Archive for December, 2015



12
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

Grade School Confidential13

“Bart!” – Mrs. Krabappel
“Uh, Mrs. K!  Hey, it’s Saturday.  Your powers are useless against me.” – Bart Simpson

11
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

The Curse of the Flying Hellfish10

“And then he claimed he was the one who turned cats and dogs against each other.  Why is he always making up those crazy stories?” – Bart Simpson
“Maybe it’s time we put Grampa in a home.” – Homer Simpson
“You already put him in a home.” – Lisa Simpson
“Maybe it’s time we put him in one where he can’t get out.” – Bart Simpson

10
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

JuryDuty

“Well, if Freddy Quimby didn’t do it, I’m sure he’ll be found innocent by a fair and impartial jury.” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, jury duty!  I’ll see that Quimby kid hang for this!” – Homer Simpson
“I knew it was a bad idea to watch him open the mail.” – Lisa Simpson

09
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

The Last Temptation of Homer14

“Your son has a temporary condition called Lazy Eye where one eye is weaker than the other.  You’ll have to wear these for two weeks. . . . Menachem Begin wore a pair just like them!” – Hibbert Moneymaking Organization Optometrist

08
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

Marge on the Lam14

“Thanks, Marge.  When my husband left, he took all our power tools, along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind . . . well, see ya.” – Ruth Powers

07
Dec
15

Behind Us Forever: Paths of Glory

MilitaryBart

“Well, Bart, uh, did you make sure to return all the guns?” – Homer Simpson
“Sir, yes, sir!  Luckily I am now trained in six additional forms of unarmed combat, sir!” – Bart Simpson
“Well, he’s got more confidence.” – Marge Simpson
“Uh, yeah, I’ve always said the boy could use more confidence.” – Homer Simpson

Paths of Glory is a terribly underrated Kubrick movie staring Kirk Douglas as a French colonel in World War I.  This episode, which shares its title for some unaccountable reason, should in no way be held against that fine film.  In one of the plots, Lisa goes looking for a long lost invention by a forgotten female inventor.  In another one, Marge and Homer start thinking Bart is a sociopath so he gets recruited to join the Air Force, or something.  I tuned out by then for reasons that will become clear should you be bored enough to read the rest of this.

– The “couch” gag didn’t involve a couch, but at least it was short.

– We’re off to a bad start here as each kid at a kind of science go-kart race spends time explaining what kind of car we’re seeing as we see it.

– And Lisa loses the race because Duffman swooped in driving the Duff blimp, then Martin, Uter, and Database (who just appeared from nowhere and wasn’t even racing) start teasing her for being a girl for some reason. Okay.

– Huh, there’s Kearney and Dolph ragging on liberal arts colleges because, you know, that’s the kind of thing they would do, know or care about.

– Now the Old Jewish Guy appeared for no reason to exposit this:

OJG: “Don’t you worry kid, they also laughed at Amelia Vanderbuckle.”
Lisa: “Amelia Vanderbuckle, who’s she?”

Guess what happens next? Go on, guess.

– Some guy just got his head cut off. Carry on.

– Lisa is reading a fake Wikipedia article out loud. I have nothing to add to that, but it’s been going on for a full minute.

– Lisa is now explaining that “if we can find those inventions, we can prove that Amelia was scientifically significant”. So, so much exposition.

– Bart and Lisa are now wandering around an abandoned asylum, where Jimbo and Shauna are making out and expositing how they feel.

– Lisa is reading names that are also printed on the screen. Fillertastic!

ReadingStuffOutLoudPartTheInfinity

You heard her say them!  Now watch them on screen!

– Lisa found a wax cylinder, then she found a player for it, now the exposition is playing from it. Hooray.  Oh, then it caught fire and now she’s using it as a torch.  Weird.

– Holy shit, they’re doing it again. Lisa is reading labels that are also on screen.

– Bart found a maniac’s diary, then declared, “Look at me, I’m enjoying reading”. They do know characters are allowed to display their feelings instead of say them out loud, right? I would think they would know that, but I’ve been wrong before.

– Look at this collection of kids:

KidsWhoDon'tBelongTogether

File this as yet another example of how characterless they’ve made all their characters. Ralph and Nelson are just there because, well, shutup that’s why.

– Chief Wiggum just pulled up in a bowtie to tell us, “Ralphie, come on, we got daddy-son tap class. Tap class!” Did repeating “tap class” get a laugh at the read through? If so, has anyone checked to see if there’s a gas leak?

– You’ll never believe it, but Wiggum goes on to exposit about tap class before shouting “tap class” two more times.

– Now Wiggum is talking to Marge because he has pages from the diary. Wiggum thinks Bart wrote them because keep shutting up, that’s why.

– Marge is now declaring how she feels out loud.

– Homer got home, so Marge is explaining what we just saw.

– Now Lisa is talking to Milhouse. Is their conversation reductive and repetitive? You know it!

Milhouse: “Wow, this is a surprise, I’m usually sweating when we talk, but not this time.”
Lisa: “It’s amazing how you can charm and disgust me at the same time.”

– Now Milhouse is helping Lisa track down the missing invention and . . . nope, can’t care anymore.

