Attention Star Wars and Star Trek Fans, Geeks, and General Enjoyers

The Homer They Fall11

“No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention. Although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no use for a medium size belt.” – Comic Book Guy

Hello, everyone. My New Year’s Resolution was to blog more; and since 2016 is now one quarter gone, I’m going to try and get right on that. I’m not sure yet what that means around here. I haven’t seen a Zombie Simpsons episode since January, and I’m pretty happy about that, but Reading Digest is definitely going to be coming back.

In the meantime, I have a different, though not entirely unrelated, announcement. It’s no secret that Simpsons fandom has, shall we say, abundant overlap with Star Wars and Star Trek fandom. But there are probably a lot of Simpsons fans who just don’t care much about the twin towers of pop science fiction. So I understand that many of you will not care about this in the least.

On the other hand, if you care enough to have seen the recent entries directed by one Jeffrey Jacob Abrams (the 2009 Star Trek reboot, it’s wretched 2013 sequel, and last year’s Star Wars movie), I hope you’ll appreciate my latest cranky minibook, “J.J. Abrams Is Bad at Movies“.

Just like the last two times, the whole book is going up for free on-line. Unlike the last two times, I’m putting it all up at once, and it’s at a new site, the boringly titled charliesweatpants.com. That place is very much a work in progress, and I’m far from sure what I’m going to do with it yet, but for now it does contain my best Dead Homers style swing at why I so deeply disliked The Force Awakens and downright loathed Star Trek 12. And there’s chapters about Mission Impossible 3Star Trek 11, and Super 8, to which I am fairly indifferent.

You’re still welcome to read it even if you’re meh on Star Wars and Star Trek, of course. I just want everyone to know what they’re getting into. I quote the show a couple of times (can’t help myself), but that’s it for Simpsons.

Anyways, I hope those of you who read it enjoy it, and that all of you share the link with your geekiest Star Wars and Star Trek friends *wink wink, nudge nudge, hello Mr. Thompson*.

29 Responses to “Attention Star Wars and Star Trek Fans, Geeks, and General Enjoyers”

  1. 1 Noah P
    3 April 2016 at 12:25 pm

    Looks interesting!
    The only Abrams movie I can recall ever seeing is “The Force Awakens” (which I liked), but I’ll be sure to check your new book out when I have the chance.

    • 2 Charlie Sweatpants
      3 April 2016 at 12:47 pm

      Thanks. I was on board with Force Awakens for about the first thirty minutes, and then…

      • 3 NOT Dustin Hoffman
        3 April 2016 at 3:19 pm

        Respect your opinions and analysis of the new Star Wars film and JJ Abrams Star Trek reboots, I enjoy reading other people’s point of views as it helps broaden my horizons. I agree wholeheartedly about the Second Abrams Star Trek film being worthless as that was a blatantly transparent Wrath of Khan remake (I joked with my mate before the film started that Spock would be the one who shouts KHAN this time and I never laughed so hard at a film when Spock screamed it).

        I think the First Star Trek and Force Awakens are good films and work because both films feel like an adventure, I love to nit-pick but when watching The Force Awakens I honestly didn’t care about the inconsistency’s or the similar plot style to A New Hope because I was so engrossed, and I really enjoyed Kylo Ren as the talented but insecure Vader Fanboy who completely misses the point of Vader’s redemption arc. I think Ren’s character will evolve a lot in the next two films and will probably act like a more typical baddie as he gets more manipulated by Snoke (ala Vader with the Emperor).

        I thought the initial Star Trek reboot was brilliant, the casting was great- particularly Spock who actually felt like an alien with a limited understanding of human emotions, and I felt was a great reboot of a series (I hope the next Star Trek film makes up for the last one.)

        I honestly believe watching films multiple times can enhance understanding and enjoyment that may have been missed or disregarded the first time, I re-watched Full Metal Jacket the other day and I now have a far greater appreciation for the Vietnam portion of the film as well as Joker as the protagonist.

