December 16th, 1989

Selma's Choice3

“All in favor of skipping the poem? . . . Thank you.” – Homer Simpson

Twas the night before Simpsons, and all through the land
Not a creature suspected the earthquake at hand
The premier had been set, the ads had been bought
‘Tho even the cast knew all might be for naught

Writers, directors, and, yes, the execs
Even the artists had stuck out their necks
Cartoons were for kids, not serious fare
Drawings weren’t worthy of prime network air

But the fox was unfazed, it had nothing to lose
Barely begun, there was no great ego to bruise
It ordered the toons, a lucky thirteen
In hopes people wanted more from their screen

Parents and teachers, the stodgy and old
Hated this show with the guts to be bold
For the smart and the young it was more than a fad
This dimwitted father and his spiky haired lad

Mother and daughters, indeed a whole town
Teachers and preachers and even a clown
A horrible place, the fans knew it well
Their elders had built it, they called it hell

Instead of slick lies that were usually shown
Was the true broken world in which they had grown
The schools were bad and the work even worse
The American Dream turned to a curse

Yet all was not lost, not while you could laugh
That’s the great message of the writing staff
Your life may be bad, just an unending trial
But others are worse, so you’ve reason to smile

Sit on your duff and crack open a beer
Watch TV? That’s what we wanted to hear

5 Responses to “December 16th, 1989”

  1. 1 P. Piggly Hogswine
    17 December 2009 at 8:42 am

    Oh man, I feel like I’ve dead and gone to a place worse than hell. On our Pay TV, they celebrated 20 years of The Simpsons by showing 5 hours or so worth of….Zombie Simpsons, and not just any ZS but a bunch of episodes from the last year, the majority of which I hadn’t seen before, and I wish I hadn’t. A mate was over and we sat there and watched, with the intention of paying out on the episodes, we couldn’t even do that. We just sat there with our jaws dropped, staring at each other and trying to comprehend if the shite we were watching was actually real. Alas, it was. Homer and Flanders bounty hunting together, Bart obtaining Denis Leary’s cell-phone, that horrific Homerica episode with the Ogdenville invaders, a Halloween segment that had Kang & Kodos dancing with Janie, Database, Sherri & Terri, just think about that for a second.

    If I haven’t made a post in the next week, it’s because I’ve finaally drunk that emergency bottle of cyanide I keep bedside. In the words of Lisa from a very non ZS episode, “save us, save us now.”

  2. 17 December 2009 at 5:44 pm

    The next “Saw” movie should consist of hapless citizens being forced to mutilate themselves/each other in order to escape from watching tortuous Zombie Simpsons episodes.

    Anyway, let’s drink in the words of Charlie’s wonderful poem, and think of better times.

  3. 3 Charlie Sweatpants
    17 December 2009 at 6:31 pm

    P. Piggly Hogswine – That list sounds like Season 20 alright. This is a 100% true story. Last January as we were getting ready to start this site I decided I should watch the eight episodes of Season 20 that had already been broadcast. I download and watch them. It was awful. That night the motherboard on my PC fried itself. I’m convinced that it committed suicide out of despair after having to deal with those terrible episodes.

    D.N. – That’s the best idea the Saw franchise has had in a while. Unfortunately, the awful, self-centered people in the SAW traps are probably the same kind of people who keep every episode rating poll on Simpsons Channel dominated by 4/5 and 5/5.

  4. 17 December 2009 at 11:54 pm

    Regarding the “Saw” series, I bailed after the second movie. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on much. Oh Lord, now I’m remembering that godawful Simpsons episode with the “Saw” parody. The one in which Marge becomes a bridezilla, Homer gets kidnapped by Patty and Selma, and Sideshow Bob does a thankless cameo. That episode alone is bad enough to fry a computer.

    • 5 Celia
      18 December 2009 at 11:38 pm

      Because I haven’t seen any Saw, the parody aspect was lost on me, though the shit aspect was not. Perhaps, though, if I’d been more aware of the movies, the idea of Patty and Selma doing something as unpleasant as the kidnapping would have been less unpleasant. Maybe. But ah, we can have many a discussion about the various unpleasant aspects of that episode, Saw-related or otherwise.

      Also, nice poem, Charlie :)

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