Posts Tagged ‘Bart Gets Famous

03
Feb
20

Quote of the Day

“I’m Kent Brockman, on the 11 o’clock news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won’t tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.” – Kent Brockman

29
May
19

Quote of the Day

“Bart, I’ve asked you not to whistle that annoying tune.” – Marge Simpson

Happy Birthday, Danny Elfman!

03
Mar
19

Quote of the Day

“What do you mean, you lost him? He might’ve fallen into one of these machines! Oh, my God! That’s his lucky red hat! He’s a box. My boy’s a box! Damn, you! A box!” – Homer Simpson

14
Jul
18

Quote of the Day

“What happened?” – Bart Simpson
“Aw, don’t worry about that. You’re just finished, that’s all.” – Krusty the Klown
“Finished?” – Bart Simpson
“It happens all the time. That’s show business for you: one day you’re the most important guy who ever lived. The next day you’re some schmoe working in a box factory.” – Krusty the Klown
“I heard that.” – Box Factory Guy

03
Feb
18

Quote of the Day

“Right in here, boy. If you-…eww, I don’t know what I was thinking last night. This’ll take you a couple hours.” – Krusty the Klown

03
Feb
17

Quote of the Day

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“You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.” – Homer Simpson

03
Aug
16

Quote of the Day

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“This room is the most popular part of our tour.” – Box Factory Manager
“It’s just like the other rooms.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Yes, but with one important difference . . . Oh, we took that out. Yes, it is just like the other rooms.” – Box Factory Manager

03
Feb
16

Quote of the Day

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“Wow.  Being in show business is like a dream.  We’re really lucky, aren’t we?” – Bart Simpson
“I wish I was dead.” – Stagehand

27
Jul
15

Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Famous15

“What the hell are you reading books for?” – Homer Simpson

03
Feb
15

Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Famous14

“Many interesting and important things have been put into boxes over the years: textiles, other boxes, even children’s candy.” – Box Factory Manager
“Do any of these boxes have candy in ’em?” – Milhouse van Houten
“No.” – Box Factory Manager
“Will they ever?” – Milhouse van Houten
“No, we only make boxes to ship nails.” – Box Factory Manager

24
Nov
14

Behind Us Forever: Covercraft

Bart Gets Famous13

“Yes, son, you can have an electric guitar just like your old man.” – Homer Simpson
“Dad, I’m asking if I can get a job.” – Bart Simpson
“Gig, son, when you’re a musician a job is called a gig.” – Homer Simpson

In the past, I have described watching Zombie Simpsons episodes as akin to listening to a 5-year-old tell a story.  It’s just an endless series of “and then this happened”.  In “Covercraft”, which had no B-plot, Moe trashes the music store, and then Homer bought a bass guitar, and then there was a montage, and then Homer was in a cover band, and then there was a montage, and then Apu got picked up by a famous band, and then there was a montage, and then the famous band got food poisoning, and then there was a montage.

– Another relatively decent and brief couch gag.  Two in a row might be some kind of record.

– Things get off to a typically sloppy start.  Barney vanished from the alley, then Moe got into a fight with the guy who apparently owns the music store, who is also clearly not the guy who sold Homer the reeds in “Lisa’s Pony”.  A real waste of Will Forte.

– The sign on Guitar Central “Where Dreams Become Purchases” is pretty good.  But to get there we had to have Lisa do a dramatic pause on “the big box music store”.  None of these characters act like people anymore, and it’s very annoying.

– Now that Homer and Lisa are in the guitar store, Lisa conveniently vanishes for what appears to be several hours.

– Back at home, the Simpson family is once again telling the audience how they feel about stuff.  Lisa continues to be a total non-entity.  She says it’s cool to have another musician in the family, even though she just saw Homer get ripped off and already knew what he bought.

– Now Marge is at a restaurant with Helen Lovejoy, LuAnn van Houten (or whatever her name is now), Bernice Hibbert, and a totally silent Manjula.  Like, she’s sitting right there and doesn’t say or do anything in the whole scene while the rest of them exposit the backstory about their husbands playing instruments.  It’s weird.

– In our next poorly constructed scene, Homer, Kirk, Dr. Hibbert and Reverend Lovejoy are all in the Simpsons’ garage.  They have all set up their instruments and look ready to go but have not, apparently, talked to each other about this at all:

Kirk: What were our wives thinking?  We probably don’t even like the same tunes.
Hibbert: On the count of three, everyone say their favorite kind of music.

It doesn’t read like dialogue or even an outline of dialogue.

– If you’re wondering if they suddenly all became good after that, well, wonder no more.  This is one of roughly a dozen sections of this episode that are just, “Hey, let’s play some 80s rock”.

– Apu just walked up.  Apparently, Manjula is only allowed to talk off screen this week, but she told him about their garage band and now he’s gonna be their singer.

– Oof, this “Sungazer” crap is really bad.  Accoding to the credits the songs were a joint effort of Selman and Matthew Sweet.  I guess they got the crap rock vibe down, but the lyrics are, well, just lyrics.  Probably should’ve at least tried to make those funny.

