Archive for September, 2015

30
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Homer's Barbershop Quartet16

“Prisoner 24601, I wore this for two years in a Viet Cong interment center.  Never thought I’d see the old girl again.  Still fits.” – Principal Skinner
“Small world, huh?” – Herman
“It is.  It really, really is.” – Principal Skinner

29
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

StayYellow!

“We studied traffic patterns and found that drivers move the fastest through yellow lights.  So, now, we just have the red and yellow lights.” – Professor Frink
“C’mon, stay yellow!  Stay yellow!  Man, I’m making record time!  If only I had someplace to be.” – Lenny

Happy birthday Gabor Csupo!  

28
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

The Principal and the Pauper7

“Good evening, Edna, I know we were planning to see a film tonight, but instead I’m leaving town forever.” – Armin Tamzarian

27
Sep
15

Sunday Preview: Every Man’s Dream

Every_Man's_Dream_promo_4

Homer is diagnosed with narcolepsy — but instead of returning home with his prescription medication — he returns home drunk. He and Marge visit a marriage counselor and have a trial separation, during which Homer begins dating a 20-something.”

Here we go, welcome to season 49. Oh wait, what’s this? Homer has another love interest and his marriage to Marge is in jeopardy, AND they separate?? AAANNNDDD There is a trendy guest star??????

I can see what went down in the writer’s room now:

Writer 1: I have the perfect idea for the season opener.  We have Homer and Marge break up again and Homer can meet another woman, and also move out I guess.

Writer 2: I feel like we did this several times before…. Will there be a couple of gay guys or Weird Al again?

Writer 1: Even better. We got Lena Dunham and her friends from that show we don’t watch. That’s kind of like a couple of gay guys and Weird Al, only, you know, gayer.

Writer 2: Sure, whatever. Wait, what show are we writing for again?

Head Writer: Hey, if you ladies are done clucking I need someone to help me finish this ‘autobiography’ of Rupert before he gets back from the puppy and kitten slaughterhouse tomorrow morning.

… That’s probably close. Enjoy the show or don’t, I obviously won’t.

27
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Bart the Mother7

“In all the Animal Kingdom, no mother is more devoted than the blue jay.  Valuing her eggs above even her own life, the mother bird bravely fights off such fearsome predators as the badger and the mongoose.  Of course, one thing mother blue jay can’t defend against is a set of steel tongs.” – Troy McClure

26
Sep
15

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Lisa's Pony23

“This is what love costs a month?” – Homer Simpson
“These are standard stable fees, Mr. Simpson.  Plus I’m teaching your daughter riding, grooming, and, at no extra charge, pronunciation.” – Lady at The Grateful Gelding Stables
“Father!  You’ve made me the happiest girl who ever lived!” – Lisa Simpson

NOTE: Sorry for no Reading Digest yesterday.  I realize it’s not graduation season, but my advice to seniors in both high school and college is: never get a job.  Bart was right, working is for chumps.

I’m a big fan of the gleeful nihilism of Rick and Morty, the relentless contrarianism of South Park, the sarcastic hopelessness of Futurama, and plenty of other two word praiseworthy comedies.  But there has never been anything like The Simpsons, and this morning I’m going to cite “Lisa’s Pony” as an example of why.

The first thing to note is the near mathematical precision of the writing.  A line like “The young man you replaced is rolling over in his grave” is eleven words long and contains (depending on how you want to count) something like four or five jokes.  Not only was a young man (who certainly didn’t care about his job enough to roll in his grave about it) killed before he had a chance to really live, but Apu blithely replaced him with a father of three because he considers routinely fatal gunshots an occupational hazard.  But this is Season 3, and lines that evilly good are too numerous to count.

What puts the show above everything else is the way that lines like are justified by characters and situations.  At the end of the first act, Homer says:

Lisa's Pony22

“Maybe I should just cut my losses, give up on Lisa, and make a fresh start with Maggie.”

