Posts Tagged ‘Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk



13
Sep
11

Zombie Simpsons Is Unappetizing

Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk5

A guy from Top Chef is going to be on Zombie Simpsons (ugh) next Sunday.  That prompted Denver food blog Cafe Society to write up their favorite ten food scenes from The Simpsons.  There’s plenty of Hulu and YouTube, as well as an animated .gif of Homer trying to eat that pie in “Lisa on Ice”.  Naturally, there’s also not a trace of Zombie Simpsons.  The only double digit season episode is when Grampa and Jasper are tripping on the hippie juice in Season 10. 

I come across lists and articles like this often enough that it’s now actually surprising if one of them has any Zombie Simpsons at all.  While I can’t definitively speak for anyone else’s work, I’m increasingly confident that this is because nobody watches or remembers Zombie Simpsons.  It certainly isn’t for lack of trying on the part of Zombie Simpsons; they’ve done plenty of food scenes and stories since 1998, they even did an entire episode where Homer became “Pie Man”.  But none of them stick the way sixty-four slices of American cheese or not making friends with salad do. 

Think about Flanders’ drawn out hot chocolate preparation from the movie.  He toasts a marshmallow and shaves chocolate – it’s a very elaborate process – but there’s nothing about it that’s particularly funny or memorable.  It’s just a fancy hot chocolate. 

The Land of Chocolate, which is #1 at the link, is a completely different case.  It’s even more elaborate, but it’s also a joke, and it’s not some weird, out of left field flight of fancy on Homer’s part.  The Germans mention that they are from “the land of chocolate”, and he takes it from there for what we later learn was ten minutes of him daydreaming while his job was on the line.  It’s absurd, sure, but it’s the funny kind of absurdity that takes an ordinary conversational piece, the kind of small talk that people make in awkward situations like a performance evaluation, and spins it into something unforgettable. 

A week from Sunday the Top Chef guy is going to be on Zombie Simpsons.  He might have one of those two second parts, or he might be in the whole episode.  I have no idea.  But whatever little food gags he makes are unlikely to be remembered by anyone more than a week later, and it seems extremely unlikely that people are going to be posting video of it on the internet in 2031.  The Land of Chocolate, on the other hand, lives forever. 

25
Jul
11

Quote of the Day

Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk4

“Homer Simpson here.” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, it’s your stockbroker.  Your stock in the power plant just went up for the first time in ten years.” – Stockbroker
“I own stock?” – Homer Simpson
“Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain Constitutional rights.” – Stockbroker

[Edit 13 September 2011: Just noticed I had an extra “s” in the first line.  Fixed.]  

21
Apr
11

Quote of the Day

Loveable Germans

Left image taken from Wikipedia.

“I am Horst; the new owners have elected me to speak with you because I am the most non-threatening.  Perhaps I remind you of the loveable Sergeant Schultz on ‘Hogan’s Heroes’?” – Horst

01
Mar
10

Idiot to Enjoy Simpsons/Beer Marathon (Updated)

“My English is not perfect, but I have to tell you, your beer is like swill to us.  Do I have that right?  I am saying that only a swine would drink this beer.” – Fritz
“Yeah, but thank you anyway.” – Hans

The Olympics are over, the new football season is still six months away, and nothing really pops out at me from my Netflix list.  But I need something to feed my television addled mind this weekend so I have decided to revisit one of my favorite customs, one I mentioned a few weeks ago.

Step 1 – Plug laptop into television.

Step 2 – Queue up one (1) entire season of The Simpsons.

Step 3 – Watch, drink one beer per episode.*

Step 3.5 – Laugh to the point of tears on multiple occasions.

Step 3.75 – Do not die from laughter related asphyxiation.

Step 4 – Pass out upon seeing the credits roll on the last episode.

Step 5 – Wake up refreshed, relaxed, and a better human being.

*Our non-American readers can, if they so choose, insert their joke of choice about weak, American beer here.  I won’t do it for you because I happen to like American beer.  And besides, are you really going to do better than Hans and Fritz?

In the sidebar at right is a poll listing Seasons 2-6.  The poll will be open until Friday night and I will watch whichever season you marvelous people select.  I’m not including Season 1 because it’s only thirteen episodes and I’m not including Season 7 because I’ve been watching it a lot lately.  We may do this again and include them, but for right now those are the choices.

Furthermore, I am going to attempt (no promises) to post running updates here on the site.  (I will not be using Twitter because I get verbose when I drink and shoehorning things into 140 characters is not something I want to attempt while I’m trying to pay attention to my teevee.)  One of the pleasures of watching the show like this, in addition to the inflated sense of self esteem, is the way drunkenness and concentration help me appreciate it in different lights, new and old.  Something gets lost when you just have it on in the background, or leave it on while you fall asleep.  It’s also fun to plow through a season like this because the little themes that the writers were on about at the time become more readily apparent.

