Archive for December, 2013


Off Topic: A Friend’s Ripping Good Read

“These Hardy Boys books are great, too.  This one’s about smugglers.” – Homer Simpson
“They’re all about smugglers.” – Bart Simpson
“Not this one, The Smugglers of Pirate Cove, it’s about pirates.” – Homer Simpson
If you’re reading this post then you’ve probably already read the “Zombie Simpsons” mini-book.  That little thing would’ve been much worse if not for the help of, as I said in the acknowledgements, “my friend Liz”.  Well, today Liz became a for-real published author with her first dead tree book, Hunted:
As you can probably judge from the cover, it’s a mystery novel.  Specifically, it’s about an FBI profiler on the trail of an asshole who murders young women.  It’s a real page turner, the ending is both scary and great, and I can personally attest that she did her homework.  Liz has been to the FBI’s training center, has shelves groaning under books about modern homicide investigation, and has a sharp eye for which procedural details are cool and move the story and which ones aren’t and don’t.
The main Amazon link is here (Kindle or paperback), her Goodreads page is here (where Hunted has four stars on 28 ratings), and this is her website (yes, that is her in the sunglasses with the semi-automatic pistol).  This is the first book in a series, and if you like fun and pulpy mysteries, it will suck you right in and keep you turning pages long after you planned to be doing something else.

Quote of the Day

Eight Misbehavin3

“Are you sure you want a child, Apu?” – Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon
“You know, I do.  I mean, there comes a time in a man’s life when he asks himself: who will float my corpse down the Ganges?” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon


Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Hit By a Car12

“Howdy, stranger.” – The Devil
“I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” – Bart Simpson
“Ah, please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Devil.” – The Devil


Quote of the Day

A Fish Called Selma12

“Yeah, it’s a good idea, Homer, but they’ve already made some movies about World War II.” – Drunken Troy McClure


Quote of the Day

Dancin' Homer10

“Bart was strangely quiet.  Later he explained he was confused by feelings of respect for me.  It wouldn’t last.” – Homer Simpson


Reading Digest: Homer Impregnates Patty & Selma Edition

The Way We Was18

“Is Marge here?” – Homer Simpson
“Who?” – Patty Bouvier
“Or what, are you?” – Selma Bouvier
“I’m her date.” – Homer Simpson
“I suppose you want to come in and sit down.” – Patty Bouvier
“Oh, okay.” – Homer Simpson
“Marge’s dates get homelier all the time.” – Selma Bouvier
“That’s what you get when you don’t put out.” – Patty Bouvier 

It’s that weird week of the year between Christmas and New Year’s, when internet traffic plummets, the news goes into recycle mode with cheap posts about best this and worst that, and nobody much talks about The Simpsons on-line.  We do have some excellent usage, clever Australian sports fans, bird sex most foul, and the merchandising machinery has no respect for our hu-man holidays so there’s a hideously expensive jacket you can buy, plus there’s the usual assortment of random stuff and general what have you.  


The Mary Sue Exclusive Clip: Nancy Cartwright, Voice of Bart Simpson, in I Know That Voice – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week contains a couple of short YouTube clips from an upcoming documentary about voice acting.  The first one is Cartwright explaining how there’s a rhythmic difference between characters like Ralph and Nelson, it’s neat.

These Cricket Fans Won The Day With Their Cromulent ‘Simpsons’ Signs – Two Australian cricket fans brought “Dental Plan” and “Lisa Needs Braces” signs to a test match, and there’s pictures.  Bravo, cricket fans.

The 12 Days of Christmas Episodes: The Simpsons – “Grift of the Magi” – Our old friend EJ Feddes takes a look at one of the lesser earlier Christmas episodes.

The Simpsons in its 25th season: showrunner Al Jean on why it endures – A nice little fluff piece on Jean and the show.  Nothing new or terribly interesting, though I did giggle somewhat at this:

A sequel to the 2007 feature film is not ruled out, but there is nothing planned. The writers, divided into two 10-strong teams in different rooms, have an eye for YouTube clips, but the main challenge remains crafting 30-minute stories without repeating previous episodes.

It’s the “main challenge” alright, one they haven’t bested in years.  Also, here’s horse’s mouth confirmation of what we’ve long suspected, they pussyfooted around Bush the Younger because they were scared:

Some writers pitched gags about the second President Bush, but the show largely steered clear because of his volatile ratings and image. “After 9/11 people were saying: ‘You can’t make fun of him, you can’t make a joke about the president, it’s too serious a time.’ Then it went to the opposite where he was widely ridiculed. We work a year ahead and we try to do things which we know will be true when we air,” says Jean. Lacking an actor who did good Dubya was another factor.

Weak sauce, Jean, weak sauce.

New home for turkeys that were saved from the chop – Aw, this is nice:

STUDENTS at Duchy College Rosewarne, in Camborne, have rescued two turkeys from the dinner plate and given them a new home.

Named by the students after characters from The Simpsons TV show, hens Patty and Selma have joined stag Homer and a hen Marge, who already live on the Camborne campus.

