“Smithers, I seem to recall you had a penchant for bell bottomed trousers, back in ’79.” – C.M. Burns
“Sir, that was my costume from the plant production of HMS Pinafore.” – Mr. Smithers
“Oh, yes, of course. Your spirited hornpipe stole the show as I recall.” – C.M. Burns
Another week, another forgettable episode from Zombie Simpsons. Homer and Bart get into a fight about broccoli, then end up on a father-son sailing ship. Along the way, Homer gets scurvy, is thrown overboard a couple of times, vomits, and gets attacked by an octopus. Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Marge runs Homer’s fantasy football team. Both suffer from montages, expository dialogue, expository voice-overs, and the usual range of problems.
- A long couch gag ends with Scratchy’s blood splattered on the TV. That was odd.
- And we open with repetitive shots to some guy’s nuts. Who says the writing sucks?
- Bart and Milhouse watching a red band trailer would be a lot better if they didn’t stop to explain everything as they were doing it.
- The setup was a bit of a stretch, but Marge getting her mammogram search blocked was okay.
- Homer and Marge are having another one of their expository conversations, but this one is in the bathroom.
- This broccoli thing just goes on and on and on. Ate up a lot of time, though, so there’s that.
- Homer takes a call from Lenny about his fantasy football draft. Does this make any sense as dialogue with Lenny?:
Lenny: Homer, where are you? Our fantasy football draft is about to start.
Homer: Today’s our draft! I’ve gotta pick a good fantasy team. When I lost last year they made me do something so humiliating….Jebus loves Tebow.
No, no it does not.
- Homer and Bart both get kidnapped in the middle of the night because how else could they get out on a boat? This show doesn’t just take bad shortcuts. It takes bad and unnecessary shortcuts.
- Guh, this guy is a waste of Nick Offerman’s talents.
- Trunks of life jackets just appeared out of nowhere. One-year-olds have a better grasp of object permanence than this writing staff. It’s astonishing.
- Hey, the B-plot just showed up. Marge helpfully explains that she’s getting messages from Homer’s fantasy league. Sure glad she told us that or we’d never have figured it out.
- The trash talking that so upsets Marge isn’t even funny. It’s just lame: “Homer, your quarterback is garbage”. Ooh, cutting!
- Homer just got scurvy for some reason. It doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but it did happen.
- Montage! (Though maybe HMS Pinafore isn’t the kind of thing they should be reminding us of.)
- Homer’s now telling us how Bart’s feeling. That’s a twist.
- Homer just puked for some reason.
- There are way too many useless lines for me to quote them all, but this is fairly typical:
Homer: Wait a minute. He can’t order me around. I’m his father.
Offerman: He’s your superior officer, so he can and will order you around.
They’re so hooked into just telling us what’s happening that I don’t think they even notice it anymore.
- The B-plot is back so that Selma could explain what’s happening and then they could do voice over to explain it some more.
- Offerman just asked Bart how he was feeling. They really can’t go a scene without doing this.
- Remember when Lionel Hutz was tempted by liquor? It was much better than this bit with Offerman.
- Hey, now there’s a storm.
- And now it’s giving Homer and Bart a chance to restate what’s happening for the umpteenth time.
- They really can’t stop:
Marge: So, did your sailing adventure help you work out your issues?
Anyway, the ratings are in, and it would appear that last week was a football and heavily promoted fluke. Just 4.32 million people wished that boat sank last night. That’s barely half of last week’s number, and is right back in line with how bad things were last year. In fact, that number is good for #8 on the all time least watched list, and this is the earliest in a season that’s ever happened. I still have no idea whether or not the show will get renewed again, but if these numbers keep up, there will be more stories about “Simpsons at historical low”.