Posts Tagged ‘Bart the General

04
Feb
20

Quote of the Day

“When he leaves the Kwik-E-Mart, we start the saturation bombing. We got the water balloons?” – Herman
“Two hundred rounds, sir! Is it okay if they say Happy Birthday on the side?” – Bart Simpson
“I’d rather they say Death from Above, but I guess we’re stuck.” – Herman

Happy 30th anniversary to “Bart the General”! 

04
Mar
19

Quote of the Day

“Nelson, you’re bleeding.” – Nelson Crony
“Nah, happens all the time. Somebody else’s blood splatters on me. Hey, wait a minute. You’re right. You made me bleed my own blood.” – Nelson Muntz

01
Feb
19

Quote of the Day

“The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

01
Feb
17

Quote of the Day

bart-the-general9

“The key to Springfield has always been Elm Street. The Greeks knew it! The Carthaginians knew it! Now you know it.” – Herman

15
Mar
16

Quote of the Day

Bart the General8

“Goodbye, little dude. He looks so lifelike, man.” – Otto
“Yes, the school nurse did a wonderful job reconstructing his little face after the fight.” – Principal Skinner

Happy birthday, David Silverman! 

19
Mar
14

Behind Us Forever: The Winter of His Content

Chalkboard - The Winter of His Content

“Well, let me tell you something, boy, if you don’t stand up for yourself, bullies are gonna be picking on you for the rest of your life.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Simpson!  Give me your newspaper!” – Jasper
“Why should I?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“I wanna do the crossword puzzle.” – Jasper
“No, I want to do the crossword puzzle.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“I said, give me that puzzle!” – Jasper
“No.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Gimme!” – Jasper
“No.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Gimme!” – Jasper
“No . . . Well, I guess I can’t help you.  But I know someone who can.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“The Winter of His Content” is the Zombie Simpsons episode that got eaten by its own B-plot.  Not only did their weirdly literal but still nonsensical take on The Warriors take way too long in and of itself, most of what passed for jokes in it were weird asides rather than parodies of the movie.  It was as though they set out to use a movie plot as dully as possible and added all the comedy attempts as bizarre asides only after they realized how well they’d succeeded.  

Over in the diminutive A-plot, Homer adopted some old people who needed a place to live.  They still live there after the episode ends.  That was kinda it.

– I miss Redd Foxx, god bless his smutty soul.  That wasn’t him, obviously, but I do miss him.

– They can’t even do violations at the retirement home without explaining things as they happen.

– “My lifestyle is my retirement plan.” – Okay, that was funny.  It would’ve been funnier if they hadn’t made Homer act everything out, but at least they resisted the urge to have him pull a Duff and some fatty food out of nowhere.

– This scene with the pile of medicine bottles and Maggie, however, did not resist those urges.  Ditto Homer actually telling us he was going to trip and fall before it happened.

– Nelson is more fun when he’s not weak and sad.

– Count Branula was decent.  Sign gags being one of those things they can still sometimes do.

– The rest of this montage is naked filler, however.

– It’s weird, they think Itchy and Scratchy are funny because they’re gory, not violent.  Also, that did not need to repeat itself and go on for thirty seconds.

– The exposition to this point has only been heavily clunky.  But then they have Lisa drop the big one: “Dad, did it ever occur to you that we’re learning how to take care of you when you’re older by watching the way you treat Grampa.”  

– In addition to being a direct question about exactly what’s going on, I’d also like to point out that in that line, Lisa is implying that Homer is being a jerk to the three old men who have invaded his house, but everything they’ve actually showed us to this point is him doing nice things for them.

– The B-plot is doing it’s part on the exposition front with Nelson explaining exactly where they were.

– Rubberized skin noises while Grampa makes over Homer aren’t even among this show’s moderate problems, but minor as they are, they still would’ve been way, way out of place on anything before Season 10 or so.

– That scene where the old lady proposes a threesome wasn’t weird or dull or out of place at all.