Though one imagines none of their namesakes would appreciate this:

Head animal management technician Laura Fallow said: “Patty and Selma have settled in well, they were quite nervous to begin with and their agility means they are able to jump onto the fence but they do not venture far and always return to the stag. We will be breeding Homer with Selma and Patty to produce hatchlings for the spring to sell.”

NFC North teams stink – Excellent usage:

Once again, as I watched NFL games Sunday, I was reminded of that wonderfully cheeky line from “The Simpsons.” The one that goes, “I’ve seen teams suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.”

The reminder came as each of the NFC North teams lost their games.

The Simpsons Help Us Pinpoint the Second the Cardinals Playoff Hopes Ripped in Half – I put this up on Twitter earlier in the week, but it’s those weird days between Christmas and New Year’s, so why not take another look.  It’s worth a chuckle.

When Ranveer Singh faked an accent to impress girls – Heh:

Bollywood actor Ranveer Singh went down memory lane at a talk show and spoke about the days when he served coffee at Starbucks in the US before he became an actor.

Speaking about his college days, Ranveer said he used to pay attention to his looks when he used to serve coffee. He grew his hair and was all tanned. All the Jewish girls, who used to visit the cafe, found him very appealing and used to often talk about him amongst themselves. He admitted that not only did he take care of his looks but also spoke in an accent to catch the girls’ attention.

He admitted that he used to purposely speak in an Indian accent because the girls found it very appealing. He said he used to talk like Apu from The Simpsons.

8 great Christmas TV episodes – “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” is here, as is “Xmas Story” from Futurama.

TV Character Bracket 2nd Round: #5 Homer Simpson vs. #4 Michael Scott – Homer’s winning, but could always use some more votes.

THE BEST EPISODE THINGY THERE EVER WAS Round 1 Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire VS Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? – Oof, that’s a tough one.

Homer Vs Lisa and the 8th Commandment – After a couple of week’s off, Ash is back.

The Simpsons – Stick with those old box sets and you’ll be fine:

I have a love/hate thing for ‘The Simpons’ Sometimes I actually love the show and can’t find anything bad about it but the next time I can fully hate it and go weeks on end without watching an Episode.

The Simpsons X Moleskine book collaboration – A closer look at some of those new little notebooks.

lipstickndynamite – One of the Best Mom Moments – Lisa and Marge at the end of “Moaning Lisa”.  Indeed one of the best.

Charity Christmas display targeted by ‘selfish’ thieves – Some asshole in Britain slashed a Christmas display, including an inflatable Homer.

27 Funny Vehicles Spotted on The Simpsons – There’s some Zombie Simpsons here, including that idiotic Lady Gaga train, but it’s mostly good.

Pedalling in the Christchurch garden – New Zealand had a bad earthquake three years ago, now there’s a short bicycle tour of some of the still remaining wreckage, including a wall that collapse to reveal the inside of someone’s bathroom and their giant “You’ll have to speak up I’m holding a towel” cutout of Homer.  (It’s the second image in the slideshow.)

Dag 321 – Wouldn’t it be nice to see someone wearing this shirt wheeled a big stack of beer into a store/bar?

Dag 322 – Homer, ready for a night on the town.

NOWHERE / BABY MILO® THE SIMPSONS™ – See the two (2) trademark signs in that link?  They aren’t a coincidence, but you can buy a truly ugly Simpsons jacket for $300.

KBCW Presents: The Simpsons Classics! – Even local TV stations with syndication rights know that Zombie Simpsons is garbage.  Observe:

In 2014, KBCW will be reliving that TV history from the very beginning.

Starting January 6th KBCW presents The Simpsons Classics: a Bay Area broadcasting event presenting the first twenty years of “The Simpsons” in order from the very beginning.

Witness Homer’s first industrial accident, Marge’s very first groan of disappointment and the introduction of Troy McClure, Disco Stu, and Blinky the three eyed fish. Re-introduce yourself to every character, every guest star and every pop culture element as KBCW presents the classic episodes that have not been seen on Bay Area broadcast television in years.

Catch every episode of the first 20 years of the Simpsons in order.

We’ll be running the first decade of the Simpsons at 6pm, starting with season one episode one, then well be running the second decade at 10:30 starting with season 10 episode 1.

One of these time slots is better than the other.

Take Me to the Pilot #6: “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us.  This is a thoughtful reminiscence about watching the first episode as a kid, and then again as an adult.  The whole thing is worth a read, and it agrees with us precisely:

It’s easy to forget how humble the show’s beginnings were, and how grounded in real-world economic hardships the Simpson family was in the show’s early days. Watching a current episode of The Simpsons–with its super-slick animation, too-tight pacing, and absurd stories that only occasionally remind us why we ever cared about these characters in the first place–is like watching a completely different show.

Amen, brother.  If only there were a name for that different show . . .


Quote of the Day

Homer Defined12

“What?  What is it?  What are you doing?” – Homer Simpson
“Looking at you with quiet awe.” – Lisa Simpson
“Well, as long as its quiet.” – Homer Simpson


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