“People of Springfield! I don’t know quite how to say this…” – Lisa Simpson
“Don’t be shy, little girl! Think of Jebediah and the words’ll come.” – Mrs. Glick
“I did a lot of research on Jebediah Springfield and…” – Lisa Simpson
“I think I can pick her off.” – Sniper
“Wait, let’s see what she has to say.” – Mayor Quimby
Posts Tagged ‘Lisa the Iconoclast
“What would you say if I told you that Jebediah Springfield wasn’t as great as he’s cracked up to be? Look: Jebediah was really a vicious pirate named Hans Sprungfeld. His tongue was bitten off by a Turk in a grog house fight!” – Lisa Simpson
“Now, Lisa, when you see there’s no silver tongue in there, will you stop trying to ruin Jebediah’s reputation?” – Mayor Quimby
“Yes.” – Lisa Simpson
“What do we win if the tongue is there?” – Homer Simpson
“Credibility.” – Mayor Quimby
“Aww, what a gyp.” – Homer Simpson
“Is everything okay? Â You look a bit flushed.” – Hollis Hurlbut
“Oh, it’s just the excitement of studying Jebediah.” – Lisa Simpson
“Sounds like you’ve come down with a serious case of Jebeditis.” – Hollis Hurlbut
“Just when I was getting over my Chester A. Arthritis.” – Lisa Simpson
“Haha . . . did, you had arthritis?” – Hollis Hurlbut
“Um . . . no.” – Lisa Simpson
“Town Crier, I’d like to ask you a few questions. Â One, where’s the fife? Â And two, gimme the fife.” – Homer Simpson
“Hey, stop! Â I’ve got nothing but respect for the office of Town Crier, but this is well outside your jurisdiction!” – Hollis Hurlbut
“This case holds our most treasured exhibit, objects owned and used by Jebediah. Â Here’s his fife, upon which he sounded the sweet note of freedom, his hatchet with which he hacked at the chains of oppression, and his . . . chamber pot.” – Hollis Hurlbut
William Dawes (left) and Samuel Otis (right), images yoinked from respective Wikipedia articles.
âYou know, some historians consider Jebediah Springfield a minor patriot. But I think youâll fine heâs easily the equal of William Dawes or even Samuel Otis.â â Hollis Hurlbut
âYou are tampering with forces you canât understand. We have major corporations sponsoring this event.â â Mayor Quimby
âI hope you know youâre sponsoring a celebration for a murderous pirate.â â Lisa Simpson
âA pirate? Well, thatâs hardly the image we want for Long John Silverâs!â â Corporate Guy
âQuestion: Is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron?â â Comic Book Guy
âNo, itâs Homer.â â Homer Simpson
âThen I will thank you to stop peering at my screenplay, Homer. And if I see a movie where computers threaten our personal liberties, I will know that you stole my idea.â â Comic Book Guy
âIâm just waiting for my kid.â â Homer Simpson
âMental note, steal his idea.â â Homerâs Brain
âTo celebrate our bicentennial, all twenty of you will write an essay about Jebediah Springfield; and the best eighteen will be put on file in the school library, available to anyone who requests them.â â Miss Hoover
Quite a few people took to their keyboards this week, producing thoughtful and well written tracts about various topics from Poochie to âBart the Geniusâ and the slippery nature of hero worship. On top of that, weâve got lots of usage, an old story from Sam Simon, a couple of fan made drawings, two links to upcoming crappy merchandise, and a solicitation for people who can do Marge and Lisa impressions.
Enjoy.
Exclusive: "Simpsons" Co-Creator Sam Simon On The Show’s History With Gambling In "All In: The Poker Movie" â Smooth Charlieâs Link of the Week is this clip from a new poker documentary. Itâs part of an interview with Simon where he talks about how real sports handicappers complimented him on âLisa the Greekâ as a show that, unlike the rest of teevee, was credibly written by degenerate gamblers. Apparently, at some special screening, they used to change the voices for whichever teams were in the Super Bowl that year. Lisa was right three straight years before they stopped.
Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company Presents MR. BURNS, A POST-ELECTRIC PLAY, 5/28-7/1 â That play about people recreating society through The Simpsons after the apocalypse is finally premiering in Washington, D.C. at the end of May. It runs through July.
âItchy and Scratchy and Poochie:â Totally in your face â An appreciation of Poochie.
A Reflection on Hero-Worship â As usual, The Simpsons shows the way:
Though we no longer tend to engage in the open power worship of a Carlyle, we yet have a need to make heroes. If one was to make a massive generalization, the Victorian era was the time of power worship and the late 20th/ early 21st century is that of victim worship. The wittiest and most succinct illustration of this I can recall, and one that often reoccurs to me when I witness the phenomenon, is from an early episode of The Simpsons:
Homer: That Timmy is a real hero!
Lisa: How do you mean, Dad?
Homer: Well, he fell down a well, and⊠he canât get out.
Lisa: How does that make him a hero?
Homer: Well, thatâs more than you did!
Excellent usage.
15 Big Little Things You Can Do in 15 Minutes â Excellent usage:
6. Complain/get angry. When Homer Simpson went to purchase a gun and was told that there was a mandatory five-day waiting period, he yelled in protest, âFive days? But Iâm mad now!â
Branson Invites You to "Come On Down" â Moderate usage:
Branson, Missouri, once described by Homer Simpson as being like "Las Vegas if it were run by Ned Flanders" is actually getting an injection of genuine Vegas glitz. No, not the Spearmint Rhino — it’s Branson, remember — the Las Vegas stage version of "The Price Is Right Live" will open in Branson this July.
Bart recounts Homerâs description as âMy Dad says itâs like Vegas, if it were run by Ned Flanders.â More importantly, thereâs a stage version of âThe Price Is Rightâ? Heaven help us.
HOMER SIMPSON CANVAS PAINTING â Live in Queensland, Australia? This cool fan made Homer painting can be yours for only $30. I like the drool and the hammock, but since when does Homer read books?
Angry Birds Space adds ten levels â Simpsons could be next â Oh good, another tie in.
Former producer speaks of his humble beginnings â Simpsons alum Joseph Boucher gave a talk at Cal State Fullerton. Not much fresh information here, but plenty of encouragement for anyone wanting to get into animation.
Simpsons â McBain, These are Loafers â Iâve always liked the way Wolfcastle just bends straight over and stares right at his shoes.
Talkinâ Softball â Baseball seasonâs started, and someone put up a new copy of the song on YouTube. Thereâs also this:
I have a fairly short list of âfavourite thingsâ.
- Baseball
- The Simpsons
- Beer
- Freinds & Family
- Playing Guitar
- Animals
- Eating Food
But Iâm lucky because most of these things mix very well together:
- Baseball (watching it, anyway) + Beer
- Family & Friends + Beer
- Beer + Eating Food + (with) Friends and Family
- The Simpsons + Friends and Family (watching it together)
- Playing Guitar + Beer
- Simpsons + Baseball
âSimpsons + Baseballâ? Iâm intrigued. Iâve always wanted to try playing a real a Simpsons rules softball game, but where would you find a park that would let you set up a keg at first base?
NFL.com news: Five takeaways from Seahawks’ pre-draft presser â The Seahawks GM apparently lapsed into a Homer impression during a press conference. Sadly, no video.
Fox at 25 & Growing Up With The Simpsons â Thereâs some Zombie Simpsons in here, but I do enjoy this:
I was living in Canada during those years, the â90s, and I remember having this English teacher who, as far as I could tell, didnât really teach us much, but would stand at her podium, lecturing us about the ills of the world. She would fill us in on the details of the war in Kosovo, denounce America as a nation of gun-toting buffoons, andâfrequentlyâget into a tizzy about how awful The Simpsons was. âCompletely inappropriate for children,â âracist,â and sexistâ were a few of the charges she levied against the showâand, in her criticism, she wasnât too far removed from the showâs detractors in authoritarian China and Venezuela, and its critics in the United States, a country that she hated so much (Iâm sure the writers of The Simpsons would have found a delicious irony in this). At the time, I reasoned that if someone like thatâmy teacherâhated the show so much, then it must be even better than I realized.
