Posts Tagged ‘Dumbbell Indemnity


Quote of the Day

“Must kill Moe . . . Wheee! . . . Must kill Moe . . . Wheee!” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

“I dunno, Homer. Women can smell panic, and right now I gotta be reekin’ of it.” – Moe
“Relax, all I smell is garlic and fish.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

“Homer, I’ve been the world’s biggest rat. Can you ever forgive me?” – Moe
“Oh, I could never stay mad at you, Moe. After all, you get me drunk.” – Homer Simpson


Briefly Behind Us Forever: Moho House

“Uh, you look pretty clean. You, uh, mind if I have this dance?” – Moe
“It’s all yours.” – Disgusted Woman
“Okay, I won’t lie to you. A lot of people saw that.” – Homer Simpson

By this time Wednesday I’m going to be in a post-anesthetic fog following (what I hope will be successful) shoulder surgery. Since I’m only going to have one useful arm for eight weeks, I’ve got a ton of stuff to get done before that. Hence, the episode summary below is shorter than normal. If you haven’t watched “Moho House”, you will be unsurprised to learn that it suffers from a nonsense plot, lots of exposition, repeated jokes, and the usual array of Zombie Simpsons problems.

This one is another in the “will Marge and Homer break up?” series. (Non-spoiler: they don’t.) You see, Marge is once again mad at Homer, only this time an old friend of Burns comes into town and makes a bet that he can break them up. To do so he gives Moe a trendy club to manage. They even briefly bring back the talking bar rag, albeit now it’s silent because sure, why not?

Here’s a taste of some of the dialogue:

Homer: Honey, when you were talking about those flowers, was it a metaphor for anything? Was it? Honey? Metaphor?

Later, at Moe’s new club:

Marge: Moe, good to see you.
Moe: Good to see you, Midge. Boy, who knew you’d look so great in a strapless dress.
Marge: Well, thank you.
Moe [directly to camera]: Methinks I see my opportunity.
Sideshow Mel: Why are you telling me?
Moe: I always considered us friends.

If you guessed that Marge never left and Mel just appeared from nowhere, you’d be correct. This episode is full of those kinds of stilted, unnatural interactions, like when Smithers tells Homer how to give a gift to Marge, or Moe tells Marge what Homer thinks about her, or pretty much everything involving Burns old pal who’s trying to break Marge and Homer up because he apparently wants to sleep with Smithers (don’t ask, it doesn’t make any sense on screen and will make even less if I try to describe it).

For fun with repeat jokes, Homer at one point is begging Marge to forgive him and walks (on his knees) by Bart and Lisa. Then this happens:

Homer: I hope you kids haven’t lost any respect for your old man.
Bart: Uh, can’t lose what you don’t have.
Homer: Thanks, boy.

This is a dumber and more explicit way of redoing this exchange from “War of the Simpsons

Homer: I just hope you didn’t lose a lot of respect for me.
Bart: Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.

One of those is Bart subtly fooling Homer during what Homer thinks is a moment of father-son bonding. The other is Homer stopping briefly to be a dumbass.

Anyway, the numbers are in and continue to be basement drain level low. Last night just 2.28 million viewers checked their watches as Moe became love lorn once again.


Quote of the Day


“You see my car there, with the rubber hippy daisy, space 7A?” – Moe
“Uh, yeah, what about it?” – Chief Wiggum
“I was just thinking what a good parking job I did.” – Moe
“Yeah, hey, that is nice. Hey, Lou! Lou, check out that park job in 7A.” – Chief Wiggum
“Ooh, that’s sweet.” – Lou


Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity10

“Hey, don’t give up, Moe. The girl of your dreams has got to be in some bar!” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day


“Mr. President, your welfare proposal is nothing but a lot of technical jargon and partisan rhetoric and . . . Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh! Get off me, Mr. President!” – Hail to The Chimp Aide