– Hibbert just asked Apu to explain why his voice is different when he sings.  So they are aware of how wildly dumb this is, but they only pause to explain the implausible when they have a flashback to cut to.

– I’m not even sure how rawk music many montages we’re on now.  Still, I like those better than dialogue like this:

Homer: Guys, are you feeling this?  Are you feeling this?
Kirk: I’m feeling it.
Hibbert: I’m definitely feeling it.
Lovejoy: I felt something earlier but I was afraid to bring it up.
Apu: I think we all felt something.

After that, Homer exposited that they are now a band, in case we were unclear on that.

– Wait, a decent callback joke!  The all appetizer restaurant the wives were at files for bankruptcy, and a newspaper headline calls the concept flawed after a sign in their window said it wasn’t.  I feel like I found a four leaf clover or something.

– Well, that didn’t last.  They’re backstage and Homer asks Apu what’s wrong before expositing how Apu can sing if he imagines he’s singing alone in the Kwik-E-Mart.  It took the better part of a minute to get though that, and then it’s time for another montage.

– And I wasn’t kidding earlier about the lyrics being pointless and unfunny, “When I close my eyes/ I wish that I could fantasize/ Pull a dream right out of the air/ take a chance turn it into a prayer/”.  Someone needs to confiscate Selman’s rhyming dictionary, for the good of us all.

– Bart just noted that everyone loves his Dad now.  That may be the first thing he’s said all episode.  We’re eleven minutes in.

– Ooh, they’ve dipped back into “being aware” of how dumb this is:

Marge: Oh, sweetie, this band has brought out the best in you
Lisa: Yeah, you really get that it’s all about the music.
Homer: Yep, it’s all about the music.  And it would take a pretty unforeseen development to change that.  Pretty unforeseen.

I wonder if the script said “with sexy results” originally.

– And just like that, four old rock stars show up a the garage.  Kirk lists of their names, then explains that they’re from the band “Sungazer”.  Hibbert then asks what happened to their lead singer.  He’s dead, so they’re gonna replace him with Apu.  Dun dun dun.

– These are Apu’s last words before being whisked away in a helicopter:

Tonight we play Las Vegas!  And the theme of the casino is circus!  Circus, ha!

– Sammy Hagar just showed up to voice himself.

– Oh, sweet baby exposition Jebus, they’re having Kent Brockman explain how great things are going for Apu.

– Homer just explained to Lisa the dictionary definition difference between envy and jealousy.  Lisa then produced a dictionary from nowhere to verify it.  That’s right, this episode has gotten so boring that they are reading from a dictionary.

– Homer then yelled at Bart about the band Genesis.  It took awhile.

– Man, I’m getting sick of this:

Hibbert: You know, we really could use a new lead singer.

Then Homer accuses everyone of being “a Yoko” and the rest of them pack up and leave.

– Marge just showed up in the garage in the middle of the night with tickets and back stage passes from Apu.  She’s in her bathrob and just holds them up.  Then they disappear.  This is how this show pushes its plot forward.

– Homer has now broken into Apu’s dressing room.  There’s a picture of the Be Sharps on the wall.  Sigh.

– In a shocking twist, Apu isn’t actually happy on tour.  Then, and I am not making any of this up, they order rancid hot dogs from the Kwik-E-Mart to poison the guys in Sungazer, then the dad band we just saw break up plays the stadium while a final montage shows them getting arrested.  Five-year-olds can do better.

– The credits feature Sammy Hagar telling an incoherent story in jail.  On the plus side, it’s finally over.

Anyway, the numbers are in and they are literally the lowest ever.  With no football lead in, last night just 3.49 million people yawned as the writing staff lived out its own collective mid-life crisis.  That is the smallest audience in history, and by a fair margin as well.  The previous record holder was a flat 4.00 from Season 23.  To be fair, ABC had one of those tedious but usually solidly rated “award” specials last night, so this probably isn’t a new baseline, but it ain’t good, either.

[Note: I made a mistake in the ratings originally.  This episode is actually 4th lowest all time.  I was looking at an old part of my ratings spreadsheet.  Still a terrible number, though.]

07
Aug
14

Quote of the Day

Help Poor People

“I’ve got a weekend job helping the poor, and I’m only eight.” – Lisa Simpson
“Pfft, that’s not a job.  I’s a waste of time.  What can poor people pay you?  Nothing!  What satisfaction do you get from helping ’em?  None!  Who wants to help poor people anyway?  Nobody!” – Homer Simpson

22
May
14

Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Famous12

“There’s cheese in this sandwich!  Surely you know I’m lactose intolerant?” – Sideshow Mel
“Sorry.” – Bart Simpson
“Sorry?  Do you know how sick this is going to make me?  Oh, boy . . . come stand next to the bathroom door, I want to yell at you some more.” – Sideshow Mel

03
Feb
14

Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Famous11

“Oh, man, it’s a miracle we got through that one.  Remind me never to let you on stage again, kid.  Some people got it, and some people don’t.  And you, my young friend, do not have, hold on, I want to finish this thought outside.” – Krusty the Klown
“It’s that kid!” – Crowd Member #1
“It’s the ‘I Didn’t Do It’ guy!” – Crowd Member #2
“He’s mine!  I own him and all the subsidiary rights!” – Krusty the Klown

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart Gets Famous”!  Original airdate 3 February 1994.

