Posts Tagged ‘Bart Carny


Quote of the Day

“What are you doing inside?” – Marge Simpson
“Work was hard, so we quit.” – Bart Simpson
“What?” – Marge Simpson
“Hard work made us quit.” – Lisa Simpson


Quote of the Day

“The main thing is to bring in the rubes.” – Cooter
“Do whatever it takes: sweet talk, insults, slang from the 30s that no one uses anymore.” – Spud
“Like rubes?”
“Now you’re on the trolley.” – Spud


Quote of the Day


“Oh, this isn’t fun. Maybe if you didn’t go to the bathroom so much you wouldn’t be so small.” – Bart Simpson


Behind Us Forever: Friends and Family


“I want to go on the yard work simulator!” – Bart Simpson

The official synopsis for this week’s episode of Zombie Simpsons:

Mr. Burns’ search for a clan to play his virtual-reality family leads him to hire the Simpsons, except for Homer, since Burns intends to play the father. With nothing to do, Homer befriends the new next-door neighbor, a woman who eats, drinks, thinks and acts like him.

A more honest synopsis:

Burns goes to a therapist, who then dies for no apparent reason. At the funeral, which the Simpsons attend because reasons, Burns realizes no one loves him. Then he runs over Frink, who was using a virtual reality headset. Burns then has Smithers use Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie as a virtual reality family so that he can pretend someone loves him, which for some reason means all four of them have to live at Burns Manor seemingly forever. Meanwhile, Homer meets a new female neighbor of his and becomes weird friends with her. When Marge gets back from Burns Manor, she freaks out about this in one of the dumbest and angriest Zombie Simpsons scenes in a while. Then it ends.

The most unintentionally entertaining part of the episode was the couch gag. They’ve gotten so used to explaining jokes and filling their scripts with unnecessary exposition that they did it before the episode even began. First, we see the family on the couch with a smart phone in front of them. Each member gets clicked and turned into an icon:


As couch gags go, at least it’s slightly novel. But when it gets to Homer, instead of having the screen flash “memory full” or some other wordless joke like the couch gags have long been, they had Homer explain out loud what was happening:


Homer: I’m too fat!

The phone then gets swapped for a larger tablet and he declares himself, “Still too fat!”. It’s completely unnecessary, we can plainly see that he’s too big to fit, but they felt the need to explain it anyway. I’m not laughing with you, Zombie Simpsons, but for once, I am laughing.

Anyway, the ratings are in, for both this week and last week’s premier. For the season premier – with no football lead-in – Zombie Simpsons managed to attract just 3.36 million viewers. That’s a horrifically bad number, but thanks to the nearly as bad Season 27 premier, isn’t actually a record. Last year’s premier only got 3.26 million viewers. By way of comparison, the previous low was Season 25’s 6.29 million.

On Sunday, Zombie Simpsons managed to display some self awareness with their chalkboard gag:


Unfortunately, they did, in fact, lose half of their NFL lead-in. FOX’s postgame show was watched by 12.49 million Americans, with Zombie Simpsons retaining only 6.00 million. Heh.


Quote of the Day

Bart Carny8

“Now, this geek bit is pretty straightforward. You just bite the heads off the chickens and take a bow. Go on, give it a try. Remember: big smiles!” – Rich Texan


Quote of the Day

Bart Carny7

“Turn on the TV, Lis.” – Bart Simpson
“You turn it on.  I turned it on yesterday.” – Lisa Simpson


Quote of the Day

Bart Carny6

“You’re looking at Adolf Hitler’s personal limousine!  It’s roomier than Bonnie & Clyde’s death car, and was the first automobile to come with fahrvergnugen.” – Rich Texan
“Wow, it’s fuhrerriffic!” – Bart Simpson


Sorry, Uproxx, Zombie Simpsons Is Never Worth Watching

Bart Carny4

“Sorry.” – Screamatorium Carny

I understand the desire for there to be funny and watchable episodes of Zombie Simpsons.  Hell, I share it.  If they ever made a good episode again you could get out the crayolas and color me tickled pink.  But that will never happen.  The show is too far gone to regain even a spark of what once made it great, and the proof of that is on display in every episode of Zombie Simpsons.

