Archive for September, 2009


Quote of the Day


“I love you Homie. Mmmm. Heh heh heh. I don’t need her at all anymore.” – Homer Simpson’s Brain


Quote of the Day


“I can’t believe Krusty is really gone.” – Bart Simpson
“Don’t worry son. I’m sure he’s up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities. John Dillinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin…” – Homer Simpson


“… (sighs) I wish I were dead.” – Homer Simpson


Pornography Monday

The War of the Simpsons3“Not those peanuts, the ones at the bottom.” – Homer Simpson

Internet Rule #34 states that if it exists, there will be porn of it.  I’ve known that rule for a long time and so I was utterly unsurprised to find out that there are lots and lots of drawings of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and the rest of Springfield getting it on.  But my lack of surprise doesn’t mean that I’m not impressed by the variety, enthusiasm and sheer imagination of some of these search terms.

homer and marge fucking

marge simpson sucking barts dick

bart and marge porn

lisa simpson fellatio a bart simpson

marge bart fuck

homer fucks lisa


marge simpson fucked stories

bart and milhouse fucking lisa

fucking lisa simpson

marge simpson and bart in bed

lisa simpson sucks homer

marge simpsons boobs

simpson porno

marge and lisa simpson porn

marge simpson fuck homer

the simpsons full frontal

marge anal

marge simpson gets laid

homer fuk bart

marge getting fucked by homer and bart

bart simpson fucking marge in the mouth

millhouse fuking lisa in the butt

bart sucking marges boobs

homer fucks lisa video

bart fucking marge in bed

bart fucks lisa ash hole

homosexual scotland

the simpson marge and milhouse porn

The easy favorite this month has to be the one about Lisa’s “ash hole”.  And no I don’t know how “homosexual scotland” brought us up, but there you go.


Quote of the Day


“Mr. Hutz, do you know you’re not wearing any pants?” – Judge Snyder
“What? Ahhh!” – Lionel Hutz


Quote of the Day


“All the years I’ve lobbied to be treated like an adult have blown up in my face.” – Lisa Simpson


Saturday Morning YouTubage

For no particular reason other than I found it when doing the link dump yesterday and it’s much too cool not to be its own post:


Quote of the Day


“Well boy, you won.  So I’m going to live up to my side of the agreement.  Here’s your turtle, alive and well.” – Homer Simpson


Friday Link Dump – TV Sucks Edition

Television - The Third Parent

Image used under Creative Commons license from Flicker user Barbara L. Hanson.

“It’s just hard not to listen to TV, it’s spent so much more time raising us that you have.” – Bart Simpson

My Google alerts lit up this week as the internet ponders the upcoming fall television schedule, mentions of the new season of Zombie Simpsons are numerous.  I have linked to not a one of them because, really, who gives a fuck?  No excellent usage this week, but we do have someone else who thinks teevee sucks, a German election, a badass piece of Bart Simpson jewelry and an eight year old girl who took up the sax because of Lisa Simpson.  Not to shabby.


Merkel, rival gear up – The Germans are having themselves an election this month and the two leading contenders, who are actually already in a governing coalition together (man and I thought Americans have shitty political options), had a debate on teevee where they apparently spent most of the time agreeing with each other.  Thoughtful television people believe in counterprogramming:

However, Germans turned off by their insipid election campaign at least have a choice in the rotund shape of Homer Simpson. While the debate is being carried live on four major channels, a rival station is showing ‘The Simpsons – The Movie”, and has plastered Berlin with ads saying ‘Vote Simpsons.’

Multiple One-Man Shows featured in 2009-2010 at the State Theatre – The one and only Mac Homer is coming to the State Theater in New Brunswick, New Jersey at the end of October.

Eat My Shorts (With a Side of Diamonds) – Sweet Bart Simpson necklace.

Nothing is new – A reminiscence on watching the Simpsons and not paying attention in high school.   See, it is hard to get kids to pay attention in high school.

Television: the wasted medium? – This is a long and thoughtful piece that can basically be surmised by this quotation:

This is why I don’t watch TV. Because almost all of it sucks.

Yes, almost all TV sucks.  You know what else almost all of sucks?  Everything.  Almost all painting sucks, almost all music sucks, almost all pornography sucks, you can name any creative medium devised by people and the overwhelming majority of it is terrible.  But some of it doesn’t suck and it’s those parts that we love.  Anyway, it’s a neat post and worth reading, especially for this part:

The most obvious answer is what’s probably one of the prime achievements in all of television, The Simpsons. A sociocultural behemoth documenting as well as deeply affecting an era (late ’80s and on), it’s also the pinnacle of perhaps my favorite kind of TV, animated satire. Other examples include Ren and Stimpy (which I’ve discussed here before), and The Rocky and Bulwinkle Show, which heavily influenced both of them.

