Posts Tagged ‘Colonel Homer

26
Mar
20

Quote of the Day

“Hey, Colonel Homer! And you must be-” – Lurleen Lumpkin
“Mrs. Homer Simpson.” – Marge Simpson
“Charmed.” – Lurleen Lumpkin
“I thought you said she was overweight.” – Marge Simpson
“Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie, and one to listen.” – Homer Simpson;

04
Jun
19

Quote of the Day

“That spot says Compact Only.” – Marge Simpson
“Marge, that’s just a suggested car size. . . Easy . . . easy . . . how’m I doing on the right?” – Homer Simpson
“Uh, we’re getting a lot of sparks over here, Dad.” – Lisa Simpson
“Uh-huh . . . easy . . . perfect! Alright, everybody out the window!” – Homer Simpson

26
Mar
19

Quote of the Day

“We’ll take two tickets to . . . The Stockholm Affair.” – Homer Simpson
“Ooh, the paper called it a taught political thriller.” – Marge Simpson
“Political? Oh.” – Homer Simpson
“Mr. President, disturbing news. Serious cracks developing in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.” – Movie General
“Get me Jed Collick!” – Movie President

26
Mar
18

Quote of the Day

“Excuse me, are you Colonel Homer Simpson?” – Record Executive
“Yes, I am.” – Homer Simpson
“I’m from Rebel Yell Records, a division of Tokusagi Corporation.” – Record Executive

26
Mar
17

Quote of the Day

“Now, before we negotiate, I have to tell you I’m desperate to unload Lurleen and I’ll take any offer.” – Homer Simpson
“I’ll give you fifty bucks.” – Rebel Yell Records Executive
“You son of a! . . . sold.” – Homer Simpson

06
Oct
16

Compare & Contrast: Marge Gets Jealous

grindingnoise

“Lurleen, we’re gonna have to cut you off. We’re getting some kind of grinding noise on the track.” – Hicksville U.S.A. Recording Producer 

NOTE: I will be at Classic Simpsons Trivia in Brooklyn tonight. If you’re there, feel free to look for the tall, gumpy white guy in this t-shirt and say hello. 

“Friends and Family” provided an embarrassment of riches for Compare & Contrast material. This is a partial list of topics I considered:

– The family going to live with Burns the same way Bart did in “Burns’ Heir” – In the original, Bart had to be convinced to live there by Burns, lied to about his family, and ultimately saw through it. Now, the whole family just goes there and stays because . . . uh, look over there, isn’t it wacky that they’re wearing motion capture suits and have weird heads?

– Burns wanting a family – This would also be to “Burns’ Heir”, but instead of demonstrating how out of character the family was behaving, it’d be Burns: pining for love instead of wanting a son who could continue his evil after he was gone. Also: there was a scene with kids trying out and Milhouse getting rejected was a lot better the first time.

– Homer being alone in the house – This one is a twofer, since I could compare the goofy montage in Zombie Simpsons to “Homer Alone” or “Bart After Dark”, both of which saw Homer inhabit the house in clumsy ways instead of running the lawnmower in the living room.

– Homer meeting a very Homer-like woman – “The Last Temptation of Homer” did this far better, including showing Homer’s resistance to being attracted to Mindy until even Colonel Klink forsakes him. In particular, both episodes feature Homer at a romantic restaurant with Marge’s would-be competition, the big difference being that on The Simpsons they got forced to go to a Chinese restaurant that was nice enough to make them cheeseburgers, whereas on Zombie Simpsons Homer and his platonic friend – who’s supposed to like sitting on her duff and drinking beer just like him – go to a fancy restaurant so they could do yet another Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene.

– Jewish funerals – Krusty’s was a lot more fun than the one for that guy who was Burns’ therapist for two minutes.

Ultimately, I couldn’t resist this episode’s finale, a bizarre, senseless, and out of left field rant from Marge when she returns home to find Homer – gasp – talking to a woman on the phone. It gets weird fast and stays that way, so I’ll quote it extensively. To start, Homer is sitting on the couch and has just gotten off the phone when Marge and the kids walk in for what would seem to be the first time in weeks or months:

Homer: Hey, guys, good to see you!
Marge: Good to see you. Who were you talking to?
Homer: My friend Julia.
Lisa: Juli-a? Like a girl?