And I mean every episode, as in all ten on this Uproxx list of “10 Episodes From the Past Five Years That Are Totally Worth Watching” @dailysimpsons tweeted earlier today.  This is readily apparent just by reading the article, where phrases like, “with Moe, for some reason”, “Umm..okay”, “wacky adventure with a farting toy train”, and “it’s a bit gruesome to watch” dot every entry.  But for a fuller rebuttal, let’s just go to the tape.

10.  “A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again” – This was the love note to the completely unlovable cruise industry.  Also, Bart’s feelings, which Uproxx mentions several times, were as stupid and ham handed as possible.

9.  “Donnie Fatso” – This is the one with the completely lifeless FBI agent and Homer being a suave undercover cop.  It’s boring as hell.

8.  “The Bob Next Door” – This one is from so long ago that there isn’t even a Compare & Contrast for it, but there was a nonsensical plot, lazy gags and pointless exposition.

7.  “The Food Wife” – The best compliment Uproxx can come up with is that there was a Tim & Eric song on this, which they call one of the best Simpsons songs in years.  When someone else’s work is the high point of your scripted show, it’s not a good sign.  This one also highlighted how much the family now lives like rich TV writers who can’t be bothered to think up non-pun brand parodies.

6.  “500 Keys” – This was a “Trilogy of Error” clone that managed to step on the few jokes it made.

5. “Homer The Father” – This is what I mean when I say that the premise of this post is constantly undermined by just how crappy these episodes are:

At a point in this show’s history where it tends to rely on weirder and weirder plots just to keep from getting bored with itself, this one features a simple storyline about Homer trying to be a better father (by following the advice of a cheesy 80s sitcom, of course)

That is very weak praise, indeed.  And let’s not forget that they whiffed completely on making fun of the eminently mockable 80s sitcoms.

4. – “The Saga Of Carl” – The Simpsons are going to Iceland, where they will kill time with chase scenes and musical montages.

3. – “Holidays Of Future Passed” – Another future episode that’s limp and lifeless next to “Lisa’s Wedding”.  They like this so much they’ve done it a couple more times since.

2. – “The Book Job” – A bland stab at parody with no villain ranks #2 on this list.  That’s about all you really need to know.

1.  “Brick Like Me” – Ah, the much touted merchandising tie in episode that both they and I think is the best they can do.  Sadly, that still means having characters constantly tell us what they’re doing and how they feel, which is even worse than usual because they spent two years on it and still managed to have a nearly jokeless script that would get laughed out of the remedial classes at Hollywood Upstairs Screenwriting College.

And that’s the problem with trying to find some good in Zombie Simpsons, there just isn’t anything the least bit memorable or creative about any of them.  These episodes are all from just the last five years, but with the possible exception of the Lego one, will any of these be fondly remembered five years from now?  Seems unlikely.  And even the Lego episode is only notable for the novel animation, not for quotes, jokes, parodies or any of the other things that make episodes from twenty years ago endlessly rewatchable.

Zombie Simpsons has been in a comfortable and generally dull rut for a lot more than five years, and in all that time hasn’t shown even a spark of breaking out.  Assuming the show continues its undead shuffle across network teevee for another five years, someone at Uproxx could write this exact same post, massive caveats and all, in 2019 and nobody would notice.


