“Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesdays and they don’t tell me where they go. It’s like a conspiracy.” – Homer Simpson
“A conspiracy, eh? Do you think they might be involved in the Kennedy Assassination in some way?” – Bart Simpson
“I do . . . now.” – Homer Simpson
Posts Tagged ‘Homer the Great
“Loyal Stonecutters! Let us begin our re-enactment of the Battle of Gettysburg.” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, you can’t just keep hanging out with these colobus monkeys. Somebody’s gonna get parasites.” – Marge Simpson
Happy birthday David Mirkin!
“You put that sticker on your car so you won’t get any tickets, and this other one keeps paramedics from stealing your wallet while they’re working on you.” – Lenny
“Oh, and don’t bother calling 9-1-1 any more. Here’s the real number.” – Carl
“Homer, a man who called himself ‘you-know-who’ just invited you to a secret ‘wink-wink’ at the ‘you-know-what’. You certainly are popular now that you’re a Stonecutter.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh yeah, beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night, it’s wonderful, Marge. I’ve never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.” – Homer Simpson
“And by the Sacred Parchment, I swear that if I reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters may my stomach become bloated and my head be plucked of all but three hairs.” – Homer Simpson
“Um, I think he should have to take a different oath!” – Moe
“Everyone takes the same oath.” – Number One
“You’re a member of the Stonecutters, Grampa?” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, sure, let’s see, I’m an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, I’m the president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason. Ah, here it is, the Stonecutters.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Happy birthday John Swartzwelder!
“Dad, remember those self hypnosis classes we took to help us ignore Grampa?” – Bart Simpson
“Do I ever, it’s five years later and I still think I’m a chicken! I’m a chicken, Marge!” – Homer Simpson
“I know. I know.” – Marge Simpson
Image yoinked from Wikipedia.
“Homer, don’t start stalking people again, it’s so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?” – Marge Simpson
“Well, something did!” – Homer Simpson
“You have joined the sacred order of the Stonecutters, who since ancient times have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now let’s all get drunk and play ping pong!” – Number One
The conspiracy loons are shitting themselves in their various dark corners of the internet this week because of that idiotic video I mentioned last night. This week, we’ve got two more equally nutty links related to it, and it’s picking up steam. As of this writing, the video has ninety thousand views on YouTube, it was at fifty-four thousand when I found it yesterday. I’d say that there are going to be a lot of disappointed people when nothing happens tomorrow, but these are conspiracy nuts we’re talking about. They’re just as adept at weaving non-events into their convoluted tapestries as they are things that actually happen. In less crazy news, we’ve got lots of leftover Halloween links, a sweet hula hoop routine, and further proof of just how lifeless the Zombie Simpsons animation really is.
Has the Next False Flag Event Been Predicted by a TV Show Once Again? – Let’s get these out of the way quickly:
In the video are several shows and or movies that eerily predicted real events shortly before they happened. These “predictions” happen a little too often to be called “coincidences”. I mean really, what are the odds? It seems the “Simpsons” are an illuminati favorite.
The next time you see the Illuminati, do me a favor and tell them to cancel Zombie Simpsons, would you?
Obama Bailing with Checkbook on 11/5 with 3000 others…Something up?? – One question mark was clearly insufficient for this insightful scholar:
Obama is on his way to Mumbai, India along with approximately 3000 others. As they leave, they will be taking a blank checkbook in hopes of writing $200 million a day, firing up 40 planes, armored cars, helicopters, security forces, and 34 warships for the visit. Is something up? As rumors circulate of a false flag attack suspected on 11/6/2010 – is Obama bailing for a reason or just to blow some mega money? As rumors circulate all over the Internet over a Simpson cartoon aired, many people in America are paranoid their might be a “false flag attack” coming. As another episode of the Simpsons predicted 9/11, some are paying attention to what messages might be portrayed in Hollywood movies and episodes these days. As elections are over in America, Obama bails to India on the expense of the American people again using unbelievable amounts of money and resources – this time taking three thousand people with him.
It’s official, the record for most sentences beginning with the word “As” in a single paragraph has been set. Somebody call Guinness, that is, if we haven’t all been incinerated by Sunday, but I’ll take my chances on that one.
The Stiffsons – This is Smooth Charlie’s Click of the Week, courtesy of readers Sean and Robin who both sent it in. It’s a devastating side by side comparison of The Simpsons opening and the HD Zombie Simpsons opening. The commenters there are also on the side of the angles, with Tom Kurzanski’s being my favorite:
Pigs…In 10 Words – Major props to our friend at In 10 Words for using Sir Oinks-a-Lot and not Spider Pig.
The Simpsons on Facebook – Remember when the Zombie Simpsons writers were too lazy to put any jokes into Mark Zuckerberg’s fake Facebook page? Well, Pleated Jeans did them one better. I’m particularly fond of “Edna Krabappel is now friends with Gordie Howe”.
