Posts Tagged ‘Flaming Moe’s


Quote of the Day

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“Hey, what’s this?” – Barney Gumble
“A sneeze guard.” – Moe
“Achoo!  Wow, it really works.” – Barney Gumble


Quote of the Day

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“Now, remember, Wanda, whatever shape the wax takes, that’s what your husband’s job will be.” – Janie
“It’s a mop, my husband will be a janitor.” – Wanda
“That looks like an Olympic torch to me, your husband could be an Olympic athlete who will go on to have a great acting career!” – Lisa Simpson
“It’s a dustpan.” – Wanda
“The wax never lies.” – Lisa Simpson


Quote of the Day

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“What’s the matter, Moe?” – Homer Simpson
“Ah, business is slow.  People today are healthier and drinking less.  You know, if it wasn’t for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.” – Moe
“Yeah, things are tough all over.” – Homer Simpson
“Increased job satisfaction and family togetherness are poison for a purveyor of mind numbing intoxicants like myself.” – Moe


Quote of the Day

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“My name’s Harv Bannister, I work for Tipsy McStagger’s Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium.” – Harv Bannister
“Oh, yeah?  Hey, what’s Mr. McStagger really like?” – Moe
“Actually there is no Tipsy McStagger, he’s just a composite of other successful logos.” – Harv Bannister
“Well, you tell him from me that he makes one great mozzarella stick.” – Moe
“Yes, fine, I will.” – Harv Bannister


More of a Good Thing

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All these years later, people still love watching The Simpsons.  I’m not internet-omniscient or anything, so I don’t actually know if this is more or less prevalent than for any other old television program, but earlier this week I came across another blog dedicated to rewatching the show.  (500) Days of Homer popped up one week ago, and is currently through the first five episodes.  The about page explains:

The idea was born while I was reading countless articles about the huge 500-episode milestone that The Simpsons is hitting. As I read, I realized that I’d only seen maybe a handful of those episodes. Being a person that lives for pop culture, this was a criminal oversight that I needed to fix.

So, in a typical over-reaction, I declared that I’d watch the entire series, from the beginning, one episode a day. I’d then write about each episode, every single day, until I was caught up with the show. Conveniently, the quest will take about 500 days, give or take however many new episodes air between now and July 2013. This is by far the stupidest thing I’ve gotten myself into, but I plan on going through with it. I may soon hate myself for giving myself at least 500 writing assignments, but hopefully I’ll truly understand one of the most important pieces of American culture by the end.

I’d strongly recommend tapering off around Season 10 or so, you can skip around from there and not miss much of anything, but this is the internet and everyone gets to do what they want.  So far though, this one is going very well.  From the post on “There’s No Disgrace Like Home”:

Perhaps that’s why, even more than its live-action counterparts, The Simpsons hit a nerve that revealed deep insecurities in the population. Despite the creative team not quite knowing its characters completely (this episode is full of strange character work—Marge being drunk, Mr. Burns welcoming his workers, Homer being embarrassed by everyone else), they put honesty over consistency. Without that prioritization, the show would have never become what we know it as.

It would have just been another cartoon.

Indeed.  The honesty of Season 1 is one of its most durable features.  Good luck, Hunter Phillips, I hope you keep it up.

On another “watch them all” blog, our old friend Mike Amato has gotten to “The Principal and the Pauper”.  I would like to heartily agree with all of this:

I can sort of understand what they’re going for in the third act. We see the real Skinner in action, and he’s just out of touch enough with the rest of the characters that they’d feel uneasy about him and want the old Skinner back. But what did he do so wrong? As a man who was a POW for decades, he took mild offense to Bart’s warped version of the pledge. And he borrows his mother’s car. We gotta get this guy the fuck out of here; I guess that’s the point, that the characters are quick to act to get rid of this mild shake-up in their daily lives. The whole story is just so bloated and large that the final act feels so rushed and rash.

Exactly.  They had to cut so many corners to cram that story in to twenty-two minutes that not only was there hardly any room for humor, there wasn’t even enough time to make it work.  Continuing:

Now I can’t besmirch Keeler; the man’s written some of the best episodes of Futurama, so he’s pretty skilled with a pen. But I will say if the aim here was to make a meta episode, they certainly kept it to themselves. Everything in the episode is handled so seriously, with dramatic music cues and scenes of serious dialogue. There’s no real wink to the audience; call back to “Poochie” where Roy shows up to spice up the show, but there’s nothing like that here.

Again, those are exactly my sentiments.  I can see how that originated as a way to mock the audience for taking a cartoon character too seriously, but they just didn’t have time to get that idea into the episode. 

