Archive for July, 2014


Quote of the Day

You Only Move Twice13

“Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up two percent, and it’s all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts, and the possibility of more donuts to come.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Two Dozen and One Greyhounds13

“We can’t lose!  Look at the name of the dog I bet on!” – Homer Simpson
“She’s the Fastest?  Homer, I don’t think that means necessarily-” – Marge Simpson
“And they’re off!  She’s the fasted jump out to an insurmountable lead!” – PA Announcer
“You’re lucky you’ve got looks, Marge.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Homer and Apu13

“Apu, if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Bart the Lover14

“I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for fifty dollars.” – Marge Simpson
“Marge, you’re a tool of the doghouse makers.” – Homer Simpson
“I am not!” – Marge Simpson
“Yes, you are.  You’ve been brainwashed by all those doghouse commercials on TV.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day


“Don’t worry, Mom.  I’ll bust you out of there just as soon as I get a cocktail dress and a crowbar.” – Bart Simpson
“Bartina, until I met you, I was the loneliest warden in the penal system.” – Imaginary Warden”
“Fresh.” – Bartina
“Oh, down I go.” – Imaginary Warden


Quote of the Day

Bart the Mother5

“What can I get for eight thousand tickets?” – Nelson Muntz
“A BB gun or an Easy-Bake Oven.” – Squeaky Voiced Teen
“Hot food is tempting, but I just can’t say no to a weapon.” – Nelson Muntz

Happy birthday David S/X Cohen!  


Quote of the Day

The Twisted World of Marge Simpson12

“What’s all that commotion?  Why it’s one of those pretzel wagons the movie stars are always talking about.” – Homer Simpson
“Here?  At our plant?” – Lenny


Reading Digest: Makeup Edition

The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace4

“This next one’s for the ladies.  How many times have you gals been late for a high powered business meeting only to realize you’re not wearing makeup?” – Homer Simpson
“That’s every woman’s nightmare.” – Marge Simpson
“That’s why I invented this revolutionary makeup gun!  It’s for the woman who only has four fifths of a second to get ready.  Close your eyes, Marge. . . . And now you’re ready for a night on the town.” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, you’ve got it set on whore.” – Marge Simpson

That Marge related makeup line they announced a few weeks ago got its big marketing rollout this week, so there were a ton of links to it.  Amusingly, personal blogs and sites were mostly filled with geeky love while the big commercial sites were uselessly parroting the press release.  In addition to all that merchandising glamour, we’ve got a couple of really stand out analysis pieces, one about animation and Bob’s Burgers, and another about the delicacy of translating Flanders.  Plus there’s some great fan art (including zombies!), a couple of lists, some usage, some soccer, some Australian politics, and the Lisa Simpsons version of Sir Mix-a-Lot.


Beyond Easy: Bouchard Buffet, Part 5: Bob’s Burgers – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this detailed look at Bob’s Burgers and the early years of The Simpsons from our old friend Patrick R.  The focus is on animation, but it goes deep into characters and stories as well.  It’s worth reading even if you aren’t a Bob’s Burgers watcher, because it really gets at the underlying comic sensibilities of various shows.  Bravo.

The Fun of Nonstandard Lang-diddly-anguage – This was going to be the link of the week before I read the above, and it is also very much worth a read.  It’s a linguistic look at translating Flanders into other languages, with particular attention to the Fladerseses from around the world in “Lisa the Vegetarian”:

When assimilating these tics to their respective linguistic systems, several European translators opted to use variations of typical expressions (“salut”, “salve” and “hola” in FR, IT and ES for “hi-diddly-ho”) distorted in such a way as to retain the rhyme, alliteration and assonance that characterises the odd, yet distinctive, effect created in the English.

How do you translate “ding dong diddly días” into Italian?

