Crazy Noises: Stealing First Base

Who Shot Mr. Burns Part 2b

“Now, let’s discuss the, um, moe-tive” – Chief Wiggum

In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21.  Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “gripe”).

Sometimes a Zombie Simpsons episode is so sloppy and meandering, so devoid of humor, that it’s nigh impossible to have a coherent discussion of it.  We started off talking about the montages, but there’s so many little things in this episode that just flat out suck that we ended up jumping around randomly, just like the episode did.  And I’m sure we didn’t get to everything.  The B-plot was three scenes, the finale of which was a helicopter landing at the school and three minutes of exposition.  The A-plot dropped its reason for existing halfway through.  The opening scene has literally nothing to do with the rest of the episode.  Homer just gets into a little adventure driving the kids to school, it’s never referenced again and has no bearing on what happens once they get to school.  And what few stabs at humor were contained within were, to put it mildly, clumsy.  I could go on, but we did that last night. 

Mad Jon: Ok then

  Shall we?

Dave: Only if we start with the first of several pointless montages

Mad Jon: Fair enough

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, that was about the worst of it.

Mad Jon: Was it Charlie who was pissing on the Itchy and Scratchy episode from last week?

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh yeah.

Mad Jon: Should have kept your mouth shut

  Look what wrath you brought on us this week

Charlie Sweatpants: I’d hesitate to call this “worse” since the last one was already approaching absolute zero, but this was awful.

Mad Jon: Hesitate not fair gentleman

Dave: Quite.

Charlie Sweatpants: Fine, you saw an artsy movie from the late eighties, I’m impressed. Did it really need to go on for, wait, let me check . . .

Mad Jon: We’ll wait here

Dave: I enjoy the “Qatsi” trilogy, but recognize that it’s fair game for a ton of ridicule. The I&S bit did none of that

Charlie Sweatpants: One minute and ten seconds, give or take. Wow.

That’s more than 5% of the episode.

  I’m not familiar enough with all of Zombie Simpsons, but that’s got to be up there for all time champion montage time waster.

Mad Jon: I&S is not for that kind of parody. I&S is supposed to be the 15-20 seconds of pure violent humor that reminds me that I am still not completely desensitized

Charlie Sweatpants: Which one next, the kiss montage or the skateboarding montage?

Mad Jon: The Kiss one

Dave: Skateboarding

Charlie Sweatpants: Jon got there first, kiss it is.

Mad Jon: Hooray for us

Once again I forgot the sarcasm emoticon

Charlie Sweatpants: It’s already been discussed in the comments, but the Alien/Critic one was terrible either way you slice it. The rest were just dumb. I mean, they did “Ghost”! If ever a movie was crying out to be parodied it was that one, but they just put it in straight.

Mad Jon: Good point

Dave: Parody takes effort, remember?

  It’s much easier to copy verbatim.

Charlie Sweatpants: There was what, like ten? And only two of them were even attempts at humor.

That’s just pathetic, especially when you consider the enormous number of famous movie kisses over the years.

Mad Jon: On the bright side the Lady and the Tramp one made me think of the parody Family Guy did with Michael Vick. That was the only time I laughed the entire 22 min.

Charlie Sweatpants: I think I remember that.

By the way, the kissing montage clocks in at about 45 seconds.

Dave: So close to 2 minutes of a 23 minute episode?

  Wasted on two montages?

Charlie Sweatpants: And we haven’t even gotten to the skateboard one.

And the episode is only 20:33 on WinAmp.

Dave: Sorry, 20 minutes.


Charlie Sweatpants: Before we move on, I would like to reiterate my point from earlier: this was a massively wasted comedy opportunity.

Mad Jon: That one had a bit of a scene from that Angelina Jolie movie “Wanted”. Which, btw, some schmuck decided would be a good idea to make a sequel of.

Charlie Sweatpants: Which one?

Mad Jon: The skateboard montage

Charlie Sweatpants: So that was from something?

Mad Jon: The beginning was.

But I don’t know about the rest.

Charlie Sweatpants: I did a quick scan of the No Homers thread on this episode but nobody mentioned that it was from something. On the advice of several people I have not bothered to see “Wanted”.

Mad Jon: You are a smart man.

Dave: Did that have something to do with the montage?

Charlie Sweatpants: Jon seems to think so.

Which part?

  Wait, lemme guess, sliding under the picnic table?

Mad Jon: Look, I think this doesn’t merit this level of discussion. All we are really doing right now is reminding me that I paid 8 bucks to see “Wanted” with a girl I was already sleeping with.

Charlie Sweatpants: You paid to see it? Oh, sorry. I figured you at least waited until it was on DVD or something. That is kind of embarrassing.

Mad Jon: I rest my case

Dave: Seriously embarrassing.

Charlie Sweatpants: Depending on how you want to count, the skateboard thing goes on for between thirty and forty seconds.

(Thirty if it’s just the music, forty if you start from when the joke-free skateboarding starts.)

Mad Jon: I don’t think we should provide any benefit of doubt

Dave: Let’s say 40 and round it up to a minute.

  Because it felt at least that long.