I expect to be made fun of for this and I look forward to it.  It also wouldn’t surprise me if someone shows up in comments or e-mail to chastise me for how unhealthy and/or irresponsible this is.  To the “unhealthy” charge my reply is, “I don’t care”, and to “irresponsible” I say “That’s sort of the point.”

So, please vote for your season of choice at right (and remember this is a low traffic blog so one vote might actually matter).  Note that Seasons 2, 4 and 5 are all twenty-two episodes, Season 3 is twenty-four episodes, and Season 6 is twenty-five episodes.  Which one you guys choose does not matter to me in the least.  I love them all and trust me when I say that once you’re twenty-two beers and eight-and-a-half hours in, three more beers and another hour doesn’t even register as a problem.  This little marathon should begin around 8:00am EST (13:00 GMT) Saturday, March 6th.

The poll will be open all week and will close at midnight on Friday night here in the States (05:00 Saturday the 6th GMT).  If you’re not sure which episodes are in which seasons epguides.com has a handy list with just the episode titles all on one page.  For a little more detail the invaluable SNPP has a season by season breakdown that include descriptions of each episode.

Saturday can’t get here fast enough.

Update 6 March: And it’s Season 5!  Thanks to everyone who voted, and a special thanks to the lone Season 2 voter.  I suspected 2 would come in last, but I didn’t think it’d be that lopsided. 

Season 5 Poll

18
Dec
09

Lost in Translation

My thoughts exactly

“I must have phrased that badly. My English is, how you say, inelegant…” – Hoarst

 My job requires a bit of travel, so I often have the chance to watch The Simpsons in foreign languauges.  This last month I spent time in both Mexico and Germany, and may I say that modernization isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

The German episodes I watched included such ‘gems’ as season 19’s “Dial ‘N’ for Nerder” and season 20’s “Lost Verizon”.   I only know the titles because I was able to find their descriptions on SNPP.com. I know Lost Verizon was horrible in English, and I don’t remember seeing “Dial ‘N’ For Nerder” before at all, which is cleary not a complaint; even though it was in German I could tell it was a waste of air space that would have been better filled with Europe’s lenient stance on frontal nudity.

The Spanish episodes I watched included such actual  episodes as “Grade School Confidential” and “The Springfield Files”  I know we kicked the tires on season 8 episodes this past year, but I think I speak for the group when I say they are still hands down better than the guttural vomit-fest  to which I was subjected in Germany. 

That being said, the beer in Germany is vastly superior, and everyone I met in the bars I visited was happy to talk about The Simpsons.  Luckily they only knew enough English to list their favorite characters, ’cause I had fun drinking with them and would have hated to find they were part of the Zombie Horde.

30
Aug
09

Quote of the Day

queen

“And you see that queen over there?  Her name is Smithers.” – C. Montgomery Burns

04
Apr
09

Quote of the Day

“Look at all those worried faces. Except for Lenny, he looks great!” – Marge Simpson

“This is the worst day of my life.” – Lenny Leonard
13
Mar
09

Friday Link Dump – Math and Science Edition

“Lisa, your father needs your help.  Do you know anything about Germany?” – Homer Simpson
“Well, it’s a country in Europe.” – Lisa Simpson
“Good good, I’m learning.” – Homer Simpson
I found two different Periodic Tables on-line this week that use Homer Simpson to represent Element 108, Hassium.  It doesn’t exist in nature, has a half life of 0.002 seconds and was discovered/created in 1984 by some Germans.  
Cartoon Character Periodic Table – Cobra Commander as Cobalt is good, but having The Tick as Titanium is better.  Also, Flanders is Neodymium; unlike Homer he’s stable and exists outside of a laboratory.  (Via Digg)
Video Game Character Periodic Table – There are some cartoon characters sprinkled around this one on the grounds that Homer and Iron Man have been in video games even if they were originally created elsewhere.  My personal favorite here is John Madden, the father of video game football, as Mendelevium which was named after Dimtri Mendeleev the father of the periodic table.  Little known fact, Mendeleev went to grade school with Brett Favre and loves Turducken.  (Via Kombo)
Sexy maths: A number-munching celebration – Don’t forget, tomorrow is Pi Day!  On Pi Day for every circle that has its area calculated an angel gets its wings . . . or was it circumference?  I forget which.  On a related note, I’m glad I’ve never seen the piece of shit episode that makes this link a Simpsons reference, though this is entertaining:

If we had evolved with a different anatomy, say with eight fingers like Homer Simpson, pi would still be the same expression of the unchanging ratio between the circumference and diameter of a circle but using powers of eight rather than powers of ten as our natural base would mean pi began 3.110375…

I miss my base-6 math textbook.  

