“Dad, is it right to take things from people you don’t like?” – Lisa Simpson
“Sure it is, honey. You do mean stealing, don’t you?” – Homer Simpson
Posts Tagged ‘I Love Lisa
04
Sep
11
Quote of the Day
15
Jan
11
Just Because
“I asked for no broth! Away with you, lest my cane find your backside!” – Ralph Wiggum
“Mmm, yes.” – Rex
26
Sep
10
Quote of the Day
“Go ahead, water it down some more.” – Principal Skinner
Tonight on FOX, the stagnant backwash of the greatest show in history. Animation Domination!
19
Apr
10
Ratings Catastrophe Continues
“That story isn’t suitable for children.” – Lisa Simpson
“Really? I keep my pants on in this version.” – Chief Wiggum
Remember when Chief Wiggum used to go to speakeasies, porno theaters, and brothels? Zombie Simpsons thought that was a little dull, so they decided to spice things up by grafting a cliche-ridden romantic comedy plot onto him. It’s almost as though improbable melodrama is the only thing they know how to do. Along the way they managed to turn Wiggum into something even whinier and duller than their endlessly heartbroken Moe. In terms of sheer character destruction, that’s pretty impressive.
Then there was the Bart plot, which, uh, I don’t even really know what that was. Much like last week’s little ant farm side show, it had neither an ending nor a conflict. It was just sort of there for a little while, until it wasn’t. The scene in Bart’s room was so flat, humorless, and anti-climactic that it took me a second to realize that it was the ending.
Anyway, the numbers are in and they’re still awfully bad. Last night’s obliteration of Wiggum seared itself onto 5.93 million pairs of eyeballs. That’s up slightly from recent weeks, but still low enough for 10th worst all time. It’s now the fifth week in a row that Zombie Simpsons has scored in the bottom 10. Or, to put it another way, the last five Zombie Simpsons episodes are all among the ten lowest rated in the show’s 21 year history. Oh, and to add insult to injury, a rerun of Family Guy did better than a first run Zombie Simpsons.
14
Feb
10
Quote of the Day
“Bah! This is just another Hallmark Holiday cooked up to sell cards.” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
“Awww, a Valentine from my granddaughter.” – Jasper
“Can I have the envelope?” – Abe “Grandpa” Simpson
“Poor Ralph.” – Lisa Simpson
Bitching about Valentine’s Day is almost a pro forma excercise these days (and something of a cottage industry). Basically, people who are in love are made to feel bad because their relationships don’t live up to the ideal, and people who are not in love are made to feel bad for being alone. Of course, making people feel bad to get them to spend money is pretty much the whole point. But I don’t actually care about any of that because I am an ugly and hate filled man. Now, for the Simpsons part.
In “I Love Lisa”, also known as the Valentine’s Day episode, Ralph falls hard for Lisa after she gives him a Valentine’s Day card out of pity. (One suspects that pity is going to be a recurring theme in Ralph Wiggum’s love life.) I was always slightly bothered by that scene because at my school when we did pointless busy work by making Valentines mailboxes and giving out cards we were required to bring a card for every person in the class. (I don’t know if this policy was the norm or not, my guess is that once upon a time it wasn’t and now it is.) This prevented Wiggum type situations and managed the neat trick of cheapening an already bankrupt holiday.
It also raises another question. How does one write a Valentine’s Day message to a person one downright loathes? If I wrote what I really thought (“I hate you and I hope you go to hell. Love, Charlie”) I’d get in trouble. The only other option is to lie. It’s a holiday built around an inescapable trap of dishonesty and I always thought that was fitting.
And now, for our own Valentine’s Day humiliation. I’m going to ask for comments and I doubt I’m going to get any because nobody love us/reads this blog. If your school did Valentine’s Day exchanges, were you required to bring one for everybody or was emotional humiliation a possibility?
14
Feb
09
Quote of the Day
“Watch this Lis, you can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.” – Bart Simpson
Most of the Simpsons related commentary I see on-line sucks balls because most of it revolves around Zombie Simpsons, which sucks balls. However, this morning I got a pleasant surprise. Behold this post from a San Francisco Chronicle blog:
“The Simpsons” Season 4, Episode 15, also known as “I Love Lisa,” also known as the Choo-Choo-Choose Me episode. It doesn’t get enough appreciation, but this excellent 1993 show from the creative peak of “The Simpsons” is the “A Charlie Brown Christmas” of Valentine’s Day.
Amen, brother. Amen.
The post then goes through a few crappy on-line links where you can see clips. They can’t say so, but you can always watch it at WTSO, or on Disc 3 of the Season 4 DVDs.
charliesweatpants.com
(The crotch really does wear out too fast.)
The Mob Has Spoken