Archive for September, 2016



11
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

lisas-rival20

“Don’t worry, buddy: here’s a quarter. Call for help at the nearest phone. I’ll keep an eye on things here.” – Homer Simpson
“If only the sugar were as sweet as you, sir.” – Hans Moleman

10
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

Bart the Mother8

“You’ve checked this Bible out every weekend for the last nine years! Wouldn’t it be easier to just buy one?” – Librarian
“Perhaps. On a librarian’s salary.” – Reverend Lovejoy

09
Sep
16

DHS on the Road

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“I’m tellin’ ya, all a man needs is an idea, and I’ve got an idea!” – Herb Powell
“Then how come you’re still a bum?” – Hobo
“Alright, a man needs two things: an idea and money to get it off the ground.” – Herb Powell

NOTE: Brooklyn October Simpsons Trivia here I (hopefully) come!

With the exception of some specific memories of the show and occasionally referring to my backbreaking, mind numbing labor, I try to keep my personal life off of this blog. Dave, Mad Jon, and myself started this as a Simpsons site, and even though I’ve gradually all but taken it over like some kind of not giving up school guy, I can’t make this a 100% pure Simpsons space. I like the idea of that in theory, but in theory communism works.

In stupid reality, which we all have to face again sooner or later, my real job has slowly eroded out from underneath me. Where once there was a prosperous Flancrest Enterprises, now there is but a roughed up and near destitute CompuGlobal Hyper Mega Net.* The bad news is that my personal finances are now in such a state that dying in the gutter is almost the only thing that is practical and within my means. The good news is that we have so few customers and potential customers left that I can throw off the shackles of the work-a-day world and follow a dream, of sorts.

(*Incidentally, this site owes its existence to the 2008 crash that crippled our business. Our sudden lack of customers gave me a lot more free time, and instead of taking up smoking, I pestered my friends into starting this site with me. As much fun as it’s been, I still really wish that cardboard cutout of George Bush Junior had never run for President.)

Donald Trump’s America isn’t going to last long, barely enough time for a half chewed piece of fish to hit the ground. I’m going to spend the  weeks between now and its November 8th landing observing the human peep show that is America’s political life. Since I haven’t deposited any forty-thousand dollar checks that haven’t cleared yet, I will be doing this on the utmost cheap, by bicycle and mostly sleeping in a tent.

Click here if you’re interested in my ideas, wish to subscribe to my newsletter, or just want to understand what the hell it is I’m doing on my little adventure. Truth be told, I’m not entirely sure; but the most likely outcome is that it will be just another detached piece of modern alienation. If you want to stalk me like Lenny and Carl, there’s also my oft neglected personal Twitter feed.

As for what’s going to happen on DHS, the Quotes of the Day will still have a home here, but we will also also learn about nutrition, self esteem, etiquette, and all the lively arts. I’ve also learned in recent weeks that once I’ve been on the bike for an hour or two, I don’t have any heavy head to carry anymore and can watch Simpsons episodes with a vile burlesque of irrepressible glee. Hopefully there will be a lot more of the sweet, beautiful, oxygen deprived drunk talk that informed my recent ramblings about “Lisa’s Substitute” a few weeks back, which I wrote fifty miles into a sixty mile ride.

Beyond that, I’m hopeful that my route will take me to the C.H.U.D. infested hellhole of New York City for Classic Simpsons Trivia on October 6th. Trying being the first step towards failure, I can’t promise that I’ll be there, but I promise that I’ll try to try. In the meantime, keep watching the skis.

(This may all backfire on me like a trip to a gay steel mill, but since I have no choice, I’m taking the alley.)

09
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

homer-and-apu16

“At first I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“You’re selling what now?” – Homer Simpson
“I’m selling only the concept of karmic realignment.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
“You can’t sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos!” – Homer Simpson
“He’s got me there.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

08
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

lisa-the-simpson15

“Authorities believe the wave of towel snappings will get worse before it gets better.” – Kent Brockman

07
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

the-springfield-connection16

“Strange, regular ham doesn’t thrill me anymore. I’m crossing over to deviled ham!” – Marge Simpson

Happy Birthday Julie Kavner! 

06
Sep
16

Yahoo Is Looking for a “SuperFan”

They Saved Lisa's Brain11

“You have robbed us of our dignity!” – Lenny

As usual, I am way behind on everything, but a couple of weeks ago I got an e-mail from a producer at Yahoo SuperFan:

With the Simpsons 600th episode coming up this fall, we’re looking for a Simpsons fan with the wildest collection of memorabilia. The ideal person would have amazing cosplay costumes, possibly Simpsons tattoos, maybe a child who they named Homer or Marge, and of course, a massive collection of toys and other memorabilia.

If you or someone you know fits this bill, drop it in comments.

06
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

The Old Man and the Lisa21

“Here you go, honey. That’s about all the recycling I can handle today.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, if you just drink one more I’ll have a full bag.” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh, daddy doesn’t feel so good.” – Homer Simpson

05
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

Local643

“Welcome, brothers of Local 643, as you know, our president Chuckie Fitzhugh ain’t been seen lately. We’re all praying he’ll turn up soon, alive and well.” – Carl

04
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

FunInAPool

“What fun can you have in a pool anyway that you can’t have in a bathtub with a garbage bag taped around your cast?’ – Bart Simpson

03
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

OnceLikeYou

“Don’t laugh at me! I was once like you.” – Homer Simpson

02
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

SoLazy

“This family’s getting so lazy!” – Marge Simpson
“I’m not lazy! I’m just . . . um, uh . . . Lisa, finish my sentence for me.” – Bart Simpson
“Why don’t you finish your own darn . . .

01
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity10

“Hey, don’t give up, Moe. The girl of your dreams has got to be in some bar!” – Homer Simpson




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