Why animated satire? A variety of reasons, I’d say: I grew up watching it and find that it rings true as an adult; television is an excellent medium for animation, since animation lends itself so well to short-form work; and as for satire… it’s great in any medium, and it’s a way to combat the reactionary qualities of television, which refuses to let artists linger on any one situation, since within 30 minutes, something else is coming on. Just think of the number of jokes skewering television on The Simpsons – even whole episodes, from “The Day the Violence Died,” “Homer to the Max,” “Homer Badman,” and more. “The Joy of Sect,” for example, ends with the Simpson family grateful to be thinking for themselves again; the TV then drones, “You are watching Fox,” to which the family replies in unison, “We are watching Fox.” The show was able to assert itself as work that transcended the TV’s many confines and conventions by pointing them out and making fun of them. That’s the triumph of animated satire.

“sociocultural behemoth”, I like that.  Also, note that the latest episode cited there is in Season 10.  Zombie Simpsons is the vastest part of the wasteland.  I can’t hate on teevee though, partly because it raised me, partly because it gave us The Simpsons, and partly because without it how could we keep the masses sated within the confines of their gray, little lives?

15.0: Homer Simpson speaks on firewater – Long article about drinking on Indian reservations that begins with citing Homer as a responsible drinker.  Sad and interesting.

Why can’t arcades just die?! – Arcade nostalgia through the lens of the original Simpsons game.

Drawing Homer Simpson – A step by step guide to drawing Homer in Photoshop (via).

vegetarianism – Commenting on “Lisa the Vegetarian”:

I suppose it represents a sort of turning point for the character, since in later episodes Lisa goes from a bright, questioning girl to a joyless, self-righteous liberal prig.

Yes, Lisa has become joyless and dead eyed, but what characters haven’t?

D’Oh! FOX 5 Pushes The Simpsons to Late Night – Reruns are getting moved from 7:00pm to 11:30pm in the greater Washington, D.C. area.  Once again I’m reminded that not everyone has all the good episodes on their computer, ready to be watched at a moment’s notice.

It is true. I have kissed a pig – Woman dressed as Marge Simpson kissing a pig.  Bravo.  I love the internet.

Beckham best role model for children: poll – Homer came in dead last.

Switching from Violin to Saxophone – Eight year old takes up the saxa-ma-phone after getting hooked on The Simpsons.  Best part:

She got it out straight away at home, tried to put it together and had a go!  And then spent the rest of the evening just walking around the house with it strapped around her neck, producing lound honking sounds from it.   She experimented with the keys and finally figured out the first few notes of the Simpson’s opening theme tune!

(Sitcom Audience): Awwwwww.


Quote of the Day



“Hello, I’d like the Department of Missing Babies.” – Homer Simpson
“Please hold.” – Receptionist
♫ Baby come back / Listen baby, you can blame it all on me / I was wrong and I just can’t live without you ♫ – Hall & Oates, “Baby Come Back
(sobs) – Homer Simpson

Loyal Stonecutter’s note: What a fucking champ of a gag. They really don’t write ’em like they used to.


“Homer vs. Dignity” Makes Baby Jesus Cry

“Well, according to Eternity magazine the feeling of guilt has been linked to the neurotransmitter gamephenomene.  Dow Chemical is developing a minty gel which will eliminate excess guilt, but, unfortunately it won’t be on the market for another six months.” – Lisa Simpson

This episode has long been notorious amongst connoisseurs of the decline and fall of The Simpsons for the scene where Homer is raped by a panda.  Why is Homer in a position to get raped by a panda?  Because Mr. Burns is paying him to humiliate himself.  Why is Mr. Burns doing that?  Because this show is completely out of ideas. Because this episode is based off of a novel where a psychotic rich man pays people to humiliate themselves.  But the panda rape?  That’s pure Zombie Simpsons: it’s not that funny to begin with, it takes forever to actually happen, it’s played strictly for shock/horror and it has almost nothing to do with the actual “story”.

Surprisingly enough, years of fans bitching about this one may have had a small effect as even the commentators seem at least slightly embarrassed in parts.

Only seven people on this one, including Groening and a token female.

1:00 – The source material for this half-aborted mistake is a novel called “The Magic Christian” about a crazy billionaire who believes that everyone has their price.  Fine.  “It’s really about trying to plumb the depths of Homer’s dignity . . . and given that by the middle of the episode we have Homer on the floor of a bathroom in a diaper I think we plumbed pretty hard.”  Ugh.