Read Mike’s whole post, and check out (500) Days of Homer.  While we’re at it, maybe we can even get Drunk Rambles going again.  Mark left off with “Life On the Fast Lane” and hasn’t updated in a while, but he did a great job of illustrating his points with screen grabs, and it’d be cool if he kept going. 


Sensitive Moe Was the Least of Our Problems

Chalkboard - Moe Goes from Rags to Riches

“The Flaming Moe dates back to my forefathers who were bartenders to the Tsar.” – Moe  

Whatever else may be said about it, and we’ll likely be saying a lot this week, “Moe Goes from Rags to Riches” is further evidence of why there’s no hope whatsoever for Zombie Simpsons ever getting any better.  It had a Halloween episode level of weirdness, gore, and insane things (Moe is apparently a yeti, for example), but still couldn’t manage to squeeze out anything satirical or intelligent despite not having any rules to play by.  It had a celebrity playing someone other than himself, but didn’t have him do much of anything and didn’t give him any meaningful lines.  It had a B-plot in which Bart and Milhouse could have been just regular kids, but instead had them acting in that same weird, knowing, painfully self aware manner that Lenny and Carl do nowadays.  They gave themselves a completely blank canvas with no restrictions on story, character, believability, setting, or even time, and still fell back on things like Homer’s head being used to break down a stone wall, people beating Burns’ corpse with sticks, and multiple beheadings.  Oh, and there was a talking sponge.  This is the show now.

The magical narration tapestry/rag/respected character actor was theoretically the common element, but it didn’t have anything to do with about half the things that happened.  No explanation was given for how it got from place to place, it was hardly involved in a number of those sketches, and the entire thing with Nelson and his many wives didn’t involve it in any way.  The rag may speak in the dignified tones  of Jeremy’s Iron, but it didn’t have anything to say other than to complain.  The entire “history already written on the tapestry” thing was dropped completely midway through the episode, as was the curse of the sheep or whatever that origin thing was.  Confusingly, some segments had regular Springfield characters (Homer ended up as a peasant, a Viking, and a mountain climber) while others seemed to involve just random dudes. 

Making the entire thing even more bizarre was the way the Bart-Milhouse story apparently happened while the rag was narrating.  It wrapped up at the same time that Moe got the rag back from Marge, which means that Bart freaked out about Milhouse (and had Lisa write him a poem or whatever) all in a single night.  If that’s the case, then why did the two plots have nothing to do with one another?  It’s one thing to abandon Springfield for an episode of historical sketches, but to keep yanking us back there every few minutes for some more creepy passive aggressive conversation between Bart and Milhouse just made it even more sloppy and scatterbrained than it already was. 

Anyway, the numbers are in and they are lower and grimier than the floor at Moe’s.  Last night’s incoherent history essay was yawned through by a mere 5.12 million people.  That’s just a hair above three weeks ago and is good for fourth place on the all time lowest rated list.  Season 23 remains on track to be the least watched ever by a fair margin. 


Quote of the Day

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“Tonight, we salute the silver anniversary of the great Springfield Tire Yard Fire, twenty-five years and still burning strong!” – Kent Brockman

Happy 20th anniversary to “Flaming Moe’s”!  Original airdate 21 November 1991.


Reading Digest: Harry Shearer in Japan Is Only Part of the Awesome Edition

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With the pall of Season 22 lifting from across the pop culture landscape, the internet was in a generous mood this week; there are many spectacular things below.  First and foremost are three, count ’em three, different bloggers who’ve had it with Zombie Simpsons thanks to their embarrassingly cheap cliffhanger ending.  (And, for the record, I didn’t find anyone feeling the opposite.)  There’s also Harry Shearer in an awesome six minute YouTube video that could be titled “Kent Brockman Goes to Japan”.  All by itself that would be a pretty nice haul, but on top of that there’s several links to cool fan made stuff, including to some of the embroidery we were promised last week, two genuinely nauseating pieces of crappy merchandise, plus an original rendition of the theme song.  And I haven’t even gotten to the Click of the Week yet. 

But first, a funny thing happened on Twitter yesterday.  Jenkins7777, a brand new account with zero followers, three tweets, and not following anyone, got James L. Brooks to call him a “shithead”, then not apologize.  Brooks originally tweeted this:

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To which Jenkins7777 replied:

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At this point, things get a little confusing, because I think Brooks deleted a tweet.  Here’s the next message in the stream, also from Jenkins7777:

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Brooks then replies with a non-apology apology for what I assume is the deleted tweet:

Brooks Tweet2

Giggle.  Like I said, some weeks the internet just gives and gives, and thanks to Jenkins7777, both for doing this and for letting us know about it. 

