Posts Tagged ‘Teenage Mutant Milk-caused Hurdles


Behind Us Forever: Teenage Mutant Milk-caused Hurdles

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish13

“Now, come on, you’re going to learn how to shave.” – Homer Simpson

I completely didn’t realize there was a new episode last week.  Ignorance is truly bliss.  This week, Homer goes to the store to buy milk, and ends up getting a new kind that pushes both of his kids into early onset puberty, which basically means zits for Lisa and a mustache for Bart.  Meanwhile, there’s a new, hot teacher at the school and Bart and Skinner compete with each other for her attention.  If it was coherent in the least it’d be weird, instead it’s just the usual Zombie Simpsons mess.

– La-Z Rider couch gag was kinda fun, and sucked a minute and a half out of the episode. Good for it.

– We open on thirty seconds of chaos in the classroom while Willie reads poetry. For the record, that’s 10% of the show gone and not a single word written by the staff. This might be the best episode of the season.

– Nevermind. Willie just pre-explained a vaping joke.

– The new teacher is a cool army vet. Bart’s inner monologue is explaining to us how he’s feeling about this.

– Homer is driving now and singing that he has a legal BAC. Then he passes Wiggum, who says, “I like it when the drivers sing their blood alcohol level”. It’s not enough for them to (repeatedly) tell us what we’re seeing, now they’re telling us they like doing it.

– Case in point: Homer just said, “Woo-hoo, I’m running a basic errand.”

– Apu and Homer are discussing fancy milk. Apu then tells us we’re about to watch a video. Guess what happens next? Go on. Guess.


– The video took forty seconds.

– Homer, Bart and Marge are in the kitchen acting surprised that Bart’s hair is combed. Homer then narrates and explains a sign gag before asking Bart to restate the plot about his cool new teacher.

– Still in the kitchen. Still restating the teacher plot.

– Bart’s hanging out with the new teacher by telling us about things we didn’t see. Novel.

– Montage!

– Skinner just appeared out of nowhere, and we got everything explained out loud again by Skinner’s brain, Bart’s brain, and then the new teacher’s brain.

– Lisa and Bart are both starting puberty apparently, so their natural, child like reaction is to run into their parents room and exposit about it.

– Marge says, “I just read about it in Thing magazine.” Then she holds up the magazine.

– Homer is teaching Bart to shave. Huh. Never seen that before.

– It’s apparently recess, and Skinner is expositing as a way of hitting on the new teacher.

– Lisa is wearing makeup now to cover up her new acne. This leads to more inner monologue exposition, which is apparently this week’s theme: “Oh, my God. I’m popular. Hope this doesn’t go to my head. It went right to my head!”

– Bart’s getting tutored by the new teacher, so Skinner walks in from nowhere to continue their pointless romantic rivalry.

– The milk puberty plot is rolling along in the kitchen again. Much explaining.

– Oof. So Homer calls the milk hotline, which Snake picks up in jail. Snake then carves the address into some guy’s head. It sucks when they repeat themselves. It sucks more when they repeat Family Guy.

– Having caught Skinner making out with the new teacher in the hallways (you know, cause it’s a school), Bart just walks into Skinner’s office. Skinner then explains how he’s dating the teacher. Also, Bart’s mustache looks weird.


It looks like a barnacle.  

– Aaaand now we’re back in the hall where Skinner is talking to the new teacher, and Bart signs for a delivery of “Pets” after expositing that he needs a way to derail Skinner’s happiness.

– I may be having an embolism, but I actually think this episode is getting worse. Skinner and the new teacher are making out in the teacher’s lounge. Then Skinner opens a box of chocolates that contains a bunch of animals who promptly disappear. Skinner then explains that they’ve been pranked, which causes Willy to materialize out of no where to plot revenge.

– Lisa is now at a party for popular kids and think expositing again. Then she gets on a table and starts explaining things, causing a voice from off screen to yell, “Is there a point to this?”. Good on you, voice from off screen.

– Lisa’s skin, it turns out, is fine because, as she helpfully explained to us, “the bad milk wore off”.

– Ralph pops out of nowhere and Lisa acts like she’s never met him.

– Bart is in his room still plotting revenge. Lisa then appears to restate the plot again, just in case we in the audience didn’t remember the last five times they explained it.

– Skinner and the teacher are at a skating rink. Bart is also there because reasons.

– Skinner’s mother then appears to break up his relationship, then Bart and Milhouse and Skinner go hang out and roast marshmallows.  Didn’t see that coming.

– And we end on Bart and Lisa fighting in the kitchen before Maggie picks them both up and Homer explains that she can do that because she’s still drinking the milk. That’s right, they actually ended the episode with Homer expositing a joke. Points for consistency, I guess.

The NFL ran long yesterday, so primetime didn’t even start until 8:20 on FOX and the numbers are currently a mess, but the first pass has them at 6.44 million.  The final ones will be higher than normal because they always are after playoff football, but that’s pretty week considering.  Last week, even with an NFL lead-in, Zombie Simpsons was watched by just 4.42 million people.


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