Posts Tagged ‘Bart Gets Hit By a Car


Quote of the Day

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“I think the boy’s hurt.” – Mr. Smithers
“Oh, for crying out loud! Just give him a nickel and let’s get going.” – C.M. Burns


Quote of the Day

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“Howdy, stranger.” – The Devil
“I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” – Bart Simpson
“Ah, please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Devil.” – The Devil


Quote of the Day

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"Is he well enough for me to start mothering him unbearably, doctor?" – Marge Simpson
"Better let him rest up a while first." – Dr. Hibbert


Quote of the Day

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“Hey, yeah, who are you?  I saw you chasing Bart’s ambulance.” – Homer Simpson
“Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson, Lionel Hutz attorney at law.  Here’s my card, it turns into a sponge when you put it in water.” – Lionel Hutz
“Ooh, classy.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

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“Your son is a very sick boy, just look at the X-rays.  You see that dark spot there?  Whiplash.” – Dr. Nick Riviera
“Whiplash?  Oh, no!” – Homer Simpson
“And this smudge here that looks like my fingerprint?  No, that’s trauma.” – Dr. Nick Riviera


Quote of the Day

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“Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement.  But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.” – Lionel Hutz


Quote of the Day

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“With all due respect, Mrs. Simpson, you’re not a doctor.  The boy’s not a doctor.  I’m not a doctor.  The only person in this room who even comes close is this man.” – Lionel Hutz
“Stop, you’re embarrassing me.” – Dr. Nick Riviera


Quote of the Day

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“Excuse me Mr. Hutz, are you a shyster?” – Lisa Simpson
“How does a nice little girl like you know a big word like that?” – Lionel Hutz

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart Gets Hit By a Car”!  Original airdate 10 January 1991.


Reading Digest: Even In Death You Can’t Escape The Simpsons Edition

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“There seems to be a mistake.  According to this you’re not due to arrive here until the next time the Yankees win the pennant, that’s nearly a century from now.” – The Devil

Longtime New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner keeled over this week.  You would not believe the number of times The Simpsons was mentioned in various articles and blog posts about him.  This was in spite of the fact that he never appeared on the show.  All by itself, Don Mattingly’s joke about still liking Burns better than Steinbrenner was enough to merit inclusion.  There’s also a link to a post about “Paint Your Wagon” that, unsurprisingly, mentions The Simpsons.  In other news, there’s a bunch of fan made stuff this week, lots of usage, a real person named Carl Carlson, and plenty of YouTube. 


Richmond shows how footy should be played – This is about an Australian rules football team:

To borrow a phrase from The Simpsons, things sure are coming up Milhouse for Tigers fans.

Excellent usage. 

The Simpsons Myers-Briggs Test – This looks to have been kicking around the internet for a couple of years, but I’d never seen it.  It’s mildly interesting in an “I’m really bored” kind of way (via). 

REALITY TV – ARE FICTIONAL LAWYERS ON THE SMALL SCREEN CLOSE TO THE REAL THING? – LEGALLYBETTER.COM SURVEY RESULTS – Some UK lawyer website ran a survey asking people about famous teevee lawyers, what they thought of them, and whether or not they would hire them.  Sensibly, nobody would hire Lionel Hutz. 

22 Funny Wall Decorations and Framed Portraits From TV Sitcoms – Pleated Jeans is back, this time with background gags from various shows.  The Simpsons stuff is mostly good, and I’ve always cracked up at the JFK style portrait over Zapp Brannigan’s bed.

Slip-on neles! – This is not in English, but the pictures of the shoes need no translation, especially the pair with pink frosting and sprinkles. 

The Simpsons Homer Backwards Movement Wall Clock – Krusty Brand Seal of Approval for a Homer clock that moves counter-clockwise.  I don’t think I’d want this particular clock, but it might be fun to have a clock that goes counter-clockwise, like one of those maps that has north at the bottom and south at the top. 

Nova Express – Cool, tricolor Homer.  I don’t know how else to describe it. 