On a slightly more substantive topic, what are the two Simpsons things Brooks is nervous/excited about?  If we assume one of them is the execrable on-line voting for their summer cliffhanger, I think I may have found the other one below.  Though at this point figuring out all of horrible things the Simpsons franchise is into is harder than finding all of Voldemort’s Horcruxes, so who knows?  Let’s just hope it’s not another movie.  On to the links!

[Edited to add: Don’t forget to vote for your choice of season for tomorrow’s marathon.  Right now Season 3 is in the lead, but Season 7’s awfully close.]

The Simpsons: 5 Million Viewers, Who Sit in Silence – Smooth Charlie’s Click of the Week comes from our friends at Stay Tooned In, who posit the inverse of Zombie Simpsons, Simpsons Zombies:

You’re watching “The Simpsons”. You sit mindlessly in front of the TV for 30 minutes, during which you don’t have a single laugh of out loud moment. Sound familiar? That’s because you have become a Simpsons Zombie. Yes it’s An Epidemic, effecting at least 5 Million people WorldWide

It’s like a public health warning, but fun.  

The Simpsons Theme Song played on a Musical Saw – Awesome:


Simpsons Iced Ring D’oh Nuts – The harrowing tale of what happens when crappy donuts get the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval.  A small sample:

The Sainsbury’s label says that the donuts are “unsuitable for vegetarians?” I am not a vegetarian, but what the hell is in these? What is Flour Treatment Agent?


EA preparing Simpsons Facebook game – James L. Brooks noted two Simpsons projects, might this be one of them?  Except for a September (i.e. start of new season) release date, there isn’t much information in the article beyond the headline (via). 

Five weird Harry Shearer roles – I knew Shearer had been a child actor, I didn’t know he was in the pilot for Leave It to Beaver.  Of greatest interest here is #5, the small role he had in 1998’s utterly forgettable Godzilla remake.  The reason is that there’s a YouTube of him, in Japan, basically doing Kent Brockman and reporting on the original Godzilla movie.  Sample:

I met with some members of the old guard to find out what it was like in earlier times, when life was simple and the world was free of giant creatures mutated by radiation. 


Temple of the Fish God, huh?  Does that mean the . . . is the fish a god, or is it a god that fish pray to?

Best YouTube I’ve seen all week. 

The Simpsons Duff Beer Can Mints – It must really kill the marketing people.  Here they have a fake beer with all the name recognition in the world, but they can’t use it to actually sell alcohol even though it would make millions, so they have to slap the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval on things that look like Duff beer but aren’t. 

Oprah’s Last Show…In 10 Words – I doubt very much we’ve seen the last of Ms. Winfrey, but anything that reduces screen time for exploitative charlatans like Jenny McCarthy, Dr. Phil, and the con artists behind the transparently stupid “The Secret” is fine by me. 

Dune…In 10 Words – Shai-Hulud and “Fear of Flying”, I did not see that one coming.

Jets or bust? Really? – NHL hockey is coming back to Winnipeg, and a local columnist wrote this:

Heck, all this good fortune headed our way was even timed to coincide with a long weekend that, to this point, hasn’t been interrupted by the rapture. In other words, this might be the best week in the city’s history since that time it was featured on an episode of The Simpsons.

Excellent reference.

Simpsons Video of the Week: I’m Smarter Than the Devil – “I’ll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson!”

We Don’t Sleep At Night – Cool street art with Wiggum, Willie and some other characters. 

How Far We Go – From the same site as the above, more of what looks like the same wall.  These are great. 

the simpsons embroidery project – Remember last week when we had that new blog that was going to do Simpsons embroidery?  Well, here’s the first installment.  I love the one of Homer doing his thinking dance from “Homer the Vigilante”. 

Season 14 Boxart Revealed – If you’re curious about what the Season 14 DVDs you probably won’t be buying will look like, our friends at Everything Simpsons have you covered.

Welcome to the Crapture – A companion and watch list of what you’d do if you knew the world was going to end, including two episodes from Season 7 and a shaky cam YouTube of the filmstrip from “Lisa the Vegetarian”. 

“Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.” -Homer Simpson – I very much admire Freakoutville’s attention to quote accuracy. 

Matt Groening Leaves Coppelia a Present; $20 Burger and Oyster Deal in Jersey – Signed comment card for a Cuban diner in New York. 

Slaughterhouse 5 – Continuing last week’s theme of famous novels I have never read:

It is one of those books that manages to combine staggering writing, interesting premise and laugh out loud hilarity.

For me, it is probably like a prose version of The Simpsons, in that each time I read it, I get something new from it.

The Simpsons lack-of-a-finale. – And finally, I get to end the way I like.  But instead of one link to people who agree with us, there are three.  These guys are actually pretty generous to Zombie Simpsons:

While I will certainly admit that the show has been steadily declining in humor and originality, it has still been entertaining enough that I do not disagree with FOX continuing to renew it.

