“Anything else?” – Grocery Clerk
“Yes, I ate two grapes. Please charge me for them.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh? Two grapes? Who cares?” – Grocery Clerk
“Just charge me something, please.” – Marge Simpson
“Yeah, okay, alright . . . I need a price check on two grapes. Yeah, you heard me, Phil! Two measly stinkin’ grapes.” – Grocery Clerk
“In a bold move that has stunned Hollywood insiders, newly divorced comeback kid Troy McClure has turned down the supporting lead in McBain 4 to direct and star in his own pet project, the Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel. Will the gambit pay off? Twentieth Century Fox is betting it will.” – Not John Tesh
“I’m telling you, the light would work better if it pointed out to sea.” – Lighthouse Guy
“Y’argh, shut up! I know what I’m doing! . . . Y’argh, I hate the sea, and everything in it.” – Captain McAllister
“I just missed out on the greatest opportunity of my entire life! George Burns was right. Show business is a hideous bitch goddess.” – Bart Simpson
“Cheer up, Bart. Milhouse is still gonna need a true friend. Someone to tell him he’s great. Someone to rub lotion on him. Someone he can hurl whiskey bottles at when he’s feeling low.” – Lisa Simpson
“Ah, the college road trip. What better way to spread beer fueled mayhem?” – Homer Simpson
“If you’re going for a ride, I’d like you to take Bart and Lisa.” – Homer Simpson
“But, Marge, we’re college guys and we’re up to no good.” – Homer Simpson
“Mr. Simpson, Gary spilled his ear medicine.” – Fat Nerd
“These are yours, sir?” – DMV Boss
“Yes. I am in flavor country.” – Homer Simpson
“Both of them?” – DMV Boss
“It’s a big country.” – Homer Simpson
“Ladies, I apologize. And you, sir, are worse than Hitler.” – DMV Boss
“Now to absorb some local color through the magic of AM radio.” – Homer Simpson
“The Book of Revelations tells us to watch for the seven signs of evil!” – Radio Hustler #1
“Sign of evil number four . . . ” – Radio Hustler #2
“Continuing our sign of evil countdown, here’s Vanessa Williams.” – Not Casey Kasem
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(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
The Mob Has Spoken