– “Huh, you’re turning into your father.” – Thanks Marge, we never could’ve figured that out.

– Oh, good, now we’ve got Dolph, Jimbo and Kearny expositing a character we haven’t seen yet.

– Whatever this episode was lacking in early and unneeded exposition, it has made up for it in late and unneeded exposition.  Marge just explained in a flashback voiceover exactly what we were seeing as it was happening.

– If you want to do a Warriors thing with the bully summit, fine, it’s a decent enough premise.  Chester’s speech was even kinda funny.  But scene stopping crap like Dolph explaining that he lost his sandal and the bad guy explaining his motivations while it’s going on drains out most of the fun.  

– Case in point: Moe’s scene.

– Cases in point: Moe’s scene and Chief Wiggum’s scene.

– Cases in point: Moe’s scene, Chief Wiggum’s scene, and the old lady getting on the bus.

– Hey, look, the A-plot came back!  It was too late to prevent a filler scene with the glass bottles from acting as more parody killing filler, but it is back.

– And Homer picks up right where he left off by telling us exactly what he’s doing.

– So this ends and Bart’s still a bully, or what?

Anyway, the ratings are long in (sorry about the two day delay in posting this), and they remain historically low.  A mere 4.02 million people wondered how something as campy as Warriors could be turned into something that dull.  That’s not as low as last week’s record setting duo, but it is good for #5 on the all time least watched list.

05
Feb
13

Quote of the Day

Bart the General7

“So, Herman, has the large type edition of this month’s Solder of Fortune come in yet?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Not yet, but can I interest you in some authentic Nazi underpants?” – Herman

16
Oct
11

Quote of the Day

Bart the General5

“You mean I should fight dirty, Dad?” – Bart Simpson
“Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own.” – Homer Simpson
“Amen.” – Bart Simpson

16
Nov
10

Quote of the Day

Bart the General4

“Why don’t you go see Grampa?” – Lisa Simpson
“What can he do?” – Bart Simpson
“He’ll give you good advice, he’s the toughest Simpson alive.” – Lisa Simpson
“He is?” – Bart Simpson
“Yeah, remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home?” – Lisa Simpson

Happy birthday John Swartzwelder! 

11
Feb
10

Bonus Quote of the Day

Bart the General3

“What on Earth are you talking about, Homer?” – Marge Simpson
“The Code of the Schoolyard, Marge!  The rules that teach a boy to be a man.  Let’s see . . . don’t tattle . . . always make fun of those different from you . . . never say anything unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.” – Homer Simpson

Happy (belated) 20th Anniversary to Simpsons classic “Bart the General”!  (Original airdate: 4 February 1990)

06
Jan
10

Synergy Enjoys the Banality

Bart the General2

“Dear advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television.  We are not all vibrant, fun loving sex maniacs.  Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive.” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson

When last we left IGN’s Zombie Simpsons reviews they were swooning and drawing little hearts on their notebooks because the writers dragged the Plow King out of retirement for a joke free cameo.  This week there’s some danger they’re just going to straight up overdose on nostalgia.  Yes, Grampa Simpson has told some enjoyably batshit stories in his time, but those times are long past (as even FOX tacitly acknowledges).  Instead we get classic Zombie Simpsons, taking a good idea real Simpsons used sparingly and stretching it to the point of mutilation in order to fill an episode.  As always I’ve edited out the synergy.  Enjoy

January 4, 2010 – "Thursdays with Abie" put a murderous twist on Tuesdays With Morie and the result was a fun dull and funny dimwitted start to 2010 for The Simpsons Zombie Simpsons. The episode used Abe Simpson’s talent for telling tall tales as the starting off point central conceit and threw in Homer’s jealously to move the story towards it’s eventual, kind of sentimental witless ending.