26
Sep
13

Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Famous10

“Why are you so happy?” – Lisa Simpson
“Yeah, you kids gotta go to school, I gotta go to work, the only one who has it easy is Marge.” – Homer Simpson

26
Apr
13

Reading Digest: Futurama Gets Cancelled Again Edition

Bart Gets Famous9

“What’s gonna happen to me?” – Bart Simpson
“And now it’s time for Match Game 2034!  With Billy Crystal, Farrah Fawcett Majors O’Neil Varney, the ‘I Didn’t Do It’ boy, ventriloquist Loni Anderson, Spike Lee, and the always lovely and vivacious head of Kitty Carlisle.” – TV Announcer
“Hi, everybody!  Let’s start the game.” – Head of Kitty Carlisle

Since you’re reading this Simpsons website, you’ve probably already heard that Futurama got the ax (for a second time) this week.  It wasn’t entirely unexpected news since Comedy Central clearly wasn’t putting much into the show in terms of scheduling or promotion, but it’s a bit of a bummer nevertheless.  I thought last summer’s episodes were a noticeable improvement over the other “new” episodes, and it’s too bad that this summer will be the last of them.  (For now.)  But this does mean that we have lots of links about the second death of the quirky and much beloved spin-off. 

In addition to the Futurama eulogies, we’ve got two different Simpsons alums starting new shows, a new Simpsons best episode countdown to add to the tournament one, Harry Shearer remaining funny in the face of radio cancellation, an update on the Simpsons/Akira project, some more Bart themed clothing, and another scientific study involving the show.

Enjoy.

TV Guide – Watch My Show: Wendell & Vinnie’s Jay Kogen Answers Our Showrunner Survey – Kogen knocks these dull questions out of the park.  Some examples:

TV Guide Magazine: Who should be watching Wendell & Vinnie?
Kogen: Our show is mainly designed for prison inmates and their children.

And:

TV Guide Magazine: Tell us something fun about your cast.
Kogen:
They can survive in the forest with only a buck knife, a rope, and a team of hair & makeup artists. Jerry Trainor, who plays Uncle Vinnie, is not only the most gifted comic actor working today, but he’s also one of America’s foremost clog dancers. For him it’s not dancing unless there are wooden shoes pounding the ground. Buddy Handleson plays 12-year-old Wendell and he’s insanely talented for his age, which is a very young 63. He keeps his skin so young by never chewing his food. Haley Strode, who plays Taryn, was at one time going to become a heavy weight boxer but during her road to the Olympics, fell in love with both acting and not being punched unconscious. Nicole Sullivan plays Aunt Wilma and she’s famous for being able to communicate with the dead. She has the "voice from above" which allows her to talk to the deceased relatives of our cast and crew. She says mostly they complain about the weather and wish Lena Dunham would cover herself, for heaven’s sake.

The Learning Days’ 1 year anniversary – A look back, track by track – pt. 3 – It seems “Summer of 4Ft. 2” inspired a song:

Sometimes the genesis of a song will be a single freeze frame in my mind’s eye. Either one I make up or one I’ve experienced. In the case of “The Fair’s in Town Tonight” it was a sad one I had seen…..from The Simpsons:

This poignant moment of cartoon gravity came after a scene at a carnival/fair thus planting the seed of a song whose theme was the deception of appearances: sad people can be at fair, adult males can watch cartoons…

Futurama cancelled for the second time – Our first Futurama link contains this helpful reminder about how poorly that show’s network overlords treated it:

It never got the same love from the network as it did for Groening’s more famous creation; being subjected to that awful American habit of “let’s just show this whenever” – usually being dropped from its Sunday night schedule when a sporting event overran its allotted time, or moved to Tuesdays then quickly moved back and pre-empted by sport again. This happened so often that at one point, the time between completion of an episode and its airdate was a whole year.

It still mystifies me that Futurama was still broadcasting new episodes in 2003.  It sure seemed like FOX cancelled it in 2001.

No More Futurama, Halle Berry’s Back, and North Dakota TV Cussin’ – Yup, it’s over again, and even Simpsons alum David S/X Cohen wasn’t surprised:

I felt like we were already in the bonus round on these last couple of seasons, so I can’t say I was devastated by the news. It was what I had expected two years earlier. At this point I keep a suitcase by my office door so I can be cancelled at a moment’s notice.

Farewell Futurama: Here are 5 Reasons we’ll miss Zapp Brannigan – Yeah, it’s sad and all, but nothing cheers me up faster than some Zapp Brannigan YouTube. 