That’s among the most awful things a parent can say about their child.  In its way, the apathy it implies is even worse than outright abuse.  This is Homer seriously contemplating quitting on an eight-year-old.  And it’s not like he’s clever enough to say this for pity from Marge.  He means it.  Plus, it’s set up perfectly by a very short montage that has happy music over an escalating series of his parenting catastrophes.

As horrific as that is, it’s funny because we the audience never doubt Homer.  We know he loves Lisa.  He loves her deeper and more powerfully than he can even begin to understand; the only reason he’s thinking of quitting on her is because he can’t see any way she would ever love him again.

That’s what compels him to get the pony, to sign the usurious loan from Mr. Burns, to take the high profile yet demanding midnight-to-8am job at the Kwik-E-Mart.  Every crazy and hilarious thing that happens comes from one central idea: Homer loves Lisa.

It’s beautiful, compelling, and wonderful, and building the episode on it makes and justifies every joke, no matter how bleak, cynical or hopeless.  Jebus, this show is good.

26
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Beyond Blunderdome3

“Boy, that quiet engine sure makes conversation a lot easier.” – Marge Simpson
“Yeah, it’s got a lot of other problems too.” – Homer Simpson

25
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Another Simpsons Clip Show4

“That doesn’t seem like a happy ending.  That seems more like a detached tale of modern alienation.” – Lisa Simpson

24
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Goggles

“My eyes, the goggles do nothing!” – Rainier Wolfcastle

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Radioactive Man”!  Original airdate 24 September 1995.

23
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Kamp Krusty20

“I don’t think I’d be any kind of a father if you got Ds and I let you go to Kamp Krusty.” – Homer Simpson
“But Dad!” – Bart Simpson
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it.  Now, quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson
“17.” – Radio
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson
“32.” – Radio
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson
“5.” – Radio
“D’oh.” – Homer Simpson
“8.” – Radio
“Woo-hoo!” – Homer Simpson
“47.” – Radio
“D’oh!” – Homer Simpson

22
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

CFL Draft

“Hi, Ned.  Homer sends his apologies, but, um, there was some important work at the plant that only he could take care of.” – Marge Simpson”
“We now return you to exciting fifteenth round action at the Canadian Football League draft.” – TV Announcer
“And so, the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, who scored only four rouges all last season, Jack . . . ” – CFL Analyst

21
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson9

“Barney!  Where’s my car?” – Homer Simpson
“All I remember about the last two months is giving a guest lecture at Villanova.  Or maybe it was a street corner?” – Barney Gumble

20
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

FlourBag

“Oh, honey, don’t eat that.  Wouldn’t you rather have your sugar bag?” – Marge Simpson
“I don’t deserve sugar.” – Homer Simpson

19
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Stark Raving Dad16

“Bart, in the split-second before he died, I bet Scratchy appreciated his birthday present.  You see how this relates to us?” – Lisa Simpson
“Hey, you want that once a year empty gesture?  You got it, sis.” – Bart Simpson

18
Sep
15

Reading Digest: In Denial About Season 27 Edition

SadDrawing

“Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, it’s beautiful!  Oh, let’s put Bart’s beautiful drawing up on the fridge-” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, stop!  Would you please look at the drawing?” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, alright . . . Ahh!  Burn it!  Send it to hell!” – Homer Simpson
“I think we’re going to have to get Bart some help.” – Marge Simpson
“Get it away.” – Homer Simpson

Very short Reading Digest this week as pretty much everything tagged “Simpsons” on the internet was linked to FOX’s big marketing push for the new season, which is now a terrifyingly close nine days away.  I did pluck one link from the publicity spew, but it’s just Jean saying things you’ve seen him say before.  Other than that we do have some excellent fan art, Korean rock stars getting in on the fashionable clothing thing, world record tattoos, and a well thought out top 25 list.

Enjoy.

Simpsons season 27: Al Jean talks Homer and Marge’s separation, and more: Interview – Jean doing a publicity interview for the new season.  No real news here, he’s just pimping this year’s version of zany stuff with lots of celebrity guest voices.

Man with over 200 tattoos of The Simpsons characters confirmed as record holder – Well done, sir (though how you get a total number out of that impressive scene is beyond me).

