Posts Tagged ‘Dead Putting Society


Quote of the Day

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“Hey Lis, what do you call those guys in chess that don’t matter?” – Bart Simpson
“Well, a blockaded bishop is of little value, but I think you’re referring to a pawn.” – Lisa Simpson
“Right.  I am a pawn.” – Bart Simpson
“Mmm, I know.” – Lisa Simpson


Reading Digest Supplemental: Tournament Links

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Our old friend Nebel was nice enough to remind me on Twitter that I had forgotten to link his best episode ever tournament.  And, he’s not even the only one with an episode tournament I missed this week.  I may need to carve out a special section in Reading Digest while these things go on, but for today here are some links that I should’ve but didn’t include on Friday:

Round 86: The Secret War of Lisa Simpson vs. Homer’s Triple Bypass – The old directors (Silverman, Archer, etc.) really did give the show a distinctive look even beyond the yellow skin.

Round 87: The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular vs. Bart the General – Bart getting his eyeballs dried always looked painful.

Round 88: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? vs. Blood Feud – Always love the story of Hercules and the lion. 

Round 89: Lisa the Beauty Queen vs. Bart Gets Famous – You’ll have to speak up, he’s wearing a towel.

THE BEST EPISODE THINGY THERE EVER WAS ROUND 1 Moaning Lisa vs. Lisa’s Substitute – Great breakdown of “Lisa’s Substitute” here.


Quote of the Day

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“Homer, I couldn’t help overhearing you warp Bart’s mind.” – Marge Simpson
“And?” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

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“The basis of this game seems to be simple geometry.  All you have to do is hit the ball here.” – Lisa Simpson
“I can’t believe it, you’ve actually found a practical use for geometry!” – Bart Simpson


Information Wants to Be Free

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“Lisa, we can’t afford all these books.” – Bart Simpson
“Bart, we’re just gonna borrow them.” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, heh heh, gotcha.” – Bart Simpson

All the chapters of “Zombie Simpsons: How the Best Show Ever Became the Broadcasting Undead” are now on-line.  You can read the whole thing from start to finish for the impressive cost of absolutely nothing.  Of course, if you want to feel really good about yourself as a Simpsons fan, you can still buy it at Amazon for just $2.99.  Just click the purchase button and your brain will release some more endorphins.

Special thanks to everyone who has e-mailed or commented to point out my various mistakes in the text; please let me know if you find more.  Once I’ve got all the known errors corrected, I’ll put up a PDF version as well as a non-Kindle e-reader one.


Quote of the Day

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“Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad, and I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day


“I’m studying for the math fair.  If I win I’ll bring home a brand new protractor.” – Lisa Simpson
“Too bad we don’t live on a farm.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

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“Marge, where’s the Duff?” – Homer Simpson
“We’re all out, Homer.” – Marge Simpson
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson
“Would you like some fruit juice?” – Marge Simpson
“Don’t toy with me, woman.” – Homer Simpson

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Dead Putting Society”!  Original airdate: 15 November 1990.


Quote of the Day

“There’s nothing wrong with crabgrass. It just has a bad name, that’s all. Everyone would love it if it had a cute name like ‘elf grass.'” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

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“Why do I get the feeling that someday I’ll be describing this to a psychiatrist?” – Lisa Simpson


Reading Digest: Insufficient Zealotry Edition

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“Now, this is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders.  Every day, I want you to spend fifteen minutes staring at it, and concentrating on how much you hate him, and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him!”
“Who’s Charlene?” – Bart Simpson
“I’ll show you who Charlene is!” – Homer Simpson

This week we have two links to people who think Zombie Simpsons is much worse than The Simpsons, and yet they cannot quite bring themselves to condemn it.  I find their lack of hate disturbing.  Oh well, it’s nice to have them on board, even a little bit.  We’ve also got a couple of foreign language links, two quotes from the same website, an interview with Harry Shearer, and an interesting look back at “Krusty Gets Busted”. 


