Posts Tagged ‘The Springfield Files

30
Jun
17

Quote of the Day

“Yo, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer?” – Bart Simpson
“Now, son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddys and kids with fake I.D.s.” – Homer Simpson

12
Jan
17

Quote of the Day

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“I just torched a building downtown and I’m afraid I’ll do it again!” – Arsonist
“Oh, yeah, right. I’ll just type it up on my invisible typewriter.” – Chief Wiggum

21
Oct
16

Behind Us Forever: Treehouse of Horror XXVII

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“No! No, let me explain! Every Friday evening after work Mr. Burns undergoes a series of medical treatments designed to cheat death for another week.” – Mr. Smithers 

I’ve been staying with friends in Arlington, VA this week and doing the D.C. tourist thing in Our Nation’s Capital while a constant loop of “Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington” plays inside my head (with a side order of “Amendment to Be“). That left watching another lifeless Zombie Simpsons Halloween special pretty low on my priority list. But watch it I did, and it was, well, lifeless.

At the risk of repeating myself, the attention span of Zombie Simpsons has grown so short that they can’t even write coherent 6-7 minute segments. Like several previous Halloween episodes, this one was atomized even further, starting with an opening sketch with fan service ghosts, then going into a long couch gag that was a parody of Planet of the Apes called “Planet of the Couches” (<- creative!). After that they did their three main segments before ending with a 600th episode montage that made me pine for the days when they refused to celebrate meaningless milestones.

The first segment was a Hunger Games/Mad Max 4 mashup where Burns somehow had taken all the water. Here’s a typically brainless scene:

Lisa: Oh, God, me and my big mouth.
Marge: Ooh, I just donated the winter clothes.
Ralph: I’m a god in this reality.
Lisa: Sure, why not?

After that was an exposition heavy segment where Lisa’s imaginary best friend kills a bunch of people. Remember that line from “Hell Toupee” where Lisa exclaims, “Of course, the transplant! Somehow Snake’s hair must be controlling…” and then Marge cuts her off because everyone’s already figured that out? This segment was an extended exercise in ignoring that. Observe:

Imaginary Best Friend: Hey, Lisa, let’s gossip about boys. Isn’t Milhouse so cute? Oh, of course, he suffocated.
Lisa: My Mom was so right when she said I didn’t need you anymore.
Imaginary Best Friend: Oh, I see, so nosy old Marge was the reason you moved on from me.
Lisa: Oh, no, she’ll kill Mom! What do I do?

Finally there was a Kingsman thing where Moe is secretly running a spy agency out of the bar. Homer is some kind of villain, a lot of it is a weird action sequence that kills a lot of time by killing a lot of people, and then it ends for no apparent reason. As usual, about half the dialogue is them explaining what we’re seeing, but I think I’ve quoted this thing enough.

Anyway, the ratings are long since in and they remain bad even when they’re good. On Sunday, Zombie Simpsons managed to pull 7.44 million viewers, by far their highest since last January when they had playoff football as a lead-in. Unfortunately, since the post-game show had 15.38 million viewers, they once again managed to lose more than 50% of their NFL lead-in.

15
Jul
16

Quote of the Day

Hello

“Thank God, it’s Friday.” – Dr. Hibbert
“Hello?  Hello?” – Hans Moleman

12
Jan
16

Quote of the Day

The Springfield Files17

“Mr. Simpson, look at this lineup and tell us if any of these are the aliens you saw.” – Agent Scully
“Yo!” – ALF
“No, I’m sorry.” – Homer Simpson

17
Jul
15

Reading Digest: Contradictory Beer Edition

RedTickBeer

“Here you go, Red Tick Beer.” – Moe
“Hmm, bold, refreshing, and something I can’t quite put my finger on.” – Homer Simpson
“Needs more dog.” – Red Tick Brewmaster

This week FOX announced that Chile would be getting a real life Duff variant, apparently prompted by unlicensed (and, one assumes highly popular) versions that were already on sale.  This is amusing in a “merchandising rules everything around me, get the money, dolla dolla bill ya’ll” kind of way, but it seems awfully contradictory.  Duff is supposed to be crappy beer that only a swine would drink, but presumably if they’re spending the money to actually make it, they won’t just turn it into the disgusting Budweiser/Miller clone it was meant to be.  So it’s going to be beer that’s good to drink but inauthentic to the show, or it’ll be crappy beer that’s hard to drink but true to the source material.  Either way we can complain, so I guess it’s win-win.