Vampire Mob Graphic Novel – Issue 1 – I am really good at ignoring press releases and I get a lot of practice because this is a semi-popular internet site in a time when everyone is starved for attention, but I got one this week for an Indiegogo for a graphic novel based on a web series that Marcia Wallace was in before she died:

Zombie Simpsons: Mrs Krabapple by danosborne on deviantART – And speaking of Edna Krabappel, this is one of a series of excellent fan made zombie drawings.  There’s also Otto, Willie, and Krusty.

The Simpsons Wasted My Youth: Top 15 Episodes, Pt. 2 (Top 5) – Completing the list from last week, there is still no Zombie Simpsons and Hank Scorpio sits atop them all.

A Guide to the Dark, 420 Simpsons Remix on Twitter – The complete Denton write up.

Simpsons on the Block – A minimalist design of the family on a t-shirt.

The Simpsons – Heh:

“I like big books and I cannot lie
You other readers can’t deny
When a good book walks in with
A good plot base
And a big spine in your face
You get sprung!

Simpsons football lookalikes: Luiz Suarez as Cletus and David Luiz and Sideshow Bob – 12 football stars who look like your favourite characters – It just isn’t that hard to find a picture of Sepp Blatter looking like the personification of desiccated greed.

Dagwood Bumstead – TV characters and their sandwiches.  I think you all probably know the sandwich Homer has.

Makeup Like Marge: The MAC Simpsons Collection – That makeup collection from a few weeks back got a release date: end of August.  Give them this, it may be the first makeup to use the title “Nacho Cheese Explosion”.

Marge x MAC – But this just seems silly:

The Simpsons x MAC collection won’t hit stores until September, but the nerds at Comic-Con get first dibs when it goes on sale there for one day only in a few weeks. Me? Well, I’m yellow with envy

Ha!  Giving out makeup at Comic-Con . . . do they know their audience at all?

mac x simpsons makeup collection: it’s not a want, it’s a need. – Oh, one last link:

And a probably the first makeup tip I ever learned:

Ladies pinch.  Whores use rouge.

5 best memes of the Brazil World Cup 2014 – Comparing Brazil-Germany to Ralph’s heartbreaking moment on the Krusty 29th Anniversary show.

Webcomic Wednesday – There is a Simpsons Facebook page dedicated to making fun of Australia’s Liberal Party.  That is all.

Time For Change – Cool fan made Bart and Milhouse (among others) sketches.

Pick one and Never Lego – Ralph graffiti in the city of the angels.

Fox’s Fall Premiere Plan Includes Family Guy/Simpsons Crossover, 3-Part Utopia Launch, Late Mulaney Start – Ugh:

8 pm The Simpsons (Season 26 Premiere)
8:30 pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Season 2 Premiere)
9 pm Family Guy (One-Hour “The Simpsons Guy” Season 13 Premiere Crossover Event)

Krusty go BOOM! – The destruction and rebuilding of a Tapped Out Krustyland.

Should I Purchase Lincoln? – The irony of that headline is tough to beat.  Heh.

Good or bad teeth? The genetics of tooth decay – Excellent reference from CNN:

Remember “The Big Book of British Smiles” from “The Simpsons”?
The dentist used it to scare children into proper dental hygiene.
And let’s be honest, it was funny! Because though British tea and good manners have an excellent international reputation, British teeth are mostly used as a punch line.

Top Thirteen Female Characters – #3: Lisa Simpson – Awesome:

I don’t remember a lot about that first season (I do now since I own it due to the miracle of DVD), but I do remember pretending to be Lisa Simpson. In kindergarten there was a stage you could play on and I distinctly remember playing Jem and the Holograms with my friends, but wanting to be Lisa Simpson instead of Kimberly of the Holograms. The mind of a five-year-old, right?

Round 117: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire vs. Bart vs. Australia – Tough.

30 All-American Simpsons Episodes – There’s some Zombie Simpsons on this list, but it’s all buried down near the bottom, so well done on that.

How Fireworks Work, It’s All In The Chemistry – Excellent reference:

In the immortal words of The Simpsons, July 4th is a time to celebrate the independence of our nation by blowing up a small part of it.

Draw your friends – Well done:

I spent the whole night drawing my friends. Haha. Simpsons and Tim Burton styles.

