Archive for August, 2013

31
Aug
13

Quote of the Day

Faith Off3

“Now, folks, a seven and five football season doesn’t come cheap, and this is a fundraiser . . . seal the exits.” – Springfield University Chancellor

30
Aug
13

Reading Digest: Must Be Labor Day Edition

Homer the Smithers7

“Now look, stop calling me and start enjoying your vacation.  Remember, I want to see lots of pictures when you get back.” – C.M. Burns
“Uh, actually sir, picture taking is not allowed at this particular resort.  Oop, I gotta now.  There’s a line forming behind me.” – Mr. Smithers

There are only two really slow periods for the internet during the year, the Christmas-New Year’s holiday gauntlet when all the big media companies are basically shut down for everything except really important breaking news, and late August when, for reasons of warm weather vacation, they do the same thing.  The biggest Simpsons story on-line this week, by a mile, was the official grand opening of the new and expanded Simpsons area at that theme park in Florida.  Since it’s been piecemeal open for months now, that should give you a good idea of just how slow things are.  However, we do have tons of excellent usage, a supposedly widespread rumor I’d never heard before, a couple of testimonials about how people experience the show, the varying supervillain qualities of Elon Musk, and Officer Mahoney himself, Steve Guttenberg. 

Enjoy.

There’s an Unaired ‘Simpsons’ Episode Where Bart Dies? – There isn’t.  But the story behind the rumor that there is – a rumor which I don’t think I’ve ever heard or read – is rather interesting:

So if Matt Groening and the staff of The Simpsons produced a special one-off episode of the series where Bart Simpson died, it wouldn’t be that shocking. But does such an episode really exist?

Comfort shows: television viewing for the soul – On Season 6 (among other things):

This season of The Simpsons helped me feel comfortable and took my mind of my worries and troubles. I still get the same calming experience when I re-watch those episodes today.

Amen to that.

Simpsons co-creator hands out money as he battles cancer with a smile – An AP story about Simon.  I couldn’t help but picture “Old Money” at this:

"Some people just want a million dollars. Or help with college tuition. And the rest have business propositions," he chortles. "Like that should be my legacy: to lose money on your movie or your moisturizer line.

"I’m bedridden," says Simon, milking the scenario for all its tragicomic worth, "weighing whether to dole my money to people lined up outside the house!"

As always: Simon rules. 

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 60) – Season 6 vs. Season 5, oh cruel fate, why do you mock me?

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 61) – And he mispronounced words that even I know, like ‘abdomen’. 

Me and Spongebob (caution:not particularly funny) – Excellent usage:

“I’ve watered her down as far as she’ll go, I can’t water her no more!” (Willy the grounds keeper from the Simpsons)

[…]

I’m quite strict about what the kids watch on tv, in fact J didn’t even watch TV till he was two. Since then we’ve implemented one simple rule; We don’t let them watch any brain melting happy drappy shitty vomitous child spoiling first world problem television.

Word.  And hooray for Spongebob. 

Thrift Store Finds: August’s Half-Off Sale – You never know what kind of VHS you’re going to find at the recycle store:

I have the first ten seasons of The Simpsons on DVD and watch them on an endless loop. I probably don’t need a VHS cassette collecting the first two episodes of the first season of the series, which is lucky because despite what the colorful box says, that’s not what I got here. The Best of The Simpsons Volume 1 includes “There’s No Disgrase Like Home” and “Life on the Fast Lane” but the cassette here includes “Bart the General” and “Moaning Lisa.” It’s a weird mistake and a little Googling reveals that the cassette I have is The Best of the Simpsons, Volume 2.

Two episodes on VHS, and FOX probably charged $24.95 in 1990 dollars for it. 

Journal Entry #9 – From a cartoonist:

There are other strips like “Peanuts” that I love as well but I want to also mention how “the Simpsons” affected my life. Along with “Calvin and Hobbes,” “The Simpsons” was another influence in my younger years. This may sound over-dramatic but I can’t imagine my life without “The Simpsons.” Morton and Finn are basically Homer and Lisa Simpson. Those two characters are probably my favorites in the show. I always found the Homer and Lisa shows to be the sweetest. What I like about Homer is that he can be REALLY stupid but there is still a heart and real emotion behind all bafoonery.

Well, there was a heart and real emotion.  Now it’s all weird plot twists and popped eyeballs, but other than that, yes. 

Kirby: An iPhone to an adult is like a Crayon to a child in church – Heh:

I forgot to turn off my cellphone in sacrament meeting last week. Unfortunately, the "new message" alert is Homer Simpson yelling "Whoo Hoo!"