In addition to that, we’ve got yet more high fashion Simpsons clothing, more love for Lisa, a couple of people who agree with us, street art/advertising, and the video realization of that long simmering Bartkira project.

Enjoy.

The Principal and the Pauper: Worst Episode Ever – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this thoughtful dive into the most infamous episode in the show’s history.  This has always been one of the more grating aspects of that episode:

Beyond the ret-con of Skinner’s experience in Vietnam, it just doesn’t fit with the man we’ve seen in the show to that point. Skinner, in the Principal and the Pauper, is a chancer. Deep down, despite his bursts of cynicism (”come on Edna, we both know these children have no future!”) there’s the sense he cares for the kids, for the school and for his job. As shown in the Sweet Seymour Skinner’s Badaaasss Song, or even at the end of the The Boy Who Knew Too Much, he’s essentially a boring, sweet man. Yes, he may arbitrary, and is slowly being crushed by the system, and specifically Supernintendo Chalmers, but there is a goodness, and, dare I say it, an authenticity to the character.

Mmm … Real Duff Beer From The Simpsons – A licensed version of Duff is coming to Chile.  This will apparently be different than the Duff they’re selling at the theme parks since they’re consulting with a “brewmaster”.  If legal Duff spreads, will each country get its own brew?  That would actually be pretty cool.

Simpsons street art in Texas – They even got the spelling right.  Bravo, Houston not quite comedy club.

Bartkira the Animated Trailer – This was making the rounds last week and is really well done.  I have no idea how serious they are about actually doing the whole thing, but I’d sure watch it.

El Barto – And speaking of Bartkira, here’s some storyboard sketches.

6 exceptional artwork inspired by A Clockwork Orange – A couple of drawings of Bart, Milhouse, Nelson and Ralph as the gang.

Blood Feud | You Don’t Win Friends With Simpsons – This always gets me:

Bart: How did the lion get rich?

Homer: It was the olden days.

Mounties, baseball and The Simpsons find way into new book, Strange Saskatchewan – Apparently Matt Groening’s father was Canadian:

For other examples of the curious or fascinating, take the story about the stagecoach robber whose conscience got the better of him, causing him to return his victims’ money and split a bottle of whisky with them. Or the legend that, in 1915, the wheat crop was so dense that farmers could walk across it. Or the fact Matt Groening’s father — on whom Homer Simpson is loosely based — is from Saskatchewan.

Billy and the cloneasaurus – Nice Cloneasaurus graphic.

The Simpsons: Everything you need to know from Comic-Con in our live blog – Lots of Zombie Simpsons news, if that’s your thing.

SDCC 2015: ‘The Simpsons’ Panel And Q & A – Video of same, if that’s your thing.

Yo Man! – Ye olde Simpsons button.

Alf Clausen: 40 Years of Music From “The Carol Burnett Show” to “The Simpsons” – A series of interviews with Clausen (via @simpsonology).

Eye On Springfield with Jason Cantu of Slaves BC – Best Flanders shirt ever.

Smartline – Some excellent Simpsons/album cover t-shirts.

‘The Simpsons’: 8 Fascinating Facts About ‘Marge Vs. The Monorail’ – Just what it says.  Nothing really new, but there’s a .gif of Wiggum watching the train go.

10 Lisa-Centric ‘Simpsons’ Episodes – Just that, happily there’s no Zombie Simpsons.

Threads | The Simpsons X Neff Collection – More fashionable Simpsons clothing.  This stuff must really sell.

Adorable ’90s Pop Culture-Inspired Lip Art – The first one is Homer, and it’s pretty neat.  The second one is the Cheshire Cat from the 1951 version of Alice in Wonderland, so I’m not sure how that qualifies as “’90s”.

There was a Family Guy/The Simpsons crossover and everyone thought it was a bit weird – The U.K. seemed to have as generally low an opinion of the crossover as the U.S. did.

Why Lisa Simpson Is An Awesome Feminist – Starting with Lisa, dressed as a Movementarian, shouting about the whole system being out of order was an excellent choice.

