Posts Tagged ‘I Love Lisa


Quote of the Day

Special Holiday Meal

“Where do you want these beef hearts?” – U.S. Surplus Delivery Guy
“On the floor.” – Lunchlady Doris
“It doesn’t look very clean.” – U.S. Surplus Delivery Guy
“Just do your job, heart boy.” – Lunchlady Doris

Doris Grau would’ve been 87 today.  Happy Birthday.


Quote of the Day

I Love Lisa7

“Dad, is it right to take things from people you don’t like?” – Lisa Simpson
“Sure it is, honey.  You do mean stealing, don’t you?” – Homer Simpson


Just Because

I Love Lisa6

“I asked for no broth!  Away with you, lest my cane find your backside!” – Ralph Wiggum
“Mmm, yes.” – Rex


Quote of the Day

I Love Lisa5

“Go ahead, water it down some more.” – Principal Skinner

Tonight on FOX, the stagnant backwash of the greatest show in history.  Animation Domination!


Ratings Catastrophe Continues

Chalkboard - Chief of Hearts

“That story isn’t suitable for children.” – Lisa Simpson
“Really?  I keep my pants on in this version.” – Chief Wiggum

Remember when Chief Wiggum used to go to speakeasies, porno theaters, and brothels?  Zombie Simpsons thought that was a little dull, so they decided to spice things up by grafting a cliche-ridden romantic comedy plot onto him.  It’s almost as though improbable melodrama is the only thing they know how to do.  Along the way they managed to turn Wiggum into something even whinier and duller than their endlessly heartbroken Moe.  In terms of sheer character destruction, that’s pretty impressive. 

Then there was the Bart plot, which, uh, I don’t even really know what that was.  Much like last week’s little ant farm side show, it had neither an ending nor a conflict.  It was just sort of there for a little while, until it wasn’t.  The scene in Bart’s room was so flat, humorless, and anti-climactic that it took me a second to realize that it was the ending. 

Anyway, the numbers are in and they’re still awfully bad.  Last night’s obliteration of Wiggum seared itself onto 5.93 million pairs of eyeballs.  That’s up slightly from recent weeks, but still low enough for 10th worst all time.  It’s now the fifth week in a row that Zombie Simpsons has scored in the bottom 10.  Or, to put it another way, the last five Zombie Simpsons episodes are all among the ten lowest rated in the show’s 21 year history.  Oh, and to add insult to injury, a rerun of Family Guy did better than a first run Zombie Simpsons. 


Watered Down Orange Drink Has More Substance Than This

“My god man, I’ve watered her down as far as she’ll go.  I cannot water no more!” – Groundskeeper Willie 

There were three competitive curling scenes in this episode.  They all started and ended the same way.  I don’t think they recycled any footage but, really, would it surprise you?  In between curling segments the audience was repeatedly clubbed in the face with the fact that Homer and Marge love each other and a number of clock killing montages, including a hallucination, a one joke opening ceremony, and a Fantasia take off that finally got us to the credits. 

Despite appearing and disappearing seemingly at random, Skinner and his mother had a plot . . . well “arc” is probably too strong a word.  Plot “dimple” maybe?  I’m not sure.  Also, Lisa and Bart were there and Bob Costas did his best Mitch Albom impression by pretending to satirize his profession. 

Anyway, continuing their policy of having one good joke per episode I did laugh at the “joyous” Swedes.  But even that little pleasure was sucked out when the Swedes came back near the end and did nothing.  Screen time must have been at a premium.  The real Bob Costas and the actual Olympics were on opposite this, so if we’re lucky the ratings will be just as awful as two weeks ago. 


Quote of the Day

I Love Lisa4

“Bah!  This is just another Hallmark Holiday cooked up to sell cards.” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
“Awww, a Valentine from my granddaughter.” – Jasper
“Can I have the envelope?” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson


An Atypical Valentine’s Day Complaint

“Poor Ralph.” – Lisa Simpson

Bitching about Valentine’s Day is almost a pro forma excercise these days (and something of a cottage industry).  Basically, people who are in love are made to feel bad because their relationships don’t live up to the ideal, and people who are not in love are made to feel bad for being alone.  Of course, making people feel bad to get them to spend money is pretty much the whole point.  But I don’t actually care about any of that because I am an ugly and hate filled man.  Now, for the Simpsons part.  
In “I Love Lisa”, also known as the Valentine’s Day episode, Ralph falls hard for Lisa after she gives him a Valentine’s Day card out of pity.  (One suspects that pity is going to be a recurring theme in Ralph Wiggum’s love life.)  I was always slightly bothered by that scene because at my school when we did pointless busy work by making Valentines mailboxes and giving out cards we were required to bring a card for every person in the class.  (I don’t know if this policy was the norm or not, my guess is that once upon a time it wasn’t and now it is.)  This prevented Wiggum type situations and managed the neat trick of cheapening an already bankrupt holiday.  
It also raises another question.  How does one write a Valentine’s Day message to a person one downright loathes?  If I wrote what I really thought (“I hate you and I hope you go to hell.  Love, Charlie”) I’d get in trouble.  The only other option is to lie.  It’s a holiday built around an inescapable trap of dishonesty and I always thought that was fitting.  
And now, for our own Valentine’s Day humiliation.  I’m going to ask for comments and I doubt I’m going to get any because nobody love us/reads this blog.  If your school did Valentine’s Day exchanges, were you required to bring one for everybody or was emotional humiliation a possibility?  

Quote of the Day

“Watch this Lis, you can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.” – Bart Simpson

The San Francisco Chronicle Gets It Right

Most of the Simpsons related commentary I see on-line sucks balls because most of it revolves around Zombie Simpsons, which sucks balls.  However, this morning I got a pleasant surprise.  Behold this post from a San Francisco Chronicle blog:

“The Simpsons” Season 4, Episode 15, also known as “I Love Lisa,” also known as the Choo-Choo-Choose Me episode. It doesn’t get enough appreciation, but this excellent 1993 show from the creative peak of “The Simpsons” is the “A Charlie Brown Christmas” of Valentine’s Day.

Amen, brother.  Amen.  
The post then goes through a few crappy on-line links where you can see clips.  They can’t say so, but you can always watch it at WTSO, or on Disc 3 of the Season 4 DVDs.  


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