Old flag’s just fine – It seems that there’s a debate in Manitoba about changing the provincial flag.  Our author, the awesomely named Ace Burpee, is against it:  

I read one quote online that supporters of a new flag would “like it to be easier for kids to draw”. Then change the Canadian flag as well because every drawing of a maple leaf by a child looks like a hybrid between Lisa Simpson’s hair and a marijuana leaf.

Because marijuana leaves are so much easier to draw than maple leaves.  

Teaching humanities in a culture of business – A couple of sisters in Buffalo are taking the ‘dolt’ out of A-dolt education by teaching Shakespeare and other humanities to people who didn’t learn them in school.  One of the sisters, Deepa Govindaraj, endears herself to us by saying, “I think ‘The Simpsons’ is high culture.”  
Italy Upsets Canada at World Baseball ClassicThe New York Times laughs at the World Baseball Classic’s loose eligibility rules and likens them to Mr. Burns bringing in professional baseballers.
Lions even get dissed in animation – The Detroit Free-Press takes a little umbrage at Zombie Simpsons’ portrayal last week of evil Flanders as a Lions fan.  Speaking as a Lions fan I’d agree, but speaking as a Simpsons fan I know it’s far too much to ask Zombie Simpsons to put thought into things.  “Detroit Lions GM” would’ve been funnier and more apt that “Detroit Lions Fan”.  
TV star dubs cllr “Homer Simpson of Culture” – I know these words but this story makes no sense. 
TV Recap: 24 – Episode 13 8:00-9:00 PM – Jebus I’m glad I don’t watch 24.  If a critic can compare the actions of your fictional president to Herb Powell it might be time to watch a different program.  
Craft Village UK revamps Simpsons gift range – “Sounded large when I ordered it.  Ahh, I can’t make hide nor hair of these metric booby traps.”
A little housekeeping – Wow, NPR is really vacuous and stupid.  This podcast does reference The Simpsons at about the 11 minute mark, but I wouldn’t recommend it.  
Bedford police seize drugs that look like kids’ vitamins – This is very simple and I’m only going to say it once, DO NOT PUT ILLEGAL DRUGS UNDER YOUR SEAT.  Put them in the glove box or the trunk and if the officer asks to open it you say “No”.  I know this, you know this, Jay-Z knows this.  Also, I find it amusing that while the Bart Simpson and Superman ecstasy pills are right side up, the cops have the Autobot symbol upside down.  
Bart or a Flanders kid — who would you rather raise? – SF Chronicle baby blog, we’ve praised you before, but this is dumb even by internet standards.
‘Simpsons’ in stone Hollywood on hold – So you want to make a statue of the family sitting on the couch?  Fine.  I don’t think that makes this true: 

the statue would replicate the five-member family sitting on a couch watching TV, a scene in the 2007 “The Simpsons Movie.”

You know, they’ve been sitting on that couch for a long time; it isn’t exactly from the movie. 
Detectives identify injured woman – A missing woman is identified by her Marge Simpson key chain.  
Reagan Library Honored for Exhibit – Nothing is more prestigious than an award from the Themed Entertainment Association.  It’s so prestigious that the Simpsons ride and the Beijing Olympics also won something.  Enh, it’s still better than a Grammy.  
Celebrity sighting: Cy Young Winner CC Sabathia meets Homer Simpson at Universal Orlando Resort – Morbidly obese, past his prime pitcher, recently signed to a bloated contract that he’ll never live up to, meets morbidly obese, past his prime cartoon character, recently signed to a bloated contract that he’ll never live up to.  
03
Mar
09

Mmmmm, That’s Good Synergy

“You looken sharpen todayen mein Herr.” – Mr. Smithers

There isn’t much point in posting a review of a television show that’s already been broadcast, but that didn’t stop the good people over at IGN from sucking up to their superiors.  Their disturbingly obsequious review was written by one Robert Canning.  To give you an idea of where he’s coming from, the only post on his “blog” at IGN is an about statement that has the following two sentences right next to each other:

The Simpsons should never die. (Well, not never, but not for a while)
I’m strangely attracted to Bonnie Hunt.

I don’t think I can add anything to that, but I can rework his review into something with a modicum of dignity and honesty.  Enjoy.  