So right in the middle of a High Council talk on the importance of eternal marriage, I (and everyone else) heard what sounded like an enthusiastic confirmation of the Holy Spirit — if it were an inebriated cartoon character.

Dangers of modern living, right there. 

What’s your favorite subtle joke from The Simpsons? : AskReddit – Exactly what it says it is, but it went way over 500 comments and there is basically no Zombie Simpsons.  So, well done, Reddit. 

Duck Dynasty recap: "So You Think You Can Date" – Here’s a comparison I never thought to see (though I’ve only watched one episode of Duck Dynasty, so what do I know?):

The sign of a strong series is when you know it has a deep bench of supporting characters. The best example is The Simpsons, which has hundreds of characters most fans — even casual ones — know by name. And at any time the writers could choose to build an entire episode around any one of them. I mean, I would totally watch a Duff Man episode, wouldn’t you? Depth has never been a problem for Duck Dynasty, with the members of the Robertson family alone accounting for more possible storylines than any reality series has a right to.

Which Character From The Simpsons Is Elon Musk? – Is he supervillain Hank Scorpio or snake oil salesman Lyle Lanley? 

Steve Guttenberg 55th birthday: 15 reasons why the Police Academy, Cocoon and Three Men & A Baby star is a cinematic treasure – I wouldn’t agree with the conclusion here, especially when turning down Ghostbusters for Police Academy is seen as a good career move.  It also doesn’t exactly speak well that the first thing they note after the Police Academy movies is the fact that he’s mentioned in the Stonecutter song. 

Ticket to Ride: Breaking Down the Krustyland Attractions – Yet more Tapped Out tips.  At this point, I could create a whole meta-site just about other sites that offer tips on the game. 

How to be a Good Fan: Don’t be the Comic Book Guy – Ah, crap:

Going back to The Simpsons, for its first 9 seasons it was close to my favorite show ever.  After season 9 it seemed to get a bit “stupider” in its jokes and, to me, became more about watching Homer scream and guest stars.  Now that was to ME.  My response was to try it for a bit.  Watch the odd one here and there…and then give it up.  I haven’t watched a full episode since season 11.  I didn’t continue to watch it just so I could go to the forums later and complain about how it was the Worst. Episode. Ever.

Fair enough, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually called something the worst ever. 

Sugar High: gotta have it, really need it to get by – After getting $80 on a iTunes card, a young father does this:

As I was starting to run out of money I knew I had to get something for everyone in my house to enjoy. So I grabbed The Simpsons season 1. I know The Simpsons are overplayed on syndication these days but I don’t have TV, so there. Season 1 will always be special not only for the spot on writing but simply for those end of the 80s memories I’m always trying to sort out in my head.

I know that feeling.

NY Yankee Ichiro Suzuki hosts Akiko Wada, the “Aretha Franklin/Marge Simpson” of Japan – Well, I learned something today:

This is a woman who is perhaps the Aretha Franklin of Japan. She is known for this performance of “Unchain My Heart,” and was the voice of Marge Simpson in the Japanese version of the Simpsons.

Nobody – Lisa’s Emily Dickinson quote superimposed over an artsy portrait.  Neat. 

Meaningless Milestones – Excellent ironic usage:

When the Simpsons had their 100th episode, the opening showed Bart writing, “I will not celebrate meaningless milestones” over and over on the chalkboard.

Well, this is my own meaningless milestone. This is my 100th blog entry.

Bravo.

Three Days Left for Free Books! – More excellent usage:

Ladies and gentlemen, you only have three days left to enter the free book giveaway on Goodreads! I’m giving away ten free copies of On The Border. The giveaway ends on August 31.

Don’t be like Homer Simpson when Mr. T is at the mall: “The entire day, I kept saying, “I’ll go a little later, I’ll go a little later…” And when I got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he’ll ever come back again, he said he didn’t know. Well, I’m never going to let something like that happen again!”

Couple of minor nitpicks in that Homer says “And then when I got there” and “if he would ever come back”, but that’s trivial.  Well quoted. 

Rejoice, Simpsons Fans: You Can Go to Springfield – A four minute walking tour video of the now fully armed and operational Simpsons area in Florida.  I don’t know if Orlando tourism is a seasonal affair, but one suspects that the original schedule did not call for this thing to open right as summer vacation season was coming to a close. 