Quote of the Day

Bart Carny3

“Well, well, look who’s here, Mr. No Bribe.  Sure, we’ll help you.  Just sit down and wait for Detective Like I Give A Damn.” – Chief Wiggum
“Thank you, so much.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad.” – Lisa Simpson
“Honey, Daddy’s waiting for the detective.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Bart Carny2

“The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you should do it yourself first to show ’em how.” – Homer Simpson
“I’m not going to the bathroom in the back yard.” – Marge Simpson
“Sorry, your majesty.” – Homer Simpson


Crazy Noises: Bart Carny

Bart Carny1

“Why did you shudder just now, Mom?” – Lisa Simpson
“I don’t know.” – Marge Simpson

There’s no new Zombie Simpsons until September, so we’re going to spend the summer overthinking Season 9.  Why Season 9?  Because we did Season 8 last summer, and Season 9 was when the show started becoming more Zombie than Simpsons.  Since we’re too lazy to do audio and too ugly to do video, we’ve booked a “chatroom” (ours is right between the one with the sexy seventh graders and the one with the bored federal agents pretending to be sexy seventh graders).  So log on to your dial-up AOL and join us.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (surprisingly enough, not on “Grieg”).

Today’s episode is 912 “Bart Carny”.  Tomorrow will be was 925 “Natural Born Kissers”.

Charlie Sweatpants: While I wholeheartedly endorse the off label use of prescription drugs, ought we get started? Naked people or carnies first?

Mad Jon: Carnies.

Dave: As an aside, I watched both of these episodes in double-speed.

I don’t know if that made them better or worse.

Charlie Sweatpants: What do you mean double speed?

Mad Jon: It made them faster I would assume.

Dave: I set VLC to 2x playback speed.

Charlie Sweatpants: Ah ha.

Mad Jon: Not a fan I see.

Dave: Well, no.

Mad Jon: If it makes you feel any better I turned them on and looked at new golf clubs the entire time.

Dave: Heh.

Mad Jon: But I think I got the gist of it.

Charlie Sweatpants: Both of these suffer from long stretches of nothing at all interesting happening, that’s for sure.

Dave: That’s where I landed. I didn’t care enough to sweat the details, a glossing over was sufficient.

Charlie Sweatpants: I’ll slightly disagree there, since the details are about the only good parts of either of these.

Mad Jon: I am sure you’ve seen them plenty before, I almost didn’t even turn them on today. But that kind of makes me feel like I must think they are at least so-so as I’ve seen them enough times.

Dave: I’m not saying they were bad. I’m saying I didn’t care.

Charlie Sweatpants: Oh no, they’re bad. But the good parts are almost exclusively one liners and asides.

Mad Jon: There are definitely some funny lines.

Dave: Yes, episodes bad. Funny bits, lol.

Charlie Sweatpants: From Bart Carney, the only thing I use on a regular basis is the bit about slang from the 30s.

But there are a couple of other good jokes, though they tend to go on too long. The "Tooth Chipper" comes to mind.

Mad Jon: That’s funny. Also I like the beaten by the best.

Only because I lose a lot of arguments at work and it fits well.

Charlie Sweatpants: That is a good line, and Jim Varney delivers it well.

Mad Jon: May he rest in piece. Or pieces… How’d he die anyway?

Charlie Sweatpants: Nothing exciting, Wikipedia says he died of lung cancer:

Mad Jon: That’ll happen.

Dave: I actually like the morning montage at the carnival.

Charlie Sweatpants: That’s another good part.

Mad Jon: I like when the burger wrapper opens up. Nice visual.

Charlie Sweatpants: They’ve even got the Grieg music.

Dave: It’s almost as though they put thought into something.

Charlie Sweatpants: So there’s good stuff here, but that’s true of pretty much all of 9. If I may be allowed a brief rant, I think the whole season can be neatly summed up by the whole glass bottomed boat thing.

The toxic waste and slurry containers on the sea floor are funny, and so is the other sunken ship, and I love how casually the guy describes it as going down with "88 souls".

  But then they spoil the joke by having Homer and Bart standing on the glass and taunting the shark. That right there is the kind of payoff that the show would’ve made subtle just a year or two before, and now it’s Homer and Bart acting out for no real reason.

If the shark was bumping the glass in the background somehow, that would’ve been much better, instead it’s face meltingly obvious and they have Homer and Bart acting like partners in crime instead of their more naturally adversarial relationship.

Dave: Nailed it.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, we’ve missed the luau, but I want to thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

Mad Jon: He card reads good!