Futurama vs The Simpsons – I’m pretty sure I put the Simpsons version of this on Twitter last week, but who cares? This is the main cast of both shows rendered in just three pixels each. It’s phenomenal. I wonder how many of the secondary characters could be done?
The Simpsons’ not-so-little helper – A one volume Simpsons encyclopedia just came out. Unfortunately, it covers Seasons 1-20. Can I get one that does half that for half the price?
Top Ten Tree house of Horror Segments – How about one more Treehouse of Horror top ten segment list? This one has nary a trace of Zombie Simpsons.
All I Learned About American Politics I Learned From The Simpsons – I too watched “Sideshow Bob Roberts” on Tuesday.
Simpsons Sunday-Happy Halloween! – More cromulent YouTube from our friend Leah at Cromulent Words. It’s hard for me to watch YouTube when you keep spilling meat tenderizer all over me.
Not a Treehouse of Horror – The finished product from that link from last week about making Homer and Marge Halloween costumes. Excellent.
Some Simpsons Halloween Highlights – Three Hulu YouTubes, zero Zombie Simpsons.
Bart Simpson Never Ate Ginger Cranberry Sauce with Wild Blueberries – Just in time for Thanksgiving, it’s a cranberry sauce recipe complete with YouTube a la Bart.
Homer and Marge Simpson – More awesome Homer and Marge Halloween costumes. The Duff six pack is a nice touch.
Humor Chic Fantasy Alert – Marge Simpson, A New Fashion Skeleton Victim – A fan drawing of skeleton-anorexia-Marge on a hypothetical cover of Harper’s Bazaar. Neat.
How to draw Maggie Simpson from The Simpsons – This is another “how to” video with actual instructions.
The Be Sharps – BustedTees now has a Be Sharps shirt.
Marge Simpson Halloween Hoop Dance – And finally, I put this up on Twitter earlier in the week, but it’s too cool not to put on the front page:
The odd, elevator/reggae arrangement of the theme song actually works.
“Please sir, you’re destroying my establishment.” – Low Life Commoner
“We just created the greatest democracy on Earth, you low life commoner!” – Founding Father
The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some two hundred years ago, and very little has changed. It stank then, and it stinks now. But yesterday, Glenn Lee Beck lead a rally to purify the air in that fetid cesspool.
We have lots of names for Glenn Beck: bum, deadbeat, loser, scum of the Earth. We’d like to sweep him into the gutter, or to some other out of the way place. Oh, we have our reasons. He’s depressing, he wears ragged clothes, he’s “crazy”. He smells bad.
This is where his fans, if not the great man himself, might object. But wait, we’re going somewhere with this. Because Glenn Beck is the truest of American heroes. Hardly one man in a hundred is able to reach the plateau of patriotism that Beck has, that uniquely national place where his interests perfectly and seamlessly meld with those of America. Pardon our French, but l’etat c’est Glenn.
Too many of us are easily distracted by the swirl and bustle of the media complex; caught up in passing fads and ginned up journalistic firestorms, we lose sight of the bigger picture. Mr. Beck does not. Out of the cyclonic, internecine fracas of modern discourse, he has discerned two immutable truths. First, that the only genuine way to show faith in America is the purchase of capitalist gold. Second, and the reason for this editorial, that The Simpsons is “the funniest show ever written on television”.
We can laud him for the first truth quickly. It is self evident that the hoarding of a precious metal whose value increases with human misery is a patriotic duty. Wags and pundits may cluck their tongues, stroke their beads and talk about the supposed hypocrisy of pitching apocalyptic investments while claiming to be on a mission to save the United States. But Mr. Beck is playing a deeper game. By calmly and civilly expounding on the potential horrors that await us, Beck is fighting against disaster while still preparing for it. His self-effacing and admirably altruistic mission to bring the true teachings of Martin Luther King, Jr. to the prosperous, melanin-free portion of the citizenry that had initially rejected them is to be wholly commended. An MLK who is anti-inequality and anti-war is the exact kind of vile “progressive” revisionism that Mr. Beck so routinely skewers with imperceptible logic and impenetrable reason.
It is on the second point where Mr. Beck makes a rare and uncharacteristic stumble. It goes almost without saying that the rank debasing of fatherly authority on television was instigated by the cultural revolutionaries of the 1960s. In turn, that led directly to the buffoonish, anti-American caricature of the television patriarch that is Homer Simpson. Mr. Beck has the perspicacity to realize that this was not the result of nebulous and uncontrollable cultural trends, but rather an amply documented and maliciously directed decades long plot to smear the good names of Jim Anderson, Steve Douglas, and Ward Cleaver*.
Despite his usually keen ability to separate hard-nosed conservative wheat from effete liberal chaff, however, has Mr. Beck truly embraced the uncaring and irresponsible dervish that passes for Homer in Zombie Simpsons as the real item? The snobbish superman on display in Zombie Simpsons is a perfect socialist fantasy. He changes jobs regardless of skill or qualification, never displaying any thought for the economic prospects of his employers. He has no regard for his own health or well-being, relying on America’s overly generous system of emergency rooms to cure him of all ills. His deliberate and self-interested behavior at almost every opportunity is a socialist fantasy writ large: no responsibility, no consequences, and certainly no failure. In Zombie Simpsons, every day is Everybody Gets a Trophy Day.