My teachers hated The Simpsons, which, of course, just made us love it all the more. Ah, memories.
Foxâs 25th Anniversary SpecialâŠIn 10 Words â And we canât watch FOX because they own those chemical weapons plants in Syria.
Happy National Pretzel Day; AKA A Dark Day For Baseball â YouTube of exactly what you think it is.
#16: Margetini â A fan made sketch of Marge as a martini. Thatâs all well and good, but whatâs in it?
Simpsons Sums Up: The Vampire Diaries â Again, Iâm taking Lennyâs word for this, but that guy on the bottom is smashingly handsome.
What it pays to teach your kids â Excellent usage:
If you’ve seen the episode, you’ll recall Homer Simpson’s devastation as he pulls from under a bed not the last peanut he was searching for – ”overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers” – but a $20 bill. Until, that is, he remembers ”money can be exchanged for goods and services”, so $20 can buy many peanuts.
Doctor Robotnik Meets His Match, Sort Of â I chuckled.
Voice Over/Impressionists – Seeking Lisa Simpson and Marge Simpson â A New York area Craigslist posting:
Seeking VO artists or impressionists who can do a great Lisa and/or Marge Simpson impression. We need a small number of lines recorded in their likeness for a proposal project.
Good luck, those are not easily duplicated voices.
HAHA ! I WIN! â Animated .gif of Homer taunting Marge with her own affection from âLisaâs Ponyâ.
It Happened to YOUUUUUU â A Radiohead infused illustration of Grampaâs âItâll happen to youâ quote.
Which MBTI type are the characters from The Simpsons? â A Myers-Briggs list of Simpsons characters.
Simpsons â Homer âWhoop whoop whoopâ walk (gif) â Just what it says it is.
Four Nights Of A Dreamer (Quatre nuits dâun rĂȘveur) â Allow me to help:
Throughout the film, there are several instances of brilliant philosophical dialogue. The most important of these, insofar as it sets a framework for the film and, simultaneously, reflects on Bressonâs aesthetic tendencies, is the conversation between Jacques (Guilliaume des Forets) and his artist friend. They speak about what I â and several distinguished writers, including Noel Carroll â now consider a fundamental truth in the appreciation of artwork: what matters isnât what is there, but what isnât. For example, with a painting, art arises from the spaces between the lines â what is not shown â rather than what is physically evident. Even the Simpsons understood this. In an episode I cannot quite recall, Lisa tells Bart to listen to the notes âthey are not playingâ. In just the same way, itâs the space that is created that instills art.
I believe this is what youâre looking for:
âSounds like sheâs hitting a baby with a cat.â â Jazz Prick
âYou have to listen to the notes sheâs not playing.â â Lisa Simpson
âI can do that at home.â â Jazz Prick
How Working in a Warehouse Feels While Using an MP3 Player â Animated .gif of The Anvil.
The Forbes Fictional 15 â Itâs that time of year again. Bereft of any decent ideas, Forbes has once again made up a list of the richest fictional characters. This year Burns comes in at #13.
Rubies adds The Simpsons â Some company Iâve never heard of got a license to sell adult Simpsons costumes in Europe. As usual, the marketspeak is knee deep:
Carl Lumbard from Fox Consumer Products has commented: âA key component of the success of The Simpsons has been the appeal, fun nature and recognisable appearance of the iconic yellow characters. Rubies have done a terrific job creating costumes based on the characters from the show which promises to bring a whole lot of pleasure to Halloween and dress up parties everywhere.â
Media and licensing manager at Rubies, Holly Oldham, has said: âAs costume designers and manufacturers The Simpsons is a dream property. We have absolutely no doubt that Homer, Marge, Bart and Krusty will rank amongst our best selling costumes and we hope that this is the start of a long and very successful relationship with FCP EMEA.â
âbring a whole lot of pleasure to Halloween and dress up parties everywhereâ? Jebus.