And yet:

They’re clearly putting more effort into it than a normal episode, but nowhere near enough to make it something that we will remember for the premier.  (I’m sure I will have an “Oh, yeah, that was happening” moment when I see them running the promos in the fall.)

Exactly my point from yesterday.

The Simpsons- WORST EPISODE EVER. – The cliffhanger was just too much:

For many years I have been in denial. I have been standing behind this show in much the way that Marge stands behind Homer through all of his idiocy. But just as we learned in The Simpsons movie, everyone has her breaking point. For me this stale, uncreative, desperate attempt at a buzz-generating (for lack of a better term- thanks for nothing finale is my breaking point.

I’m sorry. I can’t do it anymore. Please don’t hate me; I’ll always love you. But I am breaking up with you The Simpsons. Believe me, this is harder for me than it is for you. But, I’m tired of the disappointment.

It’s a liberating moment once you realize you don’t have to pretend the show is still good. 

The Simpsons. Fucking Again. – And one more:

I can’t do this Ned & Edna thing. The screenshot on Hulu was enough for me to finally put it down and say no more. There are a lot of things I can deal with. I can deal with you telling me that Homer and Marge had these amazing college years that we know they didn’t have. I can deal with you telling me that Lisa fell for Milhouse, cos nerd love kind of makes sense….but…

Ned Flanders and the bitterest and most cynical of all the elementary teachers in existence? No. Just no. I’m not going to watch it and fuck you, Simpson’s writers for thinking I will.

Preach it! 


Quote of the Day

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“Barkeep, I couldn’t help noticing your sign.” – Not Shelly Long
“The one that says ‘Bartenders Do It ’Til You Barf’?” – Moe
“No, above that store bought drollery.” – Not Shelly Long

Happy birthday Jo Ann Harris!


Reading Digest: Bottom of the List Edition

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“Your name’s not on the list.” – Bernard the Bouncer
“I didn’t even tell you my name.” – Homer Simpson
“Okay, what’s your name?” – Bernard the Bouncer
“Homer Simpson.” – Homer Simpson
“Not on the list.” – Bernard the Bouncer

There’s quite a few lists with Simpsons stuff on them this week.  Unusually, the show tended to come in closer to the bottom than the top.  In another coincidence, we’ve got more than the usual number of people who don’t like Zombie Simpsons.  There’s also the more typical assortment of random stuff, including a drawing of that sun blocking machine, a bank on bank lawsuit, a great old sweatshirt, a very non-geek television guide that has a low opinion of Zombie Simpsons, an awesome quote from Kevin Nealon, and lots of excellent usage.


Next Stop For The Simpsons: Forest Hills – Forest Hills, NY Patch – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is more pictures of that awesome Springfield replica from last week.  I can’t wait to see the whole thing.  Unfortunately, according to The New York Daily News, the unveiling is going to be a “private party”.  But there’s hope yet:

McCoy said he hopes his quirky labor of love will eventually find its way into an art gallery or museum.

"I would love for it to be somewhere open to the public," he said. "It can only be in my living room for so long."

DVD Rewatch Thoughts: The Simpsons: The Complete First Season – A thoughtful review of Season 1 from a guy who pays attention to all the little details.  Well worth a read.  

10 Films Spoofed by Itchy and Scratchy – Great list, and no Zombie Simpsons. 

Greatest ’80s TV Catchphrases, From ‘Cheers’ to ‘Ninja Turtles’ – Exactly what it says, lots of YouTube here, including Bart’s first word. 

There’s a swingin’ bank I know called…Capital City – It’s nice to know that a trademark fight between banks can be used to reference The Simpsons.  Excellent usage. 

Top 10 TV Theme Songs – Simpsons check in all the way down at #10 here. 

Making their appeal to the listeners – Excellent usage:

THERE IS A scene in The Simpsons where the cartoon family, driving through the backwoods, decide to get a flavour of the region “through the magic of AM radio”, a shorthand for talk radio. They scan through the stations only for every DJ to riff on the same theme, “the seven signs of evil” as foretold by the Book of Revelations. Visitors to Ireland seeking to absorb the local culture would have had a similarly disconcerting experience last week.

The Simpsons Already Did It Of The Day – We mentioned that Qatar World Cup sun blocking thing last week, but this has an artist’s conception of what the things would actually look like.  I was disappointed when the U.S. didn’t get the 2022 tournament, but if that drawing is even the least bit accurate . . . the existence of those things in real life will almost make up for it. 

Family guy, from humble beginnings – This is more about Family Guy than The Simpsons, though he does point out that the show has declined.  Really I’m linking it because titling your reality based website “Answers in Genius” is a fantastic way to make fun of those Young Earth nuts at “Answers in Genesis”. 