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part I: 40-36 – It’s a countdown . . .

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part II: 35-31 – . . . so far, so good, no Zombie Simpsons . . .

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part III: 30-26 . . . still clean . . .

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part IV: 25-21 . . . and we’re clear.  Lotta good animated .gifs in these posts, by the way.

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 12) – In which “Bart Sells His Soul” crushes some piece of crap from Season 20.

KCRW gets ‘Le Show’ off the road as part of new strategy – Harry Shearer remains the Earth’s greatest living human being:

As for "Le Show," "I’m changing nothing, except it won’t be on the radio in Los Angeles. People in any city other than L.A. won’t notice any difference."

Heh. 

IT Crowd star for Simpsons writer’s show – Josh Weinstein has a new show in Britain:

The show has been created with ‘hypervynorama’, a new animation technique that combines Japanese vinyl toy design and puppetry with stop-motion animation and CGI.

Strange Gill High is based at an "all-but-forgotten inner-city school filled with fantastical secrets and outlandish mysteries" and will centre on the quick-witted and street smart Mitchell Tanner (Doc Brown) and his friends Becky Butters (Emma Kennedy) and class nerd Templeton (Richard Ayoade).

I’d give that a shot.

Product Development Co-ordinator (Maternity Cover) – A job posting:

Working for Twentieth Century Fox means working on some of the biggest brands in the business; “The Simpsons”, “Ice Age”, “Family Guy” and “Rio” to name but a few. Keeping track of European-wide product development of these brands requires a commitment to the very highest standards.

Ha! 

Crunchyroll – Project Aims to Redraw "Akira" Manga Using "Simpsons" Characters – Some more art from the Bartkira project.

Discussion is over: We are ‘The Simpsons’ Springfield – Springfield, IL – Local columnist looks at that Yeardley Smith video I linked a couple of weeks ago and determines that the real Springfield is in Illinois. 

Stanley Chow Illustration of Manchester England – A great fan made drawing titled “Marge Simpson Barbra Streisand Mash-up”.  Oh, Yentl, I might have known. 

Inspiration for cartoonists? – Does this tree look like Marge?  Enh, kinda.

On Conan O’Brien’s 50th birthday, here are his best episodes of The Simpsons – Lots of good YouTube here.

Clown of Steel – I don’t know Spanish, but this would appear to be about the idea that, based on the third Man of Steel trailer, Krusty may in fact be Superman. 

One Shot: Street Art Inspired By The Simpsons: Chicagoist – I don’t get it either, maybe it’s a Hunger Games thing? 

Trip to Springfield’s Kwik-E-Mart | July 2007 – Scrapbooking that time when 7-11s became Kwik-E-Marts. 

Guys and Dolls…In 10 Words – The important thing is that Luke Skywalker was electric as Nathan Detroit.

Writer Wednesday: Book Apocalypse? – Excellent usage:

“Won’t somebody please think of the children?!”

I couldn’t resist quoting Helen Lovejoy; partly because it’s also the title of my latest publication to appear in the mail (yay) but also because of this bizarre advertisement James Patterson placed in the New York Times Book Review and Publishers Weekly recently.

Pinky Promise: Yellow Bart Simpson – Young lady models her Bart Simpson shirt and excellently matching yellow skirt. 

The Bart Trend – Yet more fancy Bart threads. 

Answering The Simpsons public telephone at Universal Studios Florida – There’s apparently a fake payphone outside of the fake Kwik-E-Mart at the Florida theme park.  This is a YouTube video of some of the things it says. 

Chocolate and Ginger Muffins – Ah, childhood:

This has happened for as long as I can remember and when I was a child, Fridays after school went as follows: tennis practice from 5 until 6, then home to eat spaghetti and sausages on toast while watching The Simpsons, followed by a chocolate muffin. (I miss those days!!) Now I just eat the ‘Friday cake’ (I gave up tennis when I was about 15 to concentrate on music, I never get home in time from work to watch The SImpsons, and I’m probably now too health conscious to eat spaghetti and sausages out of a tin on a regular basis.)

What David Lynch And Tylenol Can Tell You About The Brain – Research is always about how you write it up:

About a half-hour after receiving either 1,000 milligrams of Tylenol or a sugar pill, volunteers were asked to watch a couple of minutes of a Donald Duck cartoon to loosen up.

Then they got to see one of two very different clips. One group watched a clip from Rabbits, a 2002 Lynch film that IMDb "a story of a group of humanoid rabbits and their depressive, daily life." Yep. The others watched a clip from The Simpsons.

Both groups then watched a few minutes of a Snoopy cartoon to distract them.

Still with me? The researchers then asked the volunteers to pass judgment on after the Vancouver Canucks lost to the Boston Bruins in the Stanley Cup in 2011.

The people who got a placebo and watched Rabbits meted out greater punishment than those who’d kicked back with The Simpsons (Tylenol or not) and those who’d had the benefit of Tylenol while squirming to the surreal Lynchian clip.

