Dead Homer Society

“Krusty’s years of tax avoision, would never have . . . Avoision, it’s a crime, look it up . . . I don’t say evasion, I say avoision.” – Kent Brockman

“Oh, I can’t go to jail! I got a swanky lifestyle! I’m used to the best!” – Krusty the Klown
“Krusty, this is America. We don’t send our celebrities to jail.” – IRS Guy

“Yes, this should provide adequate sustenance for the Doctor Who marathon.” – Comic Book Guy

“A million dollars? Thanks, Bart! I owe you one.” – Milhouse van Houten
“Uh, that’s a post-dated check, remember. Don’t cash it till the year ten thousand.” – Bart Simpson
“Okay.” – Milhouse van Houten

“Dr. Hibbert, who was that man?” – Bart Simpson
“Bart, telling you would violate the patient doctor privilege. Just as if I were to tell you that Jasper here has five seconds to live.” – Dr. Hibbert
“What’d he say?” – Jasper
“He said I’m next!” – Mrs. Glick

“We are gathered to mourn the passing of Herschel Shmoikel Krustovsky, beloved entertainer and dear friend. Hello, I’m Troy McClure! You might remember me from such show business funerals as Andre the Giant: We Hardly Knew Ye, and Shemp Howard: Today We Mourn a Stooge.” – Troy McClure

“And you’ll find that saving for your future is far more thrilling than any roller coaster.” – Bank Professional In an Ape Costume
“Really? Wow! I should’ve started a long time ago!” – Bart Simpson
“Um-hmm, now fill out these forms. I’m sure you’ll find them more exciting than a weekend with Batman.” – Bank Professional in a Ape Costume

“I got their new Thrifty Saver savings account, 2.3% annual interest instead of the normal 2.25. So a year from now I’ll have an extra nickle.” – Lisa Simpson
“I got the account where you get free customized checks. I chose the Hindenburg flipbook series.” – Bart Simpson

“I’m sorry, I can’t divulge information about that customer’s secret, illegal account. . . . Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said he was a customer. . . . Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said it was a secret. . . . Oh, crap! I certainly shouldn’t have said it was illegal. . . . Ah, it’s too hot today.” – Cayman Islands Offshore Banker

“Ugh, my grampa Zev would turn over in his grave if it wasn’t filled with some veteran!” – Krusty the Klown

“What about being an illiterate TV clown who’s still more respected than all the scientists, doctors, and educators in the country put together?” – Bart Simpson
“Yeah!  I’m not gonna let those guys hog all the respect while I’m out here on some stinkin’ tub!  That’s just what those eggheads want!  Well, forget it poindexter, cause Krusty’s back in town!” – Krusty the Klown

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart the Fink”!  Original airdate 11 February 1996.

“You’ll feel better knowing your money’s in the hands of professionals.” – Marge Simpson
“Ook ook, are you folks ready to go ape?” – Bank Teller
“Mom?” – Lisa Simpson
“A professional in ape mask is still a professional.” – Marge Simpson

“And so, Herschel Krustofsky is gone.  But not forgotten, today was the unveiling of the new Krusty stamp.  Postal patrons were asked to choose between two competing designs, one of Krusty’s heartwarming smile, and one of his fiery death.  By a nearly two-to-one vote, the smiling Krusty was chosen.” – Kent Brockman

“That’s it, no more autographs, I gotta go!  They’re naming a new sandwich after me at my restaurant.” – Krusty the Klown

“So, Krusty, what are you gonna do about your tax problem?” – Bart Simpson
“Don’t sweat it.  The life of Rory B. Bellows is insured for a surprisingly large amount.” – Krusty the Klown

“Krusty’s my hero, how I could I do this to him?” – Bart Simpson
“It is a tragedy for all us kids, but Bart, you can’t beat yourself up.” – Lisa Simpson
“Yeah, they’ll be enough people to do that for me at recess tomorrow.” – Bart Simpson

“Oh, kid, gosh, I meant to tell you.  Turns out that Krusty is one of the biggest tax cheats in history, and they nailed him, all thanks to you.  Some might say you’re a hero, kid.  Not me, however, I love Krusty.” – Bank Guy

“Okay, folks, show’s over.  Nothing to see here, show’s – oh my God, a horrible plane crash!  Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage!  Come on, crowd around.  Crowd around, don’t be shy, crowd around.” – Chief Wiggum

“Lot Sixty-Seven, thirty-two cartons of pornography.” – Auctioneer
“Ten cents.” – Jasper
“Twelve!” – Phone Bidder
“Twelve cents to our phone bidder in Japan!  Any advance?” – Auctioneer
“Oh, all I brought is a dime.  I didn’t know there’d be pornography.” – Jasper
“Sold for twelve cents!” – Auctioneer
“Oh, my beloved pornography!” – Krusty the Klown