When Bad Songs Happen To Good Bands #5 – A look back at some of the lesser work of the Beach Boys.  I didn’t know they once thought about doing a duet with Bart Simpson. 

Endorphins – Excellent usage, with pictures.

Reactions to the Comedy Awards – I really don’t think the world needs another awards show, but I did like this:

If this year’s show is more geared toward lifetime achievement, why is Whitney Cummings nominated for Best Stand-Up Special? If its not, then “The Simpsons” getting a nod in Best Animated Series over the lesser-known but way funnier “Ugly Americans” is abysmal.

Agreed.  I was glad to see Ugly Americans is getting a second season. 

For once, it’s not the cane toad’s day – Queensland is going all “Whacking Day” on invasive toads:

In the 1993 episode, Springfield is awash with excitement ahead of the annual "whacking day" – in which residents are called upon to beat as many snakes to death as possible – before Bart and Lisa, with the help of Barry White, give the town a lesson in animal rights.

But there’s no "whacking" involved in "Toad Day Out" – or at least the infamous practice of attacking cane toads with golf clubs isn’t sanctioned by organisers.

The event, which will take place this weekend, goes like this.

Residents are encouraged to go out on Saturday night and capture, alive, as many toads as possible.

On Sunday they can bring their catch into one of three sites – this year events are being held in Cairns, Townsville and Charters Towers – where experts check the haul to ensure no native frogs have accidentally been brought in.

The toads are then euthanased, humanely, by being put in a freezer, the method advocated by the RSPCA.

Bart Simpson Sweatshirt – A very old Bart sweatshirt for sale.  It has that very early 90s feel to it.

Family TV Guide: ‘The Simpsons’ – This is a guide to whether or not parents can let their kids watch certain shows.  You don’t need to read the whole thing, I just thought this was funny:

Though he’s been toned down since his introduction in the late ’80s, Bart Simpson is still a troublemaker at heart.

Even the people who write ultra-conservative family entertainment guides know that Zombie Simpsons is weak sauce. 

How Cartoons Characters look like in their College Years – Rosie sitting on Optimus Prime’s lap and Bart with the Adderall are the highlights here. 

6 Become a Millionaire Tips, from the Richest Cartoon Characters – Our second link to Stay Tooned In this week has helpful advice from the likes of Wile E. Coyote and Mr. Burns. 

Daaaaaaaaryl! Daaaaaaaaryl! | of sound minds – Baseball started this week, and to celebrate here’s YouTube of everyone’s favorite song about softball. 

Comedian Kevin Nealon, performing at Suncoast, staying active on courts, fairways – Oh Kevin, I always liked you:

"A friend of mine writes for ‘The Simpsons,’ " he says. "I said, ‘Do you guys ever repeat stories or ideas?’ He goes, ‘Oh yeah, we just camouflage it a little bit.’ "

Omg, that’s so wrong O_O – It’s Homer Griffin and Peter Simpson, or something.

Elizabeth Taylor: ‘Simpsons’ exec producer Al Jean remembers the film legend’s one-word turn as baby Maggie – Pretty much what it says.  And David Silverman apparently has very pretty eyes.

FOX to Rebroadcast Elizabeth Taylor’s "Simpsons" Episode This Sunday – Good on FOX.  Also, no Zombie Simpsons this week.  Hooray!  (via)

The Simpsons’ Nuclear Jokes Edited in Germany – This is funny:

Reacting to the real-life nuclear disaster unfolding in Japan, Pro7, the channel that airs The Simpsons in Germany, will be screening current and future episodes of the show and remove or replace any that feature a disaster at Mr. Burns’ nuclear power plant. Berlin’s Tagesspiegel newspaper reports that networks in Austria and Switzerland have followed suit.

Austria’s ORF has already pulled two episodes set to broadcast:  Episode 66, Marge Gets a Job, which features scientists Marie Curie and Pierre Curie dying of radiation poisoning; and Episode 346, On a Clear Day I Can’t See My Sister, in which characters joke about a nuclear meltdown. Tagesspeigel says ORF has held back eight Simpsons episodes until the end of April, when it will review its Springfield disaster policy.

So far, neither Pro7 nor Swiss network SF have pulled any Simpsons episodes but both channels say they are screening shows for "unsuitable" references to nuclear disaster.

I can understand pulling an unaired episode if something too similar happens in real life.  Drawn Together shelved an episode where Captain Hero gets crippled for a year because it was scheduled to air shortly after Christopher Reeve died.  But going back and either editing or not airing reruns?  That’s doing something for the sake of doing something.  Do everyone a favor and don’t.  The people of Japan have bigger things to worry about than syndicated foreign television. 

