Dead Homer Society

“Hmm, emergency call, gotta go!” – Stern Lecture Plumber
“What should we do until you get back?” – Homer Simpson
“Ah, put a pan down there.” – Stern Lecture Plumber

“I always wondered if there was a God. And now I know: there is. And it’s me.” – Homer Simpson

“Hey, Billy! Hey, Joey! Come on in! There’s plenty of room! Sorry, not you, Homer.” – Little Girl
“Why not?” – Homer Simpson
“But you let in Homer Glumplich.” – Homer Simpson
“Hyuck hyuck!” – Homer Glumplitch
“It says no Homers. We’re allowed to have one.” – Little Girl

“Why don’t people like me, Marge?” – Homer Simpson
“Everyone likes you, you’re a wonderful person.” – Marge Simpson
“Why don’t those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?” – Homer Simpson

“I felt so left out.” – Homer Simpson
“Kids can be so cruel.” – Marge Simpson
“We can? Thanks, Mom!” – Bart Simpson
“Ow! Cut it out, Bart!” – Lisa Simpson

“Oh, for the love of God! Somebody get the jaws of life!” – Moe

“I saved your life! That egg sandwich could’ve killed you by cholesterol.” – Homer Simpson
“Forget it, Homer. While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, it has not yet been proven conclusively that they actually raise the level of serum cholesterol in the human blood stream.” – Lenny
“So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, you got it all wrong, Homer. It’s not like that.” – Lenny
“You’d better run, egg!” – Homer Simpson

“Yeah, I probably won’t be able to get the parts I need for two, three weeks. And that’s if I order them today. Which I won’t.” – Stern Lecture Plumber

“I know you think you’re happy now, but it’s not gonna last forever.” – Lisa Simpson
“Everything lasts forever.” – Homer Simpson

“I can see everything, and they’re none the wiser!” – Homer Simpson

“Coming through!  Can’t throw me out, my father’s a member!  I’m in!  I’m in!” – Homer Simpson
“Okay, okay, Homer, you’re in.  Just don’t point that . . . thing at me.” – Lenny

“Lousy traffic jams!  The traffic report’ll get me out of this one.” – Homer Simpson
“This is Arnie Pie, looks like we got a little accident that’s backing traffic up as far as this reporter can see.” – Arnie Pie

“Tonight we are here to commemorate our glorious society’s fifteen-hundredth anniversary.  And, in honor of this momentous occasion, we’re having ribs.” – Number One

Happy 20th Anniversary to “Homer the Great”! Original airdate 8 January 1995.

“Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesdays and they don’t tell me where they go.  It’s like a conspiracy.” – Homer Simpson
“A conspiracy, eh?  Do you think they might be involved in the Kennedy Assassination in some way?” – Bart Simpson
“I do . . . now.” – Homer Simpson

“You put that sticker on your car so you won’t get any tickets, and this other one keeps paramedics from stealing your wallet while they’re working on you.” – Lenny
“Oh, and don’t bother calling 9-1-1 any more.  Here’s the real number.” – Carl

“Homer, a man who called himself ‘you-know-who’ just invited you to a secret ‘wink-wink’ at the ‘you-know-what’.  You certainly are popular now that you’re a Stonecutter.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh yeah, beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night, it’s wonderful, Marge.  I’ve never felt so accepted in all my life.  These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.” – Homer Simpson

“And by the Sacred Parchment, I swear that if I reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters may my stomach become bloated and my head be plucked of all but three hairs.” – Homer Simpson
“Um, I think he should have to take a different oath!” – Moe
“Everyone takes the same oath.” – Number One

“Dad, remember those self hypnosis classes we took to help us ignore Grampa?” – Bart Simpson
“Do I ever, it’s five years later and I still think I’m a chicken!  I’m a chicken, Marge!” – Homer Simpson
“I know.  I know.” – Marge Simpson