Crazy Noises: The Old Man and the Lisa

The Old Man and the Lisa2

“Mr. Burns, if you want people to do a good job you can’t bully them.  You have to show them they’re appreciated.” – Lisa Simpson

“Oh, capital idea partner.  People, if we meet this week’s quota I’ll take you to the most duck filled pond you ever sat by.” – C.M. Burns

“Aww hot diggity, that’s how they got me to vote for Lyndon LaRouche!” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson

In an attempt to fill the summer with love, hate and pointless Simpsons commentary we at the Dead Homer Society are going to spend some time overthinking Season 8.  Why Season 8?  Because Season 8 is when The Simpsons really began to deteriorate into Zombie Simpsons.  That’s why.  Because we’re cutting edge and ultra-modern we’re using a newfangled, information-superhighway fad called a “chatroom” to conduct our conversation.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “Swartzwelder”).

Today’s episode is 821 “The Old Man and the Lisa“, yesterday’s was 817 “My Sister, My Sitter“.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, so The Old Man and the Lisa initial thoughts.

Dave: Homer’s heart attack at the end is a special, special thing

Charlie Sweatpants: Indeed.

Mad Jon: I am a confused.

Charlie Sweatpants: You are?

Mad Jon: The sarcasm is so think it doesn’t even seem like sarcasm, so maybe I’m drunk, but I don’t think so, or maybe I’m losing it. I don’t know anymore.

Charlie Sweatpants: You’re losing me.

Mad Jon: But I meant to say thick, not think. Don’t chalk that up to mistrust now.

Dave: Come again?

Mad Jon: I was referring to your guys’ comments

Charlie Sweatpants: I think we’re in the Professor Barney stage.

of Jon’s evening, that is.

Mad Jon: Actually, I’ve only had two beers.

Charlie Sweatpants: Are you counting whisky as beer?

Mad Jon: Like I said, I have to be competent at work now.

Dave: If it’s a boilermaker, it’s a beer.

Mad Jon: I haven’t had the sweet embrace of whisky in a while….

Charlie Sweatpants: Bummer, anyway back to the episode.

Dave: I wasn’t being sarcastic about Homer’s multiple heart attacks. I actually find that funny.

Charlie Sweatpants: It’s played very quickly, but I always get a crack out of Homer and Bart waking up on the couch to Colonel Dracula Joins the Navy.

Oh, the Code Blue is great, no doubt.

Mad Jon: I like the Colonel Dracula bit too.

And I do like the code blue, and the heart attack wasn’t bad, which is why I was so confused. I thought Dave was being sarcastic with his comment.

Charlie Sweatpants: Ah ha.

I’m pretty okay with this one, but there’s a disturbing trend in it.

Dave: Nope, I wasn’t being sarcastic for a change.

What’s that?

(I’m pretty okay with it too.)

Charlie Sweatpants: The degeneration of Burns into a hapless figure.

Burns in many things, but he’s not hapless, and this episode that’s precisely what he is.

Dave: It’s happened before, no? Think “Homer The Smithers”

Mad Jon: Hmmm.

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh I agree, that episode started this new Mr. Burns, but this one is much worse.

Dave: That I’ll give you

I dunno, I can see where you’re coming from but it didn’t strike me as particularly egregious

Charlie Sweatpants: But both of them are departures from a man who kidnapped Tom Jones, cheated to win his softball game and ran for governor.

Burns just becomes such a little pussy instantly, is my point.

That’s not like him at all (and also not what he’s like in Homer the Smithers).

Mad Jon: I kind of got the impression that Burns was being used to teach Lisa a Lesson ala Lisa the Vegetarian, that she can go too far. But this wasn’t as funny.

Which would make him a tool of the season 8 writers (didn’t Swartzwelder write this one?)

Dave: Yep

Charlie Sweatpants: I think he did, but remember primary writers doesn’t mean all that much, or so they say.

Mad Jon: Oh yeah, forgot about that part.

Charlie Sweatpants: Er, that should be being the primary writer doesn’t mean all that much.

But yeah, the Burns as massive, insecure pussy comes to mind.

It happens a lot in later seasons too.

Er, a lot more.

Mad Jon: Now who’s not counting whiskey as beer.

Dave: Yeah – that loch ness monster bullshit


To your point about Burns being a pussy, I’ve always enjoyed the bit where Smithers leaves him alone in his incredibly pink apartment and tells him to maintain his dignity

Charlie Sweatpants: That’s a good line.

But then he goes on his bizarre shopping trip where he’s nice to everyone.

I hate that. (Though the dairy case line is awesome.)

Mad Jon: But the list had “Us magazine” on it.

Dave: His niceness is bizarre, but he’s appropriately out of touch with the common man

Mad Jon: The catusp/ketchup thing always makes me laugh

Charlie Sweatpants: He doesn’t really start acting like himself until he begins exploiting the old people though.

