“Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?” – Lisa Simpson
“I don’t know. Was I drunk?” – Homer Simpson
“Possibly.” – Lisa Simpson
Author Archive for Charlie Schaldenbrand
21
Jun
18
Quote of the Day
20
Jun
18
Quote of the Day
“The county is threatening to take my Seymour away! Oh, we had another fight over the inflatable bath pillow. I kept screeching and screeching at him…” – Agnes Skinner
Happy Birthday Tress MacNeille!
19
Jun
18
Quote of the Day
“Before you begin, let me make one thing clear to you: I want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me you’re all vipers! You live on personal injury! You live on divorces! You live on pain and misery! . . . But I’m rambling. Anybody want any coffee?” – C.M. Burns
“I’ll have some coffee.” – Blue Haired Lawyer
“Want it black, don’t you? Black like your heart? It’s so hard for me to listen to you! I hate you all so much! . . . I’m sorry, it’s my problem. I’ll deal with it.” – C.M. Burns
18
Jun
18
Quote of the Day
“I’m looking for something loose and billowy, something comfortable for my first day of work.” – Homer Simpson
“Work, huh? Lemme guess: computer programmer? Computer magazine columnist? Something with computers?” – Vast Waistband Salesman
“Well, I use a computer!” – Homer Simpson
“What’s the connection? Must be the non-stop sitting and snacking…” – Vast Waistband Salesman
17
Jun
18
Quote of the Day
“People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless!” – Bart Simpson
“Ahhhhh!” – Homer Simpson
“We have captured your President, he was delicious.” – Bart Simpson
17
Jun
18
Makeup Quote of the Day
“What’d you swipe?” – Jimbo Jones
“An ‘I Love Lefty’ shot glass.” – Dolph
“Left handed pinking shears.” – Kearney
“Pinking shears? Let’s go to the food court and steal some baked potatoes.” – Jimbo Jones
15
Jun
18
Quote of the Day
“You each have a knob in front of you. When you like what you see, turn the knob to the right. When you don’t like what you see, turn it left.” – Focus Group Guy
“My knob tastes funny.” – Ralph Wiggum
“Please refrain from tasting the knob.” – Focus Group Guy
charliesweatpants.com
(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
The Mob Has Spoken