        Looking forward to reading more of your ideas of The Simpsons and all the other cultural icons out there.

        • 4 Stan
          3 April 2016 at 8:35 pm

          You write too much. The Force Awakens sucked. I wished I was 18, not 30, when I saw it.

        • 5 Charlie Sweatpants
          4 April 2016 at 6:38 am

          “I honestly believe watching films multiple times can enhance understanding and enjoyment that may have been missed or disregarded the first time”

          Agreed wholeheartedly with this. Though I think it’s a big part of why I found Force Awakens so lackluster. It repeats so much stuff from the first movies that I think it’s long term replay value is going to be pretty low. If one of the movie’s main selling points is reminding me of another movie, I could just be watching that instead.

  2. 6 acreatureididnotknow
    3 April 2016 at 1:42 pm

    Pleased you’re still writing out there somewhere, and this seems a good time to back away quietly from ZS. (“Why don’t you just stop entirely?”)

    I’ll check out the new blog and look forward to seeing what you end up using it for.

  3. 8 Victor Dang
    3 April 2016 at 2:13 pm

    Regarding Star Wars VII, the few things I found pretty silly (without trying to spoil anything) were the skull thing, the hinting at that guy’s death through the music eons before it happened, and the fact that the movie tracked a little bit too close to IV for my tastes in certain parts (important place blown up by Death Star thingy which then itself gets blown up). I still liked it, though to be honest when I first saw both on the same week I liked Hateful Eight more (but maybe that’s because I saw the latter first).

    Related to Star Trek… on the up side (or down side), I think there’s a new guy directing the next Star Trek movie, a Justin Lam as I recall. Honestly I don’t know whether he’ll be any good or not, but at least it’ll be someone different.

    I just hope Abrams isn’t doing Indiana Jones 5 (but he may be already on it by the time I hit submit).

    Anyways, always good to see ya back, Charlie. I very much enjoyed the Zombie Simpsons book when you first posted it, and I might give your newest one a read sometime.

    • 9 RaikoLives
      3 April 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Justin Lin. And it was written in part by Simon Pegg, so it’s off to a much better start than those terrible Ortci and Kurtzman films.

      • 10 Charlie Sweatpants
        4 April 2016 at 6:42 am

        The trailer for Star Trek 13 certainly wasn’t encouraging, but trailers can be misleading. I’d like to see an actual Star Trek story instead of a mid-grade action movie, but that doesn’t appear to be the way the wind is blowing.

  4. 11 Stan
    3 April 2016 at 8:39 pm

    Gentlemen, contain your semen. So Charlie’s back, big whoop. I never liked Abrams because when I saw his interview on the matter he was quoting Lucas so much I thought that the two were in love. Like, every question on Star Wars that he was asked, he just replied to “I think George and I…” Dude, there’s no more George in this. He sold the franchise. Get on with life.
    Hold up, I need another chug of beer…
    Ah, there we go. So, anyway, welcome back and, as you much notice, I tried to keep your blog clean from those moronic trolls now and then. They always come back, though, you have whack ’em hard with a stick. I’m glad you’re writing books because that’s what you can throw at these morons.

  5. 15 Bleeding Gums Murphy
    3 April 2016 at 8:53 pm

    I’m kinda surprised you liked Return of the Jedi, Charlie.

    Jedi has always been the subject of many debates among OT fans, with some saying it was slightly worse than the first two and a very small minority considering it nearly as bad as The Phantom Menace. I am on the latter camp, and, given your usual remarks about non-sensical scenes, plot holes, terrible dialogur, convenience and implausible elements, rehashes, and overall crappiness, in Zombie Simpsons, I assumed you would also dislike Jedi.

    • 16 Charlie Sweatpants
      4 April 2016 at 6:48 am

      I think Jedi is the weakest of the first three by a pretty decent margin, but that’s partly because I think Empire and Star Wars are basically flawless films. Jedi has a bigger story burden to carry, but the ending lives up to what’s come before it even if it’s a little looser along the way than the first two.