Of course, like many good Simpsons Zombie Simpsons episodes, we began in a place that had very little to do with the remainder of the half hour. The water park jokes at Wet ‘N’ Wack World (formerly the John F. Kennedy Naval Museum) were right on the mark drawn out to the point of exhaustion. Homer: "Sure, they have worse rides than amusement parks and less fish than aquariums, but the parking is ample." The extended bit with Slimu (the octopus version of Shamu) was also quite successful at taking up time and boring me to tears. While the family was enjoying their water show, Abe was left alone on a shark bench until Marshall Goldman Scooby Doo Villain arrived. Goldman Villain was a reporter specializing in human-interest stories, and he was happy to listen to Abe tell one of his nonsensical, unbelievable stories. ("Someone’s listening to me! Now I know how a radio feels.")

Abe’s ramblings, of course, have been running gags for The Simpsons entire 20 years, and just like everything else they didn’t used to suck. Usually we would just get snippets of a story before Grampa Simpson fell asleep, or before whoever was with him interrupted him. These bits are generally fun, with the more successful ramblings coming from the more successful episodes of the series. One of my favorites has always been, "We had to say ‘dickety’ because the Kaiser has stolen our word ‘twenty.’" Extending the stories here could have been was a big misstep, but and the writing was sharp plodding and funny humorless. And it was also helpful also helped eat clock to have Abe’s stories (true or not) presented in flashbacks. The flashbacks added some very funny visual gags to Abe’s already chuckling inducing tales showed why some things are best alluded to rather than spelled out explicitly. The newspaper headlines during his story about the Tinsel Town Starliner stood out the most: "Curly to Shemp: You’re Out" and "Bike Wheels Now the Same Size."


Tuesdays With Morie writer Mitch Albom did a fine pointless guest spot in this episode parodying plugging his book. He showed up to try and steal Abe for his own book, but decided instead to follow Ralph Wiggum around after hearing him state, "Clouds are God’s sneezes." Goldman’s articles were received well, causing Homer to become jealous of the fact his father had never shared these stories with him for some reason. Homer’s computer-themed explanation of why he has no recollection of the countless times Grampa did share his stories was cute another way to kill time, but I prefer seeing Homer’s brain monkeys. Still, his anger led him on a funny hackneyed path. First he tried to proved to Marge that he could never be angry with himself and the resulting mirror bit was classic Jerkass Homer, bi-polar, unfunny and drawn out. Next he set out to find a surrogate father, for some other reason, which turned out to be Mr. Burns, for yet another unknown reason. This was another great nonsensical segment and included a hysterical recycled reference to another long running gag in The Simpsons. Having had enjoyed himself with Homer, for a final unstated reason, Mr. Burns chose to only release a hound.

The story was given coughed up its conflict when Homer learned that Goldman Scooby Doo Villain was going to kill Abe in an attempt to bring a touching ending to his planned book and bid for a Pulitzer Prize this mess of a plot to a conclusion. Like most great Simpsons shitty episodes, the lunacy found room for went hand in hand with schlock sentimentality as Homer saved his dad and was then given the floor to tell his very own rambling, time wasting tale. This was actually an unexpected sweet moment boring as hell as Grampa Simpson passed the torch to his son… in a truly Simpsons Zombie Simpsons fashion, long on time, short on humor. The secondary story with Bart caring for a class stuffed lamb over the weekend was effective at getting the episode to 22 minutes despite the thinness of the A-plot and had a few great parts. The best most out of character of these anyone was how much Nelson loved that little lamb: "Nelson loved a little lamb/He kept me nice and sane." Overall, the episode was a success crushingly boring, using bastardizing one of the best Simpsons running jokes to tell an engaging and even sentimental a sloppy, cliched tale.

02
Sep
09

Quote of the Day

Tomb of the Unknown (Moscow)

2 September 1945: the end of pretty much the worst thing that ever happened.

Image used under CreativeCommons license from Flicker user Bernt Rostad.

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, contrary to what you’ve just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun.  There are no winners, only losers.  There are no good wars.  With the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II and the “Star Wars” trilogy.” – Bart Simpson

14
Jun
09

Quote of the Day

Bart the General1

“Goodbye, son.  I guess you were right, all that homework was a waste of your time.” – Principal Skinner




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