Tips for a successful and swift shopping trip – This is excellent usage in an otherwise crappy article:

There is an episode of “The Simpsons” where tycoon C. Montgomery Burns loses his wealth. In the next scene, to show how he is now one of us, the writers scripted him to push a cart through a grocery store. He ends up alone in an aisle being unable to decide between ketchup and catsup. “Whoo, I’m way over my head here,” he concludes.

Burns doesn’t actually say “here” at the end, but that’s extremely minor, and since the quote is apt I’m still calling it excellent usage.  The rest of the article includes idiotically helpful shopping tips like “Make a list” and “Never run out of toilet paper”.  Uh, yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.

Angry parents accuse school of ‘dumbing down’ English by showing The Simpsons in class – This article is woefully incomplete.  If they’re showing these kids Zombie Simpsons, I am outraged.  If they’re showing them The Simpsons, I almost want to father someone just to send them there.  Quoth the crusading daddy:

‘I do think we should raise the level a little for our children. Children should be studying text of the highest quality and I don’t believe this fits the bill.’

I agree.  Simpsons of the highest quality is about as high as quality gets, Zombie Simpsons, less so.  (via Springfield Springfield’s Twitter)

Mélanie Laurent: the real star of Inglourious Basterds – The father of the actress who played Shosanna does the voice of Ned Flanders in France.  That is all. 

The kids are alright – Apt and proper deployment of Helen Lovejoy’s favorite slogan:

"Won’t somebody please think of the children?" is the wonderful catchcry of Helen Lovejoy. In The Simpsons, her hysterical pleas mock a fear-mongering, overzealous approach to parenting which has infiltrated policy debates in Australia. Somehow the kind of politics that any sane person would consider conservative are being passed off as feminist. Wrongly, but hey, let’s not let accuracy interfere with rhetoric!

Smack.  Brought.  Excellent usage.  

Tim’s Ignatieff bar – More unquestionably excellent usage:

To paraphrase the Simpsons, Tim is looking for a "realistic down-to-earth message from Ignatieff that’s completely off the wall and swarming with magic robots."

He swapped out the nouns and left the rest intact.  Bravo. 

Paint Your Wagon…In 10 Words – That crappy Season 9 clip show is, nevertheless, so prevalent in the culture that you can’t even mention “Paint Your Wagon” without mentioning the Simpsons.  Also, there’s YouTube here of Lee Marvin singing. 

Happy Birthday to Me! – Decent quality YouTube of the Ramones singing to Burns as a self applied birthday wish. 

Nikejerk’s Killer ‘Barta-Fett’ Custom – Someone made a Boba Fett outfit for a Bart doll.  Kinda neat. 

Coffee stains and the Simpsons in your LaTeX document – I know nothing about typesetting, but it’s nice to know that if I ever learn about it, I can put Simpsons heads into things. 

Cromulent – Lexicological fun with one of the world’s favorite Simpsons words. 

Big Physics News: The Proton is Small(er)! – This is cool, protons may be smaller than previously thought, and one of the guys working on it is named Carl Carlson. 

‘Top Chef’ recap: Love is in the air – Moderate usage from Entertainment Weekly:

I really don’t need to see my meat or seafood in its original form, and seeing the chefs chop the little suckers in half and the crabs still wiggling made me think of the amazing episode of The Simpsons in which Lisa becomes a vegetarian. The lamb she’s about to eat and worm she’s about to experiment on squeal, “Please Lisa, what did I ever do to youuuu?”

That’s close.  The lamb says, “Please Lisa, I thought you loved me, loved me.”, and the worm says, “Lisa, what did I ever do to you?”  Combine the two and you’re there. 

Eastern Europe’s favorite cat and mouse team, Worker and Parasite! – YouTube of Worker and Parasite. 

Tremendous breakthroughs in fatherhood research – From the same site as the one above, this time it’s just a screen grab, but that doesn’t make it any less funny.  I’ve always like the olde tyme diving suit the father wears. 

It All Comes Back to Frogurt – One woman’s love for the world’s most famous potassium benzoate joke. 

Bart, Burns, Frink, and Godzilla – I didn’t know that Cartwright and Shearer had cameos in that awful Godzilla movie.  Of course, I’ve never seen it. 

BEST OF THE SIMPSONS – This is why we’re not big on lists around here.  Top 10 Simpsons episodes?  You could do a Top 50, and probably a Top 100, and leave out famous classics.  It’s just link bait.  (Which I took.) 

