Crazy Noises: The Greatest Story Ever D’ohed

Krusty Gets Kancelled5

“I don’t like it.  He’s got Johnny Carson, Bette Midler and Hugh Hefner!  What do we got?” – Gabbo
“Ray J. Johnson.” – Arthur Crandall

In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21.  Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is so cool.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “blaspheming”).

The internet gods saved us from finishing our group therapy session this week.  But before that happened we managed to get to most of what made this episode terrible.  The only thing I’d add is that turning a show over to a guest star is, generally speaking, not indicative of a healthy production. 

Mad Jon: Anyway I watched the new Zombie Simpsons today and now I have eye cancer too. You guys happy?

Charlie Sweatpants: It only gave you eye cancer? I need a better oncologist.

Mad Jon: I was having gin, I think that protected my insides…

Charlie Sweatpants: Yes . . . that’d do.

Anyway, was this a by the numbers Zombie Simpsons travel episode or what?

Mad Jon: I guess

Dave: It was predictable, yes.

Mad Jon: I think it was what the child of “Hurricane Neddy” and “Homer’s Enemy” would look like if it was a crack baby.

Charlie Sweatpants: How so?

Mad Jon: Ahem

Charlie Sweatpants: Jon’s using bold! We’re all gonna die!

Dave: Everybody take shelter!

Mad Jon: Because the episode started with Homer pissing off Ned. And then Homer acted exactly like the Zombie Homer that was born in “Homer’s Enemy” and then Ned kept being angry like “Hurricane Neddy” but didn’t have the ending therein, instead, it turned out EVERYONE thought they were the chosen one.

And Borat tried to ruin his career.

Charlie Sweatpants: I really had no idea where you were going with that, but that actually makes a lot of sense.

Mad Jon: AND Bart fought a ninja girl.

Dave: Jon wins. Conversation over.

Mad Jon: Thanks.

Charlie Sweatpants: As soon as Borat’s niece was there you knew she was going to have to do something with Bart. I was all ready to start in on Girlfriend #9, but they went with an action sequence instead.

Dave: Montage, Charlie.

  It’s a basic requirement of this season.

Mad Jon: Also, I had no idea what was going on during their tour.

Charlie Sweatpants: Neither did the writers, don’t feel bad.

Mad Jon: Other than Homer pissing Ned off.

Dave: Other than the broad excuse to pretend lampoon Israel you mean?

Mad Jon: I am so angry I just ended a sentence with a preposition

Charlie Sweatpants: No Grammar Rodeo for you, young man.

Mad Jon: Why, is there a breathalyzer?

Charlie Sweatpants: What was really bad about the whole Angry Ned thing is that there wasn’t even a resolution to it. Ned calmed down right as Homer went off on his pointless desert excursion (hello Johnny Cash).

Mad Jon: For almost no reason at all too.

  He was just… Better.

Charlie Sweatpants: Then later, they give it this sweet scene on the airplane as Homer is basically blaspheming worse than he’s ever done before.

I mean, it’s one thing to have Ned get pissed off, it’s another to have him then be sweet as sugar as Homer claims to be the Second Coming.

Mad Jon: I almost threw my computer on the ground when Homer empted the sand from his shoe.

Charlie Sweatpants: I guess what I’m trying to say is that making characters one dimensional is one thing, but having that one dimension change from scene to scene is really, really lazy.

Mad Jon: And again when he added salt to the Dead Sea

Charlie Sweatpants: Does the top of each script page just begin with “Also, this happened…”

Mad Jon: Well said pants.

  Transitions are so passe.

Dave: Patty & Selma’s Dead Sea bit was more concise and funnier. Go figure.

Mad Jon: The joke was two words long

Charlie Sweatpants: But was there any reason for him to go to the Dead Sea?

  Fuck no.

Mad Jon: Yeah, to put salt in it and drink it.

Dave: Oh not at all.

  Flimsy excuse for a crappy hallucination that led to something else.

  Like you said, lazy writing.

Charlie Sweatpants: Ohh, take that VeggieTales!

Dave: Burn, phallic Christian vegetables.

Charlie Sweatpants: When it comes to Christian children’s shows I’m partial to Jay Jay the Jet Plane, myself.

Mad Jon: How the hell did the Simpson family afford to pay their way to Israel?

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh shit, I almost forgot about that.

Mad Jon: Does Homer still have a job?

Charlie Sweatpants: Marge walks out and just says, “We’ll pay our own way!”

Mad Jon: I assume that was to give Homer a reason to moan.

Dave: You assume correctly

Mad Jon: Something had to follow the waterslide sceen [Ed Note: left that one in the original]

  God, I’m spelling like an asshole tonight

Dave: It’s the cancer

Mad Jon: The ball cancer or the eye cancer?

Charlie Sweatpants: What I like about that line is that it nicely demonstrates how weak the storytelling has become. The writers don’t want the Flanders to be buying everything because that would make the Simpsons unsympathetic, but at the same time they’re constrained by the fact that the Simpsons are supposed to be poor.

Mad Jon: That’s deep thinking for a Zombie writer

Charlie Sweatpants: They couldn’t write themselves a way around even that simple problem. I miss Chuck Garabedian.

Charlie Sweatpants: And that was Season 10!

Dave: Who was at the helm of this clusterfuck?

Charlie Sweatpants: What do you mean? Isn’t Al Jean still in charge?

Dave: No, the actual credited writer

Charlie Sweatpants: Kevin Curran.

Mad Jon: I assumed they resurrected the guy who played Corkey and had him write it, huh, you learn something every day.

Dave: I don’t know him but I don’t like him.

Mad Jon: Who, Curran or Corkey?

Dave: Curran

Mad Jon: I was going to say…

Charlie Sweatpants: Enh, this strikes me as a group failure. Plenty of blame to go around.

Dave: Sure, I just wanted to cast the first stone somewhere.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, when it comes to Zombie Simpsons you are without sin.

Mad Jon: Indeed.

I think you could commit some Charles Taylor like war crimes and still throw the first stone at this one.

Charlie Sweatpants: Now there’s a travel episode I’d like to see. The Simpsons are going to Liberia!

Mad Jon: They’ve already been to Africa, remember the monkey diamond mines?

Dave: Shhh, they might hear you.

  Don’t give them any ideas.

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh fuck, I hate that episode.

Mad Jon: Its really terrible

Charlie Sweatpants: This one was a lot like it though.

Dave: More than the Brazil episode?

Mad Jon: really terrible

  It makes me sad thinking about how I’ve seen it before.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, Simpson Safari was, I think, the template for later Zombie Simpsons travel episodes.

Dave: My timeline’s a little fuzzy

Mad Jon: Form letter indeed.

Charlie Sweatpants: Where all they do is plunk down the family for the sole purpose of having them visit every well known landmark.

Mad Jon: It came free with some Avery labels the writers bought when they were sending out resumes

And then there were monkeys and diamonds

Charlie Sweatpants: The really horrifying twist in this one is that they combined the worst aspects of the travel episode with the worst aspects of the pointless celebrity episode.

  Quite frankly, I think that’s why this one got voted down even at Simpsons Channel and No Homers.

It’s like when the Titanic sank, four water tight compartments, no problem. But you breach that fifth one . . .

Mad Jon: Who the hell was the second guest they listed?

Dave: She sings a song used in an Apple commercial

Mad Jon: What did she do?

Charlie Sweatpants: You’re going to have to narrow that down.

Mad Jon: On the episode?

Charlie Sweatpants: She fought Bart.

Mad Jon: Oh shit

They were a tag team eh? Fuck me that sucks.

  I’m gonna need more beer…

Dave: Go for something harder

Mad Jon: You always were the smart one

Dave: Aw shucks

Charlie Sweatpants: Drunken “I love you, man!”s aside, anything we still need to talk about here?

Mad Jon: I don’t think so. I am sure anything that we didn’t cover was covered by the commenters on the preview

Charlie Sweatpants: I do have one thing.

Mad Jon: Did you ever notice how Charles Taylor looks like an evil Morgan Freeman?

Charlie Sweatpants: No?

Dave: He does, sorta



Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, I’ll give you that.

  Though a lot of it is the beard.

Mad Jon: Anyway, go ahead Charlie.

Charlie Sweatpants: Anyway, what I was going to complain about was the fact that they got to Israel and the only people they talked to were Borat and his niece who spent most of her screen time chasing/fighting Bart.

Mad Jon: And being a sort of stereotypical in a way I didn’t understand.

  But I am interrupting.

Charlie Sweatpants: If you look at, say, “Bart vs. Australia” or even “30 Minutes Over Tokyo”, when they go someplace, they actually deal with a lot of people.

Mad Jon: Yeah, the previews I read led me to believe there would be some ethnic conflict involved

Charlie Sweatpants: Here, once they got where they were going it was just Borat narrating away, only without a fat man’s testicles in his face, so it was less funny.

Mad Jon: that was funny.

Dave: But he was a walking stereotype, and stereotypes are funny.

  Just kidding, his character was terrible.

Mad Jon: Maybe I don’t know enough Israelites.

[Ed note: At this point we began having technical problems – with a chatroom. We suck.]

Dave: Are we collectively giving up here?

Charlie Sweatpants: Is there anything else that we ought to discuss?

We covered the lame guest voices, the ridiculous way they got to Israel, the stupidity of Flanders getting mad and Homer thinking he was Jesus.

Dave: Nah, I’m spent.

Charlie Sweatpants: Does this mean we were saved by technical difficulties?

  And if so, couldn’t we fake this on a regular basis and get out of even thinking about this show?

Dave: Faking it would be less fun I think.

  And more work

Charlie Sweatpants: True enough.

2 Responses to “Crazy Noises: The Greatest Story Ever D’ohed”

  1. 1 Lovejoy fan
    3 April 2010 at 10:56 am

    I think the writers were trying to work their way around that money problem with that whole “church group” idea (meaning Flanders could still get the Simpsons to Israel without paying for them); at least I assume that’s it, because that tour did very little else.

    Seriously, the other characters might as well have not been there. Homer and Bart spend most of the time irritating Flanders, which is obviously the main point of this story. But the others… Krusty is just there for one joke, the Lovejoys may as well have vanished after that breakfast scene (and I don’t care what these new writers think; it’s a church tour. Lovejoy should’ve had more of a role), the Hibberts and Agnes Skinner didn’t do anything until that stupid ending (and why is Agnes in so many episodes nowadays?)… basically, the whole thing was about Homer, Flanders and that annoying tour guide. The tour was obviously a plot device the writers coughed up and just ignored once they’d got the Simpsons to Israel. No wonder we can’t remember what went on. I can barely remember it.

  2. 5 April 2010 at 10:26 pm

    The only redeeming value from “The Simpsons Go To Israel” is that nobody will who has seen it will be sad when the show ends.

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