I always laugh at the “most duck filled pond you ever sat by”.

Dave: “Neglected old nincompoops”

Mad Jon: “that’s how they got me to vote for Lyndon LaRouche!!”

Dave: Question

Charlie Sweatpants: Shoot.

Dave: How does one acquire a building sized tarpaulin?

Mad Jon: One piece at a time.

Or you could try Cabella’s, they got everything there.

Dave: Haha, true

Charlie Sweatpants: Not to sound like too much of a broken record, but while I like the Burns omni-net, Lisa’s panicky run through the streets has always rubbed me the wrong way.

Dave: It’s not really something one expects her to do

Charlie Sweatpants: Exactly.

Mad Jon: Its part of the anti-recycling-too-much conspiracy that Fox embeds into all its television shows.

Dave: What’s your favorite use for Little Lisa’s Patented Animal Slurry?

Charlie Sweatpants: Insulation for low income housing.

Dave: Fox does a lot of bad things. Including that and giving Glenn Beck an outlet to be a huge blowhard

Mine too, Charlie.

Mad Jon: High power explosive for me.

Charlie Sweatpants: America needs Glenn Beck, let’s face it we’ve all always wanted to see someone kill themselves live on television and he’s just the emotionally unstable guy to do it.

Mad Jon: Nice.

Dave: That’d be something.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, so general rankings for this one?

Dave: By process of elimination, middle to middle high

Charlie Sweatpants: I’d put it in the same range as My Sister, My Sitter. Mid to high.

Why process of elimination?

Mad Jon: Yeah, its good enough to stare down on most of the episodes we’ve reviewed as of late

But not good enough to escape the list.

Dave: Well we’ve done most of the the “bad” episodes, right?

Charlie Sweatpants: That’s a good way of putting it, Jon.

Dave: Process of elimination has some negative connotations – I do genuinely like this one

Charlie Sweatpants: Well that’s good.

Dave: Also, I’m afraid I’ve no funny/relevant links for these episodes, so I’ll just toss this one out there http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/012.jpg

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, now I’m confused.

Mad Jon: What…. what am I looking at? Do I know these people? Is that Goose?

Dave: Sure, it’s Goose, whoever that is.

Mad Jon: What, are you telling me you don’t remember anyone named Goose?

Dave: We’re turning into purveyors of smut, remember?

Mad Jon: Oh yeah.

Charlie Sweatpants: Shhh, don’t tip the secret plan.

Mad Jon: This Dead Homers Society is turning into a hardcore porn site so gradually I haven’t even noticed.

Charlie Sweatpants: Hehe

Dave: I’m quite proud of us.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, so any high and low points we haven’t covered?

Mad Jon: Well fine, you keep posting nude Anthony Edwards pictures, but I would like to point out the scene where Barney is licking the glass window.

I like his explanation speech… Always makes me laugh

Dave: That’s quite great.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, that’s a speech for the alcoholic ages.

Dave: I like Kent’s interview with Burns

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, you smell terrible.

Mad Jon: And I also like when Burns tells the hippy to shine on.

Dave: I forgot about the hippie, I enjoy his nonsense

Mad Jon: And how can we not mention Skinner?

There was like 2 or 3 minutes of him, Perfect.

Dave: Skinner and the tree, classic

Charlie Sweatpants: The hippie is good, I’m a fan of Lenny as the boss, especially how they work it in a couple of times later.

Mad Jon: Why the hell were they going to Albany? I get a kick out of that too.

Lenny is a real bear on tardiness.

Dave: Maybe he was looking for some steamed hams

Charlie Sweatpants: It does have that “high school trip destination” feel to it, doesn’t it?

You know, I never noticed it before, but did anyone else notice the three eyed aliens from Toy Story on the cereal boxes?

Mad Jon: No, no I didn’t.

Dave: Nope…

Charlie Sweatpants: When Burns is shopping there’s a box of stuff with a “3” on it that has those green aliens from the claw game in Toy Story.

Mad Jon: Hmmm. I did not know that.

Dave: Missed that.

Mad Jon: Thank you for making me feel like less of a man.

Charlie Sweatpants: I try.

Dave: One other thought – the callback to “Will There Ever Be A Rainbow?” is nice

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, they worked that in well.

Mad Jon: yep.

Dave: I can’t help but feel like the more we approve of an episode, the less there is for us to say

Charlie Sweatpants: That scene also contains Burns rant against nature, which is sweeter than sweet.

Mad Jon: Well I don’t know about you, but I am a pretty negative guy by nature.

Dave: Uh hello, have you met me?

Charlie Sweatpants: Bitching is more fun, but if it’s actually Simpsons caliber humor what is there for a lowly man like me to add?

Dave: Well put.

Mad Jon: Yeah, but I always found your negativity kind of charming.

Dave: Why thank you, you lovable drunk


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