Graffiti artists mix rebellion and beauty – Multiple somebodies have been spray painting the word “moms” all over Ashville, North Carolina.  Here’s the story as seen through the lens of El Barto. 

Learning from the masters: Charles Schulz « Alec Nevala-Lee – And finally, I get to end the way I like.  Not only does he agree with us, he’s written a wonderful discussion of Peanuts that contains this:

Not until The Simpsons—which, we’re told, owed much of its early popularity to “all the pretty colors”—was a work of art so ubiquitous and so misunderstood. And both cases speak to the universality of master craftsmanship. For Peanuts and The Simpsons alike, there’s no clear line dividing the popular from the sublime: it’s one seamless work of art. 

As with The Simpsons, there’s no denying that Peanuts underwent a decline in its final years, and in particular was never the same after the mid-1980s.

Well put. 


Quote of the Day

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“Take it easy Homer, I learned how to make other drinks at bartender school.  Gin and . . . tonic?  Do they mix?” – Moe


Quote of the Day

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“Moe, I haven’t seen the place this crowded since the government cracked down on you for accepting food stamps.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Cough Syrup

Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user Travis S.

“Brace yourselves gentlemen, according to the gas chromatograph the secret ingredient is . . . love?!  Who’s been screwing with this thing?” – Professor Frink


Reading Digest: Lots of Excellent Usage Edition


“I’m sorry Mrs. Simpson but you can’t copyright a drink.” – Lionel Hutz
“Ohhh.” – Homer Simpson
“This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of ‘78.  How bout that?  I looked something up!  These books behind me don’t just make the office look good, they’re filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!” – Lionel Hutz

Wallbanger image via Wikipedia.


What can I say?  There’s no bigger chunk of this week’s edition than repeated excellent usage (with dead on citation).  There’s also a couple of crappy lists, a lamp that will never be, some printable Simpsons coloring images, and a video that has Simpsons newspaper headlines.  Let’s get right to the excellence. 


Tremendous Tom’s Top 10 Episodes of The Simpsons! – There’s only one episode from a single digit season (“Homer the Great”, though it is at #1).  Worst top ten list ever?  Worst top ten list ever.

THE SIMPSONS INTERACTIVE TOWN HALL MAYOR QUIMBY / 2000 – Krusty Brand Seal of Approval alert.  This appears to be little more than a talking Quimby doll. 

Simpsons in Avatar, pt. 2 – Last week we had the guy who matched Simpsons with “Avatar: The Last Airbender”.  Here’s part 2. 

The destructive path of ego-driven leadership – Quoting Burns’ business advice as an example of what not to do.  Excellent usage.

Homer Lamp – This is a website of neat ideas that, for whatever reason, will never come to fruition.  Here is an awesome idea for a Homer lamp:

A modifed version of the Homing Lamp, the Homer Lamp has a round, yellow lampshade over the top, and whenever it bumps into something, it cries out "D’oh!". It also uses an advanced object recognition software to detect such things as beer, pie, nachos, and Halfbakery Add-an-idea pages. Upon detecting the presence of the first three, it says "Mmm…. [insert subject matter]…." in the voice of Homer Simpson. Upon detecting the presence of the latter object mentioned above, it says "Now remember, in this house, we obey the laaawwws of thermodynamics." in a helpful, cheerful tone.

Yes, I like this site and this idea.

Invictus (Theatrical) – I’ve not seen “Invictus”, nor read the book upon which it’s based, but this is funny:

Mandela´s support of the Springboks is perceptive and controversial; he has to use his inspirational oratory skills to convince an angry committee not to advocate for the disbandment of the team. But as far as a plan goes, "Win the World Cup" echoes the "Simpsons" episode in which manager Mr. Burns cagily instructs slugger Darryl Strawberry to "hit a home run."

Yet more excellent usage.

get this, they call me slow – Linked for two reasons: I always liked that Fry picture and it’s a nice WordPress theme.

Reviews: The Simpsons Season Five and Fringe Season One – Tell it, brother:

This is the peak, the absolute pinnacle of one of the greatest television shows ever produced. Sure, it might have declined in recent years (and not-so-recent; the last good season was nearly a decade ago) but The Simpsons was animated comedy perfection for most of the nineties.


Making a Name for Himself, With Just 3 LettersNew York Times article about a real life El Barto. 

Keepalive: Back to No Gaming – This guy plays a lot of video games and is disappointed in the relative lack of quality.  Which leads him to:

But part of it’s that I’m just too old for all the little disappointments that come with most games. Their shortcomings are so obvious there’s no way QA missed them. They fail to learn from previous titles. Some overreach. Some play it safe. So many developers aren’t competent to develop for PC anymore (or farm the PC versions of their games out to incompetents). Nothing’s worth playing until the patch comes out.