Is There A Gaffe The TTC Isn’t Prone To? – Complaints about the Toronto Transit Commission lead to moderate usage:

To watch TTC chair Giambrone stand up at last night’s public consultation gathering at Danforth Collegiate and try to calm the restive crowd with talk of a process now in motion to review how the commission engages with the public on matter like these only begs the question a reporter on The Simpsons asked when Krusty the Clown announced his retirement: Why now, Krusty? Why not 20 years ago?

That’s close, the actual quote is, “But Krusty, why now?  Why not twenty years ago?” 

in case you didn’t know – This graph with all the voice actors and the characters they play made the rounds this week.  It’s pretty neat. 

Señor Burns: The Loveable Villain from The Simpsons – Click through for a sweet fan made drawing of Mr. Burns. 

Homer Simpson sports ‘ganja hands’ – Note the “Puff” tattoo on Homer’s thigh. 

Edible Icing Image for Cake – Bart Simpson – Planning on making a birthday cake in New Zealand in the near future?  Consider making it a Bart Simpson birthday cake.

FOX Announces Fall Premiere Dates – Ugh, Season 22 gets its premier date.  Mark your calendars folks, the blissful summer respite from new Zombie Simpsons comes to a crashing halt on Sunday, September 26th.  That’s ten weeks from this Sunday. 

The Big Stein is eating a calzone in heaven. – And finally, the only look back on the life of George Steinbrenner that includes this excellent YouTube of Burns and Don Mattingly:


Quote of the Day

Rhino Hunting

Image used under Creative Commons license from NOAA Photo Library.

“That ugly customer was the last Indonesian Rhino on Earth.” – C.M. Burns
“I didn’t know you liked animals.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh I don’t like everything about them.  Just their heads.” – C.M. Burns


Quote of the Day

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“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?” – Bailiff
“Mmmm, yes I do.” – Marge Simpson
“She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously.” – Lionel Hutz


Synergy Skips to the End

Lackey Monkeys

Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Rose Robinson.

“I’m sorry, but my mother always said if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.” – Marge Simpson
“Will that hold up in court?” – Homer Simpson
“No, I’ve tried it before.” – Lionel Hutz

On previous occasions I have described IGN’s Simpsons reviews as being written in a style known as “corporate fanboy”.  It has the same willful blindness to mediocrity that characterizes fanboy screeds, but there’s an air of discomfort about it that its formality cannot fully conceal.  Case in point, this week’s review of the curling episode.  It is five paragraphs long, the first three of them detail events that occur before the eight minute mark (or what would’ve been the first commercial break if the show still only had three).  The fourth paragraph, a mere 20% of the “review”, breezes through the bulk of the episode (the multiple curling sequences, several of the montages, the Agnes/Skinner melodrama, and the self serving Bob Costas cameo).  The fifth paragraph covers Lisa’s skeletal subplot and pronounces everything awesome.

See what they did there?  Rather than try to praise the horrifyingly thin final 2/3 of the episode they simply skipped it.  A real fanboy would’ve taken the worst parts and lauded them unconditionally (e.g. the comment from Maddox at Simpsons Channel, “I really loved this episode and all of the jokes in it were great!”).  IGN can’t quite bring itself to that level and simply ignores what it doesn’t like hoping that no one will notice.  As always I’ve edited the synergy out of the review.


February 15, 2010 – Often with animation Zombie Simpsons, due to the lengthy production process, it’s tough to be topical. Because of that, The Simpsons Zombie Simpsons usually steers clear of of-the-moment humor references. When a topical reference does get through, it will often bomb, or at the very least date when production on the episode likely took place display how out of touch the show has become. If When they do get topical, they do so in broad, clumsy strokes, like in Sunday night’s "Boy Meets Curl." It was an episode about the Winter Olympics, just days after the opening ceremonies in Vancouver. It was a safe bet the scheduled start date of this major sporting event would not change, and The Simpsons took advantage Zombie Simpsons proved that while it can’t make good television it can read a calendar.