Behind Us Forever: The Princess Guide

Dumbbell Indemnity9

“I’m sorry, Homer.  It’s just, it’s been four years since my last date with a whatchacallit . . . a woman.” – Moe

Another week, another Zombie Simpsons episode.  This one starts with “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”, which means Lisa gets to go to the power plant again.  That doesn’t last long, however, as Burns suddenly needs uranium and begins negotiating with a Nigerian king (yes, you read that correctly).  In the meantime, the king’s daughter is going to be looked after by Homer.  The daughter wants to go out and see the town, but ends up inexplicably hanging around with Moe before inexplicably not hanging out with Moe.

In other words, this episode combines Sad Sack Moe with Incompetent Burns.  Also, Jon Lovitz had a line as some kind of paparazzi, and I think Bart’s only line was in the opening scene.  It’s a mess.

– Well, the couch gag was short.

– Decent headline gag on “Hurricane Consuela Stopped At U.S. Border”.

– Pretty sure they got rid of take your daughter to work day two decades ago.  Love the topical humor.

– Burns and Smithers just had a brief conversation while they were still on stage in front of everyone.

– Oh, good, a clone of Burns is being used as a background gag.

– Uh, Richard Branson is apparently Burns’ neighbor?

– We’re two minutes in and there have been about four cutaways.  This is a Family Guy-esque pace.

– Montage of lunchroom trading.

– We’re getting a huge dose of weak, incompetent Burns this week.  It’s not great.

– Now Burns is giving Homer instructions at the top of a hotel on baby sitting a Nigerian princess.  We’re five minutes in with fifteen to go.  This is gonna get weird.

– Marge is on the phone with Homer explaining what’s going on.  Love when that happens.

– First the princess wanted to go out, then she and Homer watched TV for a while, then she asked to go out again and now they’re going out.  This all happened sequentially.

– The princess is putting up with Moe.

– Moe grabbed Homer and dragged him into a back room to tell him about an e-mail scam leading to yet another cutaway, this one with bonus expository narration as Moe tells us what we’re seeing him do.

– And the princess is gone.

– Homer, Gil and Apu all ran up to Wiggum and got locked in his back seat in succession.

– The princess is back at Moe’s now.  Whatever.

– Lenny and Carl apparently bailed Homer out, and now they’re all standing around the jail.

– Moe is still hitting on the princess, then he sent her off to the fridge, then he told us he wants to close.  That was an act break.  Ugh.

– Turns out she was asleep in the back room because . . . nevermind, Moe is doing a Goodnight Moon thing that the princess saw before going back to asleep.

– Smithers just fantasized about him and Burns in Tahiti for the third time.

– The princess just woke up after sleeping in Moe’s stockroom.

– Now they’re montaging across Springfield.

– Princess: “I have a confession to make, this is my first montage”.  Oh, sweetie, it isn’t ours.  Not by a long shot.

– Homer just appeared out of the tire fire to tell Moe that the princess has to go back to the hotel and watch TV.  As a recap, at this point the princess was in the hotel, wanted to go out, got taken to Moe’s, left briefly for no reason, came back, flirted with Moe before voluntarily and unexpectedly sleeping in his stock room, then she woke up and has been in a montage.  This episode has six minutes to go.

– Alright, I’m done.  After a lengthy monologue from a pedicab guy so Moe and the princess could escape Homer, they peddled down the street and she said “Actually, I wanted to go back with him.  I don’t want to get my father mad.”  I’ll let you know if anything interesting happens the rest of the episode.

– 15:30 – Nope

– 16:00 – Still nope.

– 16:30 – Still nothing.

– 17:00 – Zilch, but lots of exposition.

– 17:30 – I’m switching to 1 minute intervals.

– 18:30 – Nothing, but the entire Simpson family teleported into Burns office for no reason.

– 19:30 – Still on.

– 20:30 – Richard Branson is back, nothing is interesting.

– 21:30 – The credits ended!

