Author Archive for



28
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“This was the happiest time of my life. I’ll never forget you guys — especially you, Joey.” – Homer Simpson


“See you around, Mr. Homer.” – Joey


“Don’t worry Joey, we’ll make it to California someday.” – Homer Simpson


“Sure we will Mr. Homer, sure we will.” (coughs violently) – Joey

Loyal Stonecutter’s Note: No, they won’t. The pessimism of this exchange in Homer’s otherwise bittersweet parting moment is cruel, borderline cold, and entirely brilliant.

26
Sep
10

Sunday Preview: “Elementary School Musical”

Look at the children, they're so happy.

As I conjure up this post on a beautiful Sunday morning, I am filled with a sense of loathing and revulsion. This isn’t “The Simpsons.” This is a tired, miserable, train wreck of a television series grasping at straws that don’t exist to stay relevant to people who don’t care. The description of the Season 22’s opener, “Elementary School Musical,” isn’t pretty:

When Krusty the Clown is announced as the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, Homer invites Bart to accompany him on a trip to Oslo for the ceremony. Sensing that Lisa would feel left out, Marge surprises her with a week-long retreat at performing arts camp, where she is greeted by her artsy counselors Ethan and Kurt  and fellow musically inclined campers, who inspire her to embrace her creative side. After she returns to Springfield, Lisa becomes restless with her ho-hum suburban lifestyle and sneaks off to Sprooklyn in hopes of connecting with her inner hipster, but she soon realizes that the city is not the same as camp. [Editor’s note: Guest staring some shitheads from “Glee” and a couple Kiwis.]

Glossing over the fact the chain of events leading to Krusty’s Nobel Peace Prize will, in fact, be contrived and ludicrous, we can consider “Elementary School Musical” from a few perspectives. There’s synergy: no doubt FOX is hoping that some of the rabid, misguided, juvenile “Glee” fanbase will flock to the season opener in spades, temporarily propping up viewership and ad dollars. There’s cross-promotion, though the much loved “Flight of the Conchords” hasn’t had a show in well over a year. And finally there’s precedent: pseudo-rival “South Park” already did it. It was even called… wait for it… “Elementary School Musical.” Zombie Simpsons has had nary an original idea in years and it was only a matter of time before it caught up to the competition, figuratively and literally.

I actually prefer a less analytical approach. The onus is on Zombie Simpsons not to suck. They haven’t had a winner in years and no amount of singing or neologisms (seriously, Sprooklyn?) will reverse that course. Why on Earth would the show’s producers and writers want to make something good when they’ve committed bloody murder for thirteen years straight?

23
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Well it’s Bart Simpson! Come on in, you’re just in time for ‘Sponge Bath The Old Folks Day!'” – Ned Flanders
“Help yourself, but stay above the equator!” – Jasper Beardly


“Ahhhhhh!” – Bart Simpson

22
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Oh, I only grew half an inch. I’m still too short.” – Bart Simpson


“Growing half an inch in one day is still pretty good, Bart.” – Marge Simpson


“Yeah that’s how fast Grampa is shrinking.” – Lisa Simpson
“Oh I’m as tall as I ever was.” – Grampa Simpson

21
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Homer, has the weight loss tape reduced your appetite?” – Marge Simpson
“Ah, lamentably no; my gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.” – Homer Simpson

18
Sep
10

Quote of the Day

“Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya.” – C. Montgomery Burns


“What? Oh, and by that I mean of course, it’s time for the worker of the week award!” – C. Montgomery Burns

Happy birthday David Mirkin!

14
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Hmm, sounded large when I ordered it. (sighs) I can’t make hide nor hair of these metric booby traps.” – C. Montgomery Burns

10
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Mom, there’s something you should know about me: I almost always spoil the moment.” – Homer Simpson


“I’m sorry.” – Homer Simpson


“That’s okay darling. It wasn’t your fault.” – Mona Simpson

09
Sep
10

Quote of the Day

♫ Hey there, blimpie boy, flying through the sky so fancy free! ♫ – Homer Simpson

08
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Baron von Wortzenberger, on behalf of the American people, I apologize for…” – US State Department Agent
Ja ja ja, macht schnell mit der art things, huh? I must get back to Dancezentrum in Stuttgart in time to see Kraftwerk. Hey, und dummkopf! Watch out for the CD changer in my trunk, eh? Idiot.” – Baron von Wortzenberger

04
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Hello my animal friends. Peace be with you.” – Homer Simpson


“Guys, please, could you give me five minutes?” – Homer Simpson

03
Sep
10

Quote of the Day

“What do you think of the banners?” – Principal Seymour Skinner
“Nothing but transparent toadying.” – Superintendent Chalmers
“They were the children’s idea. I tried to stop them.” – Principal Seymour Skinner
“It’s always the children’s fault, isn’t it Seymour?” – Superintendent Chalmers
“Yes, yes it is sir.” – Principal Seymour Skinner

02
Sep
10

Quote of the Day


“Militants huh? Well if I were you, I’d kick their asses.” – Homer Simpson

31
Aug
10

Quote of the Day


“Homer. Give him what he wants.” – Barney Gumble
“Aw Barney, leave me alone.” – Homer Simpson


(door slamming)
“Oops.” – Barney Gumble
(gunshot)
(glass breaking)
(woman screaming)
(police siren)
“Uh oh.” – Barney Gumble

28
Aug
10

Quote of the Day


“Ugh. Back to the loch with you, Nessie.” – Groundskeeper Willie

25
Aug
10

Quote of the Day


“Hey Moe, what’ll you give me for an AA chip?” – Barney Gumble
“Uh, Barney, this is a five minute chip. Eh, it’s worth a Pabst.” – Moe Szyslak

24
Aug
10

Quote of the Day


“Hey, they’re trying to learn for free!” – Enemy Soldier


“Get ’em!” – Tour Guide


“Use your phony guns as clubs!” – Member of the Ninth Bearded Infantry

23
Aug
10

Quote of the Day

“Your mother seems really upset about something. I’d better go have a talk with her. During the commercial.” – Homer Simpson

22
Aug
10

Quote of the Day


“I won’t eat anything unless it’s shipped overnight from Vermont or Washington state.” – Evelyn
“We order our steaks through the New Yorker.” – Roberta

21
Aug
10

Quote of the Day


“Chief Justice of the Supreme Court; what great men he would join. John Marshall, Charles Evans Hughes, Warren Burger… mmm, burger.” – Homer Simpson




E-Mail

deadhomersociety (at) gmail

Run a Simpsons site or Twitter account? Let us know!

Twitter Updates

The Mob Has Spoken

Fuck the duck until… on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Big John's Breakfast… on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Relatives Dude on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Mr Incognito on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Zombie Sweatpants on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Bleeding Unprofitabl… on Hey, Everybody! Zombie Simpson…
Red sus on Quote of the Day
Rick on Quote of the Day
cm5675 on Quote of the Day
Bleeding Gums Murphy on Quote of the Day

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Reruns

Useful Legal Tidbit

Even though it’s obvious to anyone with a functional frontal lobe and a shred of morality, we feel the need to include this disclaimer. This website (which openly advocates for the cancellation of a beloved television series) is in no way, shape or form affiliated with the FOX Network, the News Corporation, subsidiaries thereof, or any of Rupert Murdoch’s wives or children. “The Simpsons” is (unfortunately) the intellectual property of FOX. We and our crack team of one (1) lawyer believe that everything on this site falls under the definition of Fair Use and is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. No revenue is generated from this endeavor; we’re here because we love “The Simpsons”. And besides, you can’t like, own a potato, man, it’s one of Mother Earth’s creatures.