Simpsons Has Warped My Brain

“Marge, this is Andre.” – Patty Bouvier
“Hello.” – Andre
“I think you two would make a lovely couple.” – Patty Bouvier
“My husband is still alive!” – Marge Simpson
“Oh. Thank God. I hope he pulls through.” – Patty Bouvier
“Not me.” – Andre

I’m sitting in a hospital waiting room right now while my Dad has (long overdue) hip replacement surgery. It’s about as low risk as getting cut open and having the top of your femur cut off comes, so I’m not really worried, but I can’t get the above quote out of my head. Like so many Simpsons jokes, it works in about five different ways: Patty and Selma’s utter loathing of Homer, the complete sleaziness of Andre (down to the visible chest hair and chains), the wild inappropriateness of him being in the waiting room, his blase dirtbag delivery on “Not me”, Patty’s deadpan sarcasm as she hopes Homer pulls through, and I think I’m forgetting a couple.

Now, hospital waiting rooms are grim places. Nobody wants to be here, everyone’s bored, and a lot of people are seriously tense. There’s a kind of quiet decorum to it where any activity that passes the time is acceptable, but having fun in any way is not. And I keep chuckling to myself about Andre, the couple making out in the surgery viewing room, and Dr. Nick smelling gas. When they let us back to see my Dad pre-op, the first thought I had upon walking in the room was “bed goes up, bed goes down”.

Times like this are when I don’t feel the least bit wasteful having dedicated significant chunks of my brain to remembering the show. What other program could de-stress me two decades after the fact? A stray line or joke, that’s easy. The Simpsons has whole scenes and episodes that amuse me wherever I go.


4 Responses to “Simpsons Has Warped My Brain”

  1. 1 DG
    18 July 2017 at 11:57 am

    Nothing wrong with remembering something you enjoy during a stressful time. Good luck to your dad, btw.

    As for the Andre clip, I enjoy his soulless chuckle after he says ‘Not me.’

  2. 2 Mike Russo
    18 July 2017 at 9:16 pm

    This part of the episode always bothered me since, 1) three scenes surrounding this have a character use the word “hell” as part of a punchline (“What the hell is that?”, “Hell no!”, “What the hell.”) and 2) the Moe/Barney scene is one of those season four bits that’s way too brazen in its use of retooled animation.

    • 3 Anonymous
      19 July 2017 at 11:12 am

      Well, we sure as HELL can’t talk about HELL if we can’t say HELL, now can we?

      I can’t speak for the animation because I never really noticed, but that scene with Moe, and especially Barney thinking Homer was getting a sex change, was hilarious.

  3. 4 Anonymous
    19 July 2017 at 11:07 am

    Wishing your dad a speedy recovery, Charlie. And yes, hospital waiting rooms suck.

    “Times like this are when I don’t feel the least bit wasteful having dedicated significant chunks of my brain to remembering the show. What other program could de-stress me two decades after the fact?”

    I keep saying there’s a Simpsons quote for every occasion, and this is no exception.

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