Ask Ausiello: Spoilers on ‘House,’ ‘Chuck,’ ’24,’ ‘Supernatural,’ ‘Private Practice,’ and more! – Every time I visit Entertainment Weekly’s website, a little piece of me dies.  Nevertheless, there’s Zombie Simpsons news:

Question: Alyson Hannigan tweeted that she just recorded a role for The Simpsons. Got deets? Is this How I Met Your Mother-related? —Jenny
Ausiello: Nope. When Lisa’s substitute music teacher becomes the latest object of Skinner’s affection, the prince sets up Bart as a distraction for her zany daughter — Hannigan. The episode — titled “Flaming Moe” because the A-plot involves the barkeep and Smithers turning the local pub into a gay bar for non-hunks — will air in January 2011.

Yes, you read all of the above correctly.  Bart’s getting another love interest (probably), the episode title has been stolen from Season 3, and we’re going to get another craptacular gay episode.  American Hero Harvey Fierstein disapproves.  (Thanks to Alex via e-mail.) 

Selma, Paul e i ragazzi del sabato sera – The Simpsons, season 4, episode 13 – This is in Italian, which I do no speak.  But Google Translate did a decent job on it (from what I can tell), and it’s actually quite interesting.  In the Italian translation of “Selma’s Choice”, instead of one of the sperm donors in the catalogue being “one of the Sweathogs” but “not Horshack”, it’s one of the Beatles, but not Paul McCartney.  At least, according to Google Translate. 

Gaurd Your Beer With Style! – Krusty Brand Seal of Approval on this one, it’s a talking Homer that sits in your refrigerator and talks to you when you open it. 

Worn-out welcomes – This is an AV Club discussion of pop culture items you want to end, or wish had ended sooner.  Needless to say, Zombie Simpsons makes the cut:

Man, like most of you, I loved the seasons up until around 10, at which point I completely stopped watching for a while, except for the occasional burst here and there. I reviewed the animation bloc for TV Club last year, which required I get back to regularly watching, and I was shocked to find the show had become something completely different. No, it wasn’t absolutely terrible—I’m not one to think the show’s entire creative well ran dry back in the day—but it definitely felt like something wasn’t right.


People who’d never seen the old episodes probably thought they were hysterical, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that things were better and richer before, and I found it impossible to sit back and enjoy an episode like it was meant to be enjoyed. For the sake of my own sanity, I like to think of The Simpsons as two completely separate, 10-season shows.

It’s nice to know that even people who find Zombie Simpsons tolerable can agree that this new show is a completely different entity than the old one.  (Thanks go to D.N. for the link.)

Salud, Uruguay! – This is an interesting post about one guy’s trip to Uruguay.  It contains a link (which is messed up) to a fantastic YouTube video of Homer’s classic Uruguay joke translated into different languages.  Here it is:

Side note: notice how different the animated openings are for different languages. 

Sad shoes – This is the same quote blog I linked to a couple of weeks ago.  They missed on Grandpa warning Homer about mountaineering, and they got this one wrong too:

“Lisa’s dancing makes my shoes sad.” – Ralph Wiggum, “The Simpsons”

The actual Ralph quote is:

“Lisa’s bad dancing makes my feet sad.”


Snowball – Same site as the above, but this one they nail:

“I had a cat named Snowball … She died! She died! Mom said she was sleeping … She lied! She lied! Why oh why is my cat dead? Couldn’t that Chrysler hit me instead?” – Lisa Simpson, “The Simpsons”

I guess if you’re going to get one wrong and one right, you might as well get the one from Season 3 right instead of the one from Season 11.

The Simpsons Keyboards and Mice Make You Want to Go Doh! – Another Krusty Brand Seal of Approval here.  Meh. 

Simpsons safety reaches Australia after 5 years and at twice the price – I think I’d seen these Simpsons safety posters before, but I’m not sure.  (via Springfield Springfield’s Twitter feed)

Writers and Density – I agree with some of this, but there is one thing I must disagree vehemently with:

There’s now some 457 episodes already written, and that number will probably get about 500 when the show finally ends. Much like M.A.S.H , The Simpsons will no doubt be in reruns until the sun dies and we’re forced to strap rockets to the moon and venture out in search of new planets, but with such a sheer volume of episodes it’s hard to pick out the gold.