Screw the Tylenol, it may just be that The Simpsons makes people nicer. 

John C. Moyer, 50, musician-hairdresser – A useful reminder that lots of unknown people do the grunt work:

John C. Moyer, 50, of Mount Airy, a piano player and recording engineer who later became a hairdresser, died Thursday, April 4, of liver disease at his home.

After playing in local pop bands in the early 1980s, Mr. Moyer shifted his focus to recording and opened Warehouse/J.E.M. Sound Recording Studios on Delaware Avenue in Northern Liberties.

He worked with such artists as Bon Jovi and DJ Jazzy Jeff, said his brother, Don. He also recorded works for an album, The Simpsons Sing the Blues, featuring the cartoon family.

Condolences. 

House of Cards indeed: does the ‘Netflix model’ diminish television as art? – I can’t say I agree with the basic idea here, that House of Cards (which is fantastic, if dumb, fun) is somehow diminished because people on the internet don’t write about it enough, but this is certainly true:

One of the reasons The Simpsons will prove to be, in this writer’s haughty, look-at-me-I’m-a-TV-blogger opinion, television’s greatest achievement is because it’s almost impossibly enduring. Those classic seasons just don’t age; even a generally under-appreciated episode like “A Streetcar Named Marge” only increases in stature the more I revisit it (if you don’t cackle hysterically at this The Birds reference at The Ayn Rand School for Tots — genius in itself — then I can nought but pity you).

The really don’t age.  It’s amazing. 

12
Apr
13

Reading Digest: Retroactive Conan O’Brien Edition

Bart Gets Famous8

“You know, Conan, I have a lot to say.  I’m not just a one line wonder.  Did you know that a section of rain forest the size of Kansas is burned every single-” – Bart Simpson
“Just do the line.” – Conan O’Brien

We’ve got two links to the tall Irishman today, one from the man himself.  O’Brien got Jean, Reiss, Jay Kogen and Jeff Martin to sit down and talk about the show.  The link we have is just the preview, but the whole thing will be up on Monday.  The other O’Brien link is a look back at his various career stops on account of the whole getting-dumped-for-Leno-and-now-Fallon thing.  In addition to that, we’ve also got a Ringo link, a whole bunch of direct and indirect usage, a “First Annual” chili cook off (sort of), a couple of lists, and Australian comic, and some really cool fake ancient art.

Enjoy.

Pont’s Comics: Simpsons Illustrated, Vol 1 (1991) – That blog I linked last week that’s looking at old comics?  The Simpsons got skipped to the front of the line and it’s Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week:

The first series of Simpsons Illustrated comics were published between 1991 and 1993, and read half as a fan magazine, and half as a publication within the Simpsons universe, including mock advertisements, news articles and fake products.

There is a ton to love here, including the grade school seating chart and the 19-year-old in Alaska who got Bart shaved – and bleached! – into the back of his head every three days.  But the best has to be this tip for surviving school:

Fighting Back
A Three-Step Approach

1. Take careful notes on all the boring, stupid and unfair things going on around you
2. Wait 20 Years
3. Use notes as basis for a wildly successful TV series

Heh.  Wish I’d read that in 1991.

Preview: "The Simpsons" Writers Reunion – Want to watch. 

Pre-Colombian Bart Simpson And More From Nadín Ospina – Cool:

After unknowingly purchasing fake pre-Colombian artifacts, artist Nadín Ospina gave serious thought to Latin-American culture and its ancient roots.  His sculptures depicts pop-culture cartoon characters such as Snoopy, Micky Mouse, and Bart Simpson in an often pre-Colombian style.

Click through for some examples.  The Bart one is great. 

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 4) – Now this is an ambitious Simpsons blogging project.  The author has set up a bracket of 256 episodes, and is running them down one matchup at a time.  With that many episodes there’s bound to be some Zombie Simpsons, but a quick glance at the bracket reveals that the overwhelming majority of them are non-Zombie Simpsons.  Assuming this continues, I’ll be checking in regularly.

The Gallery: Iconic Pop Culture Maps – They’ve got pretty maps for everything from Gotham to Zelda to Springfield.  

Fox could become cable channel, News Corp. COO Chase Carey says – This story was bouncing around all week because a tiny company almost no one uses is theoretically threatening the cable money that FOX gets, which caused Murdoch’s right hand man to make a petulant remark.  Ignore it.  The cable bubble will pop on its own. 

Ringo Starr And His All Starr Band – It’s non-“Brush With Greatness” Ringo usage:

There’s an episode of The Simpsons in which Lisa, insecure about being beaten to first place in a saxophone competion by a better player, has a dream about being in a band. They take the stage to the announcement ‘Will you welcome Garfunkel, Messina, Oates, and Lisa singing their number two hit, Born to Runner-Up.’ It’s hard not to conjur this scene when watching Ringo at the Ryman, a concert filmed at Nashville’s famous auditorium. The All Starr Band, here in it’s twelfth incarnation and twenty third year, pull out all the stops to celebrate another milestone – the birthday of the Ringomaster of this very perculiar circus.