– Marge just told us she printed out a “Sociopath Test” for Bart as we saw her do it, Homer then declared that they can’t just give that to him. Marge then says they need him to think the test is for something else. This episode is just people talking to each other about what they’re going to do.

– Bart is now reading out loud. And now he’s realized they’re giving him the “sociopath test”. Then he tells us what he’s going to do, “Fine, I’ll pretend to be the biggest sociopath in the world.”

– Homer and Marge are expositing at the kitchen table, and I’m done. Let’s fast forward!

– One minute later (and I think missed a montage) there’s this:

HootersWillie

Avert your eyes, children, he may have taken on another form!

– One minute more and Homer and Marge are in the treehouse still talking about what they’re going to do. More fast forwarding!

– Bart is in a bouncy castle driving down the highway. One more minute, please.

– Bart is in a mental institute where he’s apparently getting inducted into the Air Force or something.

– One minute after that, Homer and Marge are back at the kitchen table talking about Bart again. This is about the fifth scene like this, and that’s just in the parts I’ve bothered to watch.

– One minute later and Lisa must’ve found whatever it was she was looking for in the other plot. She is, naturally, explaining what we’re looking at.

– One minute more and Bart’s still in the military. He’s wearing his regular clothes, but whatevs.

– One minute after that and the general is speaking, “Son, the simulators we told you weren’t simulators, were simulators.” This is apparently a shocking revelation. Moving on.

– And things end with Marge saying, “What a day! What a day!” while they all hug.  Huh.

– Nevermind, Lisa is at a museum with the thing she discovered.

– During the credits, Homer is looking at loom porn. Don’t worry, that didn’t make any more sense in the episode than it does in text here.

So, that was a mess.  The ratings are also a bit of a mess this week because of both a football overrun and the President (who is a Demeecrat, according to Grampa) going on TV last night. Right now, “Presidential address/The Simpsons” is listed as having 8.20 million viewers, which is huge for Zombie Simpsons, but will probably change significantly once they get things sorted out.

07
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

Realty Bites12

“Alright, I hear you, honey.  Change into something nice, we’re stepping out!” – Homer Simpson
“The police auction?” – Marge Simpson
“Can you believe it?  It’s already been a year.” – Homer Simpson

06
Dec
15

Sunday Preview: Paths Of Glory

Paths_of_Glory_promo_2

Lisa searches an abandoned asylum and a restaurant that caters to men in an effort to restore the damaged reputation of Springfield’s first female inventor. While at the asylum, Bart steals a notebook belonging to a homicidal patient and passes it off as his when he returns to school. When Homer and Marge find out, they start to believe their son’s a sociopath, and Bart runs with the idea.

Well I don’t think there is much I say that would add to this preview. Feminism, insane asylums, Bart causing mischief; it’s got something for everyone.  I would wager we will get to see Bart spend time in a children’s asylum or something, but that seems like a prime place for a few cameo voices and I didn’t see any guest names when I quickly checked earlier. That means nothing however, and I am not going to spend any more time on it.

06
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

Bart the Daredevil15

“Lisa’s recital is Saturday night.” – Marge Simpson
“I’ll be playing my first solo.  If you miss it on Saturday, I’d advise you to start looking for a child therapist on Sunday.” – Lisa Simpson
“But Truckasaurus is one night only!” – Bart Simpson
“Oh, cruel fate, why do you mock me?” – Homer Simpson

05
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk14

“Maybe a nap will boost my spirits.” – C.M. Burns
“I’ll get that whale song cassette you like, sir.” – Mr. Smithers

04
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

RunThisTown

“What’s going on?  Where are all the grown-ups?” – Milhouse van Houten
“Who cares?  With no adults around, I run this city! . . . Uh, carry on.” – Nelson Muntz

03
Dec
15

Mr. Plow Gifs

SiberianTibers

“Now he faces his toughest audience: three Siberian tigers.” – Troy McClure
“Simba, on the ball!” – Krusty the Klown

To my surprise, there was no Zombie Simpsons this week, and since I actually had some time on my hands, I thought I’d make some .gifs from “Mr. Plow”.  Feel free to spread them as far and wide on the internet as you please.  If I’ve missed something you think is gif-able, please let me know.

Because this page is pretty large, data wise, I’ve placed it after a jump to keep the home page from slowing to a crawl.  Enjoy.

Continue reading ‘Mr. Plow Gifs’

03
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

138th Episode Spectacular7

“Right about now, you’re probably saying, ‘Troy, I’ve seen every Simpsons episode, you can’t show me anything new’.  You’ve got some attitude, mister.” – Troy McClure

Happy 20th Anniversary to “The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular”!  Original airdate 3 December 1995.

02
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

Lisa's First Word15

“Now, here we have beautiful hardwood floors, track lighting.” – Stinking Fish Realty Agent
“What’s that stench?” – Marge Simpson
“Once you get used to the smell of melted hog fat, you’ll wonder how you ever did without it!” – Stinking Fish Realty Agent

01
Dec
15

Quote of the Day

A Milhouse Divided22

“Man, that is flagrant false advertising!” – Otto




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