Snapshot: Juan Mata Buys David Luiz âSideshow Bobâ Birthday Cake â Pretty much what it says. Iâm impressed that they got Bobâs hair like that.
Omer Counting in the Digital Age â Modern technology, The Simpsons, and homophonic pronunciation come together to help Jews count the days after Passover.
The Simpsons, Season 1, Episode 2: âBart the Geniusâ â And finally, our last long read of the day is another person embarking on a rewatching of the show. (Hereâs the first one, which I somehow missed.) I especially like this:
Itâs not hammered in by the plot really, but watching this again I was a bit depressed by the implication that a ten year old boy is fully aware that his fatherâs love for him is totally conditional. Even more depressing is that Bart is absolutely correct. Once he inevitably confesses out of guilt driven how Homer has been doting over him, Homer curses him and chases him through the house, causing Lisa to grimly comment to Marge that things really are back to normal. Who knew that the âreset the status quoâ nature of the sitcom could be used to put a bit of tragedy into the proceedings?
That was one of the things that was so great about the show. Their status quo sucked. Naturally, that essential misery is almost totally lacking from Zombie Simpsons.
âThis celebration is a sham, and itâs all my fault.â â Hollis Hurlbut
If anyone out there was worried that Zombie Simpsons might have taken time over the summer to sharpen its rusty stories or tighten its blundering dialogue, last nightâs clumsy splatter-fest should put their mind at ease. I suppose we can give them points for consistency, but thatâs about it. In a mere twenty minutes they told a hopelessly stupid ten minute story and filled the enormous gaps around it with their favorite kinds of filler material. There was a pointless celebrity cameo voicing himself. There were untethered non-sequiturs of the flash-forward, flash-backward and dream scene variety. And there were several âactionâ sequences so bereft of narrative or action that they had to slow the passage of time to drag them out long enough to get to the credits. I know it was the season premier, but they were in mid-season form last night. After all, nothing says âwell writtenâ like cutting to a previously unknown Ukrainian mob boss two thirds of the way through the episode.
As for that ten minute story itself, there actually was the germ of a decent episode somewhere in there. Making fun of 24 isnât exactly hard to do (though Zombie Simpsons did manage to blow it a few years ago), but taking Jack Bauer, the trigger happy scream prone lunatic, and having some fun with his uncomfortable retirement isnât an inherently fucked idea. The bad ass dude who has to deal with normal life isnât the worldâs most original premise (see: here and here), but it is a decent âfish out of waterâ setup.
Unfortunately, that wasnât at all what Zombie Simpsons did. Instead of having some fun with Bauer-deals-with-retirement, they just had him still be Bauer, which is neither creative nor funny. Worse, they spent a great deal of the episode with origin story type flashbacks that didnât tell us anything we didnât already know, but did eat up a healthy chunk of screen time. So instead of jokes or comedy we were treated to a lot of suspenseful music while cartoons pretended to fight one another.
Anyway, the numbers are in and they are acceptably bad. Last nightâs punchless 24 rehash was viewed by a mere 7.91 million people. Thatâs a slight improvement over the Season 22 premier (though both are well below the Season 21 premier), but last night had the advantage of a late national football game leading into it. (Season 22 didnât.) Football hangover would also help explain why Zombie Simpsons managed to best Family Guy (7.26 million), which basically never happens. So weâve got an encouraging start to this yearâs ratings disaster, with even an NFL boost still resulting in a lame number. Next week FOX doesnât have a late national game and itâll be interesting to see if Family Guy pulls ahead like it usually does. Assuming it does, Zombie Simpsons should be in for another record low season.
The Mob Has Spoken