But has anyone ever bought tickets just to boo him?

Roger Ebert’s Many Loving Parodies: ‘The Critic,’ ‘The Simpsons,’ ‘Godzilla,’ and More – Some very good YouTube here.

Prepare to Burn Your Mouth Off at the First Annual NYC Hot Sauce Expo – I love when things are “First Annual”:

Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer has to coat his mouth with wax in order to withstand some really hot chili peppers? That should help you prep for New York City’s first-ever Hot Sauce Expo, which will go down at East River Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on April 20.

Drinking candle wax is still probably a bad idea, though.

Amazon Buys Goodreads (and Ron Charles makes a great parody video) – Always nice to see the “overlords” quote used in an inventive way:

While it’s difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume all publishing outlets or merely enslave them, one thing is for certain — there is no stopping them. Amazon will soon be here.

And I, for one, welcome our new ebook overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a top 10 best seller, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their Kindle Direct Publishing program.

Heh.  (Oh, and speaking of Kindle Direct Publishing: AARB #4 came out today.)

Another high ranking for Madison, this time as a foodie city – Excellent usage:

Sometimes it feels like Madison has a bit of Lisa Simpson in it.

Part of her self-worth (yes, we know she’s a cartoon) comes from the thoughts others have of her, and it’s no less true of Madison (or more specifically, Madisonians).

"Grade me! Look at me! Evaluate and rank me!," Lisa said in one episode when she wasn’t being analyzed by her teachers.

Perfectly quoted. 

Weekend Box Office: Evil Dead swallows your soul (and wallet) – More excellent usage:

Lest anyone think movie box-office is a zero sum game, it was good news all around this weekend for studio and independent films alike. To paraphrase The Simpsons: “In a way, you’re all winners. But in another, more accurate way, Evil Dead is the winner.” With $26 million against a $17 million budget, the remake of Sam Raimi’s cult classic proved that its possible to open a movie without Bruce Campbell and still be successful.

Well paraphrased.  (Though I was pretty disappointed in Evil Dead, personally.)

Another Winning Interraction With a Human – Heh:

So you know that episode of The Simpsons when Homer eats that orange really fecocious and animal-esque? Well sometimes when I’m alone I like to eat my oranges this way and tonight thought I would treat myself when I was given a left over orange at work, and had some time to spare before closing up. I went to town on that orange, ripping with my teeth and sucking the juice and shredding what I could with my mouth and letting my bizarre animal nature take over. Satisfied, I pulled my head up from the massacre and found a little old lady staring intensely at me, poised to ask a question. Face covered in sticky sweetness, orange shards still in my teeth like angry pubes, I try not to freak out, swallow what remains in my mouth and say calmly, “Can I help you?”. She replies – “I was going to ask for the bathroom, but I actually think I’m ok”, and walks away.

The horrifying of a stranger is a lot like a good marriage . . . Just shut up and eat the damned orange!   

The Simpsons Tapped Out: Pre-Whacking Day Day – There’s a Whacking Day update to the new merchandising cash cow, and it came out yesterday, a full month before the actual Whacking Day on May 10th.  I don’t know if they care or if this particular piece of content ends then, but it seemed worth noting. 

Top Ten Pet Owners- A Mexican Standoff – Cat Lady makes the list here.  Also, well done for including Woody Harrelson from Seven Psychopaths

Hey Marge, look at this… – A YouTube heavy Family Guy comparison. 

So you wanna be a blog superstar? – Five blogging tips that culminate with:

5. If all else fails, quote the Simpsons.

Everyone loves the Simpsons. If you have nothing interesting to say, just say any one of the following:

“Slow down tubby. You’re not on the moon yet.”

“The Nye Mets are my favourite squadron.”

“I was saying Boo-urns.”

Hey, that’s what we do

Doctor Who: The Happiness Patrol…In 10 Words – Happy thoughts.  Happy thoughts.

Spies of Warsaw…In 10 Words – I heard how this ends, it turns out the secret code is the nursery rhyme he told his daughter.  

Facebook Home…In 10 Words – Don’t let the haircut fool you, he’s exceedingly wealthy.

One Face;Different Forms Haha xD – The same face drawn in eight different styles, including Muppet, South Park and Simpsons. 

There are so many Itchy’s – A comedian in Australia went on tour and had medical students tell her about nanobots.  This is a video of her describing what she learned, and around the 2:00 mark it goes all “Itchy & Scratchy Land”. 

Poll Results: Best Cartoon Series – It was close, but the show won the best cartoon series vote here, narrowly edging Looney Tunes. 

April 8 – Grumpy Old Man – It’s a blog about drinking that links to some famous cranky old men of television.  The Simpsons gets two, Burns and Grampa, plus there’s bourbon. 