2:45 – Still discussing “Magic Christian” and other stuff far removed from what’s actually going on in the pained setup here.

5:00 – One of them watched this one the night before the commentary and can’t remember if there’s a B story or not (there is).  Maybe he has to drink as much as I do to get through these?

5:30 – Long, long silence.

7:00 – Story about the table read and how when they got to the third act people were “just horrified” and it “shut down all laughter”.  Hmmmm.  “But we made some fixes”.  Yeah, that sounds like the kind of thing that could use just a little tweak.

8:30 – The original ending was Homer as Santa Claus splattering pig’s blood on people instead of Burns as Santa Claus throwing fish guts.  Big change there.

10:30 – Talking about how, like the episode about “The Prisoner”, most people hated it, then laughter.  It’s one thing to throw a joke over the heads of most of your audience from time to time, it’s quite another to base whole episodes off things that most of your audience won’t get.  This show used to know the difference; now they’re laughing at the fact that nobody likes what they’re doing.

12:20 – “There was a time when Hibbert was actually a pretty good doctor.” Where have I heard that before?  “Not much difference between him and Nick Riviera right now.”  Gee, maybe that’s a bad thing?  Nah.  Hibbert to the EXTREME!

13:20 – Discussing the panda rape and how there was no way it should’ve gotten through the editing process, everybody laughs.  Also, much giggling at the prolonged cattle prodding.

14:15 – They’re laughing at how bad it is, not how funny it is.  They almost sound uncomfortable, that’s a first.

16:15 – Long silence after discussing other things that bombed at the table read.

18:15 – Mostly silence with not much discussion, once again I think they’re about as bored with this as I am.

20:15 – Still awfully quiet.  They did briefly discuss how hard it is on the animators when they have to do a crowd, but that’s it.

21:00 – Still fixating on it not being pig’s blood and how that’s such an improvement.

21:50 – Talking about how the ending was essentially unsalvageable.  We know, oh, we know.


Spurlock Update: French Pitch

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Morgan Spurlock is presenting the “Simpsons” conference at Mipcom in Cannes, France next month.  Groening and Al Jean will also be there for 20th anniversary shenanigans.  There’s nothing about him doing any filming for the special, maybe he can find someone who puts anti-freeze in their wine?


Quote of the Day


“Don’t let Krusty’s death boy get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that.” – Homer Simpson


“Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow.” – Homer Simpson


(awkward silence) “Well, good night.” – Homer Simpson


Simpsons Alumni Update: Yeardley Smith

Yeardley Smith on Mad Men

“What’s so funny?” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, uh, I was just thinking of a joke I saw on Herman’s Head.” – Lisa Simpson

This has been noted elsewhere, and I didn’t get around to watching it until last night, but Yeardley Smith had a small role as the waiting room nurse on Mad Men this week.  (Oddly, especially for someone with such pop-culture juice, it hasn’t popped up on her IMDB page yet.)  She gets to tell off a guy who’s waiting for his wife to have their first kid.  He’s kind of a dick to her, hence the wry smile you see at right.


Serak Is Sad

“Well, if you wanted to make Serak the Preparer cry, mission accomplished.” – Kang
Kang or Kodos

Poor Serak, he never was a headliner.

Do you have $30 dollars you don’t need?  How about $60?  Want a pair of 6-inch Kang and Kodos dolls?  They come out next month, so start saving your pennies.

Here’s the kicker though, they come “blind boxed”, which means you don’t know which one you’re going to get.  Question: if you order two are you guaranteed one of each?  They aren’t officially for sale yet so I couldn’t find an answer on the website.  Are they greedy enough to make you keep ordering?  Do the employees at the warehouse even have a method to identify which is which?

(via theregoesdave)


Quote of the Day


“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.” – Homer Simpson


“Worst Episode Ever” Makes Baby Jesus Cry

“How come I’ve never seen that Itchy and Scratchy before?” – Bart Simpson
“Perhaps because you are a pre-pubescent ignoramus.” – Comic Book Guy

Like the Sideshow Bob episode, this one has a couple of okay moments, but it isn’t nearly enough to overcome Homer’s overwhelming stupidity, way too much Comic Book Guy doing things that he’d never do, painfully slow dialogue, and scenes that drag on far too long.  The hell of it is, this one actually has a serviceable plot in that the only thing you really need to overlook is a couple of ten year olds (that Comic Book Guy clearly hates) running the store.  That’s one of the least ludicrous conceits in all of Season 12.  It even almost has an ending, albeit one that relies on the usual wild plot twists.  But it’s still thin like two day old gruel because there just isn’t much going on here, you can feel scenes like Homer’s baking soda trip, the Tom Savini part, and Comic Book Guy’s various freakouts whiling away the seconds.

