“Hey, look, someone’s attractive cousin!” – Bart Simpson
This week on Zombie Simpsons, a bunch of old Air Force pilots show up to threaten Homer into spending time with his dad, or something. Meanwhile, Milhouse’s hot cousin (voiced by Carice van Houten, a/k/a She Who Queefs Shadows on Game of Thrones) likes to use e-cigarettes. Nothing much happens in either.
– Short couch gag and shortened opening, don’t see that too often.
– We open at Milhouse’s super elaborate birthday party. Homer picks up the take home bag and helpfully tells us what each of the contents are as he picks them up.
– Homer is now plotting out loud against elaborate birthday parties.
– And montage.
– Ugh, and as soon as the montage is over, Marge pops up to ask, “Homer Simpson, do you know anything about these epic birthday fails?”.
– More witty, sparkling dialogue:
Homer: I’m not afraid of Big Birthday! Ahh! Big Birthday!
– Now there’s a guy in a suit telling us what we’ve just been watching.
– The guy in the suit is still here, and now for some reason he’s threatening Homer with never having balloon animals at his kids birthday parties. This got super weird faster than usual.
– Now Homer has thrown a party and at air museum for Rod Flanders. If this was coherent enough to be confusing, I’d be confused.
– Grampa’s old Air Force buddies (don’t ask) just flew in out of the sky.
– Uh, Homer just fed Grampa a carrot and then led him away by his bolo tie.
– Milhouse’s attractive cousin just showed up with an e-cigarette. This should provide a healthy mix of hapless topicality and expository nonsense.
– The old guys just showed up at the house so Homer can fight them in his underwear.
– Remember what I said about nonsense exposition? Here’s Milhouse:
Milhouse: Everybody’s got one gift. Mine is portable, indoor Dutch shuffleboard.
He then puts the game on a shelf labeled “Portable Foreign Games”. Ugh.
– Apu is now ranting about e-cigarettes.
– But there was a good sign joke in the background. A video game called “Marbury vs. Madison”.
– The old Air Force guy is now babbling about something.
– And they’re at the movies. We got another decent sign gag, “The Exhaustibles 3: Arthritis Will Unite Us”.
– But then there was a preview for a movie about a “dystopian future”. Homer then started listing off dystopian future movies. It goes on for a while.
– They did mention the Mr. Burns play in the list though. That was nice of them.
– Oh, the Air Force guy was apparently with them the whole time. Huh, he didn’t do anything during that whole listing thing.
– Expositing crappy jokes is just what they do:
Air Force Guy: If you love your father, you’ll make sure he doesn’t get disoriented trying to work the knobless faucet.
Grampa Simpson: I’m too cold to trigger the infra-red.
We then see Homer waiting outside the bathroom.
– Now the old Air Force guys are holding Homer at gunpoint to make him hug Grampa. Yeesh.
– Back in the B-plot, Bart and Milhouse’s cousin are reciting lists of things to each other.
– Marge and Luann just showed up out of nowhere. to catch Bart with the e-cigarette.
– Bart just ran into the kitchen to say that they’re sending Milhouse’s cousin back to Holland. This show seems to enjoy out of the blue plot swerves.
– And now we’re in a flashback.
– And Lisa interrupted the flashback. Though she wasn’t there before Grampa started it.
– We’re back in the flashback and Abe is flying a test jet despite the fact that he wasn’t a pilot.
– This flashback keeps going. We just got a Jack Kerouac reference explained to us.
– And it ends with the revelation that some waitress was really Homer’s mom. That doesn’t really have any bearing on the rest of this story, but they seemed to think it was a conclusion of some kind.
– Now Bart is chasing Milhouse’s cousin down at the airport.
– Bart is now expositing about, ah screw it. There’s only a minute to go and this isn’t worth recapping.
– Milhouse has a lizard tongue.
– And then the A-plot showed up to . . . not resolve itself. Weird.
Anyway, the numbers are in and you’ll be unsurprised to learn that they continue to be historically bad. Last night, just 3.11 million people wished they were watching Carice van Houten on Game of Thrones instead of this. That makes it #4 on the all time least watched list and leaves Season 26 with an overall average of 5.00 million. Season 25’s average was 4.99 million and there are two weeks to go, so Season 26 is almost certainly going to take the title of least watched overall.