"The good Lord lets us grow old for a reason: to gain the wisdom to find fault with everything He’s made." – Abe ‘Grandpa’ Simpson

"Dad, I love you…but you’re a weird, sore-headed old crank, and nobody likes you." – Homer Simpson

A little from column A and a little from column B.

Triple excellent usage, including at the end there. 

Santa’s Little Helper – Inspired by “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” this woman took a picture of her real life greyhound and put it on a bunch of homemade stuff.  Cool. 

mom & grandma find a wig shop – Apparently the internet will never run out of new pictures of people dressed as Marge Simpson (scroll down at the link) and I will never tire of posting them.  Awesome. 

Two Links of Interests – The first is just an image of the Simpsonized Link from Springfield Punx.  The second is a sweet YouTube video.  I didn’t need any further convincing that we landed on the moon, but it’s cool to see the video with physics equations like that. 

Maggie Simpson Coloring Page – This is a printable outline drawing of Maggie so you or your kids can color her in with yellow eyeballs, purple skin and what have you.

Bart Simpson Coloring Page – See above.

Speak Out 12/10/09 – This is from a 77-year-old complaining about various things.  Here’s the good part:

WHEN my son was little, I would watch TV with him. I watched "The Simpsons" and thought, "This isn’t nice. This is kids being rude to their parents and parents doing weird things." I quit letting my son watch that. The Muppets were about all he could watch. Parents should check what their children are seeing on television and get them away from the television. They need exercise.

Teacher.  Mother.  Secret lover.

Flores para los muertos – Tennessee Williams “A Streetcar Named Desire” has been revived in Brooklyn with Cate Blanchett playing the Marge Simpson role.  This review gives it about the most glowing praise I can think of:

But the true test of how good this production is? I didn’t think of Marge Simpson once. Which is like hearing "The William Tell Overture" and not thinking of The Lone Ranger.


Live Theatrical Performance of L. Ron Hubbard’s Humorous Science Fiction Story ‘The Automagic Horse’ Announced – Nancy Cartwright and some other people will be putting this on in Hollywood on December 19th.

The 10 Best Political Chalkboard Gags from ‘The Simpsons’ – Meh.

LAPD To Get New Hires After All – It seems Los Angeles is having budget problems just like everyone else.  The LAPD was told it couldn’t hire new cops because there was no money.  After people complained the City Council told them to go ahead and hire the cadets, but pay for it your own damn selves.  That prompted this piece of excellent usage:

When Homer Simpson ran for sanitation commissioner of Springfield, he came up with the slogan, "Can’t Someone Else Do It?" We think it’s apt in L.A. too.

The Odyssey of Homer Simpson – This is a song loosely based off of The Odyssey but with Homer Simpson in place of Odysseus.  You can listen to it on that page or download an mp3.  Best lyric:

Well the sirens make his senses tingle;
By singing and singing the Duff beer jingle.

Tee hee.

The Simpsons Back Tattoo – Sweet.  Click for picture.

MUGEN: Homer Simpson Meets World of Warcraft – This is Homer fighting two characters from World of Warcraft in a 2D fighting game style.  It’s kinda boring but I did chuckle at the end when he vanquished the Orc Warrior (spoiler!) and did the “I Am Evil Homer” dance.

A Wrap-Up Of The Third & Final McChrystal/Eikenberry Hearing – Even if you’re a reporter covering Capitol Hill I don’t think you’re supposed to watch the entirety of a Congressional hearing.  Even in small doses it’s bad for your sanity.  Still, this is very good usage:

Like Homer Simpson after eating 64 slices of individually wrapped American cheese, I think I’m blind.

Toss Snowballs at Homer Simpson, Fringe Stars – FOX has a stupid little flash game up where you can throw snowballs at their characters.  It’s bad.  I didn’t make it more than ten seconds before I got bored and turned it off. 

newspaper headlines from the simpsons – And finally, how about a little long form YouTube?   This video is just various Newspaper headlines from the show:

Very little Zombie Simpsons, and the Mozart is a nice touch.


Quote of the Day

Armistice Day

Image from Wikipedia.

“Henceforth this date shall forever be known as Flaming Moe’s Day!” – Mayor Quimby
“Uh sir, this is already Veterans Day.” – Aide
“It can be two things!” – Mayor Quimby

Happy Armistice/Veterans/Flaming Moe’s Day everybody. 