March 2, 2009 – Some of the best episodes of The Simpsons are focused on events at Springfield Elementary, and “How The Test Was Won” is no a massive, glaring exception. This was a smart dimwitted, very funny tedious half hour that proved you can‘t write off this television stalwart simply because it’s been on the air for 20 years.

In a delightful nod to some other great, historic television programs, this episode’s couch bit traveled through time showing the Simpson clan in some very famous roles while killing a lot of time. It started with The Honeymooners and stopped at The Dick Van Dyke Show (Homer tripped over the ottoman), The Brady Bunch (Lisa got hit in the nose), and at a bar called Cheers. In a very smart and funny an utterly predictable bit that’s been done before, Sideshow Bob walked into the bar. Bob, of course, is voiced by Kelsey Grammer, who sat on those famous bar stools as Dr. Fraser Crane.

But a great time waster couch bit doesn’t always mean a great time waster episode. Thankfully, this week’s outing lived up to the opening, and was equally boring.  Springfield Elementary announced to the student body that they would be participating in the Vice-Presidential Assessment Test. (Nelson: “He stinks!”) Since this test determines the amount of federal funding the school would receive, Superintendent Chalmers concocted a scheme to get rid of the school’s underperformers. At first, I thought noticed this plot seemed too similar is identical to what happened in “Whacking Day,” when Principal Skinner locked the bullies and Bart in the utility basement to have them out of the way during one of Chalmer’s inspections. But “How The Test Was Won” took the idea in a different direction and nothing felt retread or repurposed, made me wish I was watching “Whacking Day” instead. Here, Chalmers got the school bullies, Ralph and Bart on Otto’s bus (disguised as a helicopter, no less for some reason) and then tricked Principal Skinner into getting on board as well, for some other reason.

The rest of the episode followed the adventure of random, pointless events that happen to Skinner and the “superstars” as they were being shipped off to Capital City for the day for yet another unknown reason. This was classic Zombie Simpsons. Some of the most memorable episodes of the series have involved Skinner mismatched with some students in extraordinary genuinely humorous situations (Skinner’s Sense of Snow “Team Homer”, “Separate Vocations” and “Sweet Seymour Skinner’s Baadasssss Song” to name two three.) Laughs Paroxysms of boredom came from all directions, including Bart’s taunting, Skinner’s horror at realizing their location (“My God! We’re at the corner of Cesar Chavez Way and Martin Luther King, Jr. Boulevard!”) and even from Otto’s ever-present buzz. But the biggest laugh cheapest, most contrived pop culture reference masquerading as a joke came when Ralph needed to stop for a bathroom break. While at the urinal, Ralph sang a long, repetitive portion of The Spice Girls’ “Wannabe.” Then, when Skinner told him to hurry up and finish, Ralph stated, “I finished before we came in.” I’m throwing this scene in as a contender for a top ten Ralph Wiggum moment list of reasons from this episode alone that Zombie Simpsons should’ve gone off the air ten years ago.     

The rest of the episode was equally entertaining bland. Back at the testing, Lisa was drawing a blank. Chalmers had a great line here another contrived pop culture reference masquerading as a joke when he approached the troubled girl: “Like Captain Kirk, I’m not supposed to interfere. But like T.J. Hooker, I say what’s on my mind.” While the test taking was actually a small part of the episode, the anxiety of Chalmers, Lisa and the rest of the kids offered up a good number of chuckles opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Homer’s incoherent slapstick storyline was also very funny boring. In what could have just been the usual style of weak filler, having Homer uninsured until 3:00 p.m. was a smart choice that and loaded the episode with some great visuals time killing garbage. Early on, we were given a montage of Homer getting hurt. Again, this is something the series has done before and it worried me that the episode might just be proved again that it’s just repeating itself. But when Homer ended the overlong montage with, “What a week,” you could tell this was actually going somewhere sadly, the best they can do. The story thing ended at Marge’s book club, where Homer did a hilarious, slow-motion job of keeping everyone safe. Well, except for Mr. Burns. It’s a sequence you have to see to truly enjoy comprehend the vapidity.

The very ending didn’t quite lived up to what preceded it, but at least it tied a few things together. Skinner realized there was more to teaching than testing and he called off the federal exam exposited ad nauseam about it. This freed Lisa from failing the test brought a merciful end to another subplot no one cared about. Tidy Ham fisted, but and not very funny. And I could have done without the Footloose-referencing extended dance scene with Chalmers. But those are minor issues in an episode that had me laughing from the beginning to (almost) the end many major ones.

03
Feb
09

Quote of the Day

“What good is money if you can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?” – C.M. Burns




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