Charlie Sweatpants: This brings me to another gripe about this episode though, because there’s a skateboarding girl who goes to Bart’s school and he’s never met her before?

  They used to put some care into introducing new students.

Dave: This isn’t then.

Charlie Sweatpants: Alison Taylor skipped a grade. Samantha Stanky moved to Springfield from Phoenix. Jessica Lovejoy was expelled from boarding school.

  Girlfriend #8 was across the hall the whole time.

Mad Jon: Good point, now they are just like “whoops, how about another class of 4thies”

Charlie Sweatpants: While we’re on the subject of nonsensical school stuff, the opening needs to be dragged out back and shot.

The GPS thing was a complete waste of time that had nothing to do with the rest of the episode.

Dave: People should trust their GPSs, har har

Charlie Sweatpants: The GPS thing is classic Zombie Simpsons, because you can see the writers’ desperation right on the screen. Hey, we haven’t “done” GPS yet. But we can’t think of a way to work it into the rest of the episode, so we’ll just stick it here because we need to fill some time.

You can tell it has nothing to do with the rest of the episode because not ten minutes later Homer is shown working on a car, and it has nothing to do with the opening minute of the episode when he wrecked the car.

  It’s not even the same car.

Dave: But you didn’t enjoy the wonderful, contemporary humor therein?

Mad Jon: No, I didn’t

Also, the bit with Nelson’s blind friend. I still don’t like Nelson with feelings, it always reminds me of the scenes from that one episode where he thinks all the plant life is his father.

Charlie Sweatpants: Wait, what?

If I have seen that I’ve blocked it out.

Mad Jon: It was a running gag the entire last 2 thirds of the episode

Dave: I’m sure someone at No Homers found it brilliant though. So does that mean it worked?

Charlie Sweatpants: Ralph laughed when the flag on the mailbox was up. That doesn’t mean the mailbox was “working”.

Mad Jon: I occasionally look at No Homers and some of those people are ok. But for the most part I would listen to my dog’s suggestion to start shitting on the floor before I would take their advice on The Simpsons.

Oops, said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet again.

Dave: I recognize that there are a few level-headed folks at NH – but they’re way outnumbered by the nutjobs.

Charlie Sweatpants: And while we’re talking about the opening, I’d also like to point out that the whole “chaos in the classroom” scene made less sense and had fewer joke than the ones when Skinner got fired.

  Oh, and they had the mouse fly out of the snake and cry “Freedom”. Where have I seen something similar?

Mad Jon: Why wasn’t Krabappel there again?

Charlie Sweatpants: Something about a cult. Might as well have given her Lyme disease and just been done with it.

Mad Jon: Did you forget the emoticon again?

Charlie Sweatpants: Forget? No. I thought it was pretty obvious what I was going for.

Mad Jon: Excellent.

Charlie Sweatpants: So what have we missed?

There was the awful Skinner/Willie kissing thing, that ate some clock. Lisa’s bizarre freakout. The pointless Angela Basset cameo, oh, and the pre-kissing montage thing where Skinner tried to stop Girlfriend #8 for some reason.

  Jebus there wasn’t a damn thing in this episode that made any sense.

Mad Jon: Oh god, I forgot about the kissing. That just kept going.

Dave: So true. But we can’t reasonably rip on everything.

Charlie Sweatpants: So you’re saying they’ve overwhelmed us with crappiness?

Mad Jon: It’s possible

Dave: Sure why not

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, I still want to bitch about the skit thing. I don’t think the length and stupidity of the kissing thing should let the rest of that scene off the hook.

Mad Jon: Bitch away

Charlie Sweatpants: There was Chalmers stupid exposition, the whole Homer strangling Skinner thing, and then there was Martin and Wendell dragging Homer off, which also sucked.

  Oh, and Chalmers sounded kinda like himself again, unlike last week when he sounded nothing like himself. Just bizarre.

Mad Jon: How bizarre indeed.

Dave: For some reason that just reminded me that Nelson was a complete fuck in this episode

Nelson, the estrogen-charged defender of the weak

Charlie Sweatpants: But he’s more sympathetic this way!

Mad Jon: Yeah, that sucked indeed as well

Charlie Sweatpants: Don’t you want all the characters to be nice? Why doesn’t Nelson share his pie, and then they would both have pie?

Mad Jon: Good reference.

Dave: No, Nelson’s better this way, you’re right.

  How dare I question any change in his character.

  This is who he should’ve always been.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah Dave, if you don’t like it, why are you watching?

Dave: I’m such a negative Nancy, ripping on others’ hard work

Mad Jon: It is pretty stupid that you would do that. Especially now that there are so many period references like iPods, GPSs and Josh Groban to make the show so much more watchable. Especially compared to season 17–18.

Charlie Sweatpants: It’s just sad that it’s not obvious to you that having a pointless guest character literally helicopter into the episode and then back out of it is just like teh classic Simpons!!!11!!!!1

Dave: Head hung in shame

  I’ll go now

Charlie Sweatpants: Can I go too? Recalling the various horrors of this episode is making me nauseous.

Dave: I’ll be in bed with a bottle of amaretto

Charlie Sweatpants: Well used.


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