“We are gathered to mourn the passing of Herschel Shmoikel Krustovsky, beloved entertainer and dear friend. Hello, I’m Troy McClure! You might remember me from such show business funerals as Andre the Giant: We Hardly Knew Ye, and Shemp Howard: Today We Mourn a Stooge.” – Troy McClure
“And you’ll find that saving for your future is far more thrilling than any roller coaster.” – Bank Professional In an Ape Costume
“Really? Wow! I should’ve started a long time ago!” – Bart Simpson
“Um-hmm, now fill out these forms. I’m sure you’ll find them more exciting than a weekend with Batman.” – Bank Professional in a Ape Costume
“I got their new Thrifty Saver savings account, 2.3% annual interest instead of the normal 2.25. So a year from now I’ll have an extra nickle.” – Lisa Simpson
“I got the account where you get free customized checks. I chose the Hindenburg flipbook series.” – Bart Simpson
“I’m sorry, I can’t divulge information about that customer’s secret, illegal account. . . . Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said he was a customer. . . . Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said it was a secret. . . . Oh, crap! I certainly shouldn’t have said it was illegal. . . . Ah, it’s too hot today.” – Cayman Islands Offshore Banker
“Ugh, my grampa Zev would turn over in his grave if it wasn’t filled with some veteran!” – Krusty the Klown
“What about being an illiterate TV clown who’s still more respected than all the scientists, doctors, and educators in the country put together?” – Bart Simpson
“Yeah! I’m not gonna let those guys hog all the respect while I’m out here on some stinkin’ tub! That’s just what those eggheads want! Well, forget it poindexter, cause Krusty’s back in town!” – Krusty the Klown
Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart the Fink”! Original airdate 11 February 1996.
“You’ll feel better knowing your money’s in the hands of professionals.” – Marge Simpson
“Ook ook, are you folks ready to go ape?” – Bank Teller
“Mom?” – Lisa Simpson
“A professional in ape mask is still a professional.” – Marge Simpson
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(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
The Mob Has Spoken