell the Difference ??o_0?? – YouTube and commentary on the New Year’s Eve countdown in “Treehouse of Horror X”:

Ratt, Whitesnake, Quiet Riot (three groups that I like but even I would have to consider just good at best) and Poison (a group I can’t stand because of how corny they were, I consider them the bane of glam metal and give Dokken more respect than them) all get a nice shout out in this video that proves Simpsons writers know just about everything that would interest people, even the minorities like me.

We’re Cyanide, a loving tribute to Poison! 

Episode 35 – Mogwais with Wicked Indigestion – The new theme park area gets the podcast treatment.  The Simpsons part starts around the 9:00 minute mark, and I learned that there will now be a Sideshow Bob person in costume wandering around the park.  What other program could inspire a giant company to allow a person dressed as a homicidal maniac to pose with tourists in an amusement park? 

Universal celebrates Donut Day with new Lard Lad donuts – Okay, now I kinda want to go there:

In honor of National Donut Day, Universal gave out 100 Lard Lad donuts to surprised guests at the park.

The hefty pink-iced, glazed donuts are one of the signature Springfield treats that can be found at the near Fast Food Boulevard, a food court loaded with Springfield-inspired eateries, including Moe’s Tavern and Krusty Burger.

Click through for a picture of the lucky donut people and their giant donuts. 

An afternoon in Springfield. – Another report from Floreda gives me pause, though:

You can’t really sit anywhere as they have reserved signs on all of the seating. However once you wait in line to go into the food ordering area,which looks like mini versions of each of the Eateries, they pair you up with a sweater who then gets you a table. I got a booth inside Moe’s. I sat in front of my burger and beer and dug in! So the burger is just another Universal Studios burger, kinda dry and fairly tasteless the real only redeeming factor was the nacho cheese sauce and the special sauce they put on it. Fries…Arby’s light. So what does real Duff beer taste like? Man am I the worst person to review it…uhm, beer. Not bad but to me it tastes like every other beer out there. The sucky part is that because it comes in a glass bottle they open it up for you, pour it in a plastic cup, and throw the cool bottle away!

Those bastards. 

Best Episode Ever # 1: ‘The Simpsons’ – This guy picks “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer” as #1 ever.  That’s a novel choice.  You see that one on “best of” lists from time to time, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it at the top. 

Something Wicked This Way Comes – Cool:

Some say California when it comes to craft brewing, others Colorado or Oregon; Three Floyds says Indiana.

The Brothers Floyd made a pact with the devil and brew Liquid Metal. They knock heads with bands like EyeHateGod to create beers like In The Name Of Suffering, a New Orleans-style black IPA full of voodoo. The brewpub is littered with Simpsons, horror and Slayer memorabilia, not to mention the best food around.

Youtube’s Copyright Policies Increase My Level of Sadness – This is what happens when lawyers and accountants are allowed to run amok with no adult supervision:

One day at lunch a friend and I were conversing about the 2010 “Tron” movie, so I promised I would send her the famous “Has anybody seen the movie Tron?” joke from the 1995 Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode. Luck has it, the video I once saw was taken down at some point, and it probably hasn’t resurfaced because The Simpsons belongs to Fox.

Bonus points for having a blog called “The Invisible Typewriter” with Homer and Wiggum at the top. 

2013-06-12 | Aaron Uploads One Picture Every Day – Homemade Flanders finger razors. 

haha – Heh. 

Best Episode of the Season: The Simpsons Season 24 – And finally, I get to end with someone who agrees with us, even if he’s a lot easier on Season 24 than I am:

Watching modern-day Simpsons renders quite the existential toll: it does not look like it will ever die, even though it seems like it has already lived its entire life.

Amen.  There’s a reason we call it Zombie Simpsons.

[Late Addition from our old friend Conor:

Stephen Wildish, Friday Project - B_rt And something for the... - Excellent fan made Bort art.]

“I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!” – Homer Simpson

“Let’s cut to that line.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“But that’s the longest.” – Marge Simpson
“Yes, but look: all pathetic single men.  Only cash, no chitchat.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

Happy birthday Greg Daniels! 

“Why, why was I programmed to feel pain?” – Robot

As far as Zombie Simpsons commentaries go this one is typically dull, right up until they do something actually worth listening to near the end.  (Spoiler alert: Jean and Groening both hate “The Principal and the Pauper”.  Cool.)  Before that is the usual meandering conversation and basically ignoring the episode, which is a good thing because this episode is awful.  It makes no sense, is full of fake drama and tension, tries to change something and then ignores it, and relies on Homer getting hurt in pretty much every scene.  With the exception of the animation (which they justifiably compliment in places), this one would’ve fit in seamlessly with Season 24. 

Whoa, eleven people in this one: Jean, Allen Glazier, Matt Selman, Michael Price, Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Matt Warburton, Nancy Cartwright, Lauren MacMullan, TV critic Alan Sepinwall, and a very late arriving Groening.

0:30 – And we begin with everyone jokingly wondering why Sepinwall is here.

0:45 – This was just a regular pitch, but apparently people thought it was based off of a Twilight Zone episode.  This is what happens when people give Zombie Simpsons too much credit.

1:15 – Jean compliments MacMullan, who directed, on how good the episode looks.  She says “thank you”.  That’s it. 