Let’s pause for a second to note how unnatural this dialogue is. We can maybe spot them Homer being so blase about seeing his family for the first time in a good long while, but Marge just coming back with “Good to see you” sounds nothing like her. And right after that we have “Who were you talking to?”, which not only doesn’t sound like her, but would also be about the last thing on her mind. It’s a screenwriter shortcut: have one character ask another the exact question needed to push the plot along.

Then we get Lisa chiming in, both surprised that it’s a girl, and with that weird pause before the “a” in Julia. Now, there are a lot of male names that can be feminized with an -a, George becomes Georgia, Claude becomes Claudia, Will becomes Willa, etcetera. But Julia isn’t one of them. Julian (one of our toughest names) is the closest, but the “a” is still there, so Lisa’s surprise at it remains off kilter. It’s not a huge thing, but it’s yet another way that the writing is just plain lazy. They want Lisa to express surprise, but instead of writing a line that lets her do so, they just have Yeardley Smith do a weird pronunciation. Moving along:

Homer: She’s not a girl, she’s three years younger than your mother. [Marge makes a noise of disapproval here] Marge, it’s cool. All we do is share our deepest thoughts and feelings.

Even by the standards of Zombie Homer this is painfully bad exposition, which is how you can tell its another hacktacular screenwriter shortcut. Homer is trying to get himself into trouble, which is the opposite of the Homer we know and love. To see how, compare it with more or less the exact same conversation in “Colonel Homer”:

Marge: It’s nice, but who is this woman?
Homer: Well, right now she’s an out of work cocktail waitress, but she’s going to be a country music superstar! Like, uh, that jerk in the cowboy hat, and that dead lady.
Marge: I don’t like you hanging around some cocktail waitress.
Homer: Marge, you make it sound so seamy. All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.

colonel-homer20

Marge is annoyed, Homer is (truthfully) playing dumb.

First of all: jokes! Despite trying to create a country star, Homer can’t name a single one. Just as importantly, his intentions towards Lurleen are so innocent that he can’t begin to understand why his wife might not like him trying to help her career. This is Homer at his best: he’s being stupid and insensitive in the extreme, but he’s completely unaware of it. Moreover, he’s describing a concrete thing he did (watching Lurleen try on outfits) rather than describing an abstraction that is designed to piss Marge off.

Artificially pissed off, Marge then goes on a tear:

Marge: Kids, could you leave the room, please. . . . Faster!

Bart, Lisa and Maggie then jump into a nearby heating grate because that’s funny, right?

ragemarge1

Drop of the hat rage: there’s the Marge we all know and love.

Homer: Marge, it’s nothing. She’s just my new best friend. [Marge knocks over Homer’s TV tray, so this gets to violence real quick.] Why are you mad at those eggs? They didn’t do anything!
Marge: Homer Simpson! After all I’ve put up with for all these years, if I’m not your best friend then what is this marriage about?

ragemarge2

It goes on for a really long time.

This all happens as Marge is chasing Homer around the room and slapping at him. Homer cowers and runs away while Marge follows him – including through a closet door – as he makes excuses:

Homer: Okay, okay you’re my best friend! She’s just somebody I call when I’m mad at you. I mean, I’m never mad at you. Well, sometimes I’m mad at you, a little bit, but I shouldn’t call her, I should just drink it off at Moe’s. You’ll never hear the name Julia again.

Let’s pause again here and note how out of control this is. Stuff is getting knocked over, Homer’s fallen down several times, if it were real life it’s about where you’d think the cops should get called, and there’s nary a stab at humor other than Marge’s increasingly blinding rage, which is precisely nothing like her. And, since Zombie Simpsons is utterly predictable and shallow, as soon as Homer finishes, Julia walks in for no reason whatsoever:

Julia: Hi, I’m Julia! [Marge screams.] I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you you’ve got a great husband.

ragemarge3

Screaming incoherently at a stranger, classic Marge.

Again: only hack comedy writers talk like this. Marge then compares Homer to a bike, which Julia denies wanting to “ride”. Then Julia walks out as suddenly as she walked in. It’s as hamfisted as it could possibly be: serious emotional meltdown coupled with a character appearing and disappearing as though no such thing is happening. None of the three of them are even remotely acting like real people, and Homer and Marge are so far out of character that they might as well not be themselves.