In actuality, it’s not the least bit hard to pick out the gold.  If it comes from a double digit season the odds are heavily against you, if it comes from a single digit season the odds are heavily in your favor.  It’s really not that complicated, although the slipshod nature of syndication does cause problems.

No. 12 Burns, C. MontgomeryForbes released its annual pageview grab of the wealthiest fictional characters.  It’s not that interesting. 

Harry Shearer Sings About Goldman Sachs, Santa Claus Bailout – Interview with Harry Shearer about his new album, complete with perfunctory question about when the show will end and equally perfunctory answer about he doesn’t know.

Ford’s Car Of The Future–By Way Of The Simpsons? – Ford has set up a website where you can request that separate, soundproof bubble dome (with optional restrains and muzzles) for the kids. 

Mid Week Mini: Frank Welker – The many voices of Frank Welker, Simpsons included.

Adapted 10/40/70 – The Simpsons, “Krusty Gets Busted” – This is a more detailed animation analysis that I like to get into.  But it does show just how much care and thought used to go into the show.  One suspects that Zombie Simpsons would flunk this kind of test miserably. 

This is how I remember the Lincoln Assassination – It’s pretty much impossible to think about John Wilkes Booth without picturing Bart’s Schwarzenegger-esque interpretation. 

How The Simpsons Interacts With Other Cartoons – Interesting post about how the show treated other animated formats.  As usual, the great majority of the non-stupid stuff comes from the early seasons. 

Top 10 Sarcastic The Simpsons Quotes – Some of these are misquoted, some of them are from Zombie Simpsons.  Bra-vo. 

Seth MacFarlane’s Dirty Teddy Bear Movie – Seth MacFarlane is making a live action movie with a computer animated teddy bear.  Here’s the part I like:

Fox’s Sunday Night plays like a block of stand-up juxtaposed with a really bad short theater piece. 3 MacFarlane shows with interchangable characters against the hollow husk of "The Simpsons," which has long been coasting by with the assumption that Rupert Murdoch won’t cancel the show that made the network.

Tee hee, “hollow husk”. 


Didn’t This Show Used to Have Jokes?

Postcards from the Wedge

“Okay Bart, this is the card catalog.  Let’s see . . . golf, anecdotes, Eisenhower and, profession, humor, Japanese obsession with, ah, here it is: putting.” – Lisa Simpson

I just saw the image above over on Simpsons Channel.  For now, just ignore the fact that Bart has a TV in his room even though he doesn’t have amoria phlebitis, notice anything else? Look at the very prominent titles on the spines of the books.  Not one of them is a joke.  Not a single one is even an attempt at a joke, they’re all just straight up titles like “Geography” and “Spelling”.  And yes, there are three (3) books titled “Encyclopedia”.  So not only did they not bother to come up with something funny, they couldn’t even come up with enough straight book titles. 

If ever there was crystal clear evidence of the lack of creativity behind Zombie Simpsons, it’s right there in that stack of books.


Quote of the Day


Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Ely80.

“Here’s a tasty little lager that came all the way from Holland.” – Ned Flanders
“Well, beggars can’t be choosy.” – Homer Simpson


Synergy Outdoes Itself

“It’s times like this that I’m thankful Dad has little to no interest in almost everything I do.” – Lisa Simpson

Compared with the Fox Network, IGN is a tiny dingleberry on Rupert Murdoch’s ass, so I expect some sycophancy.  But this week’s IGN Simpsons review is truly a stunner.  Not only does it ignore the B plot completely (again), but it uses the word “wretchedly” in reference to something other than the show.  Bravo.  

As per usual, I’ve edited the synergy right out of it.  Enjoy:

April 27, 2009 – It’s surprising that The Simpsons has never used the title “Father Knows Worst” before this, after all, they’ve been doing episodes like this for a long time. Homer is not known for his competent parenting, and but this episode seems like a very easy pun didn’t involve ‘parenting’ so much as it did ‘wacky shenanigans’. But no. It’s taken 20 seasons to come across an episode where “Father Knows Worst” would fit. And it’s funny, because in this episode, Homer was actually making things better… to a point.