Anyway, the numbers are in and they remain terrible while not being quite as rock bottom bad as they’ve been.  Last night, just 3.97 million people wondered why they got someone to voice that princess when a cardboard cutout would’ve done fine.  That’s the 14th least watched of all time, but actually qualifies as success given that the previous two episodes were both fractions of a point away from taking the crown.  On the plus side, we probably only have seven left in Season 26.


Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity8

“You’re up to something, aren’t you?” – Bart Simpson
“No!  I’m just going out to commit certain deeds. . . . Suckers.” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity7

“I won’t hear of it, Moe, you’re a fabulous catch.” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, yeah, well, how come I ain’t fending off movie starlets with a pointy stick?” – Moe
“Oh, it’s probably due to your ugliness.  But that doesn’t mean we can’t find you a woman.  Come on, we’re going to the darkest bar in town!” – Homer Simpson


Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity6

“And bring us the finest food you got, stuffed with the second finest.” – Moe
“Excellent, sir, lobster stuffed with tacos.” – Gilded Truffle Waiter


Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity5

“To Marge, and all the blissful years I’ve spent hiding from her in this bar.” – Homer Simpson
“Hear, hear!” – Drunks


Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity4

“Here, have a flower.” – Rene
“Alright, come on, what’s the catch?  A gorgeous woman don’t just hand you a free daffodil.” – Moe
“Really, you think I’m gorgeous?” – Rene
“Well, the part that’s showing.  I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.” – Moe
“You don’t talk to a lot of women, do you?” – Rene


Behind Us Forever: Whiskey Business

Dumbbell Indemnity3

“Your bowtie is just darling.” – Rene
“Well, thanks.  Yeah, it kinda draws the eye away from the old mug.” – Moe

[Note: Apologies for not getting this up yesterday.  I’m having grotesque technical problems at the spinoff site and reliable ratings numbers were delayed a day by NASCAR overrun anyway.]

  • They don’t take long to get right into the shitty writing, do they?  Immediately after showing us the 2009 Oscars on the TV, Homer says exactly that.  Zombie Simpsons really doesn’t trust the audience to pay attention in the least, do they? 
  • Looks like we’re doing sad Moe this week.  Naturally, he’s not standing behind the bar when he tries to talk to Homer, Lenny and Carl but is instead off alone for no reason. 
  • Setting aside the cheap emotion they’re going for, the suicide hotline didn’t have to be terrible.  But it also didn’t have to be that long and drawn out, either.
  • They really needed to drop the prank call thing when cell phones made it stupid, but they’ve been clinging to it for years now.
  • “This trip is about turning your life around.”  Stupid plots are not aided by equally stupid dialogue.
  • What’s with the limo, and why is Marge dressed like that?
  • I wasn’t going to bitch about the fact that this trip would be horribly expensive for theoretically working class people, but then they had to rub my nose in it: “Are you sure you want to spring for something that expensive. / Yes, cause every time you wear it, you’ll know how much we love you.”  Marge’s lines in this episode are just atrociously obvious and literal. 
  • “And look over there, Moe”.  She’s not going to get anything better to say, is she?
  • Lisa’s “maybe if it’s in good taste/Oh, come on” thing is just as bad.  It’s a hacktacular setup, and the punchline is “come on”.  Why not just have her look at a dog and say, “Don’t even say it”? 
  • The whole waterslide thing, I just, what the fuck?
  • Wow, they’re combining lots of ideas they’ve done before.  Moe is suddenly happy and handsome and the bar is getting redone.  I’ve only seen that like seven times before.
  • And now Marge is back and apparently never noticed that Grampa was gone?
  • Hey, speaking of repeat jokes, hot and cold water in the shower. 
  • So this Lisa subplot is just going to get worse, isn’t it?
  • “The suit wasn’t magic, Moe.  Don’t you know the story of Dumbo the elephant?”  Multiple people approved that line, and not one of them asked whether or not there was any reason for Moe to think it’s magic, why he didn’t just get another suit, or why they had to then recap the whole movie right after that.
  • Well, I was wrong about the Lisa subplot.  It didn’t get worse.  It just ended abruptly and for no reason.  Probably for the best. 
  • And it ends, just as nonsensically as it began.