Daily Drawing 175 – Wonderfully creepy fan sketch of evil looking Marge, Krusty and Bart.

Rhymes of History Technology – A look at fictional picture phones, including the rotary version in “Lisa’s Wedding”.

We Talked to Cypress Hill’s Sen Dog About Ending the Simpsons and Getting Hella High with Snoop Dogg – This would almost certainly be better than whatever fizzle they eventually produce:

If you had to end the show, how would you do it? 
End? That’s unthinkable. I’d never make the Simpsons end. If I had to, though, the last scene would be Homer and Marge… getting stoned with Cypress Hill.

Running Away From Home: Central Park (NYC) – Being famous sucks:

Running in Central Park is so awesome even famous people do it! On our way back toward Columbus Circle, my wife and I saw actor Hank Azaria as he jogged through the park. He and I sort of made eye contact, in all likelihood because he noticed me looking at him as I was trying to figure out, “Is that Hank Azaria?”

My 5 Favourite Lisa Simpsons Episodes – An excellent list with nothing from Zombie Simpsons.

Is it Time Yet?? – A .gif of Homer’s stomach rumble from “Homerpalooza”.

The best of Groundskeeper Willie – Willie hears ya, Willie don’t care.

Cruelty towards hogs raise questions about pork – Excellent YouTube usage:

Lisa Simpson, arguably television’s foremost vegetarian, once tried to explain to her father that bacon, ham, pork chops all come from the same animal. “Oh right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal,” Homer retorts.

TV Pick of the Day – “Homer the Great” remains great.

Fashion Spotlight: All characters must die!, Gotta Train Em All!, and Dragon Peanuts – Arya Stark as Bart writing her names on a chalkboard.

The Simpsons Season 26 – And finally, I get to end with someone who agrees with us:

Weakest season of all. I can count the funny bits on one hand. Cought myself saying ‘really?’ almost every week.

Luckily, some weeks they don’t have new ones.

04
Mar
15

Yes, 1980s Teevee Was That Bad

ABCComedies

“Alright!  It’s time for ABC’s TGIF lineup!” – Lisa Simpson
“Lis, when you get a little older, you’ll learn that Friday’s just another day between NBC’s Must See Thursday and CBS’s Saturday night craporama.” – Bart Simpson

This morning, Al Jean retweeted this horrifying YouTube copy of ABC’s network promo for the 1982-83 season:

It’s eighteen minutes long and isn’t worth watching in full, but starting at the 7:15 mark you can see three of their new comedies.  Two are family sitcoms.  The first, “Star of the Family”, starred Brian Dennehy as the dad.  Here’s the IMDb summary:

Fire Captain Buddy Krebs’ 16-year-old daughter Jennie Lee begins getting show-business offers because of her singing talents in the country/pop genre. This scares Buddy because he does not want his daughter to grow up too fast. Adding to his troubles, are (1) his wife runs off with a bellhop, (2) his 17-year-old son has muscle instead of brains in his head, (3) his crew down at the firehouse are “strange”: Feldmand tells his mother he is a doctor instead of a fireman, Rosetti has only sex on the brain and Max, a Hispanic, speaks fractured English. Finally, his daughter signs with a manager named Moose; the name fits the description of the woman.

Two precocious kids and a wacky fire station with an ethnic!  Millions of dollars were spent to create that.  It lasted ten episodes.

The second family comedy, “It Takes Two”, is just as bad:

Sam and Molly Quinn are two hard working career people just too busy with their careers (him a doctor and she a lawyer) to pay attention to each other or their teenage children.

That one made it a full twenty-two episodes but, you’ll be unsurprised to learn, did not get a second season.

Finally we come to “The New Odd Couple“, which is two black dudes who are opposites instead of two white dudes who are opposites.  It was a remake of a series that was itself a remake of a movie which was an adaptation of a play.  Creative!  It lasted eighteen episodes.

Stuff like this is why I described 1980s American television as a “terrible world“.  NBC and CBS were making shows just as bad and just as repetitive, and year in, year out, those three crappy channels were it.  No cable.  No satellite.  No internet.  Thank Jebus The Simpsons destroyed these so thoroughly that “family sitcoms” never recovered.




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