“I’ll design it myself, I know what people like! It’s got to have sex appeal and a catchy name.” – C.M. Burns
Posts Tagged ‘$pringfield
“Marge, I want you to admit you have a gambling problem.” – Homer Simpson
“You know, you’re right, Homer. Maybe I should get some professional help.” – Marge Simpson
“No, no, that’s too expensive. Just don’t do it anymore.” – Homer Simpson
Any time I start writing a post for this site, I can never be sure just how long it’s going to end up. Sometimes, I’ll think I’ve got some big post that’s gonna take awhile, only to find myself done much quicker and shorter than I thought. Other times, I’ll figure I’ve got a nice compact idea for a Compare & Contrast, that I’ll just knock out a few hundred words in forty-five minutes or so. Two hours later I’m staring at some sixteen hundred word monstrosity and I have no idea how the hell it happened. Some posts just sprawl on me.
Well, I’m here today with the all time grand champion of sprawled posts. What I originally thought would be a quick and dirty post about The Simpsons: Tapped Out has ended up as a fat, 10,000 word ebook called, “Tapped In: How EA Combined The Simpsons with Video Gambling to Make $130 Million (and counting)“. Here is the table of contents:
1 – Quarters, Dollars, and Credit Cards: The Games We Pay
2 – Designing Addictively Rigged Games for Fun and Profit
3 – Chips vs. Brains and Machines vs. People: We Don’t Stand a Chance
4 – Domesticating the Beast: Video Gambling to Video Gaming
5 – Training the Beast: Fixing Mechanical Problems and Increasing Flow
6 – The Infinite Profit Margins of Colored Pixels
7 – Machine Gaming: Greed on a Tilted Playing Field
It’s about half as long as “Zombie Simpsons: How the Best Show Ever Became the Broadcasting Undead“, and just like that one it’s for sale at Amazon for Kindles and Kindle apps. (Also, I appear to have an affinity for long subtitles that start with the word ‘How’.) Since it’s much shorter and took much less time, the price is a mere $0.99.
Just like its predecessor, it will eventually be published in full and for free right here at Dead Homer Society. The first chapter is live now, and a new one will be going up each week until they’re all here. DRM remains stupid and counterproductive; and I remain convinced that giving it away and selling it is the only way to go. So you can read the whole thing right now for Kindle, or just read along over the next few weeks. Either way, I hope you all like it.
“I’ve discovered the perfect business. People swarm in, empty their pockets, and scuttle off. Nothing can stop me now . . . except microscopic germs. But we won’t let that happen, will we Smithers?” – C.M. Burns
“Uh, no, sir.” – Mr. Smithers
Happy 20th Anniversary to “$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)”! Original airdate: 16 December 1993.
“Anybody lose their glasses? Last chance. Woo-hoo! The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.” – Homer Simpson
“That’s a right triangle, you idiot.” – Guy on Toilet
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson
Season 25, here we go:
- They start the year with their first joke of the season about how lame it is to be on after all these years. That didn’t take long.
- But the couch gag makes the same joke and does take too long.
- The Homeland opening credits are well done, but remaking other people’s credit sequences has become something of a time filling specialty for them.
- Bart’s first line of the year is a direct repeat of Homer’s triangle joke from Season 5, so that really didn’t take long.
- Between Homer’s suitcase flying open and them all chanting the word “convention” they’ve eaten up a remarkable amount of time with nothing when we get to the hotel.
- “Good Riddance Shriners” is pretty good, but the signs are about the only part that can retain even a little bit of the character of The Simpsons.
- As per usual, the show likes to lock itself into a cheap joke and just ride it into the ground: swag, Marge not wanting Patty and Selma (or Wiggum) to say frightful things, Kristen Wiig not being able to go more than one line without switching her behavior completely.
- Lotta heavy handed musical cues in this one, and that’s before you count the flashbacks.
- And a lot of MacFarlane style unconnected cutaway jokes:
Lisa: This is worse than when he went to New Orleans and came back with a southern accent.
[Cut to Lisa remembering Homer in hillbilly clothes and a straw hat while he talks in a drawl.]
- This scene with Lisa spying on Homer and then, ugh, imitating a cat, is just atrocious. All of her dialogue is unneeded exposition which for some reason Homer can’t hear.
- Lunatrix – “For Bipolar Disorder” – A goofy drug that makes bipolar people act out isn’t a completely terrible idea, but Zombie Simpsons handling of it is so poor that it’s just insulting, not for what they’re trying to make fun of, but for being that cheap and unimaginative at doing so.
- I get that they’re working from a spy thriller type show, but the combination of drawn out tension and unbelievably stupid jokes and dialogue (Kristen Wiig’s Claire Danes character can’t get through one line of dialogue without saying something pandering and dumb) is really off putting.
- I’m sure glad they have a scene where Homer explains everything we’ve already had explained three times so we can relive the hilarity of him passing on beer and kneeling down on a rug.
- The sitcom-y nature of the writing didn’t improve any over the summer: “There isn’t a prison made that can hold me! Prisons are still made of mud and wattles, right?” [Canned laughter]
- And we end on Burns getting a security x-ray to reveal that he has a hamster in his chest. When an episode runs short these days, it really runs short.
Season 25 is here, and it landed with Zombie Simpsons’ customary whimper. There’s plenty of unnecessary exposition, scenes that make no sense, and a story “parody” so dumb that you’d barely be able to follow it if you weren’t at least a little familiar with the original material. For added zany effect, they spent some time changing Homer’s character, tacked on a bizarre ending where the plant is closed and Burns is arrested, and had a post-script scene that also made no sense to the point that the sign at security has Burns peering up someone’s ass right as we see Burns step into the machine. Even in one off scenes Zombie Simpsons can’t tell a consistent story.
Anyway, the ratings are long since in, and they are bad. Just 6.29 million people wished they were actually watching Homeland last night. Not only is that down from last year’s premier, it’s the kind of number that would’ve been considered anomalously bad just three seasons ago. Now they’re standard.