How a man as clear eyed as Mr. Beck can fail to recognize this ultimate expression of an obvious forty-year-old hippie plot is beyond the authors of this editorial. Homer Simpson once stood for the deserved and perpetual failure of lazy, non-Randian slobs; he took comfort in un-luxurious housing, unionized job security, and the immaterial love of his family. Failure to condemn those peasant-like pleasures is tantamount to condoning them. For shame, Mr. Beck.
*Yeah, they were gay.
Alright Econo Save, you just made the List.” – Homer Simpson
We’ve got a couple of people with best episodes lists this week, plus a list of cartoon deaths, and a list of random thoughts and other lists as well. Lists for everyone, hooray! There’s also some strange art, one piece of excellent beer related usage, some love for The Critic and some trivia about Simpsons’ middle names.
Milhouse of The Simpsons Gay? – I don’t know whether or not Milhouse is gay. I don’t think it has anything to do with how Matt Groening refers to himself (see the comments at that link). I do know that he has many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies.
Lisa Simpson & Grooveshark? – Lisa carved into a sidewalk, possibly in Gainesville, Florida. Continue with your day.
‘Simpsons’ character contest winner is the Bomba – Zombie Simpsons outsourced its creative process and came up with . . . a Latino dude. This is me not caring.
Miller Heavy – Discussing the awesomeness of beer he quotes Reverend Lovejoy. Excellent usage.
Gone Too Soon: The Critic – That show was ahead of its time. Oh well, we’ll always have “Rubik’s Cube: The Movie”.
My Top Ten Simpsons Episodes – This is an outstanding list. The youngest episode on here is “You Only Move Twice”. Even at the end, when he runs through all the episodes he didn’t pick, it’s all old ones (with one Fierstein hated exception).
My Top 5 Episodes Of The Simpsons – I wouldn’t put “Hurricane Neddy” anywhere near this high up, but other than that I have no complaints.
Light the Candles! – Blog birthday celebration with several video clips, including the always sweet “Lisa It’s Your Birthday”.
I Have Created Art – I don’t get this, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t oddly compelling.
Dan Radcliffe to do Simpsons Twilight Spoof – We mentioned this briefly on the Twitter feed, but for posterity’s sake I guess it should go here too. The dude who plays Harry Potter is guest voicing in next year’s Zombie Simpsons Halloween special. Yawn.
Harry Shearer Speaks at the Byrd – Shearer will be at the Byrd Theater in Richmond, Virginia this Sunday.
Happy 50th Birthday, Rocky & Bullwinkle! Moose and Squirrel Through the Years – I didn’t know this:
"I think it’s actually more popular today than it was when it was originally on the air the first five years," says Ward, Jay Ward’s middle child and only daughter, who now serves as the president of Ward Productions. "It had its followers but it wasn’t a huge hit."
"Matt [Groening] grew up saying he wanted to do his own version of ‘Rocky & Bullwinkle,’ he was such a fan," says Ward. "So he created the Simpsons and gave [Homer, Bart and Grandpa Simpson] each an initial J in their names as an homage to my dad Jay Ward. I think the show would have been a primetime hit [today]. In 1959, it was just ahead of its time."
More skate spot pics – Skate park graffiti includes a well done, and very pissed off looking, Homer. Click for image.
Day old antiques…I’m confused… – Weird signage combined with a link to the old man that sells cursed frogurt is highly cromulent usage.
Top 5 Fridays – Moustaches – Flanders is #3.
Lame…I Know! – It’s the lyrics to “See My Vest” complete with audio via YouTube. What on earth is lame about that?
The Simpsons Nail Design – A remarkably detailed nail polish application that has all five family members. Bravo.
My Minnesota Home: The top 10 reasons it rules to be from the land o’ lakes – Points out that it was the University of Minnesota that made Flanders what he is today.
Just a Thought . . . Part 2 – And finally, a list of random thoughts and observations including, gloriously, this one:
-A headline I wished I had read 10 years ago: “The creator of ‘The Simpsons’ announces: ‘We’re going to quit while we’re ahead.’”
“This is terrible! This is just appalling and outrageous!” – Number One
Simpsons: The Twelfth Season is heading our way August 18th in both a regular edition and with exclusive Comic Guy Head Packaging, which makes this the…Best. DVD collection. Ever. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie return for more outrageous adventures in the longest running animated series in television history. This latest DVD collection features all 21 classic episodes from the 2000-01 season . . .
I’m not even sure where to start with this. It most certainly is not the best DVD collection of anything and these are the exact dictionary opposite of “classic” episodes. About the only descriptor here that I would use is “outrageous”, but my inflection would be more like Number One’s above. Fuck Zombie Simpsons, be it on FOX, syndication or DVD.