Here at the end of Season 24, Zombie Simpsons is sticking to its long tradition of incoherence with the big new innovation being the inclusion of two crappy, underdone B-plots instead of one.  Lisa’s little encounters with, uh, holographic marketing, were so straight ahead dull that they couldn’t even make fun of things that are crying out to be made fun of.  Bart’s was a little more traditional in that it made no sense and combined two characters acting wildly unlike themselves, and none of that even includes Grampa climbing on the roof. 

The main plot was yet another fascinating look at how terribly sad and depressed Moe is.  The twist here was that now Marge cares for some reason, and Moe got his own brand of whiskey for which he apparently needed to wear a single, not-quite Chanel suit at all times.  That about two-thirds of all the dialogue was either hacktacular sitcom setup-punchline clunkers or repetitive exposition made the thing aggravating in addition to being boring.

Anyway, the final ratings are in and they are just as bad as late Season 24 has come to expect.  A tiny 4.43 million viewers wished they were watching Dumbo on Sunday.  That replaces last week’s episode at #6 on the all time least watched list.  With three episodes to go, Season 24 is locked into being the least watched ever by a fair margin.  The only question between now and the end is how low it’ll sink. 


Quote of the Day

Dumbbell Indemnity2

“What ever happened to your mail order bride?” – Homer Simpson
“She got homesick for her old life, diving for tourist pennies in a Micronesian swamp.” – Moe
“So her career got in the way.” – Homer Simpson


Crazy Noises: Dumbbell Indemnity

Dumbbell Indemnity1

“That’s what you get for not hailing to the chimp.” – Homer Simpson

There’s no new Zombie Simpsons until September, so we’re going to spend the summer overthinking Season 9.  Why Season 9?  Because we did Season 8 last summer, and Season 9 was when the show started becoming more Zombie than Simpsons.  Since we’re too lazy to do audio and too ugly to do video, we’ve booked a “chatroom” (ours is right between the one with the sexy seventh graders and the one with the bored federal agents pretending to be sexy seventh graders).  So log on to your dial-up AOL and join us.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on “overachiever”).

Today’s episode is 916 “Dumbbell Indemnity”.  Yesterday was 914 “Das Bus”. 

Charlie Sweatpants: I said before that I find this one slightly worse, and I stand by that. I have two reasons for this. First, I hate insecure Moe so very much. Second, Rene has no character. She is one of the most boring one off characters in the history of the show.

Mad Jon: Those are good reasons. This is not a good episode. Just like with Das Bus there are some good lines, but the awfulness of the rest is much worse than the Bus.

Charlie Sweatpants: Agreed.

Dave: Insecure Moe is funny for maybe a minute, but they milk it for way longer here.

Mad Jon: Call me a retard, but I can’t even figure out the title.

  This is one of many terrible Moe episodes. The man is NOT A plot material.

Dave: Not even close.

Charlie Sweatpants: It’s a play on the Hitchcock movie "Double Indemnity".

Mad Jon: Well there you go. .Was the movie like this episode at all?

Charlie Sweatpants: Oops, sorry, it wasn’t a Hitchcock movie. I was thinking of "Vertigo".

Dave: The only thing they have in common, Jon, is insurance fraud.

Charlie Sweatpants: Pretty much.

Mad Jon: Well, good for the movie.

Charlie Sweatpants: But you’re right, insecure Moe is incapable of carrying an episode.

The funniest parts of insecure Moe are when he’s getting humiliated, often with assistance from Homer.

"The darkest bar in town", "A lot of people saw that", "the girl of your dreams has got to be in some bar", all of those are good.