Homer and Marge then have an exposition filled conversation that makes things perfectly alright just as suddenly as they became divorce level bad:

Marge: I’m sorry, apparently you didn’t do anything wrong, but I’m not wrong for getting mad at you either!
Homer: Marge, Julia taught me lots of stuff that could help us. For example, I realize that when you see me doing something stupid and you don’t say anything about it, you do know, and you’re just being nice.

It goes on from there, but you get the idea. With just a little more exposition, all is well. This mess of a scene goes on for two whole minutes, which is a tenth of the entire episode and feels even longer since it’s all one big, continuous clusterfuck.

Compare that melodrama to the way Marge’s jealousy and Homer’s slow realization of the harm he’s causing builds across the entirety of “Colonel Homer”. The next time we see Homer and Marge after the above quoted scene is after Lurleen buys Homer his Colonel Tom Parker suit:

Homer: Marge, look at me!
Marge: I don’t want to, I’m mad at you. I’m sick of that waitress and all the time you’ve been spending with her and this whole country music thing.
Homer: Uh, then maybe you better not look at me.

lookatmebetternot

Emotional reactions that make sense and advance the story. It really isn’t that hard, Zombie Simpsons.

This is the two of them perfectly in character. Homer is completely selfish and happy with how well things are going, utterly oblivious to Marge being upset until she tells him. Marge is putting up with it, but very unhappy to be doing so. From here we get Homer haplessly trying to deny that Lurleen bought him the suit, and then we get into one of the show’s old, classic running jokes: Homer justifying his current stupidity by saying it’s his boyhood dream.

From there we get the recording scene, where Homer has lied about Lurleen being overweight and through which Marge literally grits her teeth. Then Homer – now aware of Marge’s pain but still completely unaware that Lurleen is desperately trying to seduce him – goes off to the television show taping where he realizes what he’s doing. Going through all that – coupled with Lurleen’s on-air song about how lucky Marge is to have Homer – makes their eventual reconciliation both funny and heartfelt:

Marge: Homer?
Homer: Is there any room in that bed for a dad-burned fool?
Marge: Always has been.

On The Simpsons, Marge’s concern over Homer and another woman builds over the course of the episode as one of many story threads that all work together in the end. On Zombie Simpsons, it drops from the sky to the exclusion of all the other disconnected crap that was going on and sees her act like a ranting and raving lunatic. That makes their inevitable reconciliation just as sudden and nonsensical. The original was a lot better…

hattoss

25
Sep
16

Quote of the Day

colonel-homer19

“Marge, you’re standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer!” – Homer Simpson
“Your boyhood dream was to eat the world’s biggest hoagie! And you did it at the county fair last year, remember?” – Marge Simpson

26
Mar
16

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer18

“Tonight I’d like to try something a little different. It’s a song I wrote while I was mopping up your dried blood and teeth.” – Lurleen Lumpkin

25
Jan
16

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer17

“Homer, how much did you just give that man?” – Marge Simpson
“Calm down, Marge.  It’s just our life savings.  I’m not going to go into hock for this.” – Homer Simpson

04
Jun
15

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer16

“Ooh, a redneck bar.” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, you, let’s fight!” – Redneck #1
“Thems fightin’ words!” – Redneck #2

26
Mar
15

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer15

“This is KUDD, 570 AM, hey, don’t touch that dial, you’ve got kud on it!” – KUDD DJ

27
Aug
14

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer14

“Doctor, you weren’t supposed to remove his gall bladder!” – Surgical Nurse #1
“Put it back!  Put it back!” – Surgical Nurse #2

13
Jun
14

Reading Digest: It’s Not Supposed to Be Good Beer Edition

Colonel Homer13

“Duff, please.” – Homer Simpson
“We don’t sell Duff.  We sell Fudd. ” – Beer -N-Brawl Bartender
“Okay, Fudd me.” – Homer Simpson

This week we’ve got two links to Australian beer aficionados who were less than impressed with the recently released “Duff” beer.  Long story short, it’s meh at best and kinda gross at worst.  This is unsurprising, as crappy merchandise is crappy merchandise, even when it is infused with sweet, mind numbing alcohol.

More amusing, however, is the fact that Duff isn’t supposed to be good.  It’s supposed to be the kind of thing German executives consider swill, where you might find a rat, a syringe, or even Hitler’s head in a bottle.  They’re marketing it as a good beer because they have to.  Budweiser and Miller Lite are called good beers by the people who make them as well, but that doesn’t mean anybody believes it, and this “Duff” falls into the exact same category.