The path taken in the opening minutes to reach the main plot were delightfully odd and very funny was, sadly, a preview of the thoughtless pratfalls in store. The “truth in boardwalking law” offered up a number of great mediocre lines that were still better than what was to come as Homer, Bart and Lisa strolled along the Springfield Squidport. “Fried dough! America’s worst legal food! Never leaves your body!” and “Shoot an oversized basketball into an undersized hoop! It’s impossible!” were my favorites undercooked, but not inherently retarded. Also at the Squidport, Then, because being even mildly clever is antithetical to Zombie Simpsons, Homer goes on a kabob binge, which mistakenly stupidly included a fire kabob torch. Bart made things worse kept this going a while longer by offering up lighter fluid instead of water, which led to a tacked on, Mario style, fireball laden ‘action’ sequence. This led to Homer’s taste buds being burned off and replaced by new, highly sensitive taste buds, for some reason.

There was nothing Homer could eat without being wretchedly overwhelmed, until he discovered elementary school cafeteria food, for some other reason. So Springfield Elementary’s cafeteria became Homer’s new hang out, becuase . . . yeah. While there he met some kid named Noah and his mother, a self-described “helicopter parent” who hovers around her child to make sure he does well. Having explained the joke before even trying to use it, the writers had Homer took take to the idea, especially after seeing the Bart was a loser and that Lisa had no friends Bart and Lisa act exactly as they always do, and began interfering with filling the pair’s school lives with wacky antics even the Family Guy Manatees would be ashamed of.

At first, this was working This went immediately to shit. He was able to help Bart decide on a balsa wood project for class by expositing needlessly on some posters, and he was able to make Lisa popular with the snobby girls of her class, because we said so. For Lisa, Homer got the book “Chicks With Cliques” to learn all the latest techniques for getting into a clique. The strategies — Unsults, Envytations, Hate Hugs — were kinda funny when they were in ‘Mean Girls’ five years ago, and altogether too close to reality. Then, to drive home the point that once Zombie Simpsons thinks it has found something funny it will cram it into any situation no matter how inapplicable, Tthe Toledo Takeback sent Moe running away in tears.

Bart, too, was enjoying the positive effects of playing an ineffective straight man to Homer’s meddling. Even after his father accidentally trashed their model of Westminster Abbey for no reason other than time induced plot resolution, Bart nearly won the contest because his most resembled a project completed with no help from the parent.  (I’m Idaho.)  But even with victory close at hand, Bart, completely out of character, had to admit what was happening and ask that all the parents give their children some space, because Zombie Simpsons thought it had been ‘funny’ long enough and felt the need to lecutre us. Lisa, too, though popular, found it too hard to be so shallow wrapped up her plot with a moralizing, humor free monologue. So Homer gave them their space and realized the episode was over and summed up the entire ordeal with this sorrowfully delivered, instantly classic, hilarious line a final piece of comedyless exposition: “I tried to fix the kids’ lives, but instead I led them to rich and rewarding personal decisions of their own.”

Even though I knew it would be bad, I enjoyed “Father Knows Worst” quite a bit managed to disappoint. The main story was entertaining an excuse for weak slapstick and social criticism so tepid I hesitate to use the words, and the random jokes throughout the episode added to the quality. The aforementioned Squidport scene was great did nothing to prepare us for the parade of shit in store. I also loved noticed the randomness clock eating of Groundskeeper Willie sweeping kids into their classrooms, the old comedy writers working in the cafeteria, the reference to Project Runway (“Kenny, he said your show.” “Oh, I watched it once.”) and Homer’s dream at the abbey (“Anne of Cleves?!”). This is Zombie Simpsons at its most vile: when in doubt, fill time with pointless digressions, preferably ones that make no sense and aren’t funny.  All in all, it’s tough to way too easy to complain when the story is solid obvious and self-serving and the jokes are funny repetitive and stupid.


Quote of the Day

“I can’t believe it, you’ve actually found a practical use for geometry.” – Bart Simpson


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