Homer LED Shirt – A shirt that lights up in the shape of that Homer x-ray picture with his tiny brain.  (via @RoyceMCutcheon)

Why Labor leader Bill Shorten is posing with a mysterious green rod – The inanimate carbon rod takes Australia by storm. (via @DailySimpsons)

Perfectly timed image captures hilarious moment between Marge and Homer Simpson – Cute.  (via @AlJean)

Happy birthday to The Prophet of Love, Larry, I mean, Barry White – Great YouTube here, including Simpsons clips.

A Fonz Gift Set: Embroidery & Painting – Great inscription usage on the bottom of the painting.

Creating My List of Top 25 Simpsons Episodes – This is why I don’t do lists.  It’s too stressful:

I will certainly be on there again tomorrow as even now I am feeling guilty about episodes currently not on the list and doubting whether I have got this right. There could definitely be some last minute changes.

My Top 25 Simpsons Episodes – And the results.  “Lemon of Troy” is an unusual but very worthy #1, and “Lisa’s First Word” at #2 is pretty good as well.

WIP Wednesday: Simpsons Couch #3 – Outline completed, and the beginnings of color.

S02 E21 – Three Men and a Comic Book – Glick is dead-on:

He goes and starts working for her, doing all sorts of terrible manual labor while Mrs. Glick watches soap operas, and just generally acts like every super old lady I’ve ever met in my life. Mrs. Glick was hilarious. To the old candy and the creepy décor, everything about her was perfect. I also laughed my ass off when she was watching the soap opera and said “Filthy…but genuinely arousing.”

S02 E22 – Blood Feud – It is nice to just hang out with the old ones:

Season finale! Already through 2 seasons, and man do I have to say that I’m loving this show again. I’d really forgotten how great it was, and just focused on how bad it got. And now I’m remembering why I was obsessed with this show growing up. It’s so hilarious, and manages to mix in just the perfect amount of humor that really makes for a perfect series. Although I have to admit, as much as I’m loving these classic episodes, I’m starting to dread when I get to the seasons that made me quit. I’ve been trying to figure out exactly where I fell off, and I’m not quite positive, but man this blog may change when I get there. Instead of a lovefest for an amazing show, it may become the bitter ramblings of a crazy person, before I fall into self-imposed Stockholm Syndrome.

S03 E01 – Stark Raving Dad – Remember when they knew how to use big name celebrities well?

S03 E02 – Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington – There’s nothing Homer wouldn’t do for that magazine.

Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington – Dueling reviews of twenty-four year old episodes!

STAYREAL ~ Simpsons ft. Jung Yonghwa – High fashion Simpsons clothing now comes with Korean boy bands.

New trending GIF tagged the simpsons alone bart… – He’s becoming isolated and weird.

18
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Deep Space Homer13

“Well, Homer, I guess you’re the winner by default.” – NASA Guy
“De fault?  Woo-hoo!  The two sweetest words in the English language!  De fault  De fault!” – Homer Simpson

17
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Hospitals

“Burns was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead.  He was then transferred to a better hospital where doctors upgraded his condition to alive.” – Kent Brockman

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)”!  Original airdate: 17 September 1995.

16
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Krusty Gets Kancelled21

“Hey, boyo, what’s so funny?” – Cameraman
“Well, it’s . . . nah, you wouldn’t be interested.  It’s too lowbrow.” – Bart Simpson
“No, I’m quite lowbrow.” – Cameraman
“Well, somebody just wrote a bawdy limerick on the men’s room wall.” – Bart Simpson
“This I gotta see!” – Cameraman

15
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

Chewable Prozac for Kids

“Look, my stomach really hurts.” – Bart Simpson
“All I can give you are these chewable Prozac for kids.  Your choice: Manic Depressive Mouse, or the Blue Bird of Unhappiness.” – Lunchlady Doris

Happy birthday, Mike Reiss!

14
Sep
15

Quote of the Day

The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace7

“Homer, you can’t punish the children just because you can’t come up with an idea.” – Marge Simpson
“I don’t see why not.  They’re my kids, I own them. . . . Okay, we own them.” – Homer Simpson




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