What makes it funnier is that, unlike Bud and Miller, Duff was originally intended to be crappy.  So, through no fault of their own, the merchandising pukes may have managed to finally, at long last, make something actually worthy of the show.  Duff is supposed to be barely drinkable piss, that’s why Homer drinks it, and they seem to have succeeded in bringing it to life.  Well done.

In other links, we’ve got fan painted nail art celebrating national donut day, Mike Reiss being a mensch, a quick Homer haiku, some comedy theory, and much more.  Plus there’s a couple of people who agree with us, one in an actual newspaper.

Enjoy.

The Top Simpsons Episodes – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this rundown of favorite episodes, one each from Seasons 2-10.  Plus there’s lots of good Youtube, a healthy dislike of Zombie Simpsons, and a great Hank Scorpio picture.  Well done lists are so much better than slapdash ones.

“To be thus is nothing, but to be safely thus” – The Mr. Burns play is now showing in London at the Almeida theater.  It opened yesterday and runs through July 26th.  The linked review is quite up on it.

Had enough of Duff – The Australian Duff would appear to not be very good:

But Duff isn’t a stock-standard lager. It’s a good deal worse than that. It starts off with an odd, slightly chemical flavour before some malt notes come barging in out of nowhere. Then the malt disappears, leaving that that odd flavour centre-stage.

Duff beer – Review – This one’s a little more positive, but still concludes:

Drinkable for a gimmick beer, but not something I’d frequently buy.

Sadly, they obviously didn’t make it as cheap as Duff is in the show.

“Don’t blame me. I voted for Kodos.” – Exploring the background and wisdom of one of Homer’s most famous political quotes.

TV: Saturday, June 14 – The Sydney Morning Herald is starting to sound like me:

Remember when The Simpsons was wet-your-pants funny? When every line sparkled with wit and pitch-perfect cultural references? This is the sort of episode that will have you pining for those far-off glory days. Its contrived plotlines barely hang together, and you’ll be looking at your watch long before the credits roll. First up, Grampa Simpson comes to live with the family after his nursing home is shut down. Then there is an abrupt change of gear with Bart sticking up for Nelson, for reasons that are unclear, and being invited to join the bullies’ gang. There follows a parody of a 1979 movie called The Warriors (nope, never heard of it either) and, at the last minute, an unsatisfying denouement that brings the stories together.

Brush With Greatness – Episode # 031 – After some computer problems, our old friend Ash is back.

Drop Dead Clothing unleashes Itchy & Scratchy collection onto unsuspecting world of music & fashion – Moar merchandise of the fashionable clothing variety.

Mackenzie Davis of ‘Halt and Catch Fire’ on AMC – And speaking of said clothing, here’s a New York Times actor profile that notes:

“I love seeing the insides of things,” Mackenzie Davis said, tucking her bleached bob behind her ears, a giraffe’s neck expanse above her slashed and safety-pinned Bart Simpson T-shirt.

The photo isn’t the best, but it would appear she’s wearing a Bartman shirt.  So I guess the retro-cool thing is working?

6 Reasons Why Springfield, Missouri, is Totally the Springfield from The Simpsons – One of the real Springfields makes its case to be the one from the show.

Soul Donut – Excellent nail art:

Here I tried to capture the dichotomy between the light and dark nature of the donut as a comment on the circularity of our lives. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to paint horns and a halo on a pair of donuts? Who knows.

Devil Flanders is on the thumb, and the donuts of good and evil are on her fingers.  Bravo.

You Need to Hear This Extremely Rare Recording – Nice take on how Comic Book Guy changed from when the show started even just to Season 8.

Zombie Simpsons Longboard Custom – Zombie Bart on a longboard for sale in Peoria.

It’s National Doughnut Day, So Here’s The Best ‘Simpsons’ Food GIFs – There’s more than a little Zombie Simpsons in here, but most of them are good.

National Doughtnut Day – And here’s some Homer donut images.

homer – A Homer haiku.

Summer Travels: Meeting Semi-Famous People – Mike Reiss, nice guy:

During my stay, one of the Simpsons writers, Mike Reiss, was giving a talk at the State Museum in Harrisburg, and we went to see him. After the show, he signed this postcard for me and drew a cute little picture. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be Bart or himself.