Synergy Has a Glaring Omission

“I was just thinking about Homer Simpson.” – Not Shelley Long
“That’s okay, I was just thinking about Sybil Danning.” – Moe
One has to admire IGN’s synergistically hacktacular efforts to glowingly review Zombie Simpsons.  Faced with such a daunting task as trying to put a positive spin on Maggie’s bizarre subplot, they elected to simply ignore it altogether.  The word “Maggie” doesn’t appear once and there isn’t a single reference to her big part in the episode.  Can’t say something nice?  Don’t say anything at all.  That is top notch synergy.
Happily for us, they did delve, deeply, into the even more brain rotting main “plot”.  Enjoy:
April 6, 2009In order to produce the contractually obligated number of episodes, Tthere are always a few episodes (or more) every season dedicated to one of the Simpsons Zombie Simpsons side characters. This week, it was the shattered remnants of Moe. And as is often the case when Moe is at the center of the episode, the focus was romance pointlessly saccharine failure. Moe has never been the classiest of people, and, on network television at least, that usually turns the women away. Or rather, he can usually pull it together act way out of character for a little while, but eventually blow it in the end because the writers will probably want to do this at least three more times. And that’s exactly what happened in the bittersweet repetitive and funny boringEeny Teeny Maya Moe.”

Early in the episode, Moe excitedly tidied up his bar while retelling the story of how he had come to know Maya, an unimaginative female plot device. Fittingly, Moe had been wooing her via the Internet connection at the Springfield Public Library. Loved seeing that Gil was also there. The Internet love connection had a few enjoyable bits tried to make fun of things that were cutting edge five years ago and failed at even that modest task, including Moe asking if Maya was just some creepy guy at a public library, and then Maya asking the same question back. Moe’s tragically true response: “Actually, there is a much creepier guy right next to me.” (The guy was Crazy Cat Lady, making an appearance to eat some clock and cause Moe a little pain.) There was also an entertaining tedious, exposition filled bit involving the risk of opening Maya’s jpeg, and then Moe prepping his own.

When the two finally decided to meet, Moe was surprised to find Maya was a little person, which made no sense but was necessary to provide a pre-commercial cliffhanger. (“Oh, you’re a little person. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. What’s the correct term?” “Little person.” “Whoa! Look at me being polite.”) I really enjoyed despised these initial few moments because they setup a plodding, predictable and utterly unbelievable morality tale. When Moe remarked that the picture of her standing in front of a building made her look “more life-size,” Maya revealed it was taken at LEGO Land. I also loved quickly tired of the few bits where Moe would say something that seemed wildly inappropriate, only to find out they were innocent true statements. The best One of these was when they were ready to go to their dinner date and Moe said he’d get the car seat. This was not a dig at Maya’s size. Moe actually did need to get the passenger seat to his car, which he had removed for better mileage some reason.

The relationship was going well exactly to formula. As only Moe a comedy writer could put it, “It’s like my heart wants to do her.” The biggest contrived obstacle for Moe was going to be introducing Maya to his judgmental friends. Their mentality newfound cruelty was displayed when Lenny, Carl and Barney made fun of Homer for not remembering limericks. This gave us my favorite random the most egregious out of character line from the episode, when Lenny explained, “It’s A, A, B, B, A, dumb ass!”

As the relationship progressed dragged on, Moe was making more and more slip-ups. One of the funniest dumbest was when Moe initially thought Maya lived in a tree. He then made up This allowed the script to include the excuse that lots of people live in trees: “Tarzan, the Berenstain Bears, flood victims.” But things only got worse when Moe reached the point of completed his transparent character arc by proposing to Maya. Maya quipped, “Are you asking me to be your little woman?” and then Moe tore off with a long rant of series of gentle, safe for network TV little people jokes. It became not funny to Maya and the relationship was ended because her purpose in this episode had been served. This seemed understandable enough, but I wish Moe’s jokes had been a bit more mean to truly make an effect funny in the least. After all, Maya was making the jokes first, so I felt Moe’s jokes should have had a bit more bite this show used to be a comedy.

Still, after a failed time killing attempt to shorten himself through surgery with Dr. Nick, and one last encounter with a hurt Maya, Moe was able to find the positive in his situation through the knowing wisdom of Homer J. Simpson, the svengali of Zombie Simpsons. Trying to make his favorite bartender feel better, Zombie Homer said lectured, “Sometime when you least expect it, you’ll realize that someone loved you, and that means someone can love you again. And that’ll make you smile.” A simple corny and un-Homer sentiment, but it lifted Moe’s spirits, so this piece of shit could finally end. Moe added, “Who’da thought such a little woman could make me feel so big?” It was a sweet an appropriately dimwitted way to end this enjoyable episode embarrassingly clichéd tripe.


Quote of the Day

“Bart!  Are those liquor bottles?” – Mrs. Krabappel
“I brought enough for everybody.” – Bart Simpson
“Take those to the teacher’s lounge; you can have what’s left at the end of the day.” – Mrs. Krabappel


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