“The torch has been passed to a new generation of, uh, snow plow people. . . . Come on, gimme the key . . . these look like teeth marks.” – Mayor Quimby
“I thought there was chocolate inside. . . . Well, why was it wrapped in foil?” – Homer Simpson
“It was never wrapped in foil!” – Mayor Quimby
Archive Page 2
“Camp is gonna be great! Seven days without parents, homework or ear medicine!” – Milhouse van Houten
The best thing to say about this episode is that at least the designers and animators had some fun (including David Silverman, who even got a line!). Other than that, this one was a cheerless, contradictory mess. There’s a new teacher, who’s some kind of psychotic, rule crazy nutjob, but who nevertheless is a regular at “Blazing Guy”, a Burning Man parody so uncreative that they actually tried to make fun of themselves for it. Nothing we see of this guy would indicate that he would want to be so much as near “Blazing Guy”, but he’s in line for the great honor of setting the big statue on fire. Was Zombie Simpsons making a point about not assuming what type of people might attend Burning Man? Of course not. In their world, him being an uptight prick in the first half of the episode has nothing to do with the second anyway.
- Decent (and short) couch gag for once.
- This show has deteriorated to the point that Chalmers yelling is now considered a go to gag.
- This teacher swapping scene isn’t a terrible idea, but dear sweet Jebus is the execution dumb. Chalmers yelling and being afraid of this teacher doesn’t make a lick of sense, precludes them from making actual jokes, and makes this guy’s introduction serious instead of, you know, comedic.
- Oh, look, Willem Dafoe is back. Also, he just cut his face for no reason. Hi-larious.
- Bart has constructed a prank in the closet with a remote controlled car and a skeleton. Enjoy it, because this episode moves so slowly they’re going to show it to us twice.
- Now Dafoe is hassling Nelson, who is helpfully expositing everything.
- He just gave Bart a haircut, so naturally the next one minute of screen time (at the Simpson dinner table) will be a rehash of that.
- Marge says that Bart should’ve gotten a balloon with his haircut. Bart then has a balloon. Hacktacular!
- And here’s the big swerve. Marge mentions that there’s a camping trip. She also asked Homer to book a reservation. This makes so little sense that the show has Marge weep and exposit it.
- Now the teacher just punched through the blackboard. Don’t ask.
- Then Milhouse stuck his nose through the hole. Please continue not asking.
- Bart just got electrocuted with lots of sad music playing. It’s weird.
- Milhouse just plugged New Zealand’s film industry for some reason.
- Bart helpfully tells us that he set up a camera in the teacher’s lounge. That leads Lassen (which is the name they gave this guy) to helpfully exposit that he wants to talk to Miss Hoover on-line. Bart then exposits that he’s created a fake profile for Miss Hoover, which means they can now see Lassen’s profile. Everybody got all that?
- Meanwhile, Homer is on the phone begging for a campsite reservation. Then Jason from the Friday the 13th movies shows up, murders the park ranger Homer’s talking to, and listens while Homer describes his house and his “pretty wife”. It’s also weird.
- Bart and Milhouse are now sitting outside. After Nelson and Lassen show up real quick for no reason, Milhouse helpfully pushes the plot forward by telling us that photos of Lassen were taken at “Blazing Guy”. He then asks what that is before saying “Oh, that’s convenient” as he clicks on a video that explains it.
- The neo-hippie in the video explains that “this year’s” guy who ignites the statue is Lassen. While he’s doing this, the statue, already on fire, burns in the background. Shit like this is why I call the writing lazy. There’s no need for that. It isn’t a “cheat”; it doesn’t move the story forward; it isn’t a joke. It’s just sloppy. Either nobody noticed or nobody cared, and neither speaks well for the quality of the show.
- Bart then exposits that if they go there and film him, he’ll get revenge. This also makes no sense, and Lassen’s profile already has such pictures, but whatever.
- Marge and Lisa are packing for the camping trip that for some reason she still assumes is going to happen. Bart and Homer then show up to stage whisper to each other about going to “Blazing Guy” instead. Marge and Lisa are still in the room and might’ve noticed this, but Zombie Simpsons doesn’t care about that.
- In the car, Marge reminds everyone that she doesn’t know where they’re going.
- For no reason and with no consequences, the family tent just blows away. Because this show has the attention span of an inch worm, we knew it was going to happen because a random guy popped up to tell us that it would first.
- And Marge just got high on tea offered to her by a stranger.
- And now there’s a new tent.
- Ugh, they just panned over a bunch of “Blazing Guy” musicians while Lisa narrated who they are.
- Here’s another example of how shallow and pointless all of this is. When Lisa first sees where they are, she happily declares it, “A world of anarchic free expression!”. A few scenes later, we see her playing her sax in a drum circle, where she is quickly joined by more musicians who it seems like might be stepping on her toes. (This is also David Silverman’s cameo.) But instead of adding some depth to “Blazing Guy” by saying that maybe all the anarchy can get annoying, or that Lisa actually loves it, or anything else, they just exit Silverman stage right and move on. The sum total of the Zombie Simpsons take on “Blazing Guy” is that people dress and act weird.
- Remember the plot? The episode just had Bart and Milhouse spying on Lassen, including Bart helpfully reminding us of what they were doing.
- Marge being stoned gives them their excuse to eat some clock with a trippy montage. Not before Homer gets hurt in the crotch and Bart reminds us again of why they’re there.
- Oh for fuck’s sake. Bart and Milhouse are wandering around and Bart finds some “fire retardant”. He tells us what the cans are, even though it’s stenciled on the side of each one. This is this episode’s “opens a box of flesh eating ants”. Bart then explains how it will work.
- Unnoticed by anyone, Bart has now sprayed the giant statue with “fire retardant”.
- Oof, Lassen is now using David Silverman’s tuba to shoot fire at Bart and chase him around. And then Homer fires himself out of a catapult to collapse the statue.
- Yet more evidence that Zombie Simpsons cannot sustain a thought for more than a few seconds, Marge is high again, and even asks when the tea will get out of her system. Not two minutes ago we saw her sober and talking with Homer. But, hey, they wanted to go back to trippy montage, so why not?
- We get one final scene where Chalmers and Skinner fire Lassen. It too is exposited:
Chalmers: So, where do you go from here?
Lassen: A place where my talents will be appreciated.
Turns out he’s a prison guard now. And Sideshow Bob is there for a very brief cameo.
Anyway, the numbers are in and they’re pretty much the same as last week’s. Yesterday, just 6.64 million people wished they had whatever drugs Marge was on to get them through that snoozefest. That’s in line with what we’ve come to expect from episodes with football lead ins. Next week, the late national game is on CBS, so it’ll doubtlessly be much lower.
Zombie Simpsons (finally?) takes on
Burning Man Blazing Guy in tonight’s assuredly half-assed “Blazed and Confused”. Also, for reasons, Willem Dafoe is in it. The synopsis-bot sez:
Bart faces a tough test at school when he gets a new teacher, Mr. Lassen (guest voice Willem Dafoe), who vows to crush his spirit in the all-new “Blazing Guy” episode of THE SIMPSONS airing Sunday, Nov. 16 (8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT) on FOX
Cool story, bro.