Posts Tagged ‘The War of the Simpsons


Quote of the Day

The War of the Simpsons6

“Grampa, could you do something?” – Marge Simpson
“I can dress myself.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson


Quote of the Day

The War of the Simpsons5

“I’m going to church alone today.  You’re going to stay here and explain to Bart why you scarred him for life.” – Marge Simpson
“No I didn’t!  I – oh, you mean inside, don’t you?” – Homer Simpson

Happy 20th anniversary to “The War of the Simpsons”.  Original airdate 2 May 1991.  Somewhere out there, General Sherman still lurks. 


Reading Digest: Anti-Zombie Simpsons Lists Edition

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“Grampa, Mom was in such a hurry she forgot to give you this.  It’s a list of the things Lisa and I can and can’t do.” – Bart Simpson
“Eh heh . . . uh huh . . . you’re allowed to smoke cigars?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

Regular readers will know that we’re not big on lists around here.  It’s not that lists in general are bad, it’s just that I don’t think top/bottom ten/fifteen/hundred/what have you really applies to The Simpsons or to Zombie Simpsons.  In the former there are too many great episodes, in the latter there are too many that are indistinguishably bland and pointless.  None of that, however, means that we don’t link to lists around here, and this week we have two awesome regular lists and one podcast that sort of has a list.  There’s also the planning stages of a sweet looking gingerbread house, plenty of YouTube, Harry Shearer’s take on the BP disaster, another Simpsons inspired tattoo, and some excellent usage.  As always, feel free to post anything else Simpsons related in comments (self promotional linking is perfectly cromulent).


Top 10: Simpsons Episodes – This is Smooth Charlie’s Click of the Week, not only for being a list that doesn’t include any Zombie Simpsons, but also for the excellent anti-Zombie Simpsons introduction.  Here’s a taste:

Any show that has been on television for 20-plus years is going to turn bad at some point, and while many fans may disagree with me, I personally find that point to be at the conclusion of its eighth, and greatest season. There are some highlights in Seasons 9 and 10. There are none, that I’ve seen, after that.  [Ed. note:  this is 100% unadulterated fact]

That editor’s note is in the original, by the way. 

The Simpsons – The planning stage for a Simpsons gingerbread house, including a nice picture of the blueprints.  Good luck! 

Cartoons of the 90s For Kids or Adults? – I’m not sure if this is a gossip column or an advice column, and I wouldn’t bother reading the text if I were you.  But the picture of a guy in a Homer suit about to turn something off is kinda funny.  Kinda.

. – Marge, It’s 3am . . . (The title is just that period, sorry.)

Nostalgia! – This link contains links to a five part Top 15 from back in 2007 (also, flagrant false advertising).  It is very detailed, with lots of quotes and screen grabs.  The only double digit episode is “Behind the Laughter”, which really really should’ve been the series finale and is much better than almost everything else in Season 11. 

Iain Morrison: Problems Dan Parks can’t kick away – I don’t know anything about rugby, but this is excellent usage:

In one of his more lucid insights into the human condition Homer Simpson once declared: "Beer, the cause of, and the solution to, all of life’s problems".

For "beer" read Dan Parks and you get some idea of the conundrum facing Andy Robinson after three EMC autumn internationals. The Australian playmaker is the crux of Scotland’s recent run of excellence (overlooking the All Blacks fiasco) and he is at the heart of Scotland’s woes.

It’s slightly misquoted (it’s “to alcohol”, not “beer”) but, for as many times as this quote gets used, rarely does it apply so well, so it’s still excellent usage.

Bart Simpson Cake!! – It looks more like a regular (albeit awesome looking) cake with Homer and Marge on top, but whatever.  It’s still neat and, judging by the background, someone ordered it for a big party, so huzzah for that. 

Homer Junior High School – In the little town of Homer, NY, there is a Homer Junior High, or HoJu. 

Satirist and New Orleans resident Harry Shearer talks about the Gulf oil spill and more – An audio interview with Harry Shearer about his New Orleans movie.  As usual, Shearer is funny and biting, though most of the interview is about the BP spill not Katrina. 

The 3 Biggest TV Mysteries of Our Childhoods – You can probably guess which is #1. 

Atlas Summer: Part III: Chapter I: Atlantis – It’s not hard to poke holes in Atlas Shrugged, but it takes style to do it with Simpsons YouTube:

There’s the fact that Rand creates a frictionless plane of Objectivist society: a society peopled entirely by genuises in every conceivable discipline, all of them completely committed to the same ideology, a near autarkical economy, and not a looter or hobo to be found for miles, and she STILL needs to invoke a magical power source to make the thing viable.













Unless Lisa Simpson moves to Galt’s Gulch, those dudes are SOL.