Not that this episode needed to air during the actual Olympics, but it did help add a bit of knowing familiarity to the comedic references of the Canadian-based event desperation to be relevant again. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. The episode began with Marge and Homer separately preparing for a night on the town, though no explanation is offered for why Homer is at the plant. Instead of making it on time, Homer got stuck at work for some reason. This opening act moved fast and had lots of laughs but the time they saved would be spectacularly wasted later. The fact that Homer prepared for date night in the same fashion as Marge was a good chuckle just a taste of the repetition we were in for. Funnier Blander still was their experience at the movie theater. Folks were so loud, Marge couldn’t even hear the ad telling everyone to be quiet (topical called from 2004, by the way). Homer declared, "We came here to enjoy the movie, and we’re going to enjoy the movie," until "starring Ben Affleck" appeared on screen and the couple walked out, right after topical called from 2003.

Homer and Marge made one last effort to salvage the night by stopping by an ice skating rink, only to discover it was closed for a curling plot event. That’s right, curling — the punch line of Olympic sports that didn’t get made fun of here. As it happened, the pair were naturals for some reason. Homer: "This is perfect for both of us. It has bowling for me, sweeping for you." and boredom for the audience.  They were asked to join the Springfield curling team with Agnes and Seymour Skinner, for some other reason. Soon after, they learned they’d be attending Olympic trials, because . . . you know. Two of my favorite the many dull and time eating throwaway bits of the episode soon followed. I found Homer’s image of the Winter Olympics — Santa high diving into a frozen pool with penguins as judges — absurdly funny took a little while. Funnier Longer still was the "Olympic Curly Trials" being held across the street from the curling trials. Anyone familiar with The Three Stooges should have found the Curly sight gags a lot of fun cheap and weak, and Moe ending the bit with his "wise guy" face-slapping was superb wasn’t even funny by the standards of Shemp.

The Olympic and Canadian humor montages of the episode was a lot of fun ate a lot of time, too. Heading to Vancouver, Homer stated, "We’re going to Canada’s warmest city." This was very funny accidentally topical but not funny in the least, especially since the actual Winter Olympics have found it necessary to truck in the snow. This was perhaps the most topical of the references the episode could get right. The Canadian Milhouse ("Milhoose") was fun pointless and derivative, as was Nelson’s "hoo-hoo" laugh. There was also a great montage cameo appearance of the medicine woman from The Simpsons Movie. Agnes Skinner as a former Olympic hopeful was also very funny took way too long and added some depth to her disdain for her own son more convoluted backstory to characters who’ve already been crushed beneath it. It was Seymour’s "involuntary pre-conscious" reflexive fetal kick that cost her the gold medal in third trimester pole vaulting. Adding to the fun topical desperation of this episode was Bob Costas as himself, commentating on the proceedings. His best line came after Marge injured her sweeping arm: "This is the sort of bittersweet melodrama Olympic coverage feeds on. I admit it — we’re vampires who suck on shattered dreams." which could’ve been clever if it wasn’t so hopelessly expository.

The episode was filled out inflated to fill the runtime with a story C-plot surrounding Lisa’s sudden addiction to Olympic pin collecting. This was an entertaining a humorless plot that was at least germane all but unconnected to the rest of the episode. Lisa’s "addiction" reached the point of trading in her pearl necklace for a rare pin. This labored scene set up a great line later in the episode when Bart started to help Lisa break her addiction. After admitting she had given away her pearls, Lisa tearfully declared, "Without my pearls, I’m just a big Maggie." Not surprisingly, Lisa was on her way back to normal by episode’s end, and Marge overcame her injury plot-related-incident to bring home the gold. With or without the timeliness of the story and setting, "Boy Meets Curl" was a fast and funny episode certain to be a highlight of the season hopelessly stretched and painfully unimaginative, even by the sewer level standards of Zombie Simpsons.


Bonus Quote of the Day

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“Please hold on to the hand rail.  Do not spit over the side.” – Voice

Phil Hartman would’ve been 61 today.  Happy birthday.


Quote of the Day

“Calls?  Oh, calls.  Yes, uh, the Supreme Court called again, they need your help on some freedom thing.” – Della
“Tell them to sit tight, I’ll get back to them.” – Lionel Hutz


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