Archive for March, 2017

31
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Ever wondered how crackers get salted?” – Kirk van Houten
“Have I! . . . Wow!” – Milhouse van Houten
“Crackers, ho!” – Salt Dog Sled Team Guy

30
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“That animal of yours is certainly bad tempered.” – Helen Lovejoy
“Yeah, well, you’d be grumpy too if you were taken out of your natural habitat and gawked at by a bunch of slack jawed yokels.” – Lisa Simpson
“Hey, ma, look at that pointy haired-ed little girl!” – Cletus

29
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” – Marge Simpson
“We have orders not to fire on anybody but Greenpeace.” – Homer Simpson

28
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Lisa, we got another postcard from your father! ‘Wish You Were Her’, how many of these is he going to send me?” – Marge Simpson

27
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“It’s a special isolation chamber! The subject pulls levers to receive food and warmth, the floor can become electrified, and showers of icy water randomly fall on the subject. I call it, the Monroe Box!” – Dr. Marvin Monroe
“Uh-huh, well, it sounds interesting. How much will it cost to build?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Oh, that’s the beauty part, it’s already built! I need the money to buy a baby to raise in the box until the age of thirty.” – Dr. Marvin Monroe
“What are you trying to prove?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Well, my theory is that the subject will be socially maladjusted and will harbor a deep resentment towards me.” – Dr. Marvin Monroe

26
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Now, before we negotiate, I have to tell you I’m desperate to unload Lurleen and I’ll take any offer.” – Homer Simpson
“I’ll give you fifty bucks.” – Rebel Yell Records Executive
“You son of a! . . . sold.” – Homer Simpson

25
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Good morning, class. A certain agitator, for privacy’s sake let’s call her Lisa S., no, that’s too obvious. Let’s say L. Simpson.” – Principal Skinner

24
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Remember when we were kids, we used to dream about our ideal husbands? Who knew the dream would come true for one of us? . . . Oh, come on, guess which one!” – Selma McClure
“I know! I know! It’s Selma, right?” – Homer Simpson

23
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“So, come crawling back, eh?” – C.M. Burns
“Seems like the classy thing to do would be not to call attention to it.” – Homer Simpson

22
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“What a whimsical building. Who says science can’t be fun?” – Lisa Simpson
“Me. I smell a museum.” – Bart Simpson
“Yeah, good things don’t end with -eum. They end with -mania. Or -teria.” – Homer Simpson

21
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Argh, here be a fine vessel. The yarghest river goin’ boat there be!” – Captain McAllister
“I’ll take it!” – Homer Simpson
“Argh, I don’t know what I’m doing.” – Captain McAllister

20
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Some things never change.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Hey, everybody! An old man’s talking!” – Milhouse van Houten

20
Mar
17

Behind Us Forever: A Father’s Watch

“I have a watch with a minute hand.” – Bart Simpson
“Alright, you can come. What time is it?” – Mr. Smithers
“12:80. No, wait. Wait. What comes after twelve?” – Bart Simpson
“One.” – Mr. Smithers
“No, after twelve.” – Bart Simpson

First off, sorry for there not being a Behind Us Forever for “22 for 30” last week. I was traveling Monday and Tuesday and by the time Wednesday rolled around I really didn’t feel like getting back into it. For those who haven’t seen it, Zombie Simpsons replaced character exposition with voiceover narrator exposition, Bart shaved points in a basketball game, and that was about it.

This week it’s back to character exposition. Springfield goes through a couple of parenting fads, first wanting to give all their kids trophies, and then not wanting to do that. Meanwhile, Grampa gives Bart an old pocketwatch that makes Bart feel confident (which he apparently hadn’t been doing before). Bart loses it, then Homer gets it, then Homer gives it to Bart. Then, in another one of those bizarre post-credit sequences they rely on so heavily to fill their time, Ralph Wiggum gets drafted into the NBA with the NBA commissioner voicing himself.

The watch Grampa gives Bart has great significance, which the show repeatedly reminds us of through statements like this one, “That watch was the only thing that made me not terrible, I can’t lose it”. Homer even had what had to be a 30 second rant in the middle in which he explained three or four times why he cared about the watch, but I’m staying with a friend of mine and the DVR only recorded a couple minutes of the show, so I can’t transcribe it. (The torrent isn’t up yet, and I need to go to bed soon because I’ve got to get up at 6am to catch two trains and then get in a truck to drive to Arizona. Being semi-homeless isn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna be, but it does not respect one’s preferred schedule very often.) Homer also yelled about Freud a lot.

This episode opens in Frog Heaven where we see two angel frogs talking about what’s happening to one of their bodies back down on Earth. Turns out Bart is desecrating it more than dissecting it. There’s maybe the kernel of a good joke in here, but Zombie Simpsons runs it into the ground by cutting back and fourth about five times and repeating it so often that they end with the frogs getting tired of their own gag.

From there we get a couple of parenting experts who give different advice, two montages, lots more exposition, and a scene where Bart repeatedly drops rocks on Milhouse’s head. Since I have no screen grabs, I can’t properly illustrate any of these scenes, but take my word for it when I say that they make no sense. For example, Bart losing the watch – one of the few discernible plot points in the episode – occurs for no reason at the end of a montage. Since one episode of Zombie Simpsons is pretty much like all the others these days, I think you get the idea.

I was able to get this quote down live, “My trophy business has failed”. Try to guess what had just happened. You will not be wrong.

19
Mar
17

Sunday Preview: A Father’s Watch

Marge turns to a series of parenting experts for advice when she becomes worried that Bart is destined for failure; Homer decides to open a trophy store; Grampa gives Bart a watch coveted by Homer.

Oh joy. An episode of zombie simpsons where inter-generational issues arise. Excuse me while I get a pen so I can jot down the issues that are similar to the ones I have with my father. Oh wait, never mind, I am not watching this crap. Have a day.

19
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Yon meat is sweet as summer’s wafting breeze.” – Lunchlady Doris
“Can I have some?” – Homer Simpson
“Mine ears are open only to the pleas of those who speak ye olde English.” – Lunchlady Doris
“Sweet maiden of the spit, grant now my boon that I might sup upon sucking pig this noon.” – Homer Simpson
“Whatever.” – Lunchlady Doris

18
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Now, Mr. Lampwick, when Roger Meyers stole your character-” – Lionel Hutz
“Objection.” – Blue Haired Lawyer
“Sustained.” – Judge Snyder
“If I hear ‘objection’ and ‘sustained’ one more time today, I think I’m going to scream!” – Lionel Hutz
“Objection.” – Blue Haired Lawyer
“Sustained.” – Judge Snyder
“Ahhhhhhhhh!” – Lionel Hutz

17
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Men, there’s a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know, because I crippled him myself to inspire you.” – C.M. Burns
“I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he’s coming back.” – Milhouse van Houten

16
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Everybody, everybody get naked! C’mon, don’t be stuck up. It’s going to be great!” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment”! Original airdate: 16 March, 1997.

15
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Okay, the oven is clean itself, the vacuum is on dirt patrol, and Maggie is enjoying her swing-a-majig.” – Marge Simpson

14
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“There’s gotta be more trash around here somewhere.” – Lisa Simpson
“Hey, why don’t you try the old folks home? They practically live in their own filth.” – Homer Simpson




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