Six of My Favorite Quotes (Because Any More Would Be Ridiculous) – It’s a quote list that only references, rather than directly quoting, the show.  Don’t see that often:

“It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!” – Theodor Geisel

In truth, I could have listed any couplet from this entire book. But I think I’m especially fond of this one ever since Smithers and Mr. Burns spoofed it so beautifully back in 1993.

Tell Simpson I’m ready to deal! 

A Canadian Winter Storm… in April?! – Heh:

In other news, I’m watching The Simpsons while trying to edit my last major research essay. Once it’s all done and handed in this Monday, I’ll talk more about it here. I’m watching 4×04 where Lisa becomes Little Miss Springfield after the original winner is struck by lightning. Lisa walks around with the electrocuted tiara for the remainder of the episode. I guess those kind people at Laramie couldn’t fundraise for a new one!

Menthol Moose’s medical bills are outrageous. 

Bureau Of Regrettable Ideas Case File #36: The Simpsons, The Yellow Album – The A.V. Club on the second CD FOX used to cash in on Bartmania . . . in 1998.

Homer and Marge Simpson: Greatest TV couple ever – The staff at EW.com have decided that Homer and Marge are the best TV couple.  That is all. 

20 TV Characters Who Deserve Their Own Spin-Off – This is useless click bait, one entry per pageview (bastards), but I linked to Frink at #5, in case you’re interested. 

Conan The Destroyed – Running down O’Brien’s career with lots of good YouTube.  And it indirectly agrees with us:

As writer and producer for the series between 1991 and 1993, O’Brien scripted some of the most undisputedly superb episodes the show has seen in its 24 years on the air (and, let’s face it, will ever see).

Yeah, probably.

20
Mar
13

Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Famous7

“Any other questions?” – Box Factory Manager
“When will we be able to see a finished box, sir?” – Martin Prince
“We don’t assemble them here.  That’s done in Flint, Michigan.” – Box Factory Guy

16
Nov
12

Quote of the Day

Bart Gets Famous6

“Ah the morning horoscope, ‘Today will be a day like every other day’.  Oh, it just gets worse and worse!” – Homer Simpson

Happy birthday John Swartzwelder!

06
Dec
11

Crazy Noises: The Ten-Per-Cent Solution

Bart Gets Famous5

“Ladies and gentlemen, the clown show has been put on hiatus for retooling.” – TV Announcer

As part of our tireless efforts to demonstrate the many ways Zombie Simpsons fails to entertain, Season 23 will be subjected to the kind of rigorous examination that can only be produced by people typing short messages at one another.  More dedicated or modern individuals might use Twitter for this, but that’s got graphics and short links and little windows that pop up when you put your cursor over things.  The only kind of on-line communications we like are the kind that could once be done at 2400 baud.  So disable your call waiting, plug in your modem, and join us for another year of Crazy Noises.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “continuity”).

Zombie Simpsons ran out of stories a long time ago, so that’s not exactly news.  Still, one does wonder how many times they can kill and resurrect Krusty’s career.  I understand that Krusty was a good vehicle for making fun of the entertainment industry, but he’s been on and off television so many times now that watching him do it again is like asking the audience of a Fast & Furious movie to be surprised that there’s a car chase and bad acting.  This is an idea that was already showing its age in Season 9, and since then they’ve had Krusty quit, retool, or reboot his show, what, like six more times?  This is from Wikipedia’s Season 21 episode summary:

The Krusty the Clown Show is once again reconstructed. This time, in a bid to get girls to watch the show, a princess character named Penelope is hired as Krusty’s latest sidekick.

At this point, “Krusty Changes His Show” should probably be placed up there with “Homer Gets a New Job” and “The Simpsons Are Going to X” as creative dry holes that the writers insist on drilling yet again.

Mad Jon:  Want to jump on it then?

Charlie Sweatpants:  Let’s.

I don’t think I can sum up the stupid here any better than when they meet Krusty at the Krusty Burger and Lisa informs him "We met a ten percenter today."

Mad Jon:  Yeah, that was pretty stupid. 

Charlie Sweatpants:  I know they’ve got to work in the family somehow, and I maybe could’ve swallowed one improbable coincidence, but two, and in about a sixty second span?

Mad Jon:  I especially agree when I think about how the family ended up with those coincidences – the whole "let’s have an adventure" bit that seemed relatively forced.

Charlie Sweatpants:  The entire thing was like that.  The middle of the episode was Joan Rivers narrating a flashback for them.  You know, because they’re all bosom buddies despite having known each other for about a day, if that.

Mad Jon:  Jesus that was Joan Rivers?

I am pretty terrible with voices.

My wife even walked by and said "So what, is Joan Rivers their friend or something?" as I was watching it.

Charlie Sweatpants:  An admirably accurate summary.

You can really see the sloppiness in that she initially asks Homer if he can play a corpse, but then that whole idea gets dropped so we can get her and Krusty on screen together.  Their apathy for story, even improbable story, is consistent.  I gotta give ’em that.

Mad Jon:  You would know quality apathy when you see it.