2:00 – Jean asks Sepinwall how they’re doing on the commentary.  Sepinwall laughs and changes the subject to what’s actually going on in the episode.  Clearly he has not listened to many Zombie Simpsons commentaries.  Nobody wants to watch the episode.

2:30 – Jean asks MacMullan how much drawing the director actually has to do: some but not much.  They had a new artist on this one who had to do a lot of the crying. 

3:30 – Long discussion of how hard it is to get tears to look like real water.  Also, Snowball II just got run over. 

4:00 – Jean’s talking about how this was loosely based on his daughter, who had three cats die on her in quick succession.  He jokes, “Like any writer I didn’t consider what her feelings might be, I just said we should do this”.  It’s funny.

4:40 – Oh, fuck, Selman’s natural ass kissing reflex has kicked in and he’s buttering up Sepinwall. 

5:00 – Apparently Selman and Sepinwall went to college together.  There you go.

5:40 – Everyone’s cracking up as Bart crashes his bicycle. 

6:20 – After a brief silence, Jean asks about the models for the fighting robots.  Some of the guys on the show- were into fighting robots.

7:00 – Gammill, trying to fill a void, points out that MacMullan and a couple of the writers also went to college together.  Meanwhile, nothing is happening in the episode.

7:40 – While Homer sets himself on fire a couple of times, MacMullan describes how they tried to make some of the uglier characters uglier in a more traditional way.  This prompts Cartwright to do Nelson’s voice in protest.  As usual, these commentaries are at their best when people are just hanging out and having fun and not really paying attention to what’s going on.

8:30 – Jean makes a very half assed defense of the emotions on the show that I don’t think even he believes.  It peters out into total silence.  Kinda awkward.

9:00 – Now they’re laughing about all the horrible things that happen to Homer here, meanwhile, another cat just died.

10:00 – There’s robot fighting going on now, and Jean has decided to change the subject completely by asking Sepinwall about Modern Family.  His response is that some people take that show “weirdly sensitively”. 

11:30 – Still going with Sepinwall about which shows he likes to criticize, whether or not anyone pays attention, etc.

12:00 – Another cat just died, and the only real comment anyone has is to note that they originally had a shot of the cat (which leapt to its death) falling toward the camera, but that it was “too much”.

12:20 – After a brief silence, Jean decides to keep things going by complimenting Cartwright on her ability to do voices for ten-year-old boys.

13:30 – Cartwright still recounting how she often got auditions for boy voices.  Meanwhile, Homer is being shot at by a Ralph Wiggum robot.

14:20 – Groening just showed up.

14:45 – Selman pops up to say that the song they used during the robot montage sounds like a real song but was actually something they made up.  Everyone immediately corrects him as it is, in fact, a real song (and they had used it way back in Season 3).  I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: I have never met Matt Selman and I have nothing against the guy, but he really doesn’t come off well in these commentaries. 

15:45 – The great song debate finally ends, and Jean fills the void by complimenting MacMullan on the animation again.  He’s not wrong.  As bad as this episode is – and it is unwatchable – the animation is noticeably less ham-handed than today. 

17:00 – They had to cut more than usual with this episode. 

17:35 – Sepinwall asks about the Armin Tamzarian joke in this one.  (Lisa says that the new cat will be called Snowball II and that they’ll pretend none of this ever happened, after which, in a very Zombie Simpsons move, Skinner mysteriously walks by to note that’s a cheat and have Lisa call him “Principal Tamzarian”.)  Jean explains that he put the joke in, and that he wasn’t running the show when they did that most infamous of episodes, and that he “never got that Tamzarian thing”.  Since he’s ever the pro, Jean casually notes that it was a great year for the show even as he’s taking a dump on it.  (There’s an alternate universe where Jean is the world’s most effective PR spokesman and he’s even richer than he is here.) 

18:05 – Groening, in outrage that may or may not be mock, says he didn’t like it but was assured that it would be good. 

18:10 – Wow, this is way more interesting than this episode.  Jean recounts, “Then when I investigated afterwards, I said to Scully, did you like it?  He goes, no.  Did Matt Groening?  No.  Did George?  No.  Did Jim?  No.  It’s like, how did it go through?  Every box had to be checked no.” 

18:35 – And they’re still bagging on “The Principal and the Pauper”.  This is great.

19:30 – After laughing at the fact that Homer’s butt was on screen, we get back to complimenting the animation because there really isn’t much else to talk about here.

20:45 – With nothing else to discuss, Selman asks Sepinwall if he has any feuds with any show runners.  The answer is yes, Veena Sud, who runs The Killing, is/was pissed at him.  A reminder: this is theoretically a Simpsons commentary.

21:25 – And we end with Jean asking Sepinwall if he thought Tony Soprano was alive after the last episode.  Sepinwall says yes, Jean thinks no. 

“And Helen Lovejoy, sure, she looks blonde, but I’ve heard cuffs and collar don’t match, if you get my drift.” – John
“I don’t, but I loved hearing it.” – Marge Simpson

“We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house.  But all we’ve ascertained from satellite photos is that it’s not on the roof.” – Agent Johnson

“Principal Skinner, remember how I didn’t sue when I found that scorpion in my apple sauce?  Well, I’m calling in a favor.” – Lisa Simpson
“I knew this day would come.” – Principal Skinner