Simpsons Denied Animated Emmy Nom for First Time – I suppose I should make a note of this, but I don’t give even the teensiest of fucks about the Emmys, so I have nothing to add.

I Want to Write for The Simpsons – And finally, I get to end with someone who agrees with us.  I’m on record, just as recently as yesterday, as saying there is no hope for the show ever resuscitating itself, but there are some good ideas in here, and he agrees with us:

What made The Simpsons great wasn’t that they were going for just gags, instead they told simple stories and then gently assaulted viewers with witty jokes. The Simpsons were witty, they didn’t linger on jokes, they didn’t beat dead horses. I don’t see why the writers don’t return to this style. Worst case scenario, people are too busy laughing at one joke to hear the next, but that just adds longevity; people will want to rewatch episodes to catch everything.
The show was smart, but not up its own ass with pretentiousness. Everyone was self-aware but not self-obsessed.

Al, hire this kid.


Quote of the Day

Great Story

“Oh, it was awful.  They set me on a cold metal table and prodded me with humiliating probes.  And th-oh, wait, that was my physical.” – Homer Simpson
“Great story, Homer.  Really.” – Karl


Sorry, Uproxx, Zombie Simpsons Is Never Worth Watching

Bart Carny4

“Sorry.” – Screamatorium Carny

I understand the desire for there to be funny and watchable episodes of Zombie Simpsons.  Hell, I share it.  If they ever made a good episode again you could get out the crayolas and color me tickled pink.  But that will never happen.  The show is too far gone to regain even a spark of what once made it great, and the proof of that is on display in every episode of Zombie Simpsons.

And I mean every episode, as in all ten on this Uproxx list of “10 Episodes From the Past Five Years That Are Totally Worth Watching” @dailysimpsons tweeted earlier today.  This is readily apparent just by reading the article, where phrases like, “with Moe, for some reason”, “Umm..okay”, “wacky adventure with a farting toy train”, and “it’s a bit gruesome to watch” dot every entry.  But for a fuller rebuttal, let’s just go to the tape.

10.  “A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again” – This was the love note to the completely unlovable cruise industry.  Also, Bart’s feelings, which Uproxx mentions several times, were as stupid and ham handed as possible.

9.  “Donnie Fatso” – This is the one with the completely lifeless FBI agent and Homer being a suave undercover cop.  It’s boring as hell.

8.  “The Bob Next Door” – This one is from so long ago that there isn’t even a Compare & Contrast for it, but there was a nonsensical plot, lazy gags and pointless exposition.

7.  “The Food Wife” – The best compliment Uproxx can come up with is that there was a Tim & Eric song on this, which they call one of the best Simpsons songs in years.  When someone else’s work is the high point of your scripted show, it’s not a good sign.  This one also highlighted how much the family now lives like rich TV writers who can’t be bothered to think up non-pun brand parodies.

6.  “500 Keys” – This was a “Trilogy of Error” clone that managed to step on the few jokes it made.

5. “Homer The Father” – This is what I mean when I say that the premise of this post is constantly undermined by just how crappy these episodes are:

At a point in this show’s history where it tends to rely on weirder and weirder plots just to keep from getting bored with itself, this one features a simple storyline about Homer trying to be a better father (by following the advice of a cheesy 80s sitcom, of course)

That is very weak praise, indeed.  And let’s not forget that they whiffed completely on making fun of the eminently mockable 80s sitcoms.

4. – “The Saga Of Carl” – The Simpsons are going to Iceland, where they will kill time with chase scenes and musical montages.

3. – “Holidays Of Future Passed” – Another future episode that’s limp and lifeless next to “Lisa’s Wedding”.  They like this so much they’ve done it a couple more times since.

2. – “The Book Job” – A bland stab at parody with no villain ranks #2 on this list.  That’s about all you really need to know.