Charlie Sweatpants:  We can smell our own, which is good because you don’t have to expend too much effort to smell.

Mad Jon:  Also, I agree. There were not a lot of what we would call ‘transitions’ here.  More or less things happened and then other things happened.

Charlie Sweatpants:  Yup, beyond the paper thin excuse for a plot, this episode was nothing but weak TV sketches, when they were even that.

Mad Jon:  Even the flashback was blocky, for lack of a better word.

And did Kevin Dillon already spend all of his HBO money?

Charlie Sweatpants:  It would be funny if he had, but I think this was just a happy meeting of a show and an actor who are both long past the point where anyone cares about them.

Mad Jon:  Fair enough.

Charlie Sweatpants:  I never know how much to read into these sorts of things, but this one was written by Castellaneta and his wife, who both came from sketch shows.  So it would make some sense that this is nothing but them ogling their favorite old and new shows.

Mad Jon:  I could see that.  But how does that explain Krusty spending 20 seconds bitching about how the show parodies are old for this or that reason? That really bothers me.

I hate when they point out that they suck. That’s not funny.

Why can’t you just be more funny?

Charlie Sweatpants:  I don’t know, probably because they learned long ago that being funny has basically nothing to do with whether or not they stay on the air.

Mad Jon:  Again, your observation is good.

Charlie Sweatpants:  I do think they still have a Vader-at-the-end-of-Jedi spark of humor left in them.  Easily my favorite line of the episode was when they had the HBO executive say "And we pay for everything with soft porno and boxing".  Which is true.  I mean, have you seen True Blood or Spartacus?  There are a lot of, shall we say, potential one handed scenes in there.  The thing is, as soon as he said that I also knew they were going to run it into the ground, which they immediately did by having Krusty yell that there’s soft core porn.  As though the man who orders Gigantic Asses doesn’t know about the full panoply of porn.

Charlie Sweatpants:  My point is that despite what things like having Krusty fired back and forth between two cannons would have you believe, they can still recognize a decent joke.  They can’t leave it alone, but they do know when they’ve got something more than their typical dementia.

Mad Jon:  Good point, I can’t think of a line in one of these chats that we’ve had in the last few years where someone mentions "I liked this line" without hearing "But…"

Charlie Sweatpants:  There is very often a "but".

Mad Jon:  And that but is almost always them running it into the ground and then some.

I also chuckled when Moe admitted to faking his way through Wire discussions.

Charlie Sweatpants:  Feh.

Mad Jon:  But I love The Wire and everything that touches it’s shadow.

So whateves.

Charlie Sweatpants:  But the Moe thing was another example of them just cramming things in that didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Mad Jon:  The agent’s line about "On time or sober" would have been good as well, had she not had to explain it to me.

Charlie Sweatpants:  The explanations are tedious, that’s for sure.  There are few things they won’t just let go.  Krusty actually telling us "now I’m strung out in a ball pit" when we can plainly fucking see that he’s sitting in a ball pit springs to mind.

Mad Jon:  Yep. That was indeed tedious.

Mad Jon:  I know I say this every week, but I think that the ending was even less of an ending than ever before.

Charlie Sweatpants:  I disliked the happiness of it.

Mad Jon:  There was so little resolution, that I think it actually moved backwards.

Charlie Sweatpants:  That too.  One second there’s a conflict, then they just dropped it to move into another set piece.  Old people screwing!  Ha!  Does their withered visage remind you of the grim specter of death?

Mad Jon:  Of course I expect zero continuity, but endings like this always remind me of the Family Guy episode about Petoria, where at the end the kid is like "So can they understand the baby or what?"

Charlie Sweatpants:  I hadn’t thought of that, but it’s a decent comparison.  There’s no prelude to her going nuts, there’s no resolution after she does, that’s a kind of continuity isn’t it?

Mad Jon:  Is this like a lack of continuity is the continuity kind of thing?

Charlie Sweatpants:  Something like that.

Mad Jon:  Cause I don’t much appreciate that kind of dangerous thinking.

Charlie Sweatpants:  Anything else here?  There were some Itchy & Scratchy episodes, but they were the same as everything else: lame entertainment love notes.

Mad Jon:  My heart always jumps a bit when the I and S music comes on, but like when I have watched so many Cinemax softcores, I always end up frustrated and slightly ashamed.

Charlie Sweatpants:  They just felt awfully flat compared to things like "Guest Director, Oliver Stone" where Itchy-Ruby shoots Scratchy-Oswald and the whole thing is over in about two seconds.  That’s a parody.

Also, I didn’t get the Hitler joke.

Mad Jon:  I think it was just so Maggie would salute the Reich.

Charlie Sweatpants:  Well yeah, but that’s pretty weak sauce.

Mad Jon:  But I could be wrong. There isn’t much to go on.

Charlie Sweatpants:  True enough.

Mad Jon:  We done then?

Charlie Sweatpants:  Yeah, let’s be done.  It’ll be our continuity.




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