[PHOTOS] ‘The Simpsons,’ ‘Family Guy,’ ‘American Dad,’ ‘Bob’s Burgers’ Posters – FOX released some circus themed posters for fall promo, and they’re actually quite good.  Be nice if they put that much effort and creativity into Zombie Simpsons, but whaddya gonna do? 

Masonology – From a Freemason blog:

Homer here is currently taking his obligation. Unfortunately Homer joined the Stonecutters, our sworn enemies.

Freemasons run the country!

“I Want to Buy That Rock” – Thank goodness for The Simpsons, otherwise many fewer of us would know what “specious” means.

The Best in Simpsons, 80′s & 90′s Pop Culture… – There’s a new Facebook page about late 20th century pop culture called “TheDRYYYYYYCracker”.  

I’ve asked my students to do this . . . – The problem with asking your students to catalog all their media interactions is that you have to do it too, including:

30 minutes . . . (this is so not like me) playing a video game! I am addicted to the “The Simpsons Tapped Out” game. I am not into many games, but it’s only my love of “The Simpsons” that keeps me coming back to build Springfield after Homer destroyed it in a power plant explosion. This is audience fragmentation at work. I am not really into games, but I am a huge, dorky Simpsons fan. Someone built this game for huge, dorky Simpsons fans. Now I play it. Why do I play it? It’s kind of clever, it’s a simple pleasure, and I have to admit, I anticipate what I get to build next in the game. But, about 10 minutes at a time is all I can handle without getting bored.

I recently acquired my first Android device, and I briefly tried out the game, ten minutes is about how far I made it.  

The World’s End…In 10 Words – Quick, get Bart out of the house before God gets here!

Super Buddies…In 10 Words – Did they pull a toddler from the path of a speeding car then push a criminal in front of it?

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers…In 10 Words – Ralph won’t “Morph” if you squeeze him hard enough. 

The 2013 VMAs…In 10 Words – The MTV awards aren’t about freaks, they’re about music, and advertising, and exploiting fame for the purposes of youth oriented product positioning. 

“Roman numerals? They never even tried to teach us that in school!” – Now here’s somebody who agrees with us:

As a teacher, this joke is relevant on a few levels. First of all, Mrs. K’s justification for learning Roman numerals is delightfully obscure and irrelevant: “If you don’t learn roman numerals, you’ll never know the date certain motion pictures were copyrighted.” At first, this seems like a clever satire on what is deemed to be essential knowledge in American school systems. The joke appears to be entirely in line with the Simpson’s long-standing tradition of poking gentle fun at various social and cultural institutions.

Then, the kicker comes when Bart (through a classicly twisted yet still coherently connected plot) finds himself actually needing to know Roman numerals. The situation is of course highly unique and bizarre, but the point it makes to me is that we can never be certain when or where we will need to know what we need to know.

If there’s one thing you really need to know Roman numerals for, it’s to know what Super Bowl we’re on.

30
Aug
13

Quote of the Day

Two Dozen and One Greyhounds11

“In today’s news, a two-ton rhino escaped from the Springfield zoo.  But zoo officials were quick to act, and Petunia, as she is known, is safely back in captivity.  In other news, a three-ton rhino that escaped from the zoo last week is still at large.” – Kent Brockman

29
Aug
13

Quote of the Day

The Day the Violence Died7

“I don’t have the money to produce the cartoons!  I lost everything!  I can’t even keep my Dad’s head in the freaking cryogenic center anymore. . . . You comfortable in there, daddy?” – Roger Meyers Jr.

28
Aug
13

Quote of the Day

Homer and Apu12

“No!  Don’t kill me!  I didn’t know there was film in that camera in that hat!  I was unaware!  I was unaware!” – Homer Simpson
“Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me.  In my village, this is the traditional pose of apology.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“Oh.” – Homer Simpson
“You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing.  Many have died needlessly.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

27
Aug
13

Quote of the Day

Lady Bouvier's Lover9

“Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?” – C.M. Burns
“I don’t know, sir.  You had sex with that old woman?” – Mr. Smithers
“She said no to me!  Do you know how many women have said no to me?  One-hundred-thirty!  But only one since I’ve become a billionaire.” – C.M. Burns

26
Aug
13

Quote of the Day

Bart the Lover11

“Though I’ll be inoculating babies in Kampuchea, my heart will always be with you.” – Lisa Simpson
“That sucks.  How ’bout ‘Crocodiles bit off my face’?” – Bart Simpson
“That’s disgusting.  And besides, when a woman loves a man it doesn’t matter that a crocodile bit off his face.” – Marge Simpson
“I may hold you to that, Marge.” – Homer Simpson




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