Nine guys on this commentary, including Azaria.

1:20 – Discussion of “I Love You Beth Cooper”.  I have no opinion on the book or the movie except to say that the movie looked awful.

1:55 – Long discussion of an alternate title for this episode.

2:45 – Apparently, in the before time, Conan O’Brien licked a caramel that had been stuck on the ceiling on a dare.  Doesn’t surprise me.

3:30 – Everyone gets busy congratulating Azaria on an Emmy for about a minute and a half here.

5:30 – Making fun of Gallagher.

6:00 – Uproarious laughter at the newspaper “The Daily Setup” because they didn’t know how to start the story.

6:30 – Describing who Tom Savini is, followed by long silence.

7:30 – Remembering the history of Comic Book Guy and when he got started.

7:45 – Comic Book Guy’s voice is based off a guy Azaria knew in college.  Enh, this goes on for a long time.

9:30 – Talking about Hibbert and the idiotic setup: “Remember when he was a good doctor?”  I sure do.  No one else seems to.  “He’s managed not to turn incredibly stupid or gay yet.”  I am going to keep pointing this out until my fingers rot off: they are aware how bad the show’s gotten, they don’t care.

9:45 – Referring to the list Comic Book Guy leaves for Bart & Milhouse, “When I watched this last night I didn’t get this joke.”  That’s okay, neither did anyone else.

10:30 – Okay, this is actually funny.  Someone loves the line Ralph says when he goes into the adult section, “Everybody’s hugging!”  It’s one of the better ones in the episode, though it seems like it’d be hard to screw up “Ralph + porn”.  But it was originally supposed to be “She’s hungry!”  That would’ve been hilarious and most of them seem to agree.

12:15 – Discussing the technical accuracy of the Klingon phrase.

13:00 – Mostly silence, bit of giggling.

14:30 – See above.

15:30 – Giggling and semi-serious self-fellatio.

16:30 – Mildly interesting note:  Mrs. Rogers was aware of Mr. Rogers being made mocked.

17:30 – Discussing the ins and outs of videotape.  Exciting!

18:30 – Long silence.

20:30 – More long silence, with very little in between.

20:45 – Laughing at the simple gross out nature of the ending.

21:45 – Laughing at the goofiness of the ending.


Technical difficulties, indeed

In other news, Kanye West’s spectacular asshattery on an awards show I didn’t watch on a channel I don’t care about has yielded a full-blown internet meme. There’s a list to browse through, but I thought this Simpsons-related mashup from Holy Taco was particularly inspired:



Quote of the Day


“There, that’s the last condom wrapper.” – Sideshow Bob



“I renew my objection to this pointless endeavor, informally now and by affidavit later. Time permitting.” – Sideshow Bob


Abbey Roads

This “Abbey Road” inspired commercial for the Beatles version of Rock Band was broadcast relentlessly during football yesterday:

That reminded me that last month there was another uptick in Beatles nostalgia because it was the 40th anniversary of the cover photo for “Abbey Road”.  As a result the were lots of blog posts and other internet errata talking about it.  Particularly, there were lots of compilations (like this one) of various parody and homage images.  This includes a Simpsons rendering of it originally produced for Rolling Stone to promote the 14th season.  I get that the Rolling Stone thing is cute, it’s easy to find on-line and it fits in with all the other versions of that picture people have done over the years.

However, and chalk this up to my general Simpsons crankiness if you must, I can’t be the only one who remembers that The Simpsons already did an Abbey Road cover parody.  And it wasn’t some stupid promotional stunt, it was, you know, part of an episode.  I’m referring, of course, to the second album by The Be Sharps, “Bigger Then Jesus”:

On the left: part of what made people love The Simpsons.  On the right: Shameless self promotion for a show living off its past.

On the left: part of what made people love The Simpsons. On the right: shameless self promotion for a show living off its past.

Incidentally, and though he may or may not have thought he actually was Jesus, John Lennon never said the Beatles were “bigger” than Jesus.  He said the Beatles were “more popular” than Jesus in England.  Which was true then and may still be true now.  That didn’t stop religious types from flipping their shit, of course.  But it deserves mention.


Quote of the Day


“Who the hell are you?” – Bart Simpson
“My name’s Todd, will you be my friend?” – Todd Flanders


“You’re funny, hahaha!” – Todd Flanders


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