17
Mar
10

Crazy Noises: Postcards from the Wedge

Schnapps

Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user cogdogblog.

“Ann Landers is a boring old biddy!” – Ned Flanders

In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21.  Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “schnapps”).

There was some discussion around these parts about the fact that up at No Homers even people who think the show isn’t what it used to be loved this episode.  Without delving into specifics let me just say that while I don’t agree (I thought it was shitty and boring), I do understand.  This is the kind of episode that people always seem to clamor for: no celebrity guest voice, the plot centered on the family, they stayed in Springfield, there was even an Itchy & Scratchy episode.  More so than most Zombie Simpsons episodes “Postcards from the Wedge” at least had the outward trappings of the real thing.

Unfortunately, outward trappings are all it had.  The guts of the episode was the same repulsive filler we’ve come to expect from Zombie Simpsons: ignored comedy opportunities, fake marital woes we’ve seen dozens of times before, blatant time killing, characters acting wildly unlike themselves.  And even when they reign in their incoherent zaniness there’s still a long lost subway that causes earthquakes.  This may indeed be the best they can do, but that doesn’t make it good, it just means that even their best is bad.

Charlie Sweatpants: So, time to get down to business?

Dave: Let’s

Mad Jon: Indeed, let’s

Charlie Sweatpants: Everything took too long and was boring, can I go now?

Mad Jon: Ha, you wish. You have to tell me what you hated the most

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh, where to begin?

Mad Jon: Otherwise my pain is the only pain that will be acknowledged

Charlie Sweatpants: I guess I’d start with the film strip opening, which could’ve been entertaining if it hadn’t taken way, way too long. Oh and then there was the scene at the school, which made no sense and took too long (Martin’s project was especially egregious from a clock wasting point of view), then there was the whole fire drill thing which made no sense and took too long.

Dave: Cut them some slack, they had 23 minutes to fill.

Mad Jon: Yep, I really hated the anti-Homeric behavior this time around. It was especially pungent.

Like the dishwasher scene. Homer would have either just put the dirty dish in the washer, or more likely, would have left it at the table or floor.

Charlie Sweatpants: The entire middle of the episode is Homer and Marge being mad at each other for no reason whatsoever before patching up for no reason whatsoever.

Oh man, I forgot about the dishwasher scene.

That was excruciating.

Dave: Me too. Ugh.

Charlie Sweatpants: Let’s not forget that this pales in comparison to the dishwasher thing in "Summer of 4 ft 2".

Mad Jon: That was a good time.

Charlie Sweatpants: And that they repeated the joke about Bart getting a rectal thermometer from "Marge Gets a Job".

Only this time it took longer and wasn’t funny.

Mad Jon: Think warm thoughts boy, cause this is mighty cold.

PS Do you remember the Brad Goodman episode?

Charlie Sweatpants: Can anyone explain to me either a) why Bart had a boredom montage when he was home from school, b) why Wiggum showed up after Homer and Marge made up or c) once they did make up why it took so long?

Mad Jon: Where Homer walks in to Marge watching the infomercial and he says "What up Marge?"

Charlie Sweatpants: Yes?

Mad Jon: Homer’s behavior this week was an entire episode of that one statement but without the period humor

Oh, and a) to fill time b) cause they owe Azaria X amount of minuets per episode, and c) who cares

I actually thought that scene was the end of the episode and I had blocked out two entire acts

The scene where Wiggum put the road cones around them

Charlie Sweatpants: I’ll buy a) and c), but b) doesn’t make any sense. Chalmers was in this one, Azaria does his voice, and it didn’t even sound like him.

Mad Jon: Yeah, I was grabbing at straws there

Dave: Someone brought that up a while ago. You can hear the age in some of the actors’ voices

Charlie Sweatpants: And I mean, not like him at all. Krabappel you can tell it’s still Wallace doing the voice, but Chalmers sounds totally different.

I mean that literally, he sounded like one of the generic background characters.

