Archive for November, 2009



29
Nov
09

Quote of the Day

Radio Bart2

“But order now, supply is limited.” – Superstar Celebrity Microphone TV Commercial
“Limited!? . . . Do you have any of those microphones left?” – Homer Simpson
“Yeah, a couple.” – Warehouse Guy

28
Nov
09

Simpsons Sand Couch

“That’s right, Dick.  You know this year everyone’s abuzz about one thing, the absence of Mark Rodkin . . . oh wait, there he is.” – TV Announcer

Awhile ago we found a guy who’d done elaborate sand renderings of the Simpson family.  Now, at a sand sculpting competition in Portugal someone drew the entire family on the couch (via):

Simpsons Sand Couch

You can see a few more images at this gallery link for the 2008 festival (when the theme was Hollywood).  Awesome.

28
Nov
09

Crazy noises: Pranks and Greens

Separate Vocations2

“You know before I saw these test results I had you pegged as a drifter.” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor
“Wow, a drifter . . .” – Bart Simpson
“Lousy sheriff, run me out of town, he’s lost my vote.” – Drifter Bart
“Cool.” – Bart Simpson

In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21.  Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (surprisingly enough not on “antithetical”).

We’re once again getting this up at the expiration date but here’s me and Dave carping about “Pranks and Greens”. (Mad Jon didn’t come in this week, he is presumed dead or on vacation.) Since this episode was utterly terrible and it’s just the two of us, it didn’t take very long at all. Hooray for half-assing things.

Charlie Sweatpants: Are we still on that awful prank episode? Thanks to the holiday it feels like a lot longer than just last Sunday.

Dave: Yeah, what’s on your mind?

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh, all kinds of shit.

Dave: I’ve successfully pushed it out my consciousness since watching it with you

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, like most of Zombie Simpsons, much as I hate it at the time it always gets worse the more I think about it.

Why did Bart care about this kid again?

Dave: Some misplaced notion about being outdone?

Charlie Sweatpants: And since when does he not think it’d be cool to be a drifter, or test dangerous food additives, or be a 19th century cockney boot black when he grows up?

Dave: That Bart died a long time ago.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah he died a long time ago, but this wasn’t just out of character, this was antithetical to everything he stands for.

The very core, the absolute heart of hearts of what makes Bart Simpson Bart Simpson (and what made him popular in the first place) is "underachiever and proud of it".

Dave: Absolutely. Sunday’s Bart spat in the face of that, and then turned into a soft, yielding reformist pushover in what seemed like three seconds

Charlie Sweatpants: Exactly.

Dave: It could’ve been any other character honestly.

They chose Bart so that we could get unnecessary Skinner/Groundskeeper Willie backstory as a bonus

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh yeah, that was terrible.

  I’m a big advocate of the fact that the show doesn’t need to make sense from episode to episode, but how many times are we going to find out about Skinner’s background?

Dave: No shit.

Charlie Sweatpants: He was always a dork, no he was a rebel, no he was always a dork, at some point you can’t help but go numb.

Dave: Bingo. The idea of a "cool" Skinner is beyond preposterous

Charlie Sweatpants: And then there was the B-plot which even by the standards of B-plots was time filler. I mean, health food jokes? Ohh, take that Whole Foods.

Dave: I think we talked about that on Sunday – that’s easy comic fodder, but even they managed to fuck that up

  There was no biting insight, just hackneyed cliches. Ohhh, parents concerned about BPA, take that yuppies

It makes me long for "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"

Charlie Sweatpants: Pretty much, I mean it’s one thing to take a topic that’s easily mocked and fail to mock it, but it’s another to include a little message at the end.

That’s a topic for another time, but the fact that the Simpsons really aren’t poor any more detracts from a lot of things.

Dave: There was a message?

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, the whole "I guess doing the best I can is alright" thing. I don’t know, maybe I was reading too much into it.

Dave: You’re right. They aren’t poor anymore…

  That’s a pretty shit message. "I like me just the way I am"

Charlie Sweatpants: Anyway, is there anything we’ve missed on this one?

Dave: Nah, I don’t think so

We’ve got tried and true characters acting not like themselves for 20-some, laughter-devoid minutes

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, do we need to discuss the ending? With the worm tank and the "suspense" of whether or not Bart can save Krusty?

Dave: I think the less said about that the better.

Charlie Sweatpants: Good because the whole Bart doesn’t know it’s a stunt (lots of string music), but then it is, and then there’s a happy ending for everyone thing was just excruciating to watch.

Dave: Well look on the bright side, no new episodes for 2 whole weeks

Charlie Sweatpants: Really?

Sweet.

Dave: That’s my Black Friday gift to you.

  I willed it so.

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh, you meant after this Sunday.

  Damn you for getting my hopes up.

Dave: Oh yes, sorry.

  I got my own hopes up too.

Charlie Sweatpants: Your cruelty has boomeranged on you.

Dave: And how!

28
Nov
09

Quote of the Day

shoot1
shoot2
shoot3

“I might go mad with fear out there, so Todd, I want you to shoot Daddy if tries to get back in.” – Ned Flanders
“(sniffles) Okay, Dad.” – Todd Flanders
“Okay.” – Ned Flanders

27
Nov
09

Reading Digest: The People Have Spoken! Edition

Protest1 Image modified under Creative Commons license from original by Flickr user Takver.