      • 17 Bleeding Gums Murphy
        5 April 2016 at 11:53 am

        Maybe I have changed my tastes, and my interest on the OT is at a record breaking rock bottom, but I no longer consider SW and ESB to be as good as I once regarded them. Good popcorn movies, better than 99% of all action movies, but deeply flawed and uneven.

        So, for Jedi, I’m probably much harsher than you, because I don’t consider its story, execution, and ending, on par with the expectations you can have for the (then last) entry of the Star Wars franchise. Of course, TFA has rendered pretty much of the OT pointless, since now, 30 years later, we have a reborn Empire-like force with even greater resources than the original Empire.

        And my biggest complains with Jedi aren’t the rehashed Death Star and the Ewoks. That’s like saying Jar-Jar Binks is the biggest problem of The Phantom Menace: he isn’t. Both Jedi and TPM have much deeper problems. In Jedi’s case, I cannot stand the uninspired and cheap locations, the amateurist lightning, Ford and Fisher’s acting, the non-sense of Luke’s plan to rescue his friend, the forced and fake tension regarding Luke’s potential fall towards the Dark Side, Yoda’s endless exposition followed by Obi-Wan’s exposition, the laziness of Leia’s secret, and pretty much anything regarding the Emperor.

        The Phantom Menace already started wrong with its boring opening crawl and the videogame-skilled Jedis, but Jedi also set huge warnings when they decided to put Jabba’s palace in Tatooine (ok, they did it at the end of ESB, but still). All those horrible puppets in Jabba’s palace where a foreshadowing of Jar-Jar’s species, the “Jewish” owner of Anakin, or that bifaced announcer.

  6. 18 James M
    4 April 2016 at 3:08 am

    I generally agree on Episode VII. It was interesting and sometimes dumb fun for a while, but it just got tiresome the longer it went on with only a few interesting nuggets to keep one interested in Episode VIII. Otherwise, it pretty much just ran on fanservice, particularly mid-way.

    It was a serviceable outing and not outright terrible, but personally, the most memorable part about it was how the old actors looked in 2015 (My group noted that Harrison Ford looked and sounded a lot like Richard Boone while Mark Hamill looked like Oliver Reed). Otherwise it was pretty forgettable and lightweight.

    • 19 Charlie Sweatpants
      4 April 2016 at 6:53 am

      Despite myself, I’m actually really geeked for VIII. (I was disappointed to learn Disney pushed the release back from summer next year to Christmas, but flooding the world with all that merchandise during Spending Season was just too lucrative.) My only real reason is that Rian Johnson is directing, and while Looper wasn’t as good as I was hoping it would be, I loved both Brick and Brothers Bloom. I don’t think Abrams has a single movie that’s as solid from start to finish as any of his. We’ll see.

      • 20 Stan
        4 April 2016 at 8:34 am

        You’re a rotten louse, you know that? Never replying to my comments… c’mon man, I don’t have a wife to fuck, you must at least be grateful.

  7. 21 Stan
    4 April 2016 at 8:36 am

    Charlie, I kept this blog clean for you, what the fuck? You don’t like me? Is that because I’m not fucking lesbian enough? I know lesbian tricks, shitty face everything. I’m going to film with Tommy Wiseau now because I thought you were decent enough and you’re fucking now. Shitface.

    • 22 Ah Hee Hee Hee
      4 April 2016 at 8:40 am

      You keep saying you “keep this blog clean”, but you’re more or less the only thing preventing that from happening. Just look at how off-topic all your comments in this section are for example. If you want this website to stay “clean”, you should stop commenting.

  8. 10 April 2016 at 3:08 am

    Just finished reading it and I enjoyed it a lot. There was always something about abrahams that I couldn’t put my finger on and this essay/book made me realize what is it: he is a fan fic writer,

    I don’t “hate” EP7 but I cannot say it is my favorite. I hope EP8 is better but I don’t trust Disney,

    I guess we have to wait and see.

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