To be fair, he’s a writer, not an animator.

Top 5 Television Shows… – Once again, Zombie Simpsons spoils the show:

2. The Simpson’s – The longer this series goes on, the more I think I may have to drop this one from my list.

Go away, Zombie Simpsons.  Nobody likes you.

Arriving In Style. – Nicely artsy photo of a little model Homer car.

Incongruity Theory: Why a well-timed Banana peel can be hilarious – Exploring incongruous comedy with Sideshow Bob and his arch nemesis: rakes.

In Sight – Excellent reference:

I found myself becoming so involved with the piece that when it finally finished I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts! Ok, I know what you guys thinking; That’s a bit lame, we thought you were cool, you changed mannnnn. But let me stop you right there! I have not changed! I’m still cool, China’s still cool.

Homer SEAmpson – Lego Homer by the beach.  But what will the remote work?

Aquaman in Blinky’s Revenge – Heh.

The Simpsons Tapped Out: The Definitive Simpsons Video Game – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us.  In this case, it’s not only about the show, but also about Tapped Out:

However all this fondness can only last so long, and sadly the best the game has to offer is over once the original 20 levels have been completed. The loose storyline of Homer reuniting with his family finishes at this point; the game continues without real purpose and reveals the most striking resemblance it has with the series. The only true objectives from here on out are to continue building and participate in the next seasonal event; things continue but the heart and soul of the project has ended. Like the show itself, plot lines become more zany and nonsensical  (if not downright forgettable) and the family themselves spend less time together and more time with their secondary, tertiary and one-line gag cohorts to keep churning out more content (the Yes-Man comes to mind here…).

Indeed he does.

16
May
14

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer12

“Two tickets for-” – Homer Simpson
“Lemme guess: Look Who’s Oinking?” – Googolplex Guy
“That’s right.” – Homer Simpson
“Sold out.” – Googolplex Guy
“Ohhh.” – Homer Simpson

22
Dec
13

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer11

“Hey, hey, Lurleen!  I gotta say something to you.” – Homer Simpson
“I’m listening.” – Lurleen Lumpkin
“Your song touched me in a way I’ve never felt before.  And which way to the can?” – Homer Simpson

(Sorry for the late quote.)

17
Sep
13

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer10

“Marge, what do you think?” – Homer Simpson
“It’s nice.  But who is this woman?” – Marge Simpson
“Well, right now she’s an out of work cocktail waitress, but she’s going to be a country music super star like, uh . . . that jerk in the cowboy hat, and that dead lady.” – Homer Simpson
“I don’t like you hanging around some cocktail waitress.” – Marge Simpson
“Marge, you make it sound so seamy.  All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.” – Homer Simpson

27
Jul
13

Saturday Morning Movie References

Colonel Homer9

“Oh, wait, I heard how this ends.  It turns out the secret code was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter.” – Homer Simpson

This started making the rounds yesterday:

Every Movie Reference In ‘The Simpsons’: Seasons 1-5 | NextMovie

It’s twenty minutes long, but don’t let that discourage you.  If it doesn’t have every single one, it’s gotta be awful close.  There are a couple that I think are a little bit of a stretch, but not many, and there were definitely a few I’d never noticed before.  (Thanks to Michael for the e-mail reminder.) 

05
Jan
13

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer8

“So, what are we going to see?” – Marge Simpson
“Earnest Cuts the Cheese!” – Bart Simpson
“Honey, I Hit a School Bus!” – Lisa Simpson
“Look Who’s Oinking!  Look Who’s Oinking!” – Homer Simpson

09
Aug
12

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer7

“Do you think I could get a copy of it?” – Homer Simpson
“Sorry, darlin’, all my songs are up here: I’m Basting a Turkey with My Tears, Don’t Look Up My Dress Unless You Mean It, I’m Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth.” – Lurleen Lumpkin

26
Mar
12

Quote of the Day

Colonel Homer6

“She’s wonderful.  I could feel her sweet country soul in every digitally encoded bit.” – Lisa Simpson
“Country music sucks.  All it does is take precious airspace away from shock DJs whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.” – Bart Simpson
“Shut up, boy.” – Homer Simpson

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Colonel Homer”!  Original airdate 26 March 1992.




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