1.  “Brick Like Me” – Ah, the much touted merchandising tie in episode that both they and I think is the best they can do.  Sadly, that still means having characters constantly tell us what they’re doing and how they feel, which is even worse than usual because they spent two years on it and still managed to have a nearly jokeless script that would get laughed out of the remedial classes at Hollywood Upstairs Screenwriting College.

And that’s the problem with trying to find some good in Zombie Simpsons, there just isn’t anything the least bit memorable or creative about any of them.  These episodes are all from just the last five years, but with the possible exception of the Lego one, will any of these be fondly remembered five years from now?  Seems unlikely.  And even the Lego episode is only notable for the novel animation, not for quotes, jokes, parodies or any of the other things that make episodes from twenty years ago endlessly rewatchable.

Zombie Simpsons has been in a comfortable and generally dull rut for a lot more than five years, and in all that time hasn’t shown even a spark of breaking out.  Assuming the show continues its undead shuffle across network teevee for another five years, someone at Uproxx could write this exact same post, massive caveats and all, in 2019 and nobody would notice.


Quote of the Day


“And this control stick is like the handle bars on your tricycle.  Now, would you like to see where we hang our coats?” – Pilot
“No, thank you.  I’d rather push this button.” – Bart Simpson
“No!” – Pilot
“Ahhh!  We’re all gonna die!” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day


“Excuse me, we wanted to see the geek who valued the happiness of his children more than money.” – Nuclear Plant Guy #1
“Right here.” – Homer Simpson
“Aww, you said his head was the size of a baseball.” – Nuclear Plant Guy #2


Quote of the Day

New Kid on the Block21

“Aww, not again.” – Clumsy Student Mover


Quote of the Day

Homer Alone14

“Come on, come on, I got a body in the trunk!” – Gangster


Quote of the Day


“So, Krusty, what are you gonna do about your tax problem?” – Bart Simpson
“Don’t sweat it.  The life of Rory B. Bellows is insured for a surprisingly large amount.” – Krusty the Klown



Quote of the Day

Girly Edition10

“Do not be alarmed.  That is just my helper monkey, sir.  I got him after a robber shot me six times and left me for dead.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“Helper monkey, eh?” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Treehouse of Horror VIII12

“Homer, you know how unpredictable the French are.  One minute they’re kissing a woman’s hand, the next they’re chopping off her head.  What if they start a war?” – Marge Simpson
“Relax, I built a bomb shelter.” – Homer Simpson


Reading Digest: Harry Shearer Speaks Between the Lines Edition

Homer the Smithers9

“What did Simpson do to you?” – Mr. Smithers
“Oh, nothing other than drive me to distraction with his incompetent boobery.  Terrible at everything!  A complete moron . . . but I’m not really free to talk right now.” – C.M. Burns

Thanks to Freedom Day tomorrow, it’s a short week and nobody’s spent much of it on the internet, so this is a very short Reading Digest.  And since big holidays are always some of our lowest traffic moments of the year, I thought I’d bump it to today.   There’s the usual collection of usage, some fan made stuff, and a little graffiti, but my favorite link is the last one, with some wonderfully circumspect words from the man himself, Harry Shearer.


That Disastrous Car Homer Simpson Designed Was Actually Ahead of Its Time – This is a very misleading headline since most of the article explains how things in the Homer didn’t actually come true, but it’s a nice little comparison nonetheless.

Booze Geek News Special: Duff Beer To Launch Across The USA – Apparently, some kind of Duff is coming here to the States.  Also, this should give you an idea of how insanely convoluted this all is:

In Germany, a brewery in Hessen, brews a Duff Beer distributed in many European countries and in Australia from 2011. They applied for a trademark in Europe but were successfully opposed by Fox. Fox tried to establish their own Duff Beer trademark in Europe, but were ruled that a “Beer” logo applied exclusively to non-beer merchandise was misleading. But as a result of the German brand, in France they now have to blur out the “Duff” beer in the Simpsons cartoon so as not to advertise it.

Simpsons Trivia – Another fan of Classic Simpsons Trivia, this time in Vancouver.