Charlie Sweatpants: In general this episode sports the whole Bart and Homer as a team thing that I don’t like, that one scene just epitomizes it.

Mad Jon: Yeah, even in the other team scenes, like when they are running the game for instance, it’s one balancing out the other. Mainly Bart being street smart and Homer being a dolt, but with the boat scene they are too much on the same page, which is a trap I think the writers fall into a lot when looking for the visual gags from this season out.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, Homer has reached his overly dumb/enthusiastic phase in this episode.

Dave: They can’t leave well enough alone, basically.

Mad Jon: This is definitely the Homer that would have starved in any other country.

Charlie Sweatpants: There really is no reason for him to be at the carnival in the first place, but they’ve got it in their heads that he has to be acting crazy at all times, otherwise all the other characters would just be standing around asking "Where’s Poochie?"

Mad Jon: Still, thankfully, no access to a time machine. But tune in to season 22.

Charlie Sweatpants: I’d also add that this episode is another sad step in the complete degradation of the storytelling.

Mad Jon: I am sure I agree.

Charlie Sweatpants: The opening is unrelated to anything, there are a number of "huh?" moments that take you completely out of things (Homer and Bart’s various jobs, for instance), and the whole third act doesn’t make any sense even if you grant it one insane conceit after another.

Mad Jon: It was pretty slapped together plot wise. Indeed.

Charlie Sweatpants: Anything else here, or can we be done?

Mad Jon: No, I think its covered, bad plot, a couple of good jokes, dead Ernest, Homer bad… etc…

Dave: Let’s move on.

Charlie Sweatpants: About the only other thing I have to add is that while I like Marge’s little shudder when Homer invites in Cooder, I would like it a lot more if the show had ended soon after.

Mad Jon: I do think that was clever.

Charlie Sweatpants: That joke just doesn’t work anymore once you know there’s another fourteen years of even crazier shit about to go down.

Mad Jon: Fair enough, but at the time that may have been the funniest scene in the episode.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, time for some public nudity?

Mad Jon: Oh yeah.

Charlie Sweatpants: Alright, let me just untie my drawstring and open the blinds.

Mad Jon: This is going to get worse before it gets better.


It Seems Like Only Yesterday


In college I had to take a few courses in which I had absolutely no interest. One of those courses was a European history course which spanned the period from sometime before they crucified the jew (happy good friday everyone!) until the 11th or 12th century A.D.. I don’t remember much of it at all.  I do, however, remember wondering what Rome must of looked like for the last week or two before Alaric had his way with it.  My question was answered over the last few days as the local channel which syndicates Simpson episodes in my area chose to air “Trash of the Titans” and “Bart Carnie” both of which are from season 9.

On the days I get home from work before the local broadcasts I turn the TV on to prove to myself that no matter how shitty middle management is, my life can always be worse. And I am usually vindicated as some season 16 or 17 zombie comes storming through my television. But the last few days have been different. Now I am not defending these particular episodes or anything, as they are most assuredly bad, but as they are close to where the plane ran out of fuel there are still some funny things in them. For instance at the end of “Bart Carnie” when the Simpsons get their house back there is a quick shot of Lisa spraying down the chair. Funny Stuff. This of course doesn’t make up for Homer becoming a carnie and following the code. In “Trash of the Titans” (which I believe won an Emmy) Homer gets the garbage water in his slipper, and we’ve all been there. But unlike this episode’s zombie descendants, Homer didn’t break down and sob and ants didn’t come out of nowhere and carry Homer’s garbage soaked foot off into the horizon or anything like that. But this doesn’t make up for the stupid garbage man song. Why do they always have to sing so fucking much? Oh, one more thing in that episode: When Homer is in the debate with Ray Patterson and he says “Animals are crapping in our houses, and we’re picking it up. Did we lose a war??”  That’s probably my favorite line from all episodes after season 8.  Which is pretty bad, because it’s not that funny, but still funnier than anything else has been for more than a decade.

With any luck the station will continue air the “bitten but not yet zombified” simpons so that others can see how shitty the new ones really truly are.  But I doubt it.


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