Mad Jon: And he wouldn’t have said, "Do something" he would have told skinner how worthless and stupid he is.

But I digress

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, if we’re digressing, can I complain about the Itchy & Scratchy episode?

Mad Jon: Ok

Dave: Sure. I’m guessing you thought it was awful

Charlie Sweatpants: It was awful.

Mad Jon: Huh, you think?

Dave: I win!

Mad Jon: Perhaps I just felt it was good compared to the rest of the episode.

But that was the only point that I cracked a smile

Dave: That’s generous, Jon.

Charlie Sweatpants: I mean, I’m all for the cat getting killed, but it usually goes faster than that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Itchy torture him slowly like he’s in one of those movies where a hot chick gets abducted.

Mad Jon: Fair enough. I felt it started slow but ended well

Look at us, we can’t even critique the cartoon, so we have to critique the cartoon within the cartoon

Charlie Sweatpants: I’m pretty immune to violence and horror and gore, remember I once ate a 90 count back of pizza rolls while watching the movie "Se7en", but that seemed more brutal than funny to me.

Dave: That sounds kind of fun, actually.

Charlie Sweatpants: While I’m on the subject of scenes that seemed stupid and had no redeeming value, why were Bart and Nelson on the swing set together and yet we never actually saw the swing set?

Mad Jon: Yeah, that happened. I have no helpful information however.

Charlie Sweatpants: And that was before the "chase sequence" ending.

Mad Jon: We did see a swing hit Bart in the head, does that count?

Dave: Nah.

Mad Jon: Why did they do a triple back flip?

Charlie Sweatpants: Olympic tie in?

Mad Jon: Maybe, that was a few weeks ago

Charlie Sweatpants: I’d say the more likely explanation is that they were so desperate to fill time that the half a second that took actually mattered to them.

Mad Jon: That is so depressing.

And probably correct

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, I’ve got very little else.

Mad Jon: That may be more than I have

This was a darn boring and pointless episode

Dave: Watching paint dry would’ve been more fun

Mad Jon: You can tell I mean business because I watched my language

Charlie Sweatpants: No fucking way.

Hmmm, Ctrl-F seems to back you up.

Wow, you really hated this one, didn’t you?

Mad Jon: Yep. Also I thought that was a find command

Dave: Who are you and what have you done with the real Jon?

Mad Jon: Don’t worry about him. He’s a few beers closer to a better place now.

Charlie Sweatpants: It is the find command, I was checking the transcript for "fuck", "shit", etcetera.

Dave: I’m a little frightened right now. Let’s call it a night.

Mad Jon: Works for me, I am sleepy and I need to pack still

Charlie Sweatpants: Before we do I have one more thing.

Mad Jon: Go on

Charlie Sweatpants: When Ned had the flashback to the fight he had with Maude. That, to me, was really awful.

Mad Jon: That was pretty bad, It was almost reminiscent of the black berry schnapps scene, but you know, not so funny.

Charlie Sweatpants: Because it was a joke ripoff from when Flanders went to AA, and on top of that it was completely antithetical to Ned’s character.

Mad Jon: There you go.

You with your big words

Charlie Sweatpants: Exactly. Except that the schnapps scene was funny because Flanders was "drunk" on three moles of alcohol.

Mad Jon: and your small difficult words

Charlie Sweatpants: This was just the opposite of him and it was there for no reason.

You know damn well what a mole is you science major geek, you.

Mad Jon: Do you still remember Avogadro’s Number? I actually had to use it a few days ago

Charlie Sweatpants: I’ve got your 10^23 right here, pal!

Mad Jon: Nice

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, we’ve once again begun chat yelling at each other over Zombie Simpsons. Jebus I hate this show.

Mad Jon: I am sure the alcohol isn’t helping, or is it..??

Dave: It’s doing something.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, that depends on how you define "help", doesn’t it?

Mad Jon: Oh sure



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