Friday Link Dump – Excellent Usage Edition

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“Ohh, he card reads good.” – Homer Simpson

There are several examples of people getting their quotes right and using them in context this week.  Also there’s another amusingly out of date cranky old guy (he doesn’t like swearing and backtalk), a woman who hates shorts and Simpsons merchandise made in Chinese prisons.

If you’re overweight and looking for love, it pays to be a man – You mean that different standards are applied to men and women?  I’m shocked.  What does this have to do with The Simpsons?  Well, nothing really, but the story has a picture of Homer and Marge.  It’s all about the page views, baby.

Free massage chairs located at great risk of public ridicule – Using Homer’s vibrating chair to illustrate an article about massage chairs.  There’s no quotes so it doesn’t really count as usage, but it is a cromulent citation.

‘If They Knew About My Situation . . .’ – Shoddy Simpsons merchandise, here exemplified by Homer Simpson slippers, is sometimes made by Chinese prison labor.  Can’t say I’m real surprised by this.

Top 5 TV Dads – Homer’s #2.  Based on the vague description of Homer I’d say the guy is only a casual fan, which makes this all the more illustrative:

When the Simpsons begins this fall it will be the 21st season of the show, making it the longest running sit-com ever.

The Simpsons was very emphatically not a sit-com.  Zombie Simpsons most certainly is.

The things we do for ‘American Idol’ – Some Dallas Morning News journalists have to get up at 4:30 in the morning to cover American Idol tryouts.  He quotes Bart’s famous “There’s a 4:30 in the morning now?”  Excellent usage.

Of mad men* – This is an article about how Catholic saints were often not very nice or very saintly.  It appears in BusinessWorld Online.  I don’t know why.  But it does quote Bart (“Now’s our chance to be bad!”) when referring to St. Augustine of Hippo.  More excellent usage.

Ready to Wear: On the catwalk shorts are high on the agenda – and on the thigh – Some fashion lady doesn’t think males over the age of 10 (and she mentions Bart) should wear shorts.  I don’t get fashion, but shorts rule when it’s fucking hot outside.  Anyone who would wear long pants out of some misguided fear of the fashion police deserves to be sweaty and uncomfortable.

Thoughts On A Picture – This paragraph is from a Seattle Mariners blog.  I will quote it in full:

This is all part of Chris Woodward’s plan to make his face just a little bit visible in every picture that’s taken while he’s up so that a week from now he can prove to all his neighbors that he really was in the Majors. Unfortunately, his efforts are a little too subtle. “There’s my name, right there – Bart Simpson.” “Looks more like Brad Storch.” “No! It says Betty – Betty Symington.” :punch: “That’s for taking credit for other people’s work.”

I don’t know who Chris Woodward is, but all the Simpsons quotes are accurate.  Still more excellent usage.

Comedy, society don’t need four-letter words, bathroom humor – Finally we have an old guy from New England who laments that comedy isn’t as clean as it was in the heyday of Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon.  It is a tour-de-force of “Get off my lawn” and once again I’m 99.9% sure it isn’t satire:

What was particularly sweet about the cartoon was that it harkened back to a time when comedy and entertainment didn’t need four letter words and bathroom humor to make an audience laugh.
During a recent interview, comedian and TV personality Bill Cosby noted the decline of quality programming.


Cosby also noted that television programming constantly disses parents at the hands of smart alec children. A message sent repeatedly by the Simpsons.

There’s so much more if you click the link.  He thinks families are in trouble because television isn’t a sweet as it once was.  And the kids?  Has he told you about the kids these days?

It may sound narrow-minded to some, but there is a reason families are in trouble today. And one of them is television. How can parents maintain respect when Bart Simpson preaches otherwise and the comedy channel needs to bleep every fifth word.

The obvious answer it to turn off the television and read a book. But then again, it didn’t take long after my sons began going to school to figure where they picked up those four letter words. It wasn’t at home.

These gosh darned kids and their potty mouths, always sassin adults.  You don’t often see this kind of early-90s television bashing anymore.  It’s a refreshing throwback.  Next he’ll be complaining about that Murphy Brown woman having a kid out of wedlock and have you seen this new Married with Children show?


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