Archive for the 'Simpsonized' Category


The Petty Greed of a Large and Wealthy Organization

The Joy of Sect4

“Oh I feel for you my child and, I’d like you help you . . . ahem.” – Rev. Lovejoy

There was some hubbub over the long holiday weekend because L’Osservatore Romano, an official Vatican newspaper, said some nice things about The Simpsons.  This doesn’t particularly surprise me, Zombie Simpsons has become so institutionalized that even the world’s oldest surviving organization no longer finds it threatening.  That kind of approval is a pretty damning indictment for a program that found its original popularity in an explicitly anti-authority message. 

But I was curious as to what exactly the Catholic Church found praiseworthy and so I tried to find the original article.  It wasn’t on the hilariously primitive (and incomplete) official website, but there was an e-mail link to request articles.  So I wrote a very polite and friendly e-mail requesting either the text of the article or just a link to where the text was found.  I figured that they had it easily available and would probably send it to me and that I’d have to say something nice about the Catholic Church for a change.  My cynicism doesn’t fail me very often, but I do enjoy it when it does. 

Instead of the article or a link I received . . .  an order form – literally.  The e-mail I got back told me that the article in question was only published in Italian, but if I would like a copy I could have one for the low price of just eight Euros (Visa and MasterCard most definitely accepted).  Setting aside the fact that they want to charge me eight Euros for an article in a language I don’t read, there’s the bigger rip off of asking eight Euros for a copy and paste job.  It’s not like some hooded figure will have to descend into the archives by torchlight to retrieve this, it was published (electronically!) a week ago.  Pointing me to the article would’ve taken the exact same amount of time as copying and pasting the order form.  And they’re not asking for some trivial amount of money either, eight Euros is half a week’s earnings for half of humanity

I don’t care in the least whether or not anyone wants to believe in a higher power, but organized religion is humanity’s longest running scam and they give themselves away through sheer pettiness. 


Nude Conspiracy on the Supreme Court


Now accepting bachelorette party reservations.

Now accepting bachelorette party reservations.

It was announced this morning that nerd of note David Souter, left, plans to retire back to his home state of New Hampshire at the end of the Supreme Court’s current term in June.  

Now, we all know that Earl Warren was secretly a stripper, and then on Wednesday’s Colbert Report we learned that Justice Stephen Breyer used to have people stick things in his underwear, “mostly singles” according to Colbert.  (The story starts at the 4:20 mark.)  If we put those two factesque things together we’re left with an obvious and inescapable conclusion: a cabal of strippers has been overseeing our country’s jurisprudence since at least the 1950s.    

The New York Times reports that:

Justice Souter . . . has grown increasingly sour on Washington and intends to return to his home state, New Hampshire, according to the people briefed on his plans.

I couldn’t find any male strip clubs in New Hampshire, but I did find Male Encounter Boston, “New England’s longest running all male revue”.  Are they hiring, I wonder?  After all, that’s a man who knows how to properly grip a gavel and you could hide absolutely anything under that robe . . .


Simpsonized Simpsons

“If he marries your mother, Marge, we’ll be brother and sister!  And then, our kids, they’ll be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbites and five fingers on each hand!” – Homer Simpson

That Simpsonizer website is the best thing real fans got out of that mostly crappy movie; I hope they never take it down.  And so, for no reason whatsoever, I put images of the Simpsons themselves into the Simpsonizer.  
Presented without further comment.  


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