Dead Homer Society

“A million dollars? Thanks, Bart! I owe you one.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Uh, that’s a post-dated check, remember. Don’t cash it till the year ten thousand.” – Bart Simpson
“Okay.” – Milhouse van Houten

“Dr. Hibbert, who was that man?” – Bart Simpson
“Bart, telling you would violate the patient doctor privilege. Just as if I were to tell you that Jasper here has five seconds to live.” – Dr. Hibbert
“What’d he say?” – Jasper
“He said I’m next!” – Mrs. Glick

“We are gathered to mourn the passing of Herschel Shmoikel Krustovsky, beloved entertainer and dear friend. Hello, I’m Troy McClure! You might remember me from such show business funerals as Andre the Giant: We Hardly Knew Ye, and Shemp Howard: Today We Mourn a Stooge.” – Troy McClure

“And you’ll find that saving for your future is far more thrilling than any roller coaster.” – Bank Professional In an Ape Costume
“Really? Wow! I should’ve started a long time ago!” – Bart Simpson
“Um-hmm, now fill out these forms. I’m sure you’ll find them more exciting than a weekend with Batman.” – Bank Professional in a Ape Costume

“I got their new Thrifty Saver savings account, 2.3% annual interest instead of the normal 2.25. So a year from now I’ll have an extra nickle.” – Lisa Simpson
“I got the account where you get free customized checks. I chose the Hindenburg flipbook series.” – Bart Simpson

“I’m sorry, I can’t divulge information about that customer’s secret, illegal account. . . . Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said he was a customer. . . . Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said it was a secret. . . . Oh, crap! I certainly shouldn’t have said it was illegal. . . . Ah, it’s too hot today.” – Cayman Islands Offshore Banker

“Ugh, my grampa Zev would turn over in his grave if it wasn’t filled with some veteran!” – Krusty the Klown