“The Simpsons” Wasted My Youth: Top 15 Episodes, Pt. 1 (15-6) – Excellent list, with no Zombie Simpsons whatsoever and a .gif of Moleman getting hit by football.

WWLSR: Season 4-6 – More from the Lisa Simpson Reading project.

Illustrator Matt Gondek Exploding Homer Simpson Mural – It’s pretty cool.  You can see it and some others at his Instagram page.

Low-frills PEOPLExpress Airlines is back in the air after 27 years – Excellent reference:

PEOPLExpress, the iconic low-cost airline that Homer Simpson said brought air travel to hicks, is back in business 27 years after it folded, and once again flying out of Newark.

Domestic Violence Campaign Sees Your Favourite Cartoon Characters Battered And Bruised – The same guy who did those Kanye West and Kim Kardashian drawings a few weeks ago is back with Marge, Wilma Flintstone, and a few other famous cartoon women sporting bloody noses and black eyes.  I don’t know if this is effective in the least at reducing domestic violence, but it is kinda creepy.

Redeemer: The Life of Jimmy Carter, Part 1 – Excellent Jimmy Carter usage:

Without Marge’s famous marshmallow squares to sell, Springfield’s Beautify Our Parks Bake Sale falls short of its goal, forcing the town to purchase a statue of Jimmy Carter instead of Abraham Lincoln.  Furious, someone in the crowd cries, “He’s history’s greatest monster,” and the townspeople riot, eventually using the statue of Carter as a battering ram

Allison Green: Bart Simpson Crop Top – More high highfalutin’ Simpsons fashion.

The Original Demo Of “Lisa, It’s Your Birthday.” Sung By The Actual Michael Jackson – This isn’t the first time I’ve linked this, but it’s always nice to see it crop up again.

10 Words That “The Simpsons” Invented – I am suspicious of this list for a couple of reasons (“frogurt”, for example, was not invented by the show), but at least the only Zombie Simpsons entry is from Season 12.

10 More Visual Gags from The Simpsons – Nice list.  I always liked “Let’s Share the Blame”.

Tropical Brunch Club – Good thinking:

Once a month, one of us hosts brunch club, affectionally dubbed the S.S.B.S. (Super Sunday – or Saturday – Brunch Spectacular – a la this episode of The Simpsons).

They would appear to have more than just baloney and bread.

Mmm… Donuts – A collection of donut .gifs, including Homer wolfing them down at the start of “Homer at the Bat”.

Itchy and Scratchy show – Neat photo of Itchy and Scratchy Lego figures.

maggie simpson – Fan made pencil sketch of Maggie, with what looks like Marge on the sheet underneath.  Neat.

O que tá rolando de melhor na C&A, Renner e Riachuelo? – A creepy looking Bart robot t-shirt from I don’t know where.

Mr. Burns – From the same site as the above, but it’s Burns at a cafe.

Harry Shearer interview: ‘I told them I don’t dance – now I prove it nightly’ – And finally, I don’t think Shearer is the God, but he’s at least a god:

Do you see The Simpsons as a job for life?

The show will continue until the Fox network can find a new hit comedy show for 8pm and, based on their track record so far, I’d give us another 50 years.

Heh.  Also, it’s been an open secret for more than a decade that he agrees with us, and now we have this:

Do you think the quality of The Simpsons has ebbed and flowed over the years?

I think about it but I don’t talk about it.

Well said, Mr. Shearer, well said.


Quote of the Day

Lisa's Rival16

“I’ve got to stop being so petty.  I should be Alison’s friend, not her competitor.  I mean, she is a wonderful person.” – Lisa Simpson
“Way to go, Lis.  Why compete with someone who’s just gonna to kick your butt anyway?” – Bart Simpson
“I prefer my phrasing.” – Lisa Simpson

Happy birthday Yeardley Smith!


Quote of the Day

Radio Bart17

“Ever since I called for the rescue of that Simpson lad, I have taken a lot of heat.  So, I am flip-flopping!  I say: let him stay down there!” – Mayor Quimby
“Yay!” – Crowd


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