“Now I’m just an ordinary blue collar slob, but I know what I likes on teevee!” – Homer Simpson

We have two links this week to long, long lists of ordinary people quoting Simpsons.  One was prompted, the other just broke out in a message board.  Both of them are heavy on ye olde Simpsons quotes with hardly a mention of Zombie Simpsons.  We’ve also got hilarious write-in candidates, Homer’s prayer of thanks, an undergraduate introduction to Simpsons, and lots of excellent usage. 

Enjoy.

Write-ins go beyond none of the above – A list of humorous write in votes in the recent election in New Jersey.  Our favorite mayor got one (1).

Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You Also Appear Foolish In The Eyes of Others – This is just a discussion thread at RottenTomatoes that’s nothing but ye olde Simpsons quotes. 

20 Classic TV Shows: The Season We Pick As Each Show’s Peak – This list is on Entertainment Weekly’s website.  Like most magazines groping blindly in the brave new world of the internet they’re so ravenously desperate for pageviews that you have to click to a new page for each separate entry in a list of twenty.  Needless to say I didn’t bother doing that.  They picked Season 4 from The Simpsons.  (via Twitter)

Edward Fitzpatrick: Giving thanks on more than one day a year – This is a column about the positive effects of being grateful for things.  It makes some cromulent use of Simpsons before falling into the 14% fallacy.  Forfty

Less like The Waltons and more like The Simpsons – This is for a class at James Madison University and is basically a discussion of political humor on the Simpsons for people who’ve never watched the show.

Guess Which Firm ‘Simpsons Superfan’ Andrew Blumberg Is Going To? – Some law student won a baking contest with a Bart cake.  I haven’t linked it before because without the cake it is nothing.  But finally, we have art. 

Scientologist Bart Simpson Lady Would Like to Sell You Her Sons Bed [Nancy Cartwright] – Nancy Cartwright’s son’s bedroom furniture is for sale. 

Bart Simpson clock widget from Widgipedia – It’s like regular crappy Simpsons merchandise, only now it’s in widget form.  There’s a Homer one too.

Holidays for everyone – This is about having the freedom to celebrate religious holidays without being religious.  Here’s the quote:

And we are even free to recite Bart Simpson’s Thanksgiving prayer, "Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing."

On the one hand, he gets the quote right.  On the other hand he misidentifies the episode, it’s not Thanksgiving when Bart says that, but rather when Burns comes over for his gubernatorial campaign publicity stunt.  I don’t think I can call that outright excellent usage, but it is very good usage.

Homer Simpson’s Thanksgiving Prayer – Exactly what it says it is and properly quoted.  This is excellent usage. 

Ode to a "Homer Simpson Donut": – It’s a poem about a Homer donut. 

New Heights for Young Love – Two people in Sydney, Australia got it on in a clock tower in full view of crowds below.  That made one blogger think of Wiggum’s famous dictum, “If it feels good, do it.” Excellent usage. 

Thanksgiving Makes For Some Great TV – This is a list of seven great Thanksgiving themed television episodes.  Of the seven the only ones I’ve even seen are “Bart vs. Thanksgiving” (#6) and South Park’s “Helen Keller! The Musical” (#1).

Favourite Under-Quoted Simpsons Quote? – Needless to say most of the quotes listed are from the before time, the long long ago. 

Grandma Simpson – One is never too old to begin appreciating The Simpsons

Wilton Baking Pan: Bart Simpson (1990, 2105-9002) – Krusty Brand Seal of Approval Alert: Just in time for the holiday baking season it’s a Bart Simpson shaped cake pan.

Life Imitates the Simpsons… again. – This “Christian Side Hug” thing is beyond parody (especially sampling the Darth Vader theme from “Star Wars”).  Also, excellent usage. 

Homemade Marge Simpson Costume – One more homemade Marge Simpsons costume?  Why not.

27
Nov
09

Quote of the Day

hotchristmasmorning

“Wow.  You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.” – Homer Simpson

26
Nov
09

Get the Money

The numbers in this Fast Company article (via) are the same ones from that hideous USA Today article we linked to a few months ago.  None of them are the least bit encouraging for those of us who want to finally see Zombie Simpsons halted.  Here are the numbers (that aren’t as down for Zombie Simpsons as they appear):

The Simpsons finished the 1989-90 season at #28 in the Nielsen ratings, the first Fox show ever to break into the top 30.

Last season, it ranked 83rd.

Today the show averages 6.7 million viewers — although it’s the 7th most watched show on Hulu.

Last year, companies spent $314.8 million to advertise during Simpsons first-runs and prime-time repeats, down 16.8% from 2007.

Yes the ratings are down, that’s no secret, they’ve been going down steadily for years.  I’m not sure how one could differentiate whether those numbers are down because of the general decline in television viewership or because the show hasn’t been worth watching in a decade.  It’s some combination of both, although the fact that it was once ranked in the top 30 of network shows and is now in the 80s suggests that the decrease in quality has had a significant effect.  But $314.8 million just for first run and primetime reruns on FOX covers twenty $5,000,000 episodes three times over.*  Even if we give ourselves a big fudge factor (which we probably should because this data isn’t exactly straight from the horse’s mouth) there’s no way they aren’t still making enormous amounts of money just off the broadcast of the new episodes.  And that’s before you factor in three quarters of a billion dollars for merchandising. 

I’ve said this before and I’m sure I’ll say it again: the quality of the show has little to no effect on FOX’s bottom line. 

*The USA Today article said the $314.8 million was for local station repeats as well, I’m not sure which is true but I don’t think it changes the general conclusion.




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