Zombie Flanders – What the hell, how about some more YouTube:













Skip The Mall: 10 indie retailers in Ferndale for your holiday gift-buying pleasure – Unless you’re planning on doing some shopping in and around Detroit you don’t need to click.  I just like this as a demonstration of the reach of the show:

American Pop; 175 W. Nine Mile: This shop is indescribably wonderful. Like John Waters’ store on "The Simpsons," this is the place for classic toys, kitschy furniture, and all manner of novelties like robot art, practical jokes, and vintage Coca-Cola products. All while “A Christmas Story” plays on the store TV. American Pop also offers works from local artists and candy.

Tasty tats: Foodies get inked for the love of grub – A tattoo homage to Homer’s love of one magical animal.

An Artful Post: 11/28/2010 – Click for a rather odd but strangely sweet fan sketch of Mr. Burns. 

The Jonah Keri Podcast, Episode 9 – This is mostly about sports (including the Saskatchewan Roughriders!), but towards the end is a nice little Simpsons discussion.  Both guys obviously know the show well, struggle to pick a top three, and are quite certain that things have gone badly downhill. 

Scrabble: A Game of Quones and Kwyjibos – Nothing is immune from the reach of the Simpsons, even descriptions of Scrabble:

And yet if we look at Scrabble’s existence in pop culture we see that this may not be the case; even Homer Simpson plays Scrabble, fat, dumb, balding North American ape that he is.

The Simpsons Game Review for the Nintendo Wii – A video review that’s mostly positive. 

#131; Whatever happened to The Simpsons? – And finally, I get to end the way I like to, with someone who agrees with us:

The Simpsons definitely deserves it’s status as arguably the greatest family on television and the greatest cartoon to be placed on the airwaves but it’s just gone on a bit too long now and it’s shown for far too long. Constant celebrity cameos, poor stories and just a lower quality of entertainment shows the strain constantly. That couch is just waiting to be sat on for good.

Indeed.  Time to sit down. 


Quote of the Day

“I love you… but I must kill you!” – Homer Simpson


Pornography Monday

The War of the Simpsons3“Not those peanuts, the ones at the bottom.” – Homer Simpson

Internet Rule #34 states that if it exists, there will be porn of it.  I’ve known that rule for a long time and so I was utterly unsurprised to find out that there are lots and lots of drawings of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and the rest of Springfield getting it on.  But my lack of surprise doesn’t mean that I’m not impressed by the variety, enthusiasm and sheer imagination of some of these search terms.

homer and marge fucking

marge simpson sucking barts dick

bart and marge porn

lisa simpson fellatio a bart simpson

marge bart fuck

homer fucks lisa


marge simpson fucked stories

bart and milhouse fucking lisa

fucking lisa simpson

marge simpson and bart in bed

lisa simpson sucks homer

marge simpsons boobs

simpson porno

marge and lisa simpson porn

marge simpson fuck homer

the simpsons full frontal

marge anal

marge simpson gets laid

homer fuk bart

marge getting fucked by homer and bart

bart simpson fucking marge in the mouth

millhouse fuking lisa in the butt

bart sucking marges boobs

homer fucks lisa video

bart fucking marge in bed

bart fucks lisa ash hole

homosexual scotland

the simpson marge and milhouse porn

The easy favorite this month has to be the one about Lisa’s “ash hole”.  And no I don’t know how “homosexual scotland” brought us up, but there you go.


But Can I Put a Dead Fly in Them?

Homer Ice Cube Trays

Ironically, regular ice cube trays are much more sanitary.

Want to put Homer’s face in your glass and suck on him until he melts?  Well, now you can.  The order link doesn’t seem to work at the moment though, so you’ll have to maintain the impulse buying urge for longer than usual (via).


The Unrestrained Id of Caffeinated “Comedy” Writers


“Hey everybody, look!  I’m the funniest guy in the world!” – Homer Simpson
After twenty-two odd minutes of Rock Star Homer acting like an invincible buffoon I’m not sure there’s much to be said.  

Plenty of painfully stupid exposition? Check.

Slipshod plot used to setup new and different ways for Homer to act out?  Check.

Wretchedly boring?  Checkmate.  

What’s really brain twisting about this whole thing is the fact that, several months ago somewhere on the Fox lot in Los Angeles, a bunch of people sitting around a table laughed out loud at the idea of Homer spinning around like a helicopter, crashing into some lockers, and the screaming “Black Hawk Down!”  The same goes for Homer stripping to his underwear to serve jello (huh?), Moe crying in bed and Homer’s bizarre Westminster Abbey dream sequence.   

Then you remember that this show ran out of ideas ten years ago, and it all makes sense.  I try to set aside my intolerance of Zombie Simpsons when I set the over/under on the ratings, but that was truly awful so I’m going to be optimistic and say only 6.2 million people had their time wasted by that shit.

Update: The numbers are in and they’re even worse than I’d hoped.  Sweet.  Last night’s Zombie Simpsons was seen by only 5.94 million unfortunate people.  My completely meaningless goal of less than 7.26 million per episode this season is now well within reach.  


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