Mad Jon: That’s because of your ugliness

Charlie Sweatpants: But once he hooks up with the empty shell that is Hank Azaria’s favor to Helen Hunt, it loses whatever punch it had.

Mad Jon: "ok you can be on the show, but just. stop. nagging. me."

Charlie Sweatpants: There’s nothing to Rene! Nothing. Jessica Lovejoy was a good one off female character, Allison Taylor was a good one off female character, Erin was a good one off female character, Ruth Powers was a good (two) off female character.

Rene just stands there, talking about how much she likes Moe until she doesn’t and then it ends.

Dave: Truth.

Charlie Sweatpants: Jessica was evil, Allison was an overachiever, Erin was cool, Ruth was angry, every one of them can be described. What was Rene?

Mad Jon: You don’t know anything about her other than she was dating Moe out of pity and sells flowers on the street at night.

Dave: Unlikeable doormat?

  Jane Everywoman?

Charlie Sweatpants: Could you even go so far as "unlikeable"?

Dave: No, I guess not.

Mad Jon: I don’t know enough about her to say any of that

Charlie Sweatpants: Is there enough there not to like?

Dave: That’d require personality.

Charlie Sweatpants: Exactly, she’s basically a prop to allow Homer and Moe to have a wacky adventure.

Dave: Just tossing darts, hoping something sticks.

Mad Jon: Who was selling the night flowers while she was out with Moe.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, someone’s got to sell flowers at night.

  Or, you know, not.

Mad Jon: Yes.. Or not.

Dave: I never contextualized that. Night flowers are ridiculous.

Charlie Sweatpants: But that’s all we know about her. Moe spends a lot of money on her, okay, that I can buy. But we don’t know why. Rene never presses him for the good life, the only time they actually discuss what they’re doing (the Hawaii thing), she offers to go the cheap route.

If Moe gets a girlfriend that’s out of his league, fine. But you’ve got to show us that.

  Instead, we get a montage and immediate zany scheme.

And speaking of that zany scheme, was anyone else as troubled as I was by the very television-y feel to Moe on the police boat?

Mad Jon: I was surprised there wasn’t a laugh track.

Dave: The cheap setup and everything? No.

Mad Jon: But that’s what I get for not hailing to the chimp.

Charlie Sweatpants: Now that was funny.

Mad Jon: The movie was great

Charlie Sweatpants: Both the idea, and the execution.

But it’s a rare bright spot at the end, which is otherwise slow and awful and why in the hell did the car have to sink two thousand feet underwater?

  And why did the ghost of Homer haunt Moe?

  And why did Homer ride the library cart home?

And why was Barney there at the end after he hadn’t been there earlier?

  And why did Homer put Moe’s in his house?

  I’ll stop now.

Mad Jon: There are no good answers to any of your questions.

Dave: Yeah you’re asking us to part water Charlie. Ain’t gonna happen.

Charlie Sweatpants: I know, but I needed to vent.

Also, out of respect for the fact that Moe would have a Players Club card, I found this:

Mad Jon: Nice

Charlie Sweatpants: I remember seeing those commercials as a kid and having no idea what the fuck they were talking about, and then I forgot about them for years, and then there was one very good joke.

Dave: Hey, the Riviera. I’ve been there.

Charlie Sweatpants: Did you get the kind of VIP treatment that Telly Savalas got?

Dave: Of course not.

  I mean Telly Savalas… that’s a god amongst men right there.

Charlie Sweatpants: The call and the information are free. You too can go to places like Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and "the Caribbean".

Dave: The Caribbean as a vague, ephemeral concept?

Charlie Sweatpants: Or wherever Players Club is accepted.

Okay, that’s about all I got. Savalas was my trump card.

Mad Jon: Nice play.

Mad Jon: You made me look like a Jonny puke-pail.

Charlie Sweatpants: So I guess we’re done then?


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