Conspiracy Nuts Think Zombie Simpsons Predicts Nuclear Holocaust on Saturday

Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy9

“Scary, no?  And this guy’s head of the Spaceology Department at the Correspondence College of Tampa!” – Bart Simpson

Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your tinfoil hats, because YouTube user “truthwillfindyoubru” is about to avert a nuclear holocaust this Saturday!  I found it on a blog called “2012 THE AWAKENING”, the url of which is “ascendingstarseed”, so you know this is completely legitimate and above board.  Feast your Stonecutter-Illuminati-Black Ops-Freemason-Cult of Darius-CIA/MI6/007 eyes on this:

Or, you know, don’t.  Really.  Don’t.  But I did, all ten minutes and forty-four idiotic seconds of it.

The basic premise here is that the Zombie Simpsons episode “To Surveil With Love”, which I had more or less completely forgotten, foretells a “black flag” nuclear bomb attack scheduled for this Saturday the 6th of November, 2010.  The “black flag” part means that this nuclear detonation will be carried out by nefarious forces and blamed on someone else as a way to further the agenda of said nefarious forces.  Everybody got all that?  Good, let’s get to the tape.

The video starts out by rehashing the old conspiracist saw that  “City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” predicted the 2001 terrorist attacks crap.  If you’re unfamiliar with that bit of brilliant logic, here’s the screen grab that sent thousands of misguided people to their keyboards:

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson3

Definitive proof that Ian Maxtone-Graham is history’s greatest monster.

After that, the video mentions an episode of the X-Files spinoff “The Lone Gunman” where a plane doesn’t hit anything, a made for TV movie from 2005 about a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, and the bland and forgettable Nicholas Cage move “Knowing”.  Why?  Well, the first one obviously predicted the attack on the World Trade Center, because prior to that no one had ever thought of using a plane as a weapon.  The second one because hurricanes are so very rare in the Gulf of Mexico.  And the third one is obvious because that movie mentioned an oil rig fire and no offshore oil rigs have ever caught fire before Deepwater Horizon.  Once those not-at-all-insane connections have been made, we get a title card screen, “Now back to the point of this video”.  Very well, let us continue.

In case you, like me, don’t remember this particular piece of the haphazard scrawl that is Zombie Simpsons, here’s the FOX description:

A bomb squad mistakenly blows up Homer’s unattended gym bag, releasing radiation into the city and authorities react by suspending civil liberties.

Wiggum and his men install surveillance cameras around Springfield and round up suspected terrorists, including Groundskeeper Willie, but when monitoring the nonstop flow of video imagery proves to be too much, Wiggum enlists concerned citizens to help keep the city safe.

Meanwhile, Lisa becomes fed up with being blond, so she dyes her hair a dark color

Sadly, this video contains nothing about whether or not the world is ruled by a cabal of natural blondes who dye their hair.  Instead, it has things like this:

Idiotic Conspiracy1

The nuclear explosion seems self-evident, but the author felt the need to highlight it for us.  Why is the clock circled?  Because it tells us when the real nuclear bomb is going to go off.  I mean, duh:

Idiotic Conspiracy2

I’m not sure what a clock with a white face and black numbers has to do with freemasonry, but if their powers are so great as to control the level of contrast we perceive in the visible spectrum then we’re all doomed.  Just in case that lone, yellow arrow isn’t enough to make this subtle and perfectly logical message clear to you:

Idiotic Conspiracy3

See?  The fact that the clock is round clearly means that it’s a zero and the base a one and . . . holy shit we’re all gonna die!  Look:

Idiotic Conspiracy4

Almost certainly not?  I mean, it’s just a teevee show, and clocks are naturally round and . . . oh, you were looking for the answer “yes”?  Then “yes”:

Idiotic Conspiracy5

Touching your toes before you play sports is a stretch.  This is more of a baseless conjecture with no supporting evidence and a mountain of reasons why it’s stupid.  But please, go on:

Idiotic Conspiracy6

Wait, I thought it was the Freemasons.  Now it’s the Illuminati?  It must be, “apparently” they’ve infiltrated everything except the library board.  Or is Mrs. Glick’s stance on increasing the late fees part of something sinister?  And now, my favorite part:

Idiotic Conspiracy7

That is Grade A base covering.  If there is no nuclear detonation on Saturday (SPOILER ALERT: There won’t be.), it’s not because this whole thing is batshit crazy and dumber than a box of rocks.  It’s because enough people figured it out and the dark ones called it off.  The video concludes with a painfully sincere plea to share and copy this to “get this information out there!”, before recommending a bunch of other unhinged crap you can watch for further information.

I wouldn’t do that, nor would I ever want to watch “To Surveil With Love” ever again.  Besides, this episode had a far more terrifying component.  This was the one with the Kesha opening.  The horror.

7 Responses to “Conspiracy Nuts Think Zombie Simpsons Predicts Nuclear Holocaust on Saturday”

  1. 1 Ryan
    5 November 2010 at 12:43 am

    He has a point though. I mean, look at Treehouse of Horror VIII – right before the segment, The Homega Man, it says the episode is rated “666”. 6? November 6? Don’t Treehouse of Horrors air in November now? Why is that? It’s because November 6 is doomsday. Also, this was episode 182. 1 + 8 + 2 = 11. 11 = November. I rest my case.

    • 2 Patrick
      5 November 2010 at 1:00 pm

      THERE IS NO DAMN CONSPIRACY ON THE SIMPSONS what is the emergency number in the U.S.? 911 which is probably satirizing high crime in major cities like NY. The WTC on fire in the classic ‘Marge vs The Monorail’ is a different story though :S also there was one nutter on youtube which said that there hidden messages in the original HD simpsons intro :S but people like those are just desperate for attention.

  2. 5 November 2010 at 3:27 am

    Pretty much in other words, this whole logic with the math stems from another Simpsons episode “Thank God It’s Doomsday” where Homer predicts the Rapture using some really arbitrary math. Of course, he’s wrong…until he recalculates the “Equation” and ends up being the only person in Springfield who got raptured to Heaven. That’s where THAT episode lost me: Homer actually in Heaven. Every other time we saw it, it was in a Treehouse of Horror segment, “Simpsons Bible Stories,” and the occasional dream. God even presses the reset button by shouting “DEUS EX MACHINA!”

    But back to THIS episode: While I absolutely HATE the Lisa plot (seriously, dumb on all sorts of levels) I quite liked the A-Story. It showed that the Big Brother Flanders timeline from “Time and Punishment” was plausible, and that’s something that legitimately creeped me out.

  3. 4 Stan
    5 November 2010 at 3:04 pm

    This reminds me of that episode with the comet, when Springfield was thrown into chaos of idiocy trying to survive over those who settle in for the end of their days. It was all calculated, predicted, planned and everything. And then… the comet gets pwned.
    But that reminds me of some ever further episode, when there was an “angel”. It’s a shame, really, that they don’t do this kind of episodes in ZS (the Movie, being storywise a complete abomination with sugar on top, doesn’t count).
    Fuck ZS.

  4. 6 November 2010 at 2:42 am

    We’re through the looking glass, people!

  5. 6 Anonymous
    19 May 2012 at 1:38 am

    6-11-2012 guys.

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