“Though it was unusual to spend twenty-eight minutes reporting on a doll, this reporter found it impossible to stop talking. It’s just really fascinating news, folks. Good night. . . . Oh, and the President was arrested for murder, more on that tomorrow night or you can turn to another channel. . . . Oh, do not turn to another channel.” – Kent Brockman
“I’m new in town. Be there a cool loch where a lass could wash her long, red hair?” – Hot Scot
“Nay, but there’s a pool at me apartment complex. There was a rat in the deep end . . . but we got him!” – Groundskeeper Willie
“Ach, lead on!” – Hot Scot
“This is Fuzzy Bunny. About a year ago, he noticed his voice was changing. He had terrible acne. And had fur where there was no fur before.” – Troy McClure
“Now hold on a minute, missy. It’s not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I’d kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed.” – Rex Banner
“Alright, I’ll bring in a woman. But I still stand by my hiring policies. . . . Get back to work, Stewart!” – C.M. Burns
“Why don’t people like me, Marge?” – Homer Simpson
“Everyone likes you, you’re a wonderful person.” – Marge Simpson
“Why don’t those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?” – Homer Simpson
“Marge, it’s a real pleasure! . . . You got any leads? I need some leads. Please, help me.” – Gil
“That’s enough, Gil. Don’t drag her down with you.” – Lionel Hutz
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(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
The Mob Has Spoken