“Where do you want these beef hearts?” – U.S. Surplus Delivery Guy
“On the floor.” – Lunchlady Doris
“It doesn’t look very clean.” – U.S. Surplus Delivery Guy
“Just do your job, heart boy.” – Lunchlady Doris
Doris Grau would’ve been 87 today. Happy Birthday.
“Dad, is it right to take things from people you don’t like?” – Lisa Simpson
“Sure it is, honey. You do mean stealing, don’t you?” – Homer Simpson
“I asked for no broth! Away with you, lest my cane find your backside!” – Ralph Wiggum
“Mmm, yes.” – Rex
“Go ahead, water it down some more.” – Principal Skinner
Tonight on FOX, the stagnant backwash of the greatest show in history. Animation Domination!
“That story isn’t suitable for children.” – Lisa Simpson
“Really? I keep my pants on in this version.” – Chief Wiggum
Remember when Chief Wiggum used to go to speakeasies, porno theaters, and brothels? Zombie Simpsons thought that was a little dull, so they decided to spice things up by grafting a cliche-ridden romantic comedy plot onto him. It’s almost as though improbable melodrama is the only thing they know how to do. Along the way they managed to turn Wiggum into something even whinier and duller than their endlessly heartbroken Moe. In terms of sheer character destruction, that’s pretty impressive.
Then there was the Bart plot, which, uh, I don’t even really know what that was. Much like last week’s little ant farm side show, it had neither an ending nor a conflict. It was just sort of there for a little while, until it wasn’t. The scene in Bart’s room was so flat, humorless, and anti-climactic that it took me a second to realize that it was the ending.
Anyway, the numbers are in and they’re still awfully bad. Last night’s obliteration of Wiggum seared itself onto 5.93 million pairs of eyeballs. That’s up slightly from recent weeks, but still low enough for 10th worst all time. It’s now the fifth week in a row that Zombie Simpsons has scored in the bottom 10. Or, to put it another way, the last five Zombie Simpsons episodes are all among the ten lowest rated in the show’s 21 year history. Oh, and to add insult to injury, a rerun of Family Guy did better than a first run Zombie Simpsons.
“Bah! This is just another Hallmark Holiday cooked up to sell cards.” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
“Awww, a Valentine from my granddaughter.” – Jasper
“Can I have the envelope?” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
“Poor Ralph.” – Lisa Simpson
Most of the Simpsons related commentary I see on-line sucks balls because most of it revolves around Zombie Simpsons, which sucks balls. However, this morning I got a pleasant surprise. Behold this post from a San Francisco Chronicle blog:
“The Simpsons” Season 4, Episode 15, also known as “I Love Lisa,” also known as the Choo-Choo-Choose Me episode. It doesn’t get enough appreciation, but this excellent 1993 show from the creative peak of “The Simpsons” is the “A Charlie Brown Christmas” of Valentine’